Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (Full Version)

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subartist -> Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 2:58:26 PM)

Do you think that sexual denial and chastity is an impossible barrier to intimacy? I want a long term relationship that is intimate and real, but I also long to be denied, and cuckolded. From my perspective sexual denial and chastity just means no penetrative sex, and no orgasms for me, but that a very intimate and sexual relationship is still very possible. I think that when I talk about sexual denial most women are turned off, and interpret this as no intimacy. I wonder how women here feel about the prospect of a relationship with a sub man who you deny sexually?



LadyPact -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 3:02:31 PM)

Owning a cuck has NOTHING to do with Me not having orgasms. For Me, the entire thrill of the kink is that I own My sexuality. I own Mine AND his.

I'm short on time and the subject is quite complicated.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 3:09:31 PM)

It's not something I would want, even if I decided the cuck thing was for me (not likely) I'd still want to have the kind of sex *I* want to have. I could deny HIM, if it amused me, but I am not about to deny *myself*.



OsideGirl -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 3:54:38 PM)

IMO, sex doesn't equal intimacy at all. It's all the little things that equal intimacy.



Alecta -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 3:57:22 PM)

Intimacy for women is not usually linked to sexual penetration and male ejaculation, although social conditioning has been teaching us that male ejaculation = male satisfaction and leads the typical vanilla woman to believe that if a man doesn't cum, he doesn't enjoy her.

The thing that tends to turn women off about the subject of sexual denial and cuckoldry is most men become so self-absorbed when they're engaging in the kink it becomes all about them and the women feels like air. Listening to a man you lack the emotional bond with talk about cuckoldry is like watching a guy you're unattracted to masturbate. A "Why am I here?" prop sentiment.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 4:02:06 PM)

Thank you, Alecta.



MaleBitchLA -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 4:10:38 PM)

"sexual denial" (of the male) through enforced chastity does not automatically mean "sexual denial" for the Female.

Although the male's psychological fulfillment may be derived from the feeling that his own penis-pleasure & orgasms are denied,
he can still sexually perform--using his tongue & fingers-- to pleasure his lady.

From what I understand, males kept in chastity are not only deprived of penis-pleasure but their pent-up sexual energy is re-directed by the Dominant into housework, chores, etc. as well as performing oral sex.

A cuckold household where the husband is kept totally chaste does not have to mean that he has no intimacy with her since he can loving kiss her, affectionately cuddle & hug her, and, use his tongue & fingers on her clit to show his devotion to her, especially if, as a cuckold, he is using his tongue to 'prep' her for another man who stands by waiting (and the cuck can also use his tongue to 'prep' the other man, too.)

So, denying the male does not have to mean denying the female; it simply changes how the intimacy is shown.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/22/2012 5:12:32 PM)

I like penetrative sex. If that's what I want, that's what I'm going to have. It's a dom thing.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 12:52:58 AM)

I'm not a dom but I still agree with Lady H.

Here's the thing. I love good old fashioned fucking. When penis and vagina are doing their thing together, I'm a happy girl. So if I were to keep a sub, it wouldn't be in chastity, no matter how attentive he was to me. I also don't like receiving oral sex, not a huge fan of dildo type stuff, so I would be missing out on my fun time. So in my case, I would be unsatisfied with this arrangement. I also like making my partner cum and I don't see that changing if I was in charge. I've seen people say that putting the male in chastity makes it all about the female's pleasure, but that view seems to assume that the guy can't submit without some physical barrier in place - takes away the fun for me.

Could we still be intimate? Of course. But one of my favourite ways of being intimate would be taken away.

That said, if it was a big fantasy of his to be in chastity it could be worked out as an occasional thing.



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 1:52:20 AM)

quote:

I wonder how women here feel about the prospect of a relationship with a sub man who you deny sexually?


Well, perhaps this wanders off your original intention somewhat and I'm sure you had "couples" in mind, LOL, but speaking for Myself and other Dominants who are happily married and monogamous with their vanilla spouse, Chastity and denial is actually a REQUIREMENT for any sub who wishes to Play or aspires to be Owned by Me (at least while they are in My presence, but some wish to continue it long-term). My D/s activities are FRIENDSHIP-based. To some this may seem LIMITING, but because we are not in a sexual relationship I actually have a broader source of qualified submissives to choose from, since My subs can be gay, bi, and/or be in a monogamous vanilla marriage themselves (with no risk of breaking their vows). There are a surprising number of men CRAVING Chastity, as nearly 100% of the messages filling My inbox can verify.
As I explained to one doubting submissive who messaged Me whining about how a sub should be allowed to cum: I cannot have a male cumming all over the beautiful hardwood floor I just had him help install, or have him spend the day mopping and cleaning My kitchen then cumming where My friends' toddlers are going to be playing. NASTY, AND I SIMPLY WON'T TOLERATE IT.
If all My "vanilla" male friends can go without it whenever we gather, then My "Owned" ones certainly can. I want My boys focused on their assigned Tasks, some of them have enormous hurdles to overcome (if you have read My profile at all), and I prefer them NOT thinking about the "countdown clock to cumtime".
MM



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 2:03:42 AM)

OsideGirl

quote:

IMO, sex doesn't equal intimacy at all. It's all the little things that equal intimacy.


I agree completely.



iwearpanties -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 2:52:20 AM)

I'm not the best as answering things here . I a male sub and I've had some type and forms of being denied sexaul realease maybe not the same as many others but I remember a few times in yrs past I would have to ask the Mistress or the person iwas submitting too at the time if iwas able too sex with anther person who was not a Dom / Domme or into it they might be vanilla. . Either way would you consider this denial with out chastity if they said you couldn't have sex . I. Sorry if this wasn't the type of answer you seeked



WomanlyWiles -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 7:14:51 AM)

It's perfectly possible to have penetrative sex without male ejaculation. For me, chastity is not about him never orgasming, it's about his sexuality being in my power and at my discretion. And I like sex, a lot.



chatterbox24 -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 7:36:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

OsideGirl

quote:

IMO, sex doesn't equal intimacy at all. It's all the little things that equal intimacy.


I agree completely.


and Ditto.



Cloudz -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 9:22:45 AM)

OP -

1st question...what women have you been talking to? I agree with previous posters - specifically LadyPact who made a statement about who owns the sexuality. Your question might be better phrased as asking IF some women vs stating "most women." Chastity, denial, pleasure...all concepts that are best discussed by the people trying to achieve them.

I get that you are seekng information, and applaud you for it. However I suggest you find one that you share common interest with and follow her lead. SHE will be the one who's thoughts and opinons on the topic matter. Make sense?



subartist -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 9:30:24 AM)

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on the subject!

I think that Alecta hit the nail on the head when she said that, "social conditioning has been teaching us that male ejaculation = male satisfaction and leads the typical vanilla woman to believe that if a man doesn't cum, he doesn't enjoy her." Or at least that was the observation I had in my head, but it's obviously a very complicated subject. It seems to me that my desire for sexual denial, and not cuckolding, is the thing that most often turns women off. Or else sexual denial means having a less intimate relationship, a friendship, etc. Whereas I want intimacy and love, all of that, but for our expression of intimacy to be different than the norm. I'm sure everyone in a kink forum understands that.

I suppose that my needs are very selfish, as are a lot of things in the world of D/s dynamics and kink. The trick is to meet the rare woman whose own selfish needs happen to match mine, and we can be consensually selfish together. :)



subartist -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 9:38:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WomanlyWiles

It's perfectly possible to have penetrative sex without male ejaculation. For me, chastity is not about him never orgasming, it's about his sexuality being in my power and at my discretion. And I like sex, a lot.


I suppose it's possible, but I've tried this before. If I've been denied orgasms for a significant period of time, like for weeks, there's no way I would be able to hold back an orgasm during penetrative sex. I would last like 2 seconds at most...



Aswad -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 9:48:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Intimacy for women is not usually linked to sexual penetration and male ejaculation, although social conditioning has been teaching us that male ejaculation = male satisfaction and leads the typical vanilla woman to believe that if a man doesn't cum, he doesn't enjoy her.


It goes further. Climax as apex. Somehow, that miniscule event is supposed to be the basic premise from which everything male can be derived, and unto which all male effort shall ultimately return. I have actually felt pressured into both penetrative sex and ejaculation at times, ironically enough with a woman with vulvodynia and an aversion to semen. Because this male reductionism is so deeply embedded and encompassing that I suspect it even accounts for the ubiquity of that defective carnality wherein are conflated dominance and doggy style on the best of days.

Untangling that mess in someone's head seems infinitely more productive than chastity, if lifestyle power exchange is the point.

Except, of course, if male reduction is a particular turn-on for the domme.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



pyschosubmission -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 9:51:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WomanlyWiles

it's about his sexuality being in my power and at my discretion.


I was coming here to say that very thing, and she bet me to it! [:D]

also this

quote:



And I like sex, a lot



Arturas -> RE: Is sexual denial a barrier to intimacy? (9/23/2012 10:11:54 AM)

quote:

Do you think that sexual denial and chastity is an impossible barrier to intimacy?


Greetings Ladies and OP,

Long term sexual denial destroys intimacy. Two in a relationship are ultimately connected by several aspects of human behaviour and one of those is the sex connection. Sex intimately and completely connects the two physically and through the id. When a woman is connected this way to a man she is hormonally captured by the man and when that is lacking then she is no longer this way after time. This is why captured women soon lay down their lives for their captors or they even rob a bank for their captor. In short, it is unnatural and woman react naturally. Do not fuck with mother nature.

I wish you well,
Arturas




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