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Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 12:35:34 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Theres been a lot of naive rape fantasy threads
latley.

When I was younger, about 20, I had a
somewhat vanilla relationship where my GF kept
hinting about this type of thing, (she really liked
rough sex).

One night she started up a conversation that was
sort of geared towards it and ended up (not very
subtly) challenging me about whether or not I was
capable of raping someone...
It went something along the lines of,

GF:"you couldn't rape someone"
-ME: "what makes you think that"
GF: "your to nice a guy"
-ME: "I'm not that nice..."
GF:"yes you are, you couldn't rape someone"
-ME: "well you never know"
GF: "you couldn't rape me..."
-ME: "If there was anyone I Could rape, it
would be you"..........

Anyway it went on a bit and I was now
pinning her down and saying "struggle"
can you do anything?
So now I'm horny! and thought well might
as well go with it, and started pulling her
panties off while still holding her and her still
struggling.

At some point in the wrestling she started
shaking and crying (still no sex yet), she
obviously had some kind of emotional freak out
so I stopped holding her down and then we
talked a bit and had a shower I think.

The point of the story, this was back when I
thought safe words were just something in bdsm
porn and didn't even think about talking about
them.
I think a lot of girls have rape fantasies, but
the reality can sometimes be a bit of a shock,
going from a fantasy to actually being helpless
and having something done against your will.
And so maybe a if a few people posted some
experiences and rules they have about rape play
it would be helpful for people.

-Aries

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/9/2012 12:37:50 PM >

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 12:40:48 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I always had rape fantasies and started acting them out with my first love.

I still like to do this.

It works out really well if you trust someone.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 1:02:41 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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Rape fantasies are common among women, but it needs to be said that fantasy rape is very different from real rape, particularly from the psychological perspective. The fantasy rape scenario has been primed by anticipation and expectation and the subject is already in that fantasy space. Real rape is unexpected, and regardless of whether you enjoy that sort of sex, the thing that does the most damage is the unexpected mental and emotional assault.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 2:16:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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There are a number of posts from someone who used to be a regular poster here on the subject. These days, she just drops in from time to time. Probably one of the best cautionary angles that I think I've ever seen on the site. Not because she and her partner didn't do it, but the stuff that she dealt with because they DID. All of her writings on the subject are very informative.

Yes, lots of submissives (don't discount the males here) have this fantasy. Some have even tried playing this out to attempt getting past a bad incident in their life. There are those who say it is very freeing. Others regret ever trying it.

As a top, it's pretty flipping hot. Even as play, it really is all about control. At the same time, if you're dealing with someone who has never had the experience before, you have to be very aware of triggers. There's always the possibility of that moment that says that this just isn't fun anymore and it can have repercussions. For a kind of play, this one is pretty serious.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 2:20:44 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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We play pretty rough in this regard. We've been together a long time and there's a great deal of trust. I always hesitate to call it rape play though because I know while it's "consentual nonconsent" it is not the same as rape....and I don't ever want it to be.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 2:24:00 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

LP, would you be able to find a link to that
persons posts?
I had a search before I made this thread for
something like what I wanted to touch on
and didn't have any luck.

-Aries

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 2:49:08 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
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I think sheisreeds has made some good posts about setting up rape fantasies but the search engine did not turn up anything for her name + rape.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 4:13:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Rape play is tricky business. I wouldnt try it with just anyone, and not with tremendous amounts of negotiation and discussion. My friends that are rape players feel the same. The chance for unplanned disaster...biggish if you haven't thought it through.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 4:28:33 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

I have engaged in this type of play before. Always with a known and well trusted partner. Only with activities that were still within our negotiated limits. And always with a safeword in place so that if things really went to a bad place one could stop the play. Again, this presumes you have a well trusted partner who will respect when you withdraw consent, so to speak. With that said, I certainly never had to invoke my safeword with this type of play. I suppose some could argue that with a safeword in place how could it be fantasy rape? But in my mind, that was part of the point. At no point did either me or my partners want it to turn into real rape.

I will say this. With the above conditions in place, we enjoyed many fun instances of this type of play. It was both terrifying and exhilarating, and quite unlike any other play I've done. Just because one keeps play in a safe zone, does not mean it has to be boring.

I often wonder about those who post the stranger rape fantasies, or abduction type rape fantasies. Personally, even if a trusted partner could effectively set something like that up (where he was, in fact, the abductor/stranger), unless I knew this up front, I'm not sure I could handle that - I think that would veer off into being too close to reality for my comfort. And if I knew it was my partner at the beginning, then I don't see how it differs so much from the regular rape play that I occasionally engage in.

That's the extent of my experience and thoughts on this.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 4:44:21 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Rape play is tricky business. I wouldnt try it with just anyone, and not with tremendous amounts of negotiation and discussion. My friends that are rape players feel the same. The chance for unplanned disaster...biggish if you haven't thought it through.

Rape play scares the shit out of me.

As the top, that is. Everyone has echoed the trust element, which I agree is paramount. I think Fucktoyprincess (I giggled when I said that out loud) and I are on the same page - knowing the players, knowing the game, knowing when the game starts and ends makes it fun and exciting. I will only add that the importance of safewords is heightened when "No! No! Stop!" becomes part of play.

What really worries me is the bottom that wants a more real rape experience. I feel inadequate because I refuse to indulge her, but that is part of providing safe play to risk-friendly kinksters. Hmmm...

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 5:01:24 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I love rough sex, but being raped has never been a fantasy of mine. I really don't think I could interpret it as 'play' if I was into it at all...and that just wouldn't be happy.

As a top...there's that challenge of holding back.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 6:13:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I like rough play, I like him forcing me down, pushing me up against the wall, pulling my hair, etc. But that's not rape play to me and I have zero interest in rape play. I've been raped before and it's nowhere even close to the same thing nor would I want it to be.

And people say they want things all the time until they get it and realize it's not what they expected. It's called letting your hormones and dick speak for you. Happens all the time and is pretty common imo.

This is how you get all the postings from people saying "he hurt me" or "he didn't stop", etc....

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 6:40:58 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

Rule number 1 is to talk about it first beforing doing it.
Rule number 2 is to talk about it after it happens, if it does.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 7:06:42 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

My (now ex) husband and I were married 10 years before we started playing "Kidnap & Torture."

Moving forward, I don't feel the need to be together THAT long, but I can't fathom discussing rape fantasies in initial email exchanges.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/9/2012 9:54:09 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

I love rape play.

But like regular bdsm.

Safe words is all that is needed to regulate.

I don't always know exactly what's gonna happen to keep it exciting.

But I know if it's too much, as long as there are safe words, I will be safe.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 1:11:39 AM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

Rape fantasies and rape play are just that
fantasy and play and though it's a dirty
word in some quarters it's roleplay.
No one wants the actual experience
of rape or the aftereffects of it.
Rape is rape and rape play isn't going
to replicate that, if it did it would
cease to be rape play.

First of all, I think you have to know
what a person means by rape fantasies.
For some that might just mean being
tied up and fucked. For another person
they just want rough sex. Some want
the whole abduction and surprise thing.
And some need to seperate fantasy and
reality.

I think you should only do it with
someone you know very well, have
built in trust with. You both need
to be aware of triggers and have
checks in place. And a person doesn't
have to be a survivor of rape to have
triggers that can go off during intense
play. The dominant has to stay in
control of the situation and himself.
He can't unleash the hounds of hell.
He can't do that not only because of
the harm it could to the submissive but
he could harm himself by doing something
he will regret for the rest of his life.
There's also built into these scenarios
for the possibilities of unforeseen
consequences and misunderstandings.

I don't really have rape fantasies or
any interest in rape play.
I like resistance play, rough sex, rough
sex that push boundaries and result
in a very intense experience that stirs
up very intense emotions including fear
and helplessness but I wouldn't categorize
it as rape play. The whole abduction thing
leaves me cold. Done even semi publicly
you risk involving others a big no no
for me. And just being sprung on out
of nowhere doesn't do it for me.
I prefer perimeters to be in check
and to have had time to get in the
proper head space.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 5:52:42 AM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Rape play is tricky business. I wouldnt try it with just anyone, and not with tremendous amounts of negotiation and discussion. My friends that are rape players feel the same. The chance for unplanned disaster...biggish if you haven't thought it through.

Rape play scares the shit out of me.

As the top, that is. Everyone has echoed the trust element, which I agree is paramount. I think Fucktoyprincess (I giggled when I said that out loud) and I are on the same page - knowing the players, knowing the game, knowing when the game starts and ends makes it fun and exciting. I will only add that the importance of safewords is heightened when "No! No! Stop!" becomes part of play.

What really worries me is the bottom that wants a more real rape experience. I feel inadequate because I refuse to indulge her, but that is part of providing safe play to risk-friendly kinksters. Hmmm...

Just as an aside, I'm glad saying my screen name gave you a laugh because it is meant partially seriously, but also partially tongue in cheek

Just some more thoughts. I do think that the concerns for a Top are very important in any kind of play, and certainly something like rape play because the boundaries necessarily have to be clear to both parties. I don't think this is play to engage in if either party has any doubt or reservations whatsoever.

I have done this type of play with only a very small percentage of people who I've played with. Even with a certain level of trust, there have been many relationships I've been in where, for a variety of reasons having to do with both the Dominant and myself, that I knew rape play would probably never be on the agenda for us as a couple. I don't know if I can articulate exactly why certain trusted Dominants become candidates for this play and others never do. But I think those of us who do this type of play do know when we are with someone who could do this safely with us. For the record, I've never had a Dominant ask for this type of play. I've always been the one to raise it. And it has always been raised in an already established relationship where the discussion can take place in a forthright and careful manner.

As with any kink, I think one either thinks this will be fun, or not. There is much under the umbrella of BDSM that I don't find personally compelling. And guess what. I don't engage in those things. And there are things in BDSM that I used to think would be fun, but after trying them, decided, not for me. But this is one that I do find fun. It is just rare to get the opportunity to do it.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 5:57:58 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

I've done a few now with a Top I've been friends with for the past 3 years, and one of them turned out really awesome, while another one went down a wacky turn and we had to cut it short. Even with the same partner, these things can go strange, just like any other scene.
We found from that experience that we have to keep things borderline - borderline between real and a game, otherwise if it becomes too real, then things get really drastic.
It's important to do something like that with someone you trust, someone who really will be willing to stop if things get weird, and be aware of what your triggers are, if any, and you both need to be willing to talk about anything that comes up.

I think bottoms in these scenes have a SERIOUS responsibility to inform their partner on any past history of abuse or other issues that could cause problems. Tops take on a lot of responsibility for things in scenes, and it isn't fair to them to let them amble in unaware. My friend is aware of yucky junk in my past, and it's something we've talked about.

The scenes themselves can be traumatic in their own right, so definitely don't push things if you start feeling things going awry.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 5:59:12 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Count me down as NOT liking rape play.
Why would I?
For me the heart of the kink, the locus of BDSM is her voluntary surrender-rape play defies this.
Thus I don't care for it.
Plus, I've known way too many gals who've been raped not to mention the minor fact that I've seen and heard men being raped in jail.
I don't find anything sexy at all about rape. I find it stomach turning, gut wrenching and life destroying-certainly nothing erotic to moi.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 7:39:29 AM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Count me down as NOT liking rape play.
Why would I?
For me the heart of the kink, the locus of BDSM is her voluntary surrender-rape play defies this.
Thus I don't care for it.
Plus, I've known way too many gals who've been raped not to mention the minor fact that I've seen and heard men being raped in jail.
I don't find anything sexy at all about rape. I find it stomach turning, gut wrenching and life destroying-certainly nothing erotic to moi.

I think one has to be careful with this. I understand that for you it doesn't float your boat. But just like schoolgirl play or s&m, or other forms of play, that have real world counterparts that are horrific, I think one has to take this for what it is. Play.

I've dressed the schoolgirl part for Dominants before. I don't condone pedophilia.

I've engaged in s&m that under most International Protocols would be considered torture. I do not condone the use of torture on prisoners.

I enjoy the submissive role in the bedroom. I do not condone the disenfranchisement, ill-treatment or neglect of girls and women anywhere.

Quite frankly, if I used the benchmarks that I have in real life to define my play, I wouldn't be part of this world at all. One does have to separate play from reality. I hope just because a Dominant enjoys his role that he is not a misogynist or someone who thinks the actual oppression of women is okay. I do think it is possible to keep play and reality separate. And if it's not, tell me now, cuz I shouldn't be here, then. Just saying....

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