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RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 12:08:59 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hi there. I'll try to answer some of these things for you from My perspective. (Thanks for the mention, by the way.)

No, I'm not afraid of being with a masochist. I happen to own one. That's not the reason he's collared to Me. In fact, I'd have to say he is a service submissive first. The masochism is just a bonus.

Next, you asked if I get the same fulfillment. That's kind of like asking, for Me, whether I get the same fulfillment out of chocolate or strawberry ice cream. It's really just two different flavors and there are reasons that I like each. I should throw in here that just because somebody is a masochist doesn't mean they like every kind of pain. In fact, for example, he hates the ugly stick. Part of why I keep that particular toy around.

There's a term that doesn't get used on the boards very often these days and that is "fluffy sadist". Basically, that is the sadist who only inflicts pain when the other person enjoys it. I had My fluffy sadist period when I was learning about all of this topping stuff but that's still the same flavor. Playing when people *don't* like what you're doing adds a different one.

I really don't have worries about going too far. Believe it or not, tops have limits, too. I'm kind of far out there, but I know the difference between fun and damage and there really are lines that I won't cross. If nothing else, eventually, I'll get tired.

That leap of faith that you mentioned isn't really a big issue when somebody plays with Me. (I play casually, as well as within the dynamic.) I play a lot in the BDSM community and folks know Me fairly well. You have to remember, there's more to the sadist than just the sadism. Folks know that I'm good for My word and see that I'm a trustworthy person in other areas of life. They know how I feel regarding the difference between hurt and harm. They know how seriously I take this stuff. A lot of people have seen Me play before playing with Me, so they know how I treat the bottoms that I scene with.

About the part regarding your husband...... If he hasn't taken control in the past seven years, chances are he's not likely to do so unless he is encouraged. Even then, he may not feel like accepting the role as a Dominant. There really are lots of folks who are just plain vanilla and happy to be so. There are a number of past threads on the subject that you may enjoy reading.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to curiousmisfit)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 12:34:29 PM   
curiousmisfit


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/26/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you LadyPact!


I appreciate your response! Your welcome for the mention..... I have been reading these forums for a while now..LOL

I do not doubt you have an impeccable track record and your explanation of the ice cream was great!! Thank you!

As far as my husband.... I do think he would at least be able to role play with this dominant position.... my next post would be........how to encourage him into taking more control... it would need to be gradual...so I can see the more he likes it.. the more we "play"....



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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 12:41:37 PM   
MistressJude


Posts: 89
Joined: 1/8/2005
From: NC
Status: offline 		Don't try to kill yourself figuring out all the dynamics. While there are some of your more "standard" ones each person and each person's dynamic alters slightly according to those involved and people will qualify terms differently. But definitely having a good sense of the broader picture is an awesome way to to go just don't let it overwhelm you. I've been in the lifestyle 18 years and every time I turn around I'm learning some new term or new variation.

I prefer a submissive/masochist/pain slut/etc that is equal to what I like to dish out. I don't want someone who cannot handle what I enjoy giving because it's an utter waste of time otherwise. My opposite needs to be compatible with me in many areas and scening is certainly one of them. If I'm playing with others (outside of my pet who I am with for 2 years - but we do play with others) I'll give leeway and adjust accordingly and since I only play with people I know very well I'll naturally seek out those I know can handle what I throw but even then I still exercise cautionand don't go full on if I haven't played with them extensively in the past.

_____________________________

Sir Jude
*Don't be afraid to go out on a limb... that's where all the fruit is*
**The best way to make a dream come true is to wake up**

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RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 3:51:07 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I am a maso, but I don't like pain. Pain hurts. But that doesn't mean I don't get something from it.


The part of me that is receiving the pain dislikes it, but {cough} other parts of me like it very much.

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RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 3:54:06 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I should have included in the OP, that I do understand safewords..... but, what if the maso is having such a rush that he/she doesn't want to call the word.....Does the Sadist master/dom/domme then use judgement as to when to stop?


Yes, a good Dom will pay very close attention to non-verbal cues.

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RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 4:00:45 PM   
TallullahHk


Posts: 572
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

snip...

No, I'm not afraid of being with a masochist. I happen to own one. That's not the reason he's collared to Me. In fact, I'd have to say he is a service submissive first. The masochism is just a bonus.

Next, you asked if I get the same fulfillment. That's kind of like asking, for Me, whether I get the same fulfillment out of chocolate or strawberry ice cream. It's really just two different flavors and there are reasons that I like each. I should throw in here that just because somebody is a masochist doesn't mean they like every kind of pain. In fact, for example, he hates the ugly stick. Part of why I keep that particular toy around.




This is me. I consider myself primarily a service sub with a side of maso. I definitely don't like ALL pain but some types, needles mostly, send me flying into subspace. And, like littlewonder, it's knowing that I'm taking the pain I don't like to make him happy, to please him, that gets me off.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 6:27:57 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm gonna try to say something that's kinda tough to put in words, so if I fail or fall short, bear with me.
For me, it's not about the pain, it's about the control.
It's about pushing the edges, seeing how far she'll go, how much she'll take and still serve voluntarily.
Now, I'm not knocking pain (I love to make gals scream) but the pain, that's just a symptom.
The underlying cause, the root, is embedded in D/S...which is why I always say that D/S is my primary focus.
Now note, I've always been like this, as in always.
I say provocative shit to watch people react. I push buttons to get people out of their safety zones,find out how they respond, see who and what they really are underneath that civilized veil they wear and show to the public.
Yeah, I know it's cruel, and more than a touch socio-pathic, but I've been this way forever. I mean, even as a kid I said challenging shit, did shit specifically to elicit a response. I've tormented teachers, friends, women, and Heaven help my poor parents because they had no clue for how to deal with a lunatic like me, cuz nobody could.

And it's just part of who I am.
Cripes, I'm an adrenalin junkie. I skateboarded 1/2 pipes in elementary school, pool rode in middle, rode big waves. I did ski racing as a teenager and hard core insane back-country skiing before I was twenty. The stuff that others were scared to try I felt compelled to do.
Why? No clue. Maybe something to do with the rush...and the looks people give you after-that freaked thefuckout 1/2 awe, 1/2 "that dude is flat out nuts" expression that says that I go where they would never dare.
I've broken over eighty bones in my life. I have scars all over my body.
When I did drugs, my motto was more, faster, now!
I drank like a fish, dropped forty, fifty hits of acid at a time, blew through insane amounts of coke, hit Dead tour at 15, joined the Dragon family and hooked up with some of the biggest(And craziest) cats in the US. By 18 I was dealing with Pagans, Outlaws, insane shit like that.
I ran the streets like a modern day Visigoth.No boundaries, no limitations. A judge once used the word "incorrigible" and that's probably about as close to the truth you can get.
I believed in live fast and leave a good looking corpse. I just had no freaking governors in my life.
Those came with experiences...and pain. Lots and lots of pain, like most folk can't imagine.

So that's part of the equation.
The other part is that people fascinate me. They are far and away my great obsession in life.
I like to get in their heads, find out what makes em tick. I like to find the levers inside that move em, and then hit those levers like a master backhoe operator working on a tight time schedule.
BDSM allows me to do this, and edge play lets me get real deep. No rules, nothing holding me back but me.
I'd always been drawn to it. There's a base question that ran around the idea-What would you do with a bound helpless woman who won't try to stop you?
You could do anything. But would you?
And how far can you push things before she cries no?
That's the primary attraction, right there.

So for me, it's far less about whether she is a maso or not, and far more with how far can I take her, and what happens when I ht this button right here, the one she hates being pushed.
If pain is that button, then great. But if it's a fear of tight spaces, then we're gonna use hoods, shit like that.
Blast right through that fear, find out whats on the other side, what she's like when she emerges from the cauldron of me.

I dunno if that helps, and I have real doubts that I've even kinda sorta begun to articulate what I feel inside, but it's all about the rush (All these years later and it's still about that sane feeling I had when I stood atop a pipe for the first time, looking down, stomach full of fear, endorphins blasting, knowing that drop is calling me and I'm gonna go, even though everything inside says, Nonono.), about conquering boundaries, ignoring that terror and instead mastering it, turning it into an asset and then riding that fucker for all it's worth.
It's about driving like a bat out of hell down some winding ass country road at 110, pitting my skill, guts and intellect against an unyielding object, seeing what happens.
I hope that helps in some small way.

< Message edited by Kana -- 9/27/2012 6:34:09 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 10:39:20 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm a masochist. I deliberately sought out a sadist because otherwise I'm not going to enjoy sex. For me, pain play is foreplay and without pain and endorphins and adrenaline buzzing around in my system, there's not going to be an orgasm. Hell, I'm probably not even going to stay awake for the big finish!

I'm now in an M/s relationship with Master. He is thrilled to be with a masochist because it means he can go much, much further than he has been able to before. He can cane me until my ass is bruised and bleeding and he knows I'm going to be crying and pleading for him to stop, but I'll also be as turned on as hell. I may beg and plead for him to stop, but he knows I'd be really disappointed if he did so.

I do have a safeword but so far I've never needed to use it. He watches my reactions really closely and he knows when to stop. A couple of times we've come really close, but never needed it yet.

He is careful to ensure that he doesn't damage me. Neither of us wants me to end up in the ER. We love each other and plan to be together a long, long time. Why would he want to damage me so badly I can't play?

This trust did not come easily. We started vanilla (at my insistence) and then moved into D/s and then into M/s. It's been a long, gradual change with a lot of discussion and thought and play en route. If I didn't trust him to stop before I reached my limit, I wouldn't be with him.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/27/2012 11:20:01 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
It's about driving like a bat out of hell down some winding ass country road at 110, pitting my skill, guts and intellect against an unyielding object, seeing what happens.


You're exactly the kindda boy that gets me in trouble. And gawd I love you lol

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/28/2012 7:18:25 AM   
curiousmisfit


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/26/2012
Status: offline 		Wow...

Thanks to everyone for such honest and introspective answers.....I feel honored as a newcomer to the forum that you all took the time to thoughtfully answer my questions.....

KANA..... I appreciate your honesty..... and time...wow, that was some post!! I have known a couple of guys that remind me somewhat of your description... I will not say they were like you because I don't know (of course) :o)

One was an abusive ASS with no intellect...(not like you)

The other person your post reminds me of is just a crazy thrill seeker ( I think he gets his pleasure by testing death and defying it) ..... we were freinds through high shool and still keep in touch today...occaisonally on Facebook... but, when I saw your thrill seeking adventures I thought of him... his latest sport he is training to participate in is the extremem cliff diving in a flying suit....

Have you tried that?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1of-cQt_AQU&feature=channel&list=UL


I will write again when I have time.....but I wanted to acknowledge and thank everyone for their participation...

Thanks all




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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/28/2012 7:33:55 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Except for the extreme self endangerment aspects, I could have written Kana's post almost word for word.

Becoming a mother at age 16 completely changed my self preservation ideas. My life was no longer mine to endanger. But the rest, yeah........dat be me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to curiousmisfit)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/28/2012 7:59:35 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
It's about driving like a bat out of hell down some winding ass country road at 110, pitting my skill, guts and intellect against an unyielding object, seeing what happens.


You sound like you're related to Master.....


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/28/2012 2:32:49 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousmisfit
his latest sport he is training to participate in is the extreme cliff diving in a flying suit....

Have you tried that?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1of-cQt_AQU&feature=channel&list=UL

I would have as a kid, but not now. Some of my old ski buddies do it(And were among the first to do so-same with combining skiing and base jumping)...and a few have died too, plummeted out of the sky with all the grace of a rock.
Yeah-I love life to much to risk it callously now.
Somewhere along the line, between quitting drugs, simply maturing and attending a whole fuck load of funerals of friends who died way too young (And seeing what their deaths did to their families and loved ones) I just started looking for safer ways to get my thrills.
BDSM is one of those outlets

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to curiousmisfit)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/28/2012 8:33:40 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Not a Sadist, but recently went over-board with a beginner.  My excuse? He had me so stoned from pot that I lost control.  I never play when high from alcohol - he kinda, sorta tricked me into going too far with the pot. Thank gawd he stopped me just before I drew nasty, nasty blood - like ER kinda blood.  Basically, I didn't give a fuck about him, just let the animal in me loose...... <insert your own fantasy / fear here. LOL!>

Tops / Sadists / Masters need to be in control of themselves so that they can be in control of the situation. DUH!

I also do NOT like to (and will stop) play with a high bottom.  I "read" their body language, muscle tone, breathing, blood pressure, pulse, tension, eye dialation.... If they're fucked up, I can't "see" what's going on. I try to keep an eye on ALL of those, so my answer is - - -

YES!  I know when too far is too far.  Do I enjoy going into top-space?  YOU BET!  The scene is carefully negotiated, is done with a familiar partner, and is probably an extension of a previous scene.

I am sitting here, imagining a time when the softest "easy, Sir" helped me realze the intensity and adjust.... I was not out of control, just needed to slow down a bit. A shouted "YELLOW" breaks the scene, if you will.

I tell familiars to say "technical point, Sir" in case a rope is too tight, pressue is wrong, they need to sit up to breathe.

I hurt, I do not harm.

Intense scene? Intense communication.

"But," you ask, "What about when it's staring off easy and you feel yourself going into head-space w/o that negotiation?"

I'd like to believe I can feel it and pull back and stop.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 9/28/2012 8:45:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/28/2012 9:10:12 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		I'm replying from a sadomasochist's point of view. I'm not into d/s. My sweetie isn't into d/s either. I enjoy pain play, but nothing whatsoever to do with control or power exchange. At a dungeon, I can whack n thwack if asked to do so.

Couple of years ago, when I was single, a top used a variety of my paddles, slappers, etc on me. I loved it. He moved to a whisper thin cane & I zoned out happily. Somehow out of the corner of my eye, I noticed he was drenched in sweat & breathing raspy. I asked if he needed a rest. That made a few people watching us laugh. I hadn't realized we were in our corner of the world almost 45 min. I got us water, dressed & earned the nickname "Iron Ass." I now try to make sure the top isn't tiring out.

In my personal relationship, I looked for a sadist - not a master, or a dominant man at all. We get on so well, because of that. He likes doing mean things to my body. I hate the way my body reacts to some of the things, but I do love the pain connection. We fit together so well.

As an aside, I've never had a safeword, don't care for it, as my style of play is pain/impact. I'm not into scenes - interrogation, takedown, or any kind where no doesn't mean no. But that's just me. YMMV.

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RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 9/30/2012 12:23:59 AM   
SilentSlade


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		I spent many years in a relationship with a masochist slave, and I myself felt, that it was a recipe for disaster.

What I came to learn in that time was, that it wasn't just about her trusting me not to hurt her, but me trusting her to communicate with me. My fear was actually not about it getting out of hand, but me losing control on my part, and her going along with it and letting me do serious damage because she loved it and wasn't thinking of the consequences. Facing this fear proved to be truly wonderful, as in the end we both learned much about each other.

Today I still carry this fear, but I learned not to be afraid of it as I once was. I know it's there to guard her and myself, as it will rise up to the fore and warn me when I am about to go too far, and by listening to it I know what it is that I must or mustn't do.

As for the Sadist/Masochist relationship: It can be a beautiful bond, and one that I hope every Sadist/Maso experiences at least once.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 10/1/2012 12:34:20 AM   
samdarella


Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		What a wonderfully interesting thread. Very thought provoking.

I am a masochist. Master is a sadist. It's a working relationship for us. He finds ways besides pain to torture me. I need pain. It's an addiction. Maybe mental, maybe physical. Probably both. Pain turns me on. Pain relieves stress. Sometimes pain hurts. Pain is not the bond that holds the relationship together. Mutual trust, respect and caring are. His giving and my receiving of pain are just one of many tools used to express how we feel.

I'm a masochist. But without an emotional connection I'm a bit of a wuss. With the connection I can take a lot. I dont really subspace even though I love endorphins. But there comes a point when the endorphins can't keep up. That's where our souls meet and fly together. He loves my suffering. I love to suffer for Him. Sometimes I cry from the intensity of emotion more so than the pain. I can feel His deep love for me. It's not easy to hurt me without harming me. It's not easy to be that controlled. It takes alot of focus and energy. But He does hurt me for many reasons. It makes His cock hard. It tests my trust. It tests my devotion. It makes me cum. It makes me cry. It makes me love Him even more. Because I love Him I will endure whatever He chooses. It's an energy exchange and there's nothing else like it.

Hope this makes sense to others. I'm not so good at writing what I feel.

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Take me to the edge.

Pain is....

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 10/1/2012 4:48:28 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Samdarella - get out of my head!

You said that absolutely beautifully and I 100% understand what you say. Thank you.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 10/1/2012 12:40:51 PM   
curiousmisfit


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/26/2012
Status: offline 		Reading this thread.... has helped me a lot. I have come to realize that being a sadist is more than inflincting physical pain... I did not consider that variety.

My entire life, I have thought (and still might be) that I was wired wrong... My brain has ALWAYS laughed at inappropriate times... like when someone falls, or gets hurt, or chokes on liquid or food, or even at a funeral where I wasn't attached to the deceased.... I have lost friendships over this... and gotten my ass beaten (by my ex) because even when I knew it was wrong.. I find things humerous.

I also immediately laugh when I get hurt, for example when I was in highschool, I tore my ACL ligament... the first thing I did was laugh.....Of course not for hours... I either laugh, or react violently.... like immediately slapping or punching the person or thing that caused me pain. However, in situations where I was in fear for my life... I was more of an "out of body trance" always looking for a way out or a phone to call for help...

I am also always intrigued and slightly turned on my mental anguish... I know this probably isn't either a maso or sadist behavior... just odd and wondered if ANYONE else ever experiences this? Is there a name for it? Besides Crazy....

When my children or husband hurt themselves...I can usually tell if they are hurt badly... if not I either laugh, or get on to them for (running in the house, etc).


I have always been a rule breaker and tend to not like most people I encounter...I have a gift for seeing their personalities and their issues very quickly....I also find that I have lowered expectations of people I meet.. so that I will not be disappointed later. After meeting someone in person, I usually know VERY quickly if I will be able to have a friendship with them or not...

I am however, extremely loyal to those who are my friends and family and would do anything for them if they needed something from me...If I am your friend, you have a friend for life...


I think becoming a step mom at 18 and a mom at 21...I never experienced the dare devil/risk your life adrenaline thing... nor desired it. I have always broken almost EVERY other rule ever given to me... but no adrenaline junky here... I guess I got my fill with my first hub... I don't like the feeling....

ANYWHOO....

KANA - I am very happy you have found other ways to fulfill your adrenaline need...(for lack of a better term)..... I wish you and LW the best......


Thank you all for your honesty and time!! This has been a great ride...



< Message edited by curiousmisfit -- 10/1/2012 1:12:31 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sadist Master/Dom Question - 10/1/2012 6:44:59 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		What you're describing doesn't sound like sadism so much as a kneejerk reaction or crossed wired. Not meaning to scare or offend you, but perhaps you'll want to get screened for neurological issues or tumours, *just in case*--- now, if you'd laughed because it was funny (this isn't clear from your words), then you're probably ok.

(in reply to curiousmisfit)
Profile   Post #: 40
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