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I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "natura... - 9/5/2012 9:31:16 PM

MyHazelLabyrinth

Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline

Ok long title i know, but it is what it is.

Ok, so this may come off as a really stupid question, so i apologise for that in advance.

Also if this question has been done (which is highly likely) please let me know.

Basically the title says it all. I've been meaning to ask this for awhile but only recently was reminded. I had another person messaging me to say that they just happen to be new to the lifestyle too (what are the chances?), anyway i'll drop the sarcasm.
But what is someone really saying when they say that they are a "natural Dom?" As opposed to an unnatural one?
I can kind of understand that (probably just from the odd wording of it) but for someone that is new to the scene, what is it they would mean or think they mean?

I'm just fishing for opinions on this.
Thanks for reading =D

Post #: 1

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/5/2012 9:58:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

It means they're either domineering and not dominant or they're trying to get you to believe they are all you want and more. At least, that's been my experience. If you have to say you're a "natural Dom", you're most likely not even close.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)

Post #: 2

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/5/2012 10:02:55 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

Posts: 3907
Status: offline

"Natural" Dom means that they don't do well with women, so they have decided that this way they can finally find a woman who will do what they want and as they are told.
They don't need to learn anything and if you are a "twue" sub, you'll finally give them a blow job. It helps that you are new you know...

There is nothing wrong with being "new" either dominant or submissive but Jesus, why do people have to pretend they know more than they do?

Me, I know nothing...

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/5/2012 10:49:13 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Hmm, no point prejudging anything based
on something as simple as that, he may just
be a klutz with words.

Saying your a natural Dom though, is really
not an impressive way to introduce yourself.

So are you put off or arn't you?

You are one of the girls who's profile pops up
on my browse button so I remember reading
your profile a while ago... It's a bit confusing
and I had a hard time understanding what you
were looking for?
And I had a quick check just now... You are
actively seeking everything known to man.

My advice is have think about what you are
looking for and re-write your profile a bit more
conventionally.

Umm, as for the guy, it's your call.
Maybe if he seems promising, go to chatting
on the phone, there might be a bit of a text
miscommunication, it happens.

So talk to him and try to get a feel for if he
sounds like the goods.

Aussi Aussi Aussi!

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to CRYPTICLXVI)

Post #: 4

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/5/2012 10:59:39 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

Hazel,

I hate to see people in striped socks get hurt. Here's the skinny: "Natural dominant" is not a thing. It's not an industry term, it's not an orientation, it's not a kink. It's a self attributed crown that some people set on their heads. Everyone will have a different opinion, but most will share a common strand. The self proclaimed "natural dominant" is compensating for a lack of experience or skill by shelving the responsibility they have onto a character trait. Dominance is an art. It takes practice and time, especially if you're interested in "kinks" beyond being taken doggystyle and providing oral sex. Don't let someone fool you into thinking those skills come naturally.

No one is a natural when it comes to ropes, breath play, cutting, suspension, branding, whips, fire cups, electrical play, etc. All these skills are learned over time. BEST CASE SCENARIO the self awarded title of "natural dominant" may mean the person exhibits dominant tendencies in some unknown aspect of life. I take charge when in groups, but that doesn't make me a skilled dominant. I have a friend who is controlling about where and when his girlfriend goes. He's not dominant; he's an asshole.

At best, ignore the title "natural dominant." At worst, look on it as a red flag. Be careful out there, Socks.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to CRYPTICLXVI)

Post #: 5

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/5/2012 11:14:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

In My experience, people throw around the "natural Dom" term because they haven't had any BDSM or D/s experience, but think this is a good way to get somebody to do everything they are told. They tend to have poor vanilla relationship skills and/or have not been able to maintain a long term relationship. The term also tends to get used by those who realize that they have to compensate with *something* due to lacking these things.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 6

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 12:00:15 AM

MyHazelLabyrinth

Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline

thanks everyone for your feedback and comments.

Clarity is good :)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 4:27:36 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

Ok long title i know, but it is what it is.

Ok, so this may come off as a really stupid question, so i apologise for that in advance.

Also if this question has been done (which is highly likely) please let me know.

Basically the title says it all. I've been meaning to ask this for awhile but only recently was reminded. I had another person messaging me to say that they just happen to be new to the lifestyle too (what are the chances?), anyway i'll drop the sarcasm.
But what is someone really saying when they say that they are a "natural Dom?" As opposed to an unnatural one?
I can kind of understand that (probably just from the odd wording of it) but for someone that is new to the scene, what is it they would mean or think they mean?

I'm just fishing for opinions on this.
Thanks for reading =D

I don't think the term is nearly so sinister as is often implied.

To me, a "natural dominant" is trying to say they're more than just someone adopting a role to partake of some kink. Their relationships come with functioning, sensible rules and standards of behaviour expected of their sub.

That they don't come to these boards asking for ideas a month into their latest D/s relationship etc.

That they have their own individual Dom drive and energy rather than just passively kick back and enjoy the fruits of the submissive's service.

And yes, with the wrong (vanilla?) partner, they can present as a domineering arsehole. Even get accused of being a "control freak".... (ahem)

I've always admired the submissive mindset to serve and please. We've probably all seen the frustrated subs who've come to these boards because they've been channelling that service into an "unnatural" dom who thinks D/s is all about him getting served (and serviced). Me, I appreciate those submissive aspects, too, but this "natural Dom" is still gonna make her do that which otherwise comes naturally, anyway, and to the best of her abilities - or else.

It's all very well creating a happy D/s environment for my fem/sub to grow and feel safe and fulfilled etc - I'm all for it. BUT, we "natural Doms" have a separate and individual need to dominate in our own right and the sadistic prick in me is still gonna make many a simple thing a little more demanding for her, anyway. I mean, it just isn't a blowjob without me "accidently" poking it in her ear, tapping out a tune on her forehead or generally slapping her about the face with it.

I can hear it now; the "unnatural dom" demanding a cliche'd "suck it, bitch"! meh....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)

Post #: 8

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 5:48:06 AM

SpaceSpank

Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline

I agree with bits and pieces of the above. Without the rest of the context it's hard to say exactly where he falls.

Some use it because they want to sound impressive even when they have nothing to back it up.

Others just want to sound impressive. "Natural Dom" sounds better in their head than "I fucked up a bunch of times while learning the ropes, but now I have a bit of an idea where I am with this".

And then you just have those who are assholes with big egos. They think they are absolutely awesome, and are naturally gifted with anything and everything. They do no wrong, and they were a"natural" in everything they do, all they touch turns into gold.

I'm sure there's other variations, but those are the common one's I've seen/heard of. This guy may not be bad, but I'd proceed with caution with anyone throwing that term around.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 9

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 6:07:49 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I hear "natural dom" and I think a take charge kind of person, someone others kinda defer too w/o realizing why. A leader type/

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SpaceSpank)

Post #: 10

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 8:49:35 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

I hear "natural dom" and I think a take charge kind of person, someone others kinda defer too w/o realizing why. A leader type/

Face it, babe, you are an UNNATURAL DOM. Not unlike myself.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 11

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 9:57:17 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

My view is that there is no such thing as A natural Dom or A natural sub. Both are learned behaviors. You can have a naturally dominant or submissive personality, but neither personality equals becoming a participant in D/s.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 10:30:23 AM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

Ok long title i know, but it is what it is.

Ok, so this may come off as a really stupid question, so i apologise for that in advance.

Also if this question has been done (which is highly likely) please let me know.

Basically the title says it all. I've been meaning to ask this for awhile but only recently was reminded. I had another person messaging me to say that they just happen to be new to the lifestyle too (what are the chances?), anyway i'll drop the sarcasm.
But what is someone really saying when they say that they are a "natural Dom?" As opposed to an unnatural one?
I can kind of understand that (probably just from the odd wording of it) but for someone that is new to the scene, what is it they would mean or think they mean?

I'm just fishing for opinions on this.
Thanks for reading =D

I don't think the term is nearly so sinister as is often implied.

To me, a "natural dominant" is trying to say they're more than just someone adopting a role to partake of some kink. Their relationships come with functioning, sensible rules and standards of behaviour expected of their sub.

That they don't come to these boards asking for ideas a month into their latest D/s relationship etc.

That they have their own individual Dom drive and energy rather than just passively kick back and enjoy the fruits of the submissive's service.

And yes, with the wrong (vanilla?) partner, they can present as a domineering arsehole. Even get accused of being a "control freak".... (ahem)

I've always admired the submissive mindset to serve and please. We've probably all seen the frustrated subs who've come to these boards because they've been channelling that service into an "unnatural" dom who thinks D/s is all about him getting served (and serviced). Me, I appreciate those submissive aspects, too, but this "natural Dom" is still gonna make her do that which otherwise comes naturally, anyway, and to the best of her abilities - or else.

It's all very well creating a happy D/s environment for my fem/sub to grow and feel safe and fulfilled etc - I'm all for it. BUT, we "natural Doms" have a separate and individual need to dominate in our own right and the sadistic prick in me is still gonna make many a simple thing a little more demanding for her, anyway. I mean, it just isn't a blowjob without me "accidently" poking it in her ear, tapping out a tune on her forehead or generally slapping her about the face with it.

I can hear it now; the "unnatural dom" demanding a cliche'd "suck it, bitch"! meh....

Focus.

^^^^ What he says, times 10!

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 13

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 2:43:09 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

[
. I mean, it just isn't a blowjob without me "accidently" poking it in her ear, tapping out a tune on her forehead or generally slapping her about the face with it.
I

There is a tv ad in America for antacids involving food fighting the person trying to eat it - think corn dogs (hotdogs on sticks for those who have never had the pleasure

) slapping the person in the face ...... and your sentence really made me think of this lol

Thanks for the giggle.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 14

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/6/2012 5:41:36 PM

Salinedion

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

Mmmmmmaybe it's just a slightly over-enthusiastic affirmation of "Wow, I really like this dom-thing. 'feels right at home, it does".

I know that's how it feels to me. Like coming home to myself.

But if I were stuck at a table at TES-fest and a guy was going on Gorean-style about 'the natural order'? I'd listen for a while and then go off and fuck my partner. And then we sort of laugh about the guy afterwards, but not in a mean way.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 15

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/9/2012 9:47:08 AM

SirLangsdorff

Posts: 289
Joined: 12/12/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CRYPTICLXVI

There is nothing wrong with being "new" either dominant or submissive but Jesus, why do people have to pretend they know more than they do?

Me, I know nothing...

Because most of the Doms or subs want someone with experience, even if they are new. If you don't have the experience, they don't want to waste time on you. (I say you in general.) Personally, I think they are helping me weed them out and I'm better off not knowing them. Anyway, how will I ever get any experience if they pass me over (sarcastically speaking).

_____________________________

And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

I'm nice if you are.
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/13559888/master-intro

(in reply to CRYPTICLXVI)

Post #: 16

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/9/2012 9:54:14 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It means they're either domineering and not dominant or they're trying to get you to believe they are all you want and more. At least, that's been my experience. If you have to say you're a "natural Dom", you're most likely not even close.

This. You don't really have to quantify something like this.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 17

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/9/2012 10:05:05 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If someone says that they usually take the lead in relationships, and become frustrated when a partner won't follow his lead, that would be a natural dom to me. Something that has not in the past been explicitly negotiated and agreed to.

However none of that implies anything to me about sadism or topping skills.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 18

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 9/13/2012 9:43:11 PM

wickedoldwolf

Posts: 50
Joined: 9/17/2010
Status: offline

I strongly believe each and every one of us were born to be what we are. 30 some years ago some whom I can't even recall their given name, a gent that had been in this lifestyle for most of his life and this old boy was old then. Toldme what I was were I to put a handle on it. Certain gifts I had then, some of which I still have helped me along. So from personal experience I'd have to say I do believe someone can be a natural in this game. Just don't let it puff you up to much.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 1:31:37 PM

Esme611

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/1/2012
Status: offline

I disagree with the majority of people on here saying that natural doms should be a red flag and beware of them. I purposely pursue natural doms because what that means to me is a person who doesn't need costumes, leather, goth wear, floggers or any type of frills to show that he is dominant. A natural dom is a guy who doesn't need a goth costume to show he is DOM because it exudes in every pore of his being. He dresses vanilla, lives and enjoys being in vanilla world, most likely runs a company or is a CEO sort of guy. And a lot of natural dom guys have no idea this is in fact what they are. My ex bf who was a virgin when I met him was EXTREMELY dominant but because of his lack of sexual experience was also quite innocent and naive. He knew nothing of the D/s world or terminology but man could he rock my world. Natural doms are doms in and out of bed. It is a switch that cannot be turned off because it is just WHO THEY ARE. It is not a role they are playing. It is not a couple hour act for a scene in a bedroom. It is who they are through and through and can never be changed and they could NEVER be a switch as it is not who they are.

(in reply to wickedoldwolf)

Post #: 20

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