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RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:03:30 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

Ok long title i know, but it is what it is.

Ok, so this may come off as a really stupid question, so i apologise for that in advance.

Also if this question has been done (which is highly likely) please let me know.

Basically the title says it all. I've been meaning to ask this for awhile but only recently was reminded. I had another person messaging me to say that they just happen to be new to the lifestyle too (what are the chances?), anyway i'll drop the sarcasm.
But what is someone really saying when they say that they are a "natural Dom?" As opposed to an unnatural one?
I can kind of understand that (probably just from the odd wording of it) but for someone that is new to the scene, what is it they would mean or think they mean?

I'm just fishing for opinions on this.
Thanks for reading =D


In my experience, this term is a quasi-replacement for calling oneself a "real Dom". Its a way for some with little to no experience, to give off an aire of having it "naturally". Do some have a natural talent with rope or cane, can some instinctually grasp the complexities of mental control? Sure, but I say this... Those who have these talents, whether natural or learned, should not have to put it on a nametag and subconsciously point to it constantly. That is where the red flag feeling comes from

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:08:49 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esme611


I disagree with the majority of people on here saying that natural doms should be a red flag and beware of them. I purposely pursue natural doms because what that means to me is a person who doesn't need costumes, leather, goth wear, floggers or any type of frills to show that he is dominant. A natural dom is a guy who doesn't need a goth costume to show he is DOM because it exudes in every pore of his being. He dresses vanilla, lives and enjoys being in vanilla world, most likely runs a company or is a CEO sort of guy. And a lot of natural dom guys have no idea this is in fact what they are. My ex bf who was a virgin when I met him was EXTREMELY dominant but because of his lack of sexual experience was also quite innocent and naive. He knew nothing of the D/s world or terminology but man could he rock my world. Natural doms are doms in and out of bed. It is a switch that cannot be turned off because it is just WHO THEY ARE. It is not a role they are playing. It is not a couple hour act for a scene in a bedroom. It is who they are through and through and can never be changed and they could NEVER be a switch as it is not who they are.

I said, brothers and sisters, can I get an "Amen"

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Esme611)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:28:12 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

Ive always had a sort of knee jerk reaction to the qualifiers like natural, real, or true. Its been purely my experience when I hear someone refer to themselves as any one of these things...they generally pretty much prove that they arent and dont have clue one. In my honest opinion, actions always speak louder than words. Ive never felt the need to qualify who I was by slinging around that Im a natural dominant woman or a true one. Thats up to each individual to decide if I fit that definition for you.

Just because someone says it, it doesnt always automatically make it true. But I did like what Esme611 had to say too, I think it really does depend on the person.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/16/2012 2:29:50 PM >

(in reply to Darkfeather)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:39:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
In my honest opinion, actions always speak louder than words.

Just because someone says it, it doesnt always automatically make it true.


Those are two phrases that I say a lot. Pretty much anyone that tells me they're a Dominant gets taken with a grain of salt. Until I've seen it with my own eyes, I will not consider it so.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:41:35 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		How you gonna sort your laundry with no fuckin eyeballs, then?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:49:16 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth
But what is someone really saying when they say that they are a "natural Dom?" As opposed to an unnatural one?

I can't speak to what anyone else might be thinking but I can tell you that for a brief period I used the phrase "natural dom" in regards myself. It didn't take me long to see the silliness of it as you yourself noted in the second sentence. It's a pretty safe bet that whatever someone is doing is "natural" to them.

For me personally what it meant is that I am dominant throughout my whole life not as a function of my relationship or sexual habits. Pragmatically it meant that I'm the kind of guy who ends up being the leader in a lot of situations in my life. Bossing Carol around is nothing particularly unique in my life and I don't separate that from ... well ... bossing all the other people around that I do *laughs*

Later I came to call those things "socially dominant" or "dominant by default" as opposed to "relationally dominant". I also refer to Carol as "submissive by default" or "socially submissive" whereas I used to foolishly use the term "natural".

For me, at least, it was never some sort of claim of "better than"... I was simply groping for words to describe some differences and I chose poorly for a bit.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 2:53:18 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		English is a wonderfully versatile language, but there are some things it just can not do.

I agree, Jeff.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 4:39:56 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

I hear "natural dom" and I think a take charge kind of person, someone others kinda defer too w/o realizing why. A leader type/

I would agree with this in my experience, though I think of him much more as a alpha male. The rare combination of size, phermones & charisma that turns an every day group of people into servants quivering to meet his whims.

As for the twue natural dom--- real life translation is guy you want to avoid, more bluster & bullshit than mastery of himself, tools of the trade or others!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 6:39:27 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Its what you call yourself when you can't claim skill or talent.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 6:48:56 PM   
SeekingLTR40


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/9/2012
Status: offline 		The first thing I'd like to say is that some people seem to be confusing topping with dominance. There are Doms and Masters who are not into S&M. So, suffice it to say, expertice in swinging a paddle or a flogger or tying intricate knots or knowing how to safely insert needles, etcetera, is by no means a pre-requisite for being a dominant or Master.

With that being said, however, terms such as "Natural" or "Real" or "True" have to be tempered with something beyond words. The indicator I look for with such claims are whether the person is using the terms dominance or Master as a rationalization for abusive, domineering behavior. Let's also define domineering as an insecure person whose only means of maintaining control over anything are to push someone down, figuratively, in order to place themselves above that person. Dominance should strive to lift someone up, and be ultimately encouraging and embracing. If a person is dominant, there should be no need for them to diminish another. Lead by example, and inspire another to follow their lead.

Whether the two people in the relationship are into S&M or not, that's a whole other conversation.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/16/2012 6:52:47 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I am an all natural submissive. No fillers, no by products, no artificial colours, flavours or preservatives.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to SeekingLTR40)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/17/2012 2:05:32 AM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		I'd bet you're organic, too.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/17/2012 6:56:35 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am an unnatural Dominant, I was bred for this.

(in reply to areallivehuman)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/17/2012 7:13:59 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		hee hee, it means they didnt need 12 yrs of school, and a college education to learn it, they were born with that personality.

I love acting like I know more then I know!

To me an unnatural dom doesnt have the qualities but want them, and try to learn them. A natural dom is so dom he just does this without having to think much about it, his mind came preprogrammed to possess you, lead you, own you, melt you.

Of course its possible some lost their way and it was suppressed by home life etc, and once free, was able to practive their domliness

I am like the most un natural sub you ever met. Im very assertive and spunky smart ass love to lead etc. So for me to be sub is very unusual, rare, and takes alot of work. It takes the right ingredients to make that recipe.

Interesting, how people tick isn't it.

Cheers to all those naturals and unnaturals and who ever you may be today, tomorrow...............Even dom's can be made submissive, just takes the right ingredients. Stirs my witches brew, and throws the heart of a virgin frog in the stew. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/17/2012 7:20:46 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I am an all natural submissive. No fillers, no by products, no artificial colours, flavours or preservatives.

Poise that kosher certification would require labeling, do you really want a circle k branded on your arse?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/17/2012 10:57:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I am an all natural submissive. No fillers, no by products, no artificial colours, flavours or preservatives.

Poise that kosher certification would require labeling, do you really want a circle k branded on your arse?

And blessed by a Rabbi....(I supposed you could be blessed by a rabbit...)


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/19/2012 10:26:06 AM   
hisdarlinsweetie


Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know how most dominants use this phrase on the other side (it is very possible that it means no experience, wanker, etc.), but I agree with Focus, Kana and Esme in thinking that it (the term natural dominant) is describing someone who is a leader, dominating in every setting (s)he is in. Before my Sir heard about BDSM, he was in an unhappy vanilla relationship for years. His ex thinks he was/is a controlling ass... He expected her to submit to him and she generally did, but resented it. He is a boss at his work. He is basically a leader where ever he is. He actually is surprised that everyone doesn't just do what he wants, always...despite understanding that is not realistic. (sorta said tongue and cheek...sorta) I was in a vanilla relationship in which I was never fulfilled, always wishing my ex "could be more of a man". I didn't know the terminology then, I just knew that I wanted someone who would take more control in our relationship.

As for the whole BDSM thing, He, just like I, found out about this community later in our lives and had a light bulb moment. We both were like, holy shit, there's a name for what I am and a community of people who also do/want what I do/want...who knew? LOL We both are learning about toys, ropes, or whatever he decides he wants to use on me. So, I guess, he might not be a natural sadistic...although he didn't have to take a class on how to bruise my ass or make me whimper with fear.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/19/2012 11:02:47 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth


But what is someone really saying when they say that they are a "natural Dom?" As opposed to an unnatural one?


I am thinking its saying as much and as little as when a person says they are naturally submissive

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/21/2012 2:37:33 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		The term "natural dom" means diddly squat.

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Esme611)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I'm new to this but i just found out i'm a "na... - 11/22/2012 8:51:26 AM   
UrNatalie


Posts: 45
Joined: 10/18/2012
Status: offline 		I believe in natural Doms. They have different vibe and the way I feel in a real Dom's presence is somewhat like being tipsy, melting kinda thing, and aroused. I went out on a couple friend-dates with Doms and no matter what they called themselves, I knew who is what:)Intuitively I am always drawn to dominant people, men and women.
I also agree with Esme611, being a dominant for them it's just being them. Just like I am a submissive everywhere and always and I'm pretty sure people can feel it, not even knowing what the heck that means.

_____________________________

Life is the biggest kinkster.

(in reply to Esme611)
Profile   Post #: 40
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