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Dominant Training - 6/12/2006 11:34:39 PM   
litleone8620


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I am a submissive in training. I've talked to several Dominants who have been trained by both another Dominant or a slave. I've never considered a Dominant might need training.

Is it necessary?


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RE: Dominant Training - 6/12/2006 11:41:13 PM   
DesertRat


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Well, I know I could use some pointers on the use of single-tails. I do listen to those more experienced than myself. Or, better to say, I listen to those whom I think have some knowledge or skill I want. As for formal training, I really can't say much about that, since I haven't experienced it.

Bob

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/12/2006 11:42:24 PM   
slavejali


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Well, I could put it this way. No man would be capable of dominating me without training...life skills training. They would also have to hold a Masters Degree in Knowledge of Self *grin*.

Seriously though, I dont know about "needed"..but training is always a good thing..learning and getting feedback from others is excellent. When it comes to some forms of play, I wouldnt feel safe with an unskilled (untrained) Master.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/12/2006 11:48:42 PM   
Padriag


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This topic came up in another thread recently and I made some comments there.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_416411/mpage_5/key_/tm.htm

What I will say here is this.  No it isn't necessary, and in fact it can be somewhat rare.  Training can provide an advantage in that it can provide skills, experience and knowledge to the dominant that they might otherwise not have had.  But, many dominants do alright without it.  Some are self taught, which if they took teaching themselves seriously and did a thorough job can be equal to and in rare cases superior to formal training.

However, I think you'll find training as a topic, whether for dominants or submissives, a hot one.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/12/2006 11:52:19 PM   
litleone8620


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Why is it rarer for a Dominant to be trained? Is it because they have that dominant trait and think they don't need it? I find myself more attracted to Doms who admit they need training in something special, whether it's bondage or single tails.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/12/2006 11:56:51 PM   
talibahh


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when i was looking, i specifically noted in my profile, that i sought an experienced Master. i guess it depends on what you are after.
 
But for me, to have TPE He should know what He is doing. i don't submit nor relinquish control to just anyone. There are many issues for me... safety for example. Mental health and well-being another. The list could go on.
 
Being not so experienced myself yet, for me it was imperative He knows what He is doing... not the blind leading the blind, so to speak. i need to feel confident in His abilities to be able to trust Him to the extent i wish to. And when it comes to some forms of play, if He doesn't know what He is doing, it can be down-right dangerous!
 
Even with 27 years of experience under His belt, my Master admits He is still learning from others on some things... for me, this is a very healthy attitude
 
Just my humble opinion anyway...
 
tali

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"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 12:04:15 AM   
litleone8620


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i don't think any dominant or submissive, no matter how experienced they are, stops learning from their partners.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 12:07:03 AM   
talibahh


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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

i don't think any dominant or submissive, no matter how experienced they are, stops learning from their partners.


very true litleone... and in my opinion, a very healthy attitude
 
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 12:54:46 AM   
Padriag


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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Why is it rarer for a Dominant to be trained? Is it because they have that dominant trait and think they don't need it? I find myself more attracted to Doms who admit they need training in something special, whether it's bondage or single tails.

If you had followed the link I posted you would have found this post by me which answers your question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Padriag:

You mentioned alot about the training of the slaves/subs.  But who trains the doms/masters?    If anyone needs training I think it would be the Doms even moreso.   Would they go to mentors as young doms ?  And if you're new, how would they pick a teacher or trainer that knows what theyre doing?

Unfortunately, many don't or can't.  There are a number of reasons for this, I'll try to explain.

First, many don't or can't simply because there is a great deal less community support for this than there is the training of submissives.  Take into consideration the amount of opposition you see towards training submissives and then multiply that to get an idea how resistant to the idea of training dominants many are.

That's not to say there is no support for it.  There isn't much in the heterosexual community, but among the Leathermen its was something of a tradition.  How much of a tradition and when it became so is debateable, but at some point the practice seems to have become fairly wide spread.  (And no I'm not an expert on the history of the Leathermen community).  But this at least provides one example.

There are some groups, some of which are pansexual or heterosexual, which also provide training to new dominants.  Most of the ones I have encountered were private groups that did not accept new dominants as members very often, which makes them of limited help to the wider community.

There are some individuals who will provide mentoring but this too is rare, rarer in my opinion than those willing to genuinely mentor a submissive.  I personally think this is in part due to dominant egos.  Many new dominants feel somewhat insecure and quickly develop a bravado as a cover... that same bravado prevents them from openly seeking out training, instruction or other forms of information that would help then.  This is because they often feel, and with justification, that doing so openly would make them seem weak.  The fact that that is justified because, in fact, there are many submissives that would view such a dominant as being weak, or at least incompetent, doesn't help any.

So that leaves many individual dominants on their own to privately seek whatever education or information they can.  Most learn through a long process of trial and error.  Many are handicapped further by simply not knowing what information to look for.  For example, in my own case I came to this lifestyle with a background in psychology (gee, like you couldn't guess ) and drew on that knowledge to guide me in learning to be a better dominant.  I did a LOT of reading and research using resources both within and outside the lifestyle.  I was fortunate in that regard, many are not.

There's one last thing I've seen that contributes to the problem.  Although there is considerably less literature on dominance than there is submission, what does exist has a very limited audience.  Many dominants are so individualistic that even if their ego isn't getting in the way, they still reject the methodology of another over personal differences of style.  Dominants are prone to be, at times, blindly individualistic to the point of handicapping themselves.  The result is that sometimes dominants reject information that could otherwise be helpful for superficial reasons, throwing the baby out with the bath water as it were.  Most also can't agree on anything that might be applied to them as a group.  For example, codes of conduct or ethics.  Even Goreans, who are more prone to "close ranks" often can't agree on exactly what a Gorean code of conduct should be, other than to espouse honor, and respect and integrity as if these words alone were an explanation.  Like most dominants, when you start trying to define that honor or integrity, they are just as prone to fall into arguments over the details.  BTW, this isn't to pick Goreans, just using them as a well known example. 


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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 4:00:28 AM   
Focus50


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Nope, not necessary at all.
 
When you think about what it is a sub seeks within D/s, the simplified answer is that she seeks to serve a Dom/me both worthy of her service and of fulfilling her sub needs, too! 
 
Therefore, training for a sub is to learn how to meet their Dom/me's needs but only that particular Dom/me knows what their own unique needs are; so they really can't be taught or trained by someone else.
 
That said, if most Doms are like me, they come with an inbuilt need to control another in a non abusive way anyway, plus I keep myself open to self improvement such as physical skills with ropes and floggers etc.  And it's always interesting picking up new ideas to operate the non-physical side of a D/s dynamic on the girl, too.
 
There are many other "skills" which most would like their Dom/me to have, too, such as generally being likeable, trustworthy, stable, honest etc.  And they work both ways....  I had a recent reminder of a self-rule of mine that I expect to teach my girl everything she needs to know about serving me but I don't expect to have to teach that same adult woman basic manners.  If a sub can't be bothered with even a brief reply to two polite emails I've sent her, I'll consider myself as having "dodged a bullet" when deleting her details and not bothering her again.... lol
 
Focus.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 4:12:15 AM   
litleone8620


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So, You don't think learning new ways to use specialized talents like using certain knots in bondage, or using a whip, is called training?

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 5:24:49 AM   
Padriag


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It certainly can be, though some would debated whether its training / teaching / education, which to my mind is arguing symantics.

In some cases knowledge from other areas of life can be applied.  For example, I learned to tie most kinds of knots, do lashing, and other things useful in bondage as a Boy Scout many years ago (still have my Field Book).  I learned to use a bull whip... on a bull, worked on a farm many a summer growing up.  A background in psychology gave me insights into the D/s dynamic and dominating a submissive.

What I realize, however, is that having that knowledge put me at an advantage over dominants that began without it.  While I wasn't formally trained or mentored, I had a lot of other skills that gave me a head start.  It also boosted my confidence level quite a bit.  Such was certainly beneficial to me starting out.

Is training for a dominant (or submissive) necessary, no.  Does training put a dominant (or submissive) at an advantage starting out, yes.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 5:32:57 AM   
talibahh


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Nope, not necessary at all.
 
When you think about what it is a sub seeks within D/s, the simplified answer is that she seeks to serve a Dom/me both worthy of her service and of fulfilling her sub needs, too! 
 
Therefore, training for a sub is to learn how to meet their Dom/me's needs but only that particular Dom/me knows what their own unique needs are; so they really can't be taught or trained by someone else.
 
That said, if most Doms are like me, they come with an inbuilt need to control another in a non abusive way anyway, plus I keep myself open to self improvement such as physical skills with ropes and floggers etc.  And it's always interesting picking up new ideas to operate the non-physical side of a D/s dynamic on the girl, too.
 
There are many other "skills" which most would like their Dom/me to have, too, such as generally being likeable, trustworthy, stable, honest etc.  And they work both ways....  I had a recent reminder of a self-rule of mine that I expect to teach my girl everything she needs to know about serving me but I don't expect to have to teach that same adult woman basic manners.  If a sub can't be bothered with even a brief reply to two polite emails I've sent her, I'll consider myself as having "dodged a bullet" when deleting her details and not bothering her again.... lol
 
Focus.


well said Focus...
 
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 5:46:40 AM   
litleone8620


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Would any Master consider training a different a young dominant?

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 6:01:06 AM   
Sab


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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Would any Master consider training a different a young dominant?


In answer to your OP, no I don't think it is a requirment or necessity - all I do know is that I will only stop learning when the last rose is placed on my headstone.

In the message I have quoted, the answer to that is yes, but!! it would only be in the basics, they would then have to develope on their own because each dominant is as different as humans beings.


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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 6:19:20 AM   
JohnWarren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

I am a submissive in training. I've talked to several Dominants who have been trained by both another Dominant or a slave. I've never considered a Dominant might need training.

Is it necessary?



Actually, "training" is something that's more likely to help a dominant than a submissive.  You see there isn't a lot of generalizable knowledge for a submissive since his or her existence is bound in pleasing the dominant and the needs of dominants vary widely.  As I said in another notestream, what one dominant feels is perfect behavior in a submissive is just a stream of annoyances for another.

Dominants on the other hand generally do certain things like bondage, whipping and such that allow them to be more likely to benefit from a general training regime.  When I was traveling around the country giving demos and classes, I'd say that more than three quarters of the classes were aimed at dominants.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 6:22:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Well, I could put it this way. No man would be capable of dominating me without training...life skills training. They would also have to hold a Masters Degree in Knowledge of Self *grin*.

Seriously though, I dont know about "needed"..but training is always a good thing..learning and getting feedback from others is excellent. When it comes to some forms of play, I wouldnt feel safe with an unskilled (untrained) Master.

Ditto.

Relationship skills are learned, used, practiced and enhanced- a pretty good description of training.  Just because a person is born dominant doesn't mean they have any idea how to be a dominant in a healthy relationship or maintain the relationship over the long term.

And when it comes to the kinky play- that definitely needs to be learned and practiced.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 6:22:43 AM   
JohnWarren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Would any Master consider training a different a young dominant?


This is quite common.  One of the reasons I've been so active in scene education is to pay off the moral debt I owed to those who took their time to train me when I was new to the scene.  Even now, if I find someone who has a skill I lack, I'll ask for help.  It's rarely refused.

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 7:14:20 AM   
litleone8620


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Because dominants have that 'dominant' trait, are they less likely to ask for help when they need it?

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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 7:19:24 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
Because dominants have that 'dominant' trait, are they less likely to ask for help when they need it?

They are less likely to ask for help because they don't want to appear needy or weak.

Oddly enough, this is also very common in females and submissives.  But for them it's more a "not wanting to bother others and call attention to myself" with some of the fear of needy and weak stuff.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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