Missokyst
Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Oh man.. I always thought he was hot. Him and Robert Mitchum. Shoot.. I would have loved to be belted by Bogy and tossed around and fucked by Mitchum. More Mitchum though, he honestly looked more dangerous, there was like a panther in his soul or something.
Ideally I would love it if instead of people saying "Oh NO... we are not freaks" they said something like, yeah, some of us did become freaky in the ways you may read about or see, but many of us are in it for the connection to what we feel inside. At least that does not give the other ones, the ones who came here in another way, yet another reason to feel shame. After I discovered that I was sick, twisted and damaged according to set standards it took me a while to regroup. I would like it if in the effort to prove that they are not sick, the "ordinary kinksters" (and I say that and mean non damaged), would not resort to defaming the other path.
Until I felt the shame in 1999, I was perfectly happy believing everyone did this. I had adapted and survived and damn well was having fun for many years prior to that insult.
As for counseling, yeh... done it. In fact, I walked into a psychologists office when I was a teen and asked to be seen without and appointment, and said I would not leave until I did. I sat for a hour before I was seen. And then seen 3 times a week for a bit over a year. I paid for it on my own dime too, as I was making an absurd amount of money selling my art. As for confronting anyone. That won't ever happen. One, some are family and I made a vow at age 3, never to harm anyone if I could stop it. I made that vow because even at that age I knew it did not just spring from my abusers, they had to be exposed to it themselves. In the case of family members I was right. Don't know about those 7 stranger boys, but I think its likely. Rough neighborhood!.
Like luci above up there somewhere I was also one of those helpful hands and when I was allowed my voice I let my counselor know that there is no point in telling tales long forgotten by anyone but myself. But in his office or in the private room I could cry, scream, punch, break, sleep and give voice to pain that needed to come out in one way or another. I would never have articulated any of that to my family, especially as I still had to live there. Instead I learned to write it out, on sheets, on walls, on paper, and sometimes on my flesh. Much safer and less confrontational.
< Message edited by Missokyst -- 9/7/2012 8:38:42 PM >
_____________________________
pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley
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RE: The wrong way - 
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