RE: Just another curious question..

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CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 7:31:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I like the young people as pals, not partners. If I could have given birth to you, welcome to the friendzone. That's a common sentiment. Is that because of societies norms? Older men and younger women don't seem to be taboo, yet women in their 30's to 40's usually won't go too far down in years. Is it a physical turn off too, or just more of a societal expectations issue?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 7:35:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I like the young people as pals, not partners. If I could have given birth to you, welcome to the friendzone. That's a common sentiment. Is that because of societies norms? Older men and younger women don't seem to be taboo, yet women in their 30's to 40's usually won't go too far down in years. Is it a physical turn off too, or just more of a societal expectations issue? It has nothing to do with societal expectations, it is MY PREFERENCE, just as being with older men has always been my preference. I have friends who seek out young men exclusively. We like what we like.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 7:39:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact The experience level is going to be vastly different. Not just BDSM experience, but life experience as well. A primary partner that couldn't hold a conversation with Me about half of the historical references during life wouldn't hold My interest much. Your education at college level is only half finished at best. That I see would be an obvious concern. This is partly why I do get a bit shy around older women. It's as though from the outset, I fear my inexperience will become an issue in a conversation. quote: ORIGINAL: In addition, at twenty, there are still many events that you're not old enough to attend. Depending on where you are in the country, you may not be able to go to the local play party, much less major events throughout the year. Not something I'm willing to skip because of being involved with someone that young. [/color] Big issue there. I would hate to be on a date with some pretty older lady and get carded. The humiliation would be crushing. Are "munches" usually held in bars or just in restaurents?

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 7:41:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It has nothing to do with societal expectations, it is MY PREFERENCE, just as being with older men has always been my preference. I have friends who seek out young men exclusively. We like what we like. Sorry, I should have been more clear. While I was answering to your post, I guess the questions was posed on more of a macro level, questioning the issue about women in general.

Killerangel -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 7:50:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I like the young people as pals, not partners. If I could have given birth to you, welcome to the friendzone. That's a common sentiment. Is that because of societies norms? Older men and younger women don't seem to be taboo, yet women in their 30's to 40's usually won't go too far down in years. Is it a physical turn off too, or just more of a societal expectations issue? I really dislike it when a woman's preference is supposed to be from something negative ingrained in her like a societal norm. Like it's not a personal thing. We can't have personal likes/dislikes because we're such a product of what others want from us. It's stereotyping and it's de-personalizing to act as though we have to have a reason outside of ourselves in order to like or dislike something. One other thing to throw in, men are generally the fetishists and the ones who look at detail or acts as things to get off on. Women tend to respond more generally, and to a person. Men sexualize many, if not most, things, while women have their sexuality more integrated into their personal relationships. Older women don't tend to go up or down in years too much because they want to relate to the person they are with, men don't care as much can also sexualize the difference into a thing they get off on. Therefore the Daddy thing is more common than the Mommy thing. I believe what this all comes down to is once again the difference between men and women. Trying to fit women into a male perspective doesn't work.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 8:30:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Killerangel I really dislike it when a woman's preference is supposed to be from something negative ingrained in her like a societal norm. Like it's not a personal thing. We can't have personal likes/dislikes because we're such a product of what others want from us. It's stereotyping and it's de-personalizing to act as though we have to have a reason outside of ourselves in order to like or dislike something. I only asked that because I have heard that sentiment stated from time to time by women, including one female on this thread. I didn't mean to sound insulting but I apologise if my delivery seemed tactless. quote: ORIGINAL: Killerangel One other thing to throw in, men are generally the fetishists and the ones who look at detail or acts as things to get off on. Women tend to respond more generally, and to a person. Men sexualize many, if not most, things, while women have their sexuality more integrated into their personal relationships. Older women don't tend to go up or down in years too much because they want to relate to the person they are with, men don't care as much can also sexualize the difference into a thing they get off on. Therefore the Daddy thing is more common than the Mommy thing. I'll have to take your word on that at face value . Fetishist? I timagine sex would be a part of any serious relationship I would have with a woman, but I wouldn't enjoy something where personalities or just plain talking weren't a part. I think it would be easier to submit emotionally to someone who has more life experience and maturity, which means being with someone older.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 9:49:03 AM)
I saw a commercial for a "cougar" dating site, and the gals in the commercial couldn't have been a day over 30. Rick, your only solution to the "I think" is to go out and meet people. Do it, or don't. One way, you find out what you like, the other way you keep nattering on the internet to people who DO know what they like. See how that works? Only real life is real life.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 10:42:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I saw a commercial for a "cougar" dating site, and the gals in the commercial couldn't have been a day over 30. Rick, your only solution to the "I think" is to go out and meet people. Do it, or don't. One way, you find out what you like, the other way you keep nattering on the internet to people who DO know what they like. See how that works? Only real life is real life. Working on it. My problem is that in real life I can only seem to meet people my own age.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 10:44:09 AM)
Well expand your horizons, hon. Join one of those social groups, my local paper seems to be full of them. Or--and here's a radical notion--get to know people your own age. You might be shocked.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 10:48:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Well expand your horizons, hon. Join one of those social groups, my local paper seems to be full of them. My plates a bit full right now with school and all, but I might look into that. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Or--and here's a radical notion--get to know people your own age. You might be shocked. LOL. I know plenty of people my own age; I just don't seem to feel the same about serious relationships with people my age. Anyway, the local cougar bar is a no go; I got carded there and the bouncer still recognizes me so until he moves on or I get older that just isn't happenning.

Alecta -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 10:52:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick Never really wanted a mother/son thing, that sounds kind of creepy. It's more just being involved with someone who has more life experience . Granted I do like the maturity differention; not sure I can articulate why that is. I guess it's because the dom sub lifestyle would be more than just a sexual thing for me. I like the idea that she would have that emotional advantage over me. Drawing from purely vanilla experiences and interactions, the boy with a cougar is referred to as the "cub". So it's a fairly common assumption that by seeking a "cougar" you're looking for someone who's sortta "mom". Even just naturally, within a certain age range or experience range, women tend to mother others. Can't turn it off, can't help it. I think the instinct could be slightly stronger in Dommes than subs, too. Young Doms rarely seem to have much issue getting older subs for play. And like I said, maturity is subjective. What you think is maturity may not be the same as what the next person thinks. The same thing in a person, for example a "see where it goes" attitude towards relationships, could be construed as mature by one and immature by another. Now, me personally, I can't ever help but feel at a disadvantage when a person I'm hanging out with turns out to have great interest in something I'm not, clubbing for example, or whatever the latest fad on TV is. So your point regarding an "emotional advantage over you" is also subjective, not something naturally assumed, and needs to be properly and fully explained (in your profile) in order to improve your chances of being noticed. The other thing that'll help is to be the one initiating contact. If you believe yourself to be an exception to the rule, then prove it.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 10:57:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Well expand your horizons, hon. Join one of those social groups, my local paper seems to be full of them. My plates a bit full right now with school and all, but I might look into that. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Or--and here's a radical notion--get to know people your own age. You might be shocked. LOL. I know plenty of people my own age; I just don't seem to feel the same about serious relationships with people my age. Anyway, the local cougar bar is a no go; I got carded there and the bouncer still recognizes me so until he moves on or I get older that just isn't happenning. Rick, I am in a RAGEFIT right now, so please excuse any harshness. If you don't have TIME to meet people, especially dominant women, I am here to tell you that you need to shelve the whole idea until you DO have time. We old harridans are HIGH MAINTENANCE. We've already done the work of figuring out what we do and don't want, so you have to come with your A game, or you're going to get tossed aside for the next lovely young person. And there is a wide selection of lovely young people out there. Bear in mind also that many many women raise kids, work, AND go to school... so they have a far better concept of time management than you could dream of. Trufax. You keep coming back with the same line of questioning, while my admirers among the young people are out DOING things. While working, etc. Decide what your priorities are, focus on them, and deal with other things later. Excuses are only excuses, and you're making them to yourself. From my side of the screen, it's just a "such small portions" whine. Fussing over stuff like BRANDING, that's putting the cart so far in front of the horse that you need to trailer the horse to hitch it up. (YES FARMING SIMILIES) Good luck and have fun.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 11:14:55 AM)
I think a difference of 5-10 years, regardless of whether the male or female is older, is not even really an age difference to be concerned about. I think for age differences larger than 10 years, again, regardless of who is older, one ought to exercise some caution if one is looking for a long-term committed relationship. Beyond that, all of this is personal preference and at the end of the day, everyone is entitled to whatever their preferences are. But one has to accept if one's personal preferences make it more difficult to find a match. And if it is more difficult to find a match, one might want to consider shifting one's preferences a bit. Many women of a certain age (unlike their male counterparts) are not interested at all in purely sexual relationships. And, in general, young men will have greater difficulty finding women older than them for serious, long-term committed relationships, although I would say it is not impossible. So the numbers are working against you, but again, I would say it is not impossible.

LadyPact -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 12:04:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick That I see would be an obvious concern. This is partly why I do get a bit shy around older women. It's as though from the outset, I fear my inexperience will become an issue in a conversation. I wouldn't worry about it so much for casual chit chat. Very few people are going to first meet you and ask where you were when Reagan was shot or when Challenger exploded. At least most wouldn't because they could physically see by your age that you wouldn't have any answers to the question. quote: Big issue there. I would hate to be on a date with some pretty older lady and get carded. The humiliation would be crushing. Are "munches" usually held in bars or just in restaurents? I completely varies according to where you live. All of the Leather Fests (the three day regional leather events) are held in hotel conference areas which have bar access. For that reason, they are kept 21 and up. The Atlanta Regional Munch is held at a club called 1763 which has no alcohol, but is 21 and up only for their insurance purposes. Because of this, many of the smaller munch groups in the surrounding areas have followed suit and remained 21 plus. On the other coast, the smaller groups where I was a member were more likely to be 18 and up, but the big events are often still 21 and up. Some house parties won't allow those who are underage for alcohol, but I have to side on the host in that instance. After all, if somebody calls a cop, it's the host that is taking the risk.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 12:35:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta Drawing from purely vanilla experiences and interactions, the boy with a cougar is referred to as the "cub". So it's a fairly common assumption that by seeking a "cougar" you're looking for someone who's sortta "mom". Even just naturally, within a certain age range or experience range, women tend to mother others. Can't turn it off, can't help it. I think the instinct could be slightly stronger in Dommes than subs, too. Young Doms rarely seem to have much issue getting older subs for play. Not looking for the "mom" thing as that is a wee bit creepy, but I do really want to find someone who has a maturity advantage over me. I guess I like the take charge type of person. I like the idea of her deciding where we go to eat, what movies we watch things like that. I like the idea that at her age she is so self confident that the effort is one sided on my part to measure up. quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta So your point regarding an "emotional advantage over you" is also subjective, not something naturally assumed, and needs to be properly and fully explained (in your profile) in order to improve your chances of being noticed. The other thing that'll help is to be the one initiating contact. If you believe yourself to be an exception to the rule, then prove it. I guess in terms of emotional maturity, I mean the kind of self conident assertiveness of a woman who is confident in her looks, her intillect such that I feel a need to measure up or prove my worth. I am actually trying to meet someone out there, but it is hard. Most of my social circles are in my age group, and meeting women who will tale me serious at my age has proven to be a bit of a challenge but I am keeoing my eyes and ears open

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 12:42:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Rick, I am in a RAGEFIT right now, so please excuse any harshness. If you don't have TIME to meet people, especially dominant women, I am here to tell you that you need to shelve the whole idea until you DO have time. We old harridans are HIGH MAINTENANCE. We've already done the work of figuring out what we do and don't want, so you have to come with your A game, or you're going to get tossed aside for the next lovely young person. And there is a wide selection of lovely young people out there. Bear in mind also that many many women raise kids, work, AND go to school... so they have a far better concept of time management than you could dream of. Trufax. You keep coming back with the same line of questioning, while my admirers among the young people are out DOING things. While working, etc. Decide what your priorities are, focus on them, and deal with other things later. Excuses are only excuses, and you're making them to yourself. From my side of the screen, it's just a "such small portions" whine. Fussing over stuff like BRANDING, that's putting the cart so far in front of the horse that you need to trailer the horse to hitch it up. (YES FARMING SIMILIES) Good luck and have fun. Ouch. I think I just got my ass kicked (which I guess seems kind of cool too [:D]). Anyway I asume your point was well intended so I will take the advice at face value. Look, I am getting out and trying to meet older people, I'm just not being particularly successful. I just come here for advice from time to time and to occasionally muse on certain topics. So yes, I am definitly working on my real life and in fact don't come to this board that often (actually very infrequently over the summer). The key issue is that forst point of contact and finding a way to broach the topic with an older woman when right away the age gap is as plain as day. Thus far the closest I have gotten was some tease flirting by an older co-worker, and some play flirting by an older woman (in a bar I wasn't carded in), who didn't really seem to want much more to do with me other than the ego trip or amusement derived from seeing the effect she had on me. She was playful and everything, flirty but at the end of the night was pretty clear that I was WAAAYYY to young for her. So yes, I am geting out there

LaTigresse -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 12:47:02 PM)
Keep getting out there. The older women I know that dig younger will leave a guy no doubt that they want him. If you are getting out there and putting yourself in a position to meet these women and still not getting got......then you have shit you need to work on BIG TIME! My son got snagged by an older woman and he wasn't even WANTING one. And trust me, he is no great catch. I love him, he is my son but I don't know why she puts up with his shit.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 12:48:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess But one has to accept if one's personal preferences make it more difficult to find a match. And if it is more difficult to find a match, one might want to consider shifting one's preferences a bit. Realize that. I'm just stubborn I guess. I know what I want in a relationship and am prepared to accept that I might have to wait for that. quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess Many women of a certain age (unlike their male counterparts) are not interested at all in purely sexual relationships. And, in general, young men will have greater difficulty finding women older than them for serious, long-term committed relationships, although I would say it is not impossible. So the numbers are working against you, but again, I would say it is not impossible. Definitely not looking for a purely sexual relationship. Of course like most people I would see sex as part of a normal healthy relationship but I am a romantic at an early age, so there would have to be more than that.

CougarRick -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 12:58:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I completely varies according to where you live. All of the Leather Fests (the three day regional leather events) are held in hotel conference areas which have bar access. For that reason, they are kept 21 and up. The Atlanta Regional Munch is held at a club called 1763 which has no alcohol, but is 21 and up only for their insurance purposes. Because of this, many of the smaller munch groups in the surrounding areas have followed suit and remained 21 plus. That rules me out right away quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact On the other coast, the smaller groups where I was a member were more likely to be 18 and up, but the big events are often still 21 and up. Some house parties won't allow those who are underage for alcohol, but I have to side on the host in that instance. After all, if somebody calls a cop, it's the host that is taking the risk. [/color] So someone like myself could go to these, but just couldn't drink? I am not really a drinker anyway so that would work. I assume these are somehow advertised through local BDSM communities?

fucktoyprincess -> RE: Just another curious question.. (9/21/2012 1:01:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess But one has to accept if one's personal preferences make it more difficult to find a match. And if it is more difficult to find a match, one might want to consider shifting one's preferences a bit. Realize that. I'm just stubborn I guess. I know what I want in a relationship and am prepared to accept that I might have to wait for that. quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess Many women of a certain age (unlike their male counterparts) are not interested at all in purely sexual relationships. And, in general, young men will have greater difficulty finding women older than them for serious, long-term committed relationships, although I would say it is not impossible. So the numbers are working against you, but again, I would say it is not impossible. Definitely not looking for a purely sexual relationship. Of course like most people I would see sex as part of a normal healthy relationship but I am a romantic at an early age, so there would have to be more than that. Well your profile sounds quite sincere, but you are very young, and I'm not sure what you mean when you say "older" (do you mean 5-10 years older, or significantly older than you?). I suspect as you, yourself, get a bit older, it will be easier to find someone older by 5-10 years. One of my closest friends who is now in her 50s is married to a man 6 years younger than her and I believe they met when he was 19 or so. And they have a great relationship, children, etc. So what you seek is not impossible. I would just say it's not the norm. Also, my friend and her husband when they met were not actively seeking an older woman, younger man relationship - they met, and it just so happened that she was older and he was younger.

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