Eye Contact

Eye Contact (Full Version)

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Sab -> Eye Contact (6/13/2006 5:14:42 AM)
OK - a question for the sub's around here, and please be as spacific as you can, this is not about a command/order that you are given. In everyday life, do you look at people in the eye and maintain eye contact with them or do you find yourself inadvertantly looking away, not in the shy sense, but one where you are in your nilla life outside of this lifestyle (for those who hate that word, transpose your own).

angelface183 -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 5:20:12 AM)
I look people in the eye. I am the service advisor for an automotive repair shop. If I did not look them in the eye then they would not trust me. I am confident and do not shy away from people. I think actually that is one of the things that Master finds so attractive about my submission. I am strong, confident, and capable but I choose to allow Him to control me in whatever way that He chooses.

smilezz -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 5:23:57 AM)
I always look people straight in the eye. When i am speaking with another individual, they have my attention right then...i think it's rude to do otherwise. If i happen to be passing another, and someone catches my eye, i do exactly the same. When i am having a conversation with a person, i want them to know i am hearing what they say, and understand what is said. Casting a gaze around the room while someone is speaking to you i consider quite rude. The only reason i would waver from this is if Thorns was punishing me....or if He specifically told me not to look at a certain person. ~smilezz~

LiliesDoGrow -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 5:26:14 AM)
That's an interesting question Sab. I've always had difficulty maintaining eye contact with people I'm not familiar with. Most likely because I'm very shy, was horribly abused as a child my father seeing me as less than human. Constantly telling me this. So my self esteem is a tad tattered. I don't know if lack of eye contact is a part of my submissive nature or it derives from being emotionally wounded by others. But an interesting question. Lily. <fast reply to Sab.>

sabswife -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 5:30:41 AM)
i have a difficulty with eye contact. i find i can maintain it for a few seconds, but then i find myself having to force it, at which point i can literally feel the anxiety rise in my chest while doing so. unless i am angry-- if i do have that very rare time where i build up to actually confrontation, its not a problem. when i am with my Dom (Sab, the OP questioner) i find it much easier to maintain that eye contact, because i trust Him, i can gaze into his eyes, because i can see his emotions through them, His love, passion... but i will still look away in i suppose a submissive manner the way dogs do it.. lol

talibahh -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 5:45:45 AM)
ok... i am generally a confident and assertive person in my vanilla life. In my job i make alot of eye contact and at times, i even request eye contact (i guess for this to make sense, an example is needed... i am a midwife. If a woman is in strong labour and not focusing when push comes to shove (sorry... couldn't help myself), i will talk with her and ask her to look at me, to get her to focus/zone in on my voice and concentrate on my instructions, so we/she can have the best delivery possible, with the least trauma). So for me, often eye contact is imperitive. It's huge in my job. When talking with friends and family, or even meeting strangers, i am comfortable having eye contact then too. However... as a submissive/slave, i am quite partial to the idea of having eye contact restrictions (at times) with my Master... it just enhances, deepens, emphasises (searching for the right word...), my submission to Him Hope this makes sense... tali [:-]

twicehappy -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 6:02:33 AM)
I always look people straight in the eye, you can gather so much from eye contact. I may lower my eyes when speaking of certain subjects with my owners, or when i feel like i am smiling to hard because the are both so adorable, but generally i look them both in the eyes too.

littlechameleon -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 6:19:34 AM)
I do try to maintain eye contact when speaking to someone. I also see it as a sign of respect and because I want them to know I'm listening and understanding what they say. BUT, it's not easy and I'm so 'aware' of it - I find it almost distracting to do so. So, perhaps I'm only pretending to listen to what they are saying whilst silently reminding myself I really should be looking at them in the eye. shakes her head quote: ORIGINAL: talibahh However... as a submissive/slave, i am quite partial to the idea of having eye contact restrictions (at times) with my Master... it just enhances, deepens, emphasises (searching for the right word...), my submission to Him I agree with you, talibahh. I also find that because I do have eye contact restrictions at certain times....it's very hard for me to look him in the eye at appropriate times. If this makes sense.

sabswife -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 6:22:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlechameleon I do try to maintain eye contact when speaking to someone. I also see it as a sign of respect and because I want them to know I'm listening and understanding what they say. BUT, it's not easy and I'm so 'aware' of it - I find it almost distracting to do so. So, perhaps I'm only pretending to listen to what they are saying whilst silently reminding myself I really should be looking at them in the eye. shakes her head i so do that .. lol then i realize i haven't got a clue what they were on about, because i was focusing on trying to maintain eye contact appropriately :s

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 6:25:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sab In everyday life, do you look at people in the eye and maintain eye contact with them or do you find yourself inadvertantly looking away, not in the shy sense, but one where you are in your nilla life outside of this lifestyle (for those who hate that word, transpose your own). Always eye contact. I actually have taken pains to train myself in it- it's one of the most basic things to know if you want to actually have an influence on people around you. Learning about eye contact and how to use it efficiently is a great skill.

MrrPete -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 6:34:35 AM)
talibah, you make perfect sense to me. Most of the time I like eye contact. It helps me READ her. However, I like to use eye restriction as a game. Don't look at me! Then do everything I can to make her look at me and see how well she maintains the restriction before I verbally release her. It's fun. Mr. Pete Looking for a slave

littleone35 -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 7:15:39 AM)
I always try to make eye contact it is respectful (very impt in job interviews). My Master has given me no eye contact restrictions and i love to gaze into his green eyes. I used to be very shy and it was hard for me at first then i got a job where i worked with the public and that helped my shyness and now i look all in the eyes when talking to them. Matt's littleone

SirCumsSlut -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 7:29:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sab OK - a question for the sub's around here, and please be as spacific as you can, this is not about a command/order that you are given. In everyday life, do you look at people in the eye and maintain eye contact with them or do you find yourself inadvertantly looking away, not in the shy sense, but one where you are in your nilla life outside of this lifestyle (for those who hate that word, transpose your own). At one time I never looked anyone in the eye or maintained eye contact. I was a very shy and interverted person. One who was told that I would never amount to anything and that I was stupid.....does alot to one's self esteem. It took my meeting Master and his showing me that I was worth something to someone, which means I amount to quite alot. He also showed me just how intelligent I am. I no longer hide my eyes from people. I look them straight in the eye and hold them there...show them that I truly do have the confidence to be who I am. "His slut" [:D]

SenseofBelonging -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 7:41:01 AM)
i always maintain good eye contact in my 'nilla life. actually, i have trouble keeping my eyes lowered when with Mistress...She requires it of me, but it's hard for me to do and i get slapped around alot for that.

BlueEyedTwist -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 7:47:52 AM)
Ditto to sabswife. When I am angry...you'll know it.LOL. I try to almost stare people down without realizing it. When meeting strangers and what not..I'm not shy..I just have a tendency to avoid eye contact. It makes me uncomfortable to hold someones gaze for very long periods of time. If soemone is saying "look at me" I tend to get very nervous..and fiddle. I'm not positive if this has to do with my submissive nature...but there ya go.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 7:50:39 AM)
I look people in the eye, always. I direct a lot of people at work, and I talk to a lot of doctors re: my Dad, and I would not come across as very confident if I were always dodging eye contact. With my Master, I do not look him in the eye until he tilts or pushes my face up, to look at me. This was nothing he instructed, but was just naturally our dynamic from the start.

LadyHugs -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 8:05:17 AM)
Dear Sab, Ladies and Gentlemen; I do realize and acknowledge the thread directed to submissives/slaves. However, I did want to share a snip of information and or perhaps a bit of history of "eye contact.' Eye contact is very much a silent language. The readings of "how windows reflect the soul." To which shy individuals or those who are wary lower their eyes, is actually more than respect but, a gentle language of closing the door to your inner soul. It also is protective, to which a person looks at something else and reflects deeply on what is in their heart, mind and soul, to which is a moment when another is not invited. True, the person hides themselves. The "intent" is what matters. For those submissives and slaves who have been in my presence, I use both eyes down and eyes to me as a guage to my behavior. Those who hurt inside have a different 'eye' than one who is in 'reflection.' Eyes express things from happiness, sadness, love, hate, and or anything else emotioned based. My duty as a dominant is to respond to the eyes, as to invite the eyes to see beyond me and or themselves. Because eye contact is so powerful, it is a sign of respect in some circles to lower the eyes as to disengage their power as to allow the other to keep the power. It also forces the other sensations to compensate, such as hearing, sense of smell and sense of awareness. Because the other senses step forward as the eyes are lowered, focus is gained on the words spoken, the pheromones become the perfume of the brain and or other scents. The sense of touch is different. Blindfolds do this as well. An open ended question would be; how many times have we closed our eyes to listen to music, to taste a new dish of food to savor, to taste something delightful, to feel the caress of fur on your skin. It is no difference. The choice of lowering your eyes in the presence of authority, such as a dominant means that you remove a piece of "defense" to which eyes often see danger to which makes you at the mercy of the authority figure. Thus, showing respect as well as trust. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

HisTicia -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 8:14:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sabswife quote: ORIGINAL: littlechameleon I do try to maintain eye contact when speaking to someone. I also see it as a sign of respect and because I want them to know I'm listening and understanding what they say. BUT, it's not easy and I'm so 'aware' of it - I find it almost distracting to do so. So, perhaps I'm only pretending to listen to what they are saying whilst silently reminding myself I really should be looking at them in the eye. shakes her head i so do that .. lol then i realize i haven't got a clue what they were on about, because i was focusing on trying to maintain eye contact appropriately :s So strange.. I do the same thing. Mostly my issue falls with people of authority.. like when I go for an interview..I keep repeating in my head "keep looking in the eye..very good.. now keep it up.. yes..they notice that..come on".. or with any boss or persons of that nature. When it comes to "regular" people on the street.. I tend to look straight ahead..and not make eye contact. When just sitting and talking with someone.. or having to deal with people in general I used to have much lower self-esteem..and I couldn't..and even though I don't have great now.. I can seem to pull it off more naturally. I tend to almost make it a game in my head.. sometimes more with men than with women...when they look me in the eye.. it's more of a challenge.. maybe they are trying to intimidate me..or take control of me.. so I won't back down from them. I quite enjoy that part actually.. matching them look for look.. I have read a lot about body language..and have found that looking people in the eye.. in most situations.. gets you better results. Although.. I did that on one interview..and in the womans country.. that was considered something you didn't do.. guess I blew that one..but most of the time it works for me.

litleone8620 -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 8:30:14 AM)
I have never been able to look people in the eye, even those i am very familiar with, such as family or friends. It has nothing to do with me being shy, because i'm not. It has to do with my eyes being too expressive for my own comfort level. Twice happy says 'you can gather so much from eye contact' this pretty much sums it up, but as a reason for me to not have eye contact. It's as simple as the fact that i'm a private person, and i don't like people to know what i'm feeling, though my threads contradict that. However, i have found myself forcing my eyes to meet the person's i am talking to, since it shows confidence. But almost every time, i look away.

littlechameleon -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 2:29:52 PM)
Thank you, Lady Hugs, I found your post informational and enlightening. As I find most of them.

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