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PSA - 9/15/2012 1:56:28 AM

lilmissdefiant

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Being on here and seeing some of the stuff people vomit out on here I feel I could the forums a courtesy and make a Public Service Announcement about how things should be (in General) Mostly for the noobs :)

Are you having an issue with your partner? Simple - COMMUNICATE! - people by nature aren't mind readers, sometimes whats obvious to you isn't always to the other half.

You did something wrong? Simple - HONESTY! - Admit to your mistake, apologize then move on. It's done you can't change it, deal with it, then get over it.

Don't know something and you ask the forums for answers? - COURTESY! - Don't devalue someones opinion because you don't like it.

Don't like what someone does? - ACCEPTANCE! - Yes this is the internet its full of twits and twats, having said that everyone is entitled to their opinion (however idiotic, misguided, completely against reality it is, utter bullshit it may be)

Got something funny that you think other people would enjoy too? - SHARE IT! - everyone deserves to giggle.

OK done my good deed for the day :)

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RE: PSA - 9/15/2012 10:36:36 AM

BambiBoi

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Nothing says "devil's advocate" like a submissive boi in a trembling deer persona.

I concede that these are great starting positions, but I hesitate to white wash problems. Take this active thread, for example. This is an "issue with a partner" that preemptively takes the sting out of needing to communicate. That person needs support and understanding and a firm hand saying "these are the cards, do you want to settle?"

Apology and honesty work fine for accidents. Complex behavior, like acting out, requires a deeper analysis. Destructive behavior like sleeping around and substance abuse merit some consideration that the person behaving inappropriately is responding to a cause. To apologize for the symptom does not help the situation, and probably makes the "victim" feel worse.

I agree strongly on courtesy. But "devaluing" someone's opinion ties in with the next point: Acceptance. This is a discussion board. People who bring their private matters here open the door to opinion and debate, but not ridicule. I submit that you can say anything you want to people, as long as you say it correctly. As an example, I disagree with some elements of your post. But I hope I don't come across as attacking you. I aim to communicate that my ideas are different, and maybe discussion is warranted so that we can both grow. It would not be a discussion board if my role was to read something, not agree, and silently accept someone's misguided opinion.

I was once dating a girly. She said "look, you're my boyfriend. When I complain, I want you to agree. I don't care if I'm right, you're supposed to support me." I turned that car RIGHT AROUND.

Overall, I commend you on how well you know the CM site. Most of your advice is spot on. But I welcome you to continue jumping into the fray, and mix it up with those you disagree with or offer more tailored advice than "be honest and communicate."

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RE: PSA - 9/15/2012 7:18:54 PM

xssve

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Yeah, easier said than done sometimes, but I can't argue with any of that advice.

That's gotta be some kind of a first.

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RE: PSA - 9/15/2012 10:22:49 PM

lilmissdefiant

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ta.
as for the "Complex issues", I've been known to give detailed advice which nobody seems to take, so I'd rather simplify it i did state this was for the general peeps

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RE: PSA - 9/16/2012 10:54:11 AM

BambiBoi

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I know the feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving very prudent advice and it doesn't even get a nod. But every now and again, I'll get a c-mail out of the blue saying "I really appreciate your advice. It helped me" and that's what keeps me going.

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RE: PSA - 9/16/2012 12:54:43 PM

im2good2u

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I would like to put just a slightly different spin to lilmiss' sage advice. http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif Human relations are so much better when the focus is on the "human" rather than on the "relation," viz. don't confuse the person's value with what the person does or says. This simple precept arises out of a recognition that the best encounters between people occur when each seeks to know, respect and promote the other's welfare rather than looking for "what can I get out of this relationship."

Thus, when having issues with a partner, these are resolved through interpersonal communication and not by becoming a silent martyr to what something that your partner did or said leading to resentment and anger.

You did something wrong? That does not mean you are a bad person. It just means you did or said a bad thing. You become the best person you can be by acknowledging mistakes, apologizing and, if needed, making restitution.

Likewise, when you disagree with another's opinion (and here I depart somewhat from the learned lilmiss javascript:void(AddText('[8\|]')) ) it is okay to "devalue" (read: "disagree with") the opinion. It is not okay to devalue the person having that opinion.

Don't like what someone else does? That's okay. Just because that person did a bad thing, it does not make them a bad person. You don't have to like everything that someone else does. If your well being or the well being of one in your care is affected by what someone else does, you don't even have to accept it and personal responsibility may require that you reject it by distancing yourself from it.

In the end, good human relations are about treating those around us with the dignity and respect that we are entitled to expect for ourselves and being personally responsible for getting it.

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