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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 1:57:12 PM   
LordOdinn


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Himself and I do not have a punishment dynamic, however, he does give me tasks to do, often with deadlines (he understands I am very deadline oriented).

For instance, I have a medical test I have to have completed by a week from Friday. It's one I hate to do, thus the deadline. What are the consequences of me not doing it?



*Me checking the calendar*

You wouldn't dare. That's one of the many things I like about you. You want to do right.

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 2:23:23 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

I agree completely what other people do is their own business.  I simply asked a question, nobody needs to answer it. 

However, I appreciate the input of  those who did-  including yourself. 

The boards here would be mighty quiet if nobody wanted to talk about their opinions or POV.  I see people posting quite a bit about how their relationships work.  For some it's more private, others don't mind sharing insights.  It's all good...

Sharp points on fences tend not to be a problem  when you CYA .  My tender parts are not quite as vulnerable as they may seem.



Laughing, I loved this...
I have written and re-written a response, I am not certain how to clarify my own experience or beliefs...

quote:

is there a consensus that, even when it's not part of the usual dynamic in a given relationship, it's still generally considered within a dominant's "rights" as the person in charge?


If it is not part of the dynamic of the two people involved, then no it is not within the dominants "rights", the only fucking rights are what both people agree to... if anything is done against anyone's will, I personally believe that is abuse and for me, none of this is about abuse.

I will state though, that it is not only the submissive who can be a target of abuse...

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 3:14:05 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		No punishment dynamic. I am the type who does much better talking things out. The concept of being punished is sexual to me, so I guess we have to call it "funishment" for me.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 4:03:29 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

When I was single, I searched for a partner who wanted a punishment dynamic. It works for me, and for that reason I want it as part of my relationship.

At the start, when we were just dating and there was no 'dynamic', for want of a better word, there was no punishment. After a few months we decided that we were ready to move to a D/s relationship and we discussed how a punishment dynamic would work.

More accurately, he told me how he was going to handle that side of things and I could agree and we'd stay together, or disagree and we'd part ways.

Now we're in a much deeper relationship, my only choice is to either do as he says, or leave. I wouldn't do that because I prefer that kind of dynamic - it's what I sought after all those years of searching.

As it stands, he has the right to punish me for whatever he sees fit. We talk through the misdemeanour first, then I take whatever he deems to be an appropriate punishment. It rarely happens though - once in the last year or 18 months, if I remember correctly. So when it does happen, it's a big deal to both of us.


That's how I do things as well, start of as vanilla
people with the same kinky interests and slowly
bring in the D/s later, when both of us are more
fimilar and comfortable with each other.
I don't know why more people don't get that.

-ARIES

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 7:57:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Unless a punishment dynamic is agreed to, the dominant does not have that right. Same as anything else in a relationship, if you do it without their consent, by force or duress, you are not going to have a happy and healthy relationship.

I find that most long term relationships stop using punishment. It tends to be more drama, and less effective at problem solving. New dominants seem the most focused on how to punish, frequently even before they get a sub. Which makes you wonder at why they aren't putting even half that much energy into planning to help the sub succeed.

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 8:22:25 PM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

The only privelages afforded to the dominant are the ones agreed to by the bottom.




As for my own experience...

My dom and I have a punishment dynamic, and there are a number of reasons. First and foremost, we are new to the whole D/s thing, and it's been helpful to try out different approaches to our relationship, so that we can eventually build a dynamic we are comfortable with and that works for us. In other words, we are experimenting. Secondly, having a dom with punishment "rights," as it were, even if those rights aren't utilized often, helps me stay in the appropriate head space when considering tasks and rules assigned to me. Knowing, in the back of my mind, that he can punish, implies and reminds me that I don't have a say in the matter. That's important for me, especially since submission doesn't come naturally to me. I'm sure I'll get more into the swing of things eventually, and maybe one day we won't need a punishment dynamic. But as my dom, he'll always have the right to punish.

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 9:19:13 PM   
joewordsmith11


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

Hello all...

I have a general question about something that I have read quite a bit of on the forums.  Often, I see posts along the lines of "he only has the right to punish you if he's your Dom". 

While I know that the punishment dynamic is part of quite a few (probably most) D/s relationships- is there a consensus that, even when it's not part of the usual dynamic in a given relationship, it's still generally considered within a dominant's "rights" as the person in charge? 



Generally, dominants in a relationship establish the right to punish their sub. But that right has to be established. Either person has a right to say no to anything and walk away.

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 9:40:02 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

Hello all...

I have a general question about something that I have read quite a bit of on the forums.  Often, I see posts along the lines of "he only has the right to punish you if he's your Dom". 



As others have said, this is to differentiate the dudes who think because they carry a dom-card, they can punish people they have no ownership and/or authority over.

quote:


While I know that the punishment dynamic is part of quite a few (probably most) D/s relationships- is there a consensus that, even when it's not part of the usual dynamic in a given relationship, it's still generally considered within a dominant's "rights" as the person in charge? 


The way I see it, when two or more people enter into a relationship with each other, they do so (hopefully) based on compatibility. That would mean all involved agree to or against punishment. From there, there are no "rights" - there's the agreement and commitment between the parties.

I don't much agree with the idea of a dom only having the rights the submissive agrees to. A dom has the rights they BOTH agree to. Why would a dom agree to an arrangement he/she would not like or want? I realize this wasn't the question in the OP, but something I wanted to touch on.

quote:


I'm not talking M/s or Top/Bottom here.  Mostly talking about relationship D/s- where it's not just a kink situation.  Is punishment part and parcel of your power exchange even if it's not utilized? 

I'm not understanding the above. It seems to be suggesting that M/s is not a fully functioning relationship, and is kink-only. Many, many M/s relationships are well rounded, loving/caring relationships.

quote:


Is punishment part and parcel of your power exchange even if it's not utilized?


Yes. He rarely punishes. He rarely feels the need. But if he does feel the need, yes, he can and will.




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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 10:14:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master and I have had an M/s relationship basically from the moment we met since we both were comfortable with each other and we just seemed to connect in that way.

And we do have the correction in our relationship and he has the right to do anything at all he wants with me. I would want nothing less. It works for us and it's a good way for us to get over our hurt and disappointment especially since I'm the type of extremely obedient type. If I hurt him in some way it kills me to know I have done so and so I will sometimes beg him to make it go away.


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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 10:22:55 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

I have my own thoughts on this, but I just wanted to see what other people think and have in place in their relationships.  I have seen that sort of statement from some folks that I really admire as posters.  I tend to generally agree with and respect their opinions.  However, I'm on the fence with this one...



Greetings SlipSlidingAway,

There's a multitude of philosophies articulated in this medium and everything shared isn't always accurate. A stranger will not know the intricate nature of your situation nor will its nuances be factored in when solutions are derived. At some point we must trust the voice within and stop seeking confirmation without because there will come a time when that is NOT readily available. Then what? No one knows your lady as you do and despite what is distilled this isn't difficult to surmise. At the end of the day are you prepared to live with the decision made and the consequences that follow? This is merely a tool. Don't allow it to become more than it should and negate the intellectual process as a result. Our conclusions may NOT be appropriate for your situation. Exercise your common sense and utilize the insight you have regarding your situation for the best solution.

Best of luck to your and yours.

Regards,

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/5/2012 10:31:51 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Porcelaine!!

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 6:05:40 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Sheeeeeeee's baaaaaaack
Does happy dance all day and into the eve
Hiya Porce

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 7:40:28 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Porcelaine! Welcome back.

Namaste,

KK

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 7:53:43 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

quote:

She does as she is told....if she gets uppity I toss her in the penalty box of my choice. It's how I roll


Do you have many of them? I just got curious since you put your lady friend in the punishment box of your choice, that indicate a selection of them.

I wish you well

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 7:54:51 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I personally never liked the punishment dynamic.
I love getting whipped, belted and all, but I love it done just because the master is just being sadistic and does it because he can, cuz I'm his property, to show me my place and he does it whenever he feels like it.

He doesn't punish or reward, he just do whatever he wants, when he feels like it.

I dunno, for me, that's what turns me on.

I think I got issues of being punished, because i don't like being punished.



< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/6/2012 7:56:02 AM >

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 9:12:33 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		I don't prefer a punishment dynamic myself as it is generally not the best way to motivate me. With that said, I just wanted to say the following (and again, this only reflects my personal take on this).

I do think that in a D/s relationship (which to me would mean consent to submit to someone with agreed limits and safe words) that the Dominant has a certain range of "rights" to punish. What I do not believe the Dominant has are any rights greater than what have been conferred upon him or her to begin with. In other words, if caning is a limit, then I don't think a Dominant has the right to bring out the cane as punishment. In addition, if the topic of physical punishment has not actually been discussed ahead of time, I think a discussion would actually be wise on this front - because for some submissives (myself included) physical punishment is not really so effective. Much better for me are other forms of punishment, such as a "time-out" which can take the form of no contact for a certain period of time, etc.

For me, as a masochist, who enjoys a certain range of spanking and physical pain, I really don't enjoy it when a Dominant uses something that I generally view as a mutually fun and pleasurable activity into a form of punishment. It generally means they have to exceed my limits of pain or equipment in order to make it "punishment", otherwise it is just fun. And if it exceeds certain thresholds, it doesn't seem appropriate to me, given that I usually place specific limits on s&m play. Also, I find it psychologically depressing to turn what I consider fun/play into punishment. It messes up the play dynamic for me.

I would also say that if someone is going to use physical punishment there should be, from the submissive's perspective, an opinion on what constitutes appropriate punishment for what type of infraction. I do not think a submissive person should be led to believe that a Dominant has the "right" to severe physical punishment (that does not exceed limits, but is still severe) for any kind of infraction. Otherwise, it simply turns into an excuse for heavy s&m and begs the question of why this is not part of the regular dynamic to begin with instead of incorporated as punishment. In other words, if even a minor mistake or misstep by a submissive always results in severe punishment (as defined by that particular couple), one does have to wonder. Again, my two cents.

(I would also say there is the category of "fake punishment" - the so-called "has someone been a naughty girl today and needs a spanking" type thing which I would categorize as "play" and not "punishment". I understand the original poster to mean true punishment.)

< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 9/6/2012 9:14:26 AM >

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 11:06:24 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Also, I find it psychologically depressing to turn what I consider fun/play into punishment. It messes up the play dynamic for me.

You articulate this part well. It is what happened to me. When my x started beating me as punishment. My tolerance for pain went from major bruising with big smiles and happiness, to screaming safe words when he barely used strength. I started fearing it rather than enjoying it.

It was not good.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/6/2012 11:07:20 AM >

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 11:43:51 AM   
PrincessLyr


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

Hello all...

I have a general question about something that I have read quite a bit of on the forums.  Often, I see posts along the lines of "he only has the right to punish you if he's your Dom". 

While I know that the punishment dynamic is part of quite a few (probably most) D/s relationships- is there a consensus that, even when it's not part of the usual dynamic in a given relationship, it's still generally considered within a dominant's "rights" as the person in charge? 

I'm not talking M/s or Top/Bottom here.  Mostly talking about relationship D/s- where it's not just a kink situation.  Is punishment part and parcel of your power exchange even if it's not utilized? 

I have my own thoughts on this, but I just wanted to see what other people think and have in place in their relationships.  I have seen that sort of statement from some folks that I really admire as posters.  I tend to generally agree with and respect their opinions.  However, I'm on the fence with this one...

Thanks!

Edited for grammar.



It's negotiated/agreed upon before entering an arrangement.
If dom/domme oversteps,the sub can always just walk away.

If its in reference to some egomaniacal "dom" thinking he can run around "correcting" random subs lol...that's some oldschool Gorean bullshit thete! Haha. He deserves to be laughed at...vigorously. :)

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 12:44:13 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		LadyHib, Kana, and kk...

Thank you for the warm hellos.

Regards,

~porcelaine

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RE: A Doms Right to Punish? - 9/6/2012 12:45:13 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Porcelaine!! So happy to have you back. You have been missed.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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