quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

My god, there's a science behind all this?

quote:

ORIGINAL: subartist

Do you think that sexual denial and chastity is an impossible barrier to intimacy?

quote:


I want a long term relationship that is intimate and real, but I also long to be denied, and cuckolded.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
It's true that a person can be a lot of intimacy without penetrative sex. Even though I missed the penetrative sex, I used to be in a very intimate relationship w/ a guy who had ED. When the relationship ended, it had nothing at all to do with his ED, the problems were totally unrelated to that. I just can't see purposely denying myself something that is so available by keeping him in chastity.

NBMG

Was penetrative sex part of your relationship before the ED issues, or did you have this relationship without any penetrative sex throughout the relationship? I would have thought the intimacy developed in the early part of the relationship when you were having penetrative sex, and that this intimacy that you developed then sustained you through the time when he had ED. But if you are saying that you had no penetrative sex at any time in this relationship, I would find that quite interesting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
Penetrative sex for the woman does not have to be confined to the man's penis.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
If the woman initiates the chastity, then that's fine. But on most occasions, it seems to be the male who is suggesting the chastity. So even though he wants to be denied sex, it's still all about HIS DICK. Many men miss this subtle distinction, and think that they are making a sacrifice when they ask for chastity. But how can it be a sacrifice when you are the one who desired/requested it? Do you see how sometimes denial can actually be a selfish act?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Also, I always ask men who ASK to be cucked, "what's in it for the woman?" If someone else is fucking her, then what purpose do you serve? Why wouldn't she just choose to be in a relationship with the man who fulfills her sexual needs, and leave you out of the picture completely?

Similarly, chastity brings a different set of challenges. <snip> You see, despite the rumors that women are sweet little creatures who have little/no desire for sex, the reality is that most women like to be fucked. ;-)

If the woman initiates the chastity, then that's fine. But on most occasions, it seems to be the male who is suggesting the chastity. So even though he wants to be denied sex, it's still all about HIS DICK. Many men miss this subtle distinction, and think that they are making a sacrifice when they ask for chastity. But how can it be a sacrifice when you are the one who desired/requested it? Do you see how sometimes denial can actually be a selfish act?

More importantly, just like in the case with cuckolding, why does a woman need you if she can't fuck you? Why wouldn't she just find a man with whom she has a good personal connection AND he fucks her well?

Do you see how in both the cases of cuckolding and chastity you can seem selfish to a woman? Neither situation fully recognizes HER needs in the relationship. In both cases, it's all about you and your dick.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
It's true that a person can be a lot of intimacy without penetrative sex. Even though I missed the penetrative sex, I used to be in a very intimate relationship w/ a guy who had ED. When the relationship ended, it had nothing at all to do with his ED, the problems were totally unrelated to that. I just can't see purposely denying myself something that is so available by keeping him in chastity.

NBMG

Was penetrative sex part of your relationship before the ED issues, or did you have this relationship without any penetrative sex throughout the relationship? I would have thought the intimacy developed in the early part of the relationship when you were having penetrative sex, and that this intimacy that you developed then sustained you through the time when he had ED. But if you are saying that you had no penetrative sex at any time in this relationship, I would find that quite interesting.

There was no penetrative sex except for one time. He managed to get it in there for a few seconds once and then it deflated. No matter what he & I did, it just never managed to happen again.
NBMG

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad
Science is a methodology, no more, no less. And a subset of rational methodology, at that.
You can apply reason to just about anything, which I try to make a habit of.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Now I actually have to think when I do that? It's gonna be a first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
I don't consider intimacy to be the same as "romantic love". So I agree with you that sex without love is not as gratifying as sex with love. I'm not sure I would say the same thing about intimacy. For me, sex, intimacy, and love are all separate constructs. In other words, I could have sex and be intimate with someone who I am not in love with (in fact, I have done that - I would put one of my long term play partners in that category).

I'm still trying to think through how much intimacy one can build before sex. I think you can have intimacy before, but how much? I sort of feel that while some intimacy can develop before sex, very deep intimacy comes after having shared a sexual relationship.

I would argue that you can be deeply romantically in love with someone you have never had sex with. Again, I feel love is a separate construct from intimacy.

When I suggest that sex is usually there at the "start" of a relationship, I think "start" has to be defined loosely. In the sense that I'm not suggesting that sex occur on the first date. I was simply suggesting that I could not imagine someone going for years without sex being part of the equation. The "start" of a relationship usually has sex as an objective earlier in the overall time frame rather than later, so to speak. A couple who has been together for 10 years is unlikely to have waited 5 years to have sex, for example. Surely, it would typically happen much sooner than that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyschosubmission

quote:

ORIGINAL: WomanlyWiles

it's about his sexuality being in my power and at my discretion.

I was coming here to say that very thing, and she bet me to it!

also this

quote:



And I like sex, a lot

quote:

ORIGINAL: subartist

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on the subject!

I think that Alecta hit the nail on the head when she said that, "social conditioning has been teaching us that male ejaculation = male satisfaction and leads the typical vanilla woman to believe that if a man doesn't cum, he doesn't enjoy her." Or at least that was the observation I had in my head, but it's obviously a very complicated subject. It seems to me that my desire for sexual denial, and not cuckolding, is the thing that most often turns women off. Or else sexual denial means having a less intimate relationship, a friendship, etc. Whereas I want intimacy and love, all of that, but for our expression of intimacy to be different than the norm. I'm sure everyone in a kink forum understands that.

I suppose that my needs are very selfish, as are a lot of things in the world of D/s dynamics and kink. The trick is to meet the rare woman whose own selfish needs happen to match mine, and we can be consensually selfish together. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaleBitchLA

"sexual denial" (of the male) through enforced chastity does not automatically mean "sexual denial" for the Female.

Although the male's psychological fulfillment may be derived from the feeling that his own penis-pleasure & orgasms are denied,
he can still sexually perform--using his tongue & fingers-- to pleasure his lady.

From what I understand, males kept in chastity are not only deprived of penis-pleasure but their pent-up sexual energy is re-directed by the Dominant into housework, chores, etc. as well as performing oral sex.

A cuckold household where the husband is kept totally chaste does not have to mean that he has no intimacy with her since he can loving kiss her, affectionately cuddle & hug her, and, use his tongue & fingers on her clit to show his devotion to her, especially if, as a cuckold, he is using his tongue to 'prep' her for another man who stands by waiting (and the cuck can also use his tongue to 'prep' the other man, too.)

So, denying the male does not have to mean denying the female; it simply changes how the intimacy is shown.