Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

New here


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Introductions] >> Introduce yourself >> New here Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
New here - 9/5/2012 12:07:34 AM   
iilythia


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		Hello all,

I have very recently discovered the extent of my submissiveness. I have always enjoyed a little kink in the bedroom, but I have been feeling like I'm missing something, and with much research and soul searching, I have some to the conclusion that I need more out of my current relationship. I have been with this man for 8 years and I love him with all my heart. He is definitely a dominant personality and loves to tie me up in bed, but I worry that it will freak him out to know the extent to which I wish to be dominated.

I know I should just talk to him about it, and I will gather the courage one day soon, but I fear for our relationship if he is not into it. And even if he is into it, I'm sure he will need guidance in order to become the Master I crave and I am at a loss as to how to suggest this to him without offending him. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Sorry for the rambling, lol
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 12:12:10 AM   
Shininglight23


Posts: 1336
Status: offline 		Op,

Welcome!

I fear for your relationship too if you can't speak openly after 8 years. Clearly you have a desire to be with him..and you have a desire to be dominated by him. If he's tying you up in the bedroom..maybe he has the same desires outside the bedroom that you do.

IMHO if you can't be honest then the relationship isn't worth having.

Good luck.

Allie

_____________________________

Membership Co-ordinator, ProSubs"R"Us

Lead with love, live with love, leave with love.



(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 12:20:46 AM   
iilythia


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you for your kind welcome :)

This is the first time I. Our relationship that I have has an issue with being completely open with him. My only fear is that he will say that he is not I terested in being dominant to the extent that I desire. It is actually our recent sexual exploration together that has led me to research my feelings about submission further. I think I just need to bit the bullet and talk to him about my desires, with the knowledge that he will be as new to this as I am and we will both have to go slow

(in reply to Shininglight23)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 1:38:35 AM   
Offside


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/29/2012
Status: offline 		Welcome Op!

I'd suggest having an intense kinky love-making session and then bringing it up.

Saying something to the effect of: "I want to be more kinky". Get straight to the point: "I've been reading these sites: I want you to take total control in bed." Explain specifically what appeals to you about being dominated.

Don't get caught up in the terms used by the BDSM community. A layman will not understand them sufficiently. Try writing down your own definition of domination, submission, etc. That way you can understand how you think of it so that you can explain it to him.

Note: Don't dance around the issue with a big lead up or "ums" and "ahs" that's just unnerving for the guy.

Also find some specific beginners/newbie website guides that you can show him if he's interested. Read them carefully and see if they match with how you view D/s relationships.

That said, I'd be careful about over-instructing him because of two issues:

1) you'd basically be topping him from the bottom, in other words, you would be the one doing the dominating.

2) he might go along with it for your sake but not discover what he enjoys in it unless he actually explores it on his own.

What are you looking for in a D/s relationship? He either will be into it or he won't be. That's just a risk you will have to take. Although being into rope bondage is a good sign. Google shibari.

P.S. One other thing: if it works out, be sure he keeps reading and keeps trying to improve his dom skills. It's very easy for a dom to become complacent if they have a long-term submissive.

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 2:55:51 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		You may get more advice if you posted
in another section,
like "Ask a Sub- " or "Ask a Master"

Welcome to the forum.
My advice is to mention your desires to
him and, then tell him you have been
reading this forum, maybe read a few
interesting things out to him to spur his
interest, the rest might work itself out.

-ARIES


_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Offside)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 4:17:54 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iilythia

My only fear is that he will say that he is not I terested in being dominant to the extent that I desire.


Lady, you yourself may not be interested in being dominated to the extent that you desire now! All you have right now are fantasies, and you want to explore them. I will say that exploring with someone you trust and care for is the best way to do it.

Welcome to collarme!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 8:24:48 AM   
iilythia


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for you thoughtful replies and welcomes.
I have gained a little bit of courage and confidence from looking through these forums and I am definitely going to bring this up to my husband as soon as the time presents itself

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 9:33:48 AM   
iilythia


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: iilythia

My only fear is that he will say that he is not I terested in being dominant to the extent that I desire.


Lady, you yourself may not be interested in being dominated to the extent that you desire now! All you have right now are fantasies, and you want to explore them. I will say that exploring with someone you trust and care for is the best way to do it.

Welcome to collarme!



This message has made me feel so wonderful, DarkSteven and has put a lot I to perspective for me. You're right, I don't know exactly what I want since all I have been doing so far is fantasizing. I lok forward to exploring with my husband and also look forward to the insight and support that I can find here, I'm glad to have found this site!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 10:13:54 AM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline 		Welcome, I agree with everyone here, communication between you and your husband is key to your journey.

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 10:33:58 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to the message board, iilythia. You've been given some great advice.
I'd like to suggest you purchase one or more of the books listed here.
While the internet offers a great many websites that can offer you tips and tricks,
nothing beats the intimacy of lying side by side and reading things together.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
Until you are comfortble enough to discuss it, you can leave a book in the bathroom,
or on a bedside table for him to pick up at his leisure, and it may be enough to peek his
curiousity into exploring more. Of course, there are no guarantees, but you owe it to
yourself and to him to be honest about your feelings.

I wish you both the best in exploring together.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 1:52:14 PM   
iilythia


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Welcome to the message board, iilythia. You've been given some great advice.
I'd like to suggest you purchase one or more of the books listed here.
While the internet offers a great many websites that can offer you tips and tricks,
nothing beats the intimacy of lying side by side and reading things together.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
Until you are comfortble enough to discuss it, you can leave a book in the bathroom,
or on a bedside table for him to pick up at his leisure, and it may be enough to peek his
curiousity into exploring more. Of course, there are no guarantees, but you owe it to
yourself and to him to be honest about your feelings.

I wish you both the best in exploring together.


Thank you for your advice, Poise :) I think that leaving a book or two out for him to browse is a great idea! I am extremely excited to explore with Him. This website, and everyone's advice and experiences, have been an excellent tool for me. It has given me that little confidence boost I needed to talk to Him.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 2:58:00 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		but I worry that it will freak him out to know the extent to which I wish to be dominated.

Ole and Lena were driving from  New York Mills to Perham in their buckboard.
Ole was feeling a little frisky, and so he put his hand on Lena's knee.

Lena said, Oh, Ole, yew can go farder dan dat......
So Ole drove all the way to Detroit Lakes.

Tell him, and tell him to unpeel the onion.  Don't be doing the coy you should have known by the way my head tilted to the side and I touched my hair stuff.......men dont get it....


                                                       

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 3:01:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP, you got great advice. I will say this; sex and exploration was never an issue in any of my relationships because whenever I wanted to know if someone was into something I am into, I would just tell them about it and say, So, do you think that sounds as hot as I think it is?

9 times out of 10 it worked. Whether it was that hot doing it for real, is a totally different matter.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New here - 9/5/2012 4:21:41 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		What man doesn't want a wildly enthusiastic bed partner? I'd suggest telling him you want to go a bit further in the things that you two are doing, and when he does if it flips your buttons let him know in no uncertain terms that you are really turned on. He'll get the idea and probably be chomping at the bit to do it again.

Welcome to the boards!

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New here - 9/6/2012 5:33:34 AM   
pyschosubmission


Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline 		Well you've been given great advice, better than I could ever give and so all that's left for me to say is,

Failté, welcome!

_____________________________

Comedian, kinkster, all round malingerer

Lord Pish of Talkingshite
First Member-At-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New here - 9/13/2012 9:11:41 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards iilythia!

You'll do fine here, as I know for a fact that you have excellent taste in journals.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to iilythia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New here - 9/13/2012 12:57:29 PM   
crAckZ


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Good afternoon young lady and welcome.

I am sure you will be able to find some information here to help you or at the very least you have a place to ramble and vent which is always a good thing to have.

One thing which i am sure you probably already know; If you aren't being your true self then you can't be happy. You and your partner are supposed to compliment each others traits.

I was going to go into my story but i hate it when people hijack threads.

Have a good evening and i wish you only the best in your future.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Introductions] >> Introduce yourself >> New here Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094