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Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 7:10:51 AM

loveseat

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
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This is a question I should have asked three weeks ago, before I threw temper tantrums and completely embarrassed myself with my child like behaviour over the absence of my owner. We have been living together for four years, and he is just now on his way home from a three week trip overseas. Because we have been physically together for so long, we didn't plan the separation very well, and so we didn't have a contingency plan for feeling connected.

In hindsight there are lots of things we could have done, but being together is so natural that it wasn't until we were apart that we both realized how important the little D/s things in our relationship are. I've felt completely lost and without purpose. I've gotten up in the morning and been able to do whatever I want, but instead have moped about the house with no real purpose or direction.

He will be home in less than 48 hours so my torment is almost over, but I'd love to read about how other subs cope with the absence of their dominant?

Post #: 1

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 7:15:10 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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you can sleep in his shirt, you can get to all those jobs you were always gonna do, you can read a book..........it is a matter of occupying the time.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to loveseat)

Post #: 2

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 7:19:36 AM

loveseat

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

It's funny (to me anyway) because I am very self sufficient and way too prideful, and before he left he said to me "However will you cope" and I laughed and said "Oh I will be fine, I will be so busy that I won't even notice you were gone".

The first week I took with fairly good humour and was able to reasonably occupy my time with my own desires and interests. After that though I was completely miserable. The experience, overall, was excellent for me. It was a lesson in humility and in better understanding my devotion to my partner.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 7:20:40 AM

zubedangina

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/18/2010
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When mine was going to be away, I asked him to give me tasks to do that he didn't normally assign me. So every day, I would have a different assignment that was supposed to be done. That was nice because I didn't feel abandoned and there were still were duties and tasks to attend to.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 8:13:23 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I'll be honest, I don't really understand the freaking out when separated thing.

I recently went to my Mother's for a month. Did I miss him? Absolutely. Was I despondent? Nope.

He and I text throughout our workday normally. We kept doing that. Then we talked every night.

I kept working throughout the visit and had things to do when I wasn't working.

But, then again, I was an only child until I was 10. I'm good at functioning when I'm alone.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to zubedangina)

Post #: 5

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 8:25:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Sure, you miss people, but he was on a trip, he didn't leave you, or die. Keep in touch, skype, text, whatever. You're still an adult who takes care of things, right?

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Post #: 6

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 9:19:24 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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My sub and I are long distance and see each other every couple months or so. We IM every day usually, even if it's just for a few minutes. Then when we're actually together in person, we savor every minute of it.

NBMG

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Post #: 7

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 9:21:51 AM

Shininglight23

Posts: 1336
Status: offline

In my opinion, long distance is a mindset. There are plenty of relationships that work well with the proper communication. This isn't something that you are used to and I hope that your "temper tantrum" didn't ruin what seems to be a fulfilling relationship for you.

I can give you tips in reference to what worked for me, but you won't need them in 48 hours.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Membership Co-ordinator, ProSubs"R"Us

Lead with love, live with love, leave with love.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 8

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 9:28:25 AM

lilmissdefiant

Posts: 666
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

I am going through a situation right now which is highly stressful, My Owner is in another state and something has happened, I have had no contact with him since I got his last message, i am physically ill and trying my best not to have a panic attack.
My Advice, be fucking thankful that Your Master has the ability to return to you. He is safe, you are safe, that is all that matters.

_____________________________

Change what you can and accept what you can't.
He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito!

Resident Thread Killer

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 12:32:36 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

FR~

I hog the bed all to myself, cook for one, and let dishes pile up without anyone demanding I clean up the kitchen.

It's pretty darn cool.

Some people don't cope well with change in their daily lives and routines, some do, best to know which you are and act accordingly.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

Post #: 10

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 3:54:40 PM

loveseat

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

I laughed at the responses of OG and LH, because a month ago, they would have been my responses :)

We had communication difficulties, despite reassurances from his mobile phone carrier that it would work, it didn't and so there were no texts and he only had sporadic internet connectivity. So yes, under normal circumstances we would have kept texting, talking, skyping, but a lot of the time that wasn't possible. And day to day did go on, the kid still got to school, the dinner still got cooked, the house still got cleaned.

I'm a fairly independent person too and thrive on my alone time usually, which is why I laughed at your responses and at myself, because I totally did not expect myself to feel this way.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 11

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/17/2012 10:25:25 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

There have been occasions in my relationship with my Master where he's been away for long periods of time. We are pretty inseparable, so it was definitely hard on me and I did feel pretty lost. I missed him like hell. At times I didn't know what to do with myself. I survived though, and reuniting with him was always intense and wonderful.

Things that helped me cope and stay connected during his absences:
-I would sleep with his clothes in the bed, snuggled up to them. It was comforting.
-We communicated and kept in touch as often as possible. We exchanged letters, phone calls, etc.
-I made sure to keep spending lots of time with friends to keep myself occupied and socially engaged.
-I'd spend a lot of time drawing pictures for him--he also drew things for me. One thing I really liked was creating coordinated drawings: one of us would start and we'd send it back and forth to each other, gradually adding things and completing the picture, incorporating both our styles into the artwork. It was very personal, and it was nice because I felt like we were able to DO something together.
-I also spent a lot of time improving and preparing things for when he'd get home, which was helpful because I was always thinking of him and this gave me something I could do for him while we were separated.

I hope things go well for you. Your owner will probably understand why you flipped out, and you can use the experience as a catalyst and learning experience to plan better for separations in the future. :)

(in reply to loveseat)

Post #: 12

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/18/2012 1:09:53 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Master and i live rogether but sometimes he hjas to travel for work. I hate it but h=what can i do? One thing is i sleep in one of his t shirts. I recconect woth friends, i go to the gym and esercose like a feind. We talk ever night, i is not the same but it helps. I also treat myself to a new bok so i can get engrossed. I also plam menus for when he gets home his fav foods so he can get some real home cooking after all those resturant meals. Keeps me busy until i am in his arms again.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 13

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/18/2012 2:51:21 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

HI All,

I cannot help but chime in with the obvious. Learn from the experience. If mine had gone off the rails Iwould expect him to have an action plan to keep from doing so again. Dom/sub Master/slave. Still human.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 14

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/18/2012 7:46:28 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

I am going through a situation right now which is highly stressful, My Owner is in another state and something has happened, I have had no contact with him since I got his last message, i am physically ill and trying my best not to have a panic attack.
My Advice, be fucking thankful that Your Master has the ability to return to you. He is safe, you are safe, that is all that matters.

This is the real problem for me with a long distance relationship. I don't mind being alone and I can't ever imagine being uptight about being alone for three weeks. What doesn't sit well with me is not knowing that everything is okay. Not hearing from a long distance partner for some time is unnerving. There's no way to just check in.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

Post #: 15

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/18/2012 7:48:38 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: loveseat

This is a question I should have asked three weeks ago, before I threw temper tantrums and completely embarrassed myself with my child like behaviour over the absence of my owner. We have been living together for four years, and he is just now on his way home from a three week trip overseas. Because we have been physically together for so long, we didn't plan the separation very well, and so we didn't have a contingency plan for feeling connected.

In hindsight there are lots of things we could have done, but being together is so natural that it wasn't until we were apart that we both realized how important the little D/s things in our relationship are. I've felt completely lost and without purpose. I've gotten up in the morning and been able to do whatever I want, but instead have moped about the house with no real purpose or direction.

He will be home in less than 48 hours so my torment is almost over, but I'd love to read about how other subs cope with the absence of their dominant?

Make something for him while he's gone. Something time consuming - a big project. It will help you to feel close to him and give you a sense of purpose and of serving him. Surprise him with it when he returns.

(in reply to loveseat)

Post #: 16

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/19/2012 2:36:23 AM

loveseat

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

This is the real problem for me with a long distance relationship. I don't mind being alone and I can't ever imagine being uptight about being alone for three weeks. What doesn't sit well with me is not knowing that everything is okay. Not hearing from a long distance partner for some time is unnerving. There's no way to just check in.

I realize the error in my original post was not highlighting the difficulties in communications, so I can see how whiny and insecure I came across... that's ok I don't mind wearing the 'uptight' t-shirt, he's home know, he can rip it off me in a little while ;)

Things didn't go to plan, we couldn't be in regular contact and I didn't know for a certainty that he was alright because often I had no way to reach him, I just had to trust that everything was ok. I am very grateful he did come back safely, and anyone who is in a situation where they don't have that security and comfort has my empathy.

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 17

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/22/2012 10:45:39 AM

ParanoidAngel

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

I sort of have the same worries; Because my Master is enlisting to the Marines soon, and i wont have contact with him while he is away [besides writing letters]. I don't live with him, i barely see him since he is always working out of town, but i still text him all day every day, have to ask permission to use the bathroom, have to write journals for him every night. When he goes i have no idea how ill be able to communicate with him, how long hell be gone for, or how long hell be back when he does come. Its all one anxiety attack that i know will come the day he leaves, and i am trying to preemptively calm myself before he DOES leave. He's also the kind of person who doesn't understand anxiety disorders, so he thinks of it as me being clingy, when really im just worried v-v

Basically what ive done whenever i feel lonely, or if hes not able to talk, or even after breakups, is just keep busy. keeping busy is the best way to pass the time while hes away. take up a hobby that you maybe didnt have time to do before, something you never thought youd be good at. maybe youll find something you really Love to do~

(in reply to loveseat)

Post #: 18

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/22/2012 11:28:43 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Angel - that's a rough situation. Separations because of military service are so hard on everyone involved and really challenge a relationship. It's good that you're already thinking about how you're going to handle it.

Perhaps you and your master need to have another talk about the anxiety though. If you're suffering from it and he's dismissing it as clinginess, that really has the potential to destroy a relationship when you go through the tough time you're about to face.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ParanoidAngel)

Post #: 19

RE: Long Distance, how do you cope? - 9/22/2012 5:29:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

My husband was in the military and the day he left I was only 18 and I bawled for hours. It was extremely difficult but I had to learn how to survive without him. I had a full time job though so it wasn't as rough as time when on and I had my family there was sell.

Once we was out of boot camp we immediately got married and we had a child 9 months later so when he left for his Med cruise and was gone for months on end, I was pretty busy taking care of our child. We wrote letters every single day and he would sneak phone calls when he could although he got caught and in trouble quite a few times and he ended up with extra duty time lol. In those times there were no computers or cell phones like today and making calls on the ship were extremely prohibited.

So yes, military time away is very hard but you have to remind yourself that you can't be clingy and needy during those times. You have to be the military wife and be strong for you and him and your children. You have to be the home support for him. Also think about finding a military wives or girlfriends group. They were a tremendous help for me. We were able to share and commiserate our lives and they became a large family for everyone. They were a Godsend for me.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 20

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