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D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/28/2012 10:28:05 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

I was wondering how those of you in a D/s,
M/s relationship deal with family?
I personally don't let anyone know what goes
on between me and my partner, so there is
always the "perfect normal couple" image in
family situations, atleast my family...
I often feel less restrained around other peoples
families, but anyway...

How do you deal with it.
Open and honest?
Pretend everything is vanilla?
Two sets of holidays,
Family Xmas followed by M/s Xmas?

I'd be interested in reading any experiences
with this sort of thing.

-Aries

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/28/2012 10:41:34 PM >

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RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/28/2012 10:46:00 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

My family doesnt want to know what goes on in my bedroom any more than I want to know what goes on in theirs. In plain english - its none of their business.

But then again - I cant stand my family so that kind of takes care of that.

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 2

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/28/2012 11:06:14 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I don't find the two are incompatible. Most of my rules and service wouldn't look remotely out of place in a vanilla setting - cooking, getting his drinks, cleaning, picking out his clothes. Especially at Christmas which in our family is all about how much we love each other. It looks perfectly natural for me to wait on him. Despite this, my husband is so laid back most of the family thing I wear the pants.

Obviously play time is private time, but that's ok because play time is a small fraction of the day anyway. We wouldn't have sex in front of family, it's no hardship to also wait for spankings etc. There's no pretending, any more than my mum and dad are pretending to be celibate - it's just that we don't want or need to know about the sex part.

I dunno what an M/s Christmas would be like, but it sounds fun.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 3

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/28/2012 11:13:35 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I was wondering how those of you in a D/s,
M/s relationship deal with family?
I personally don't let anyone know what goes
on between me and my partner, so there is
always the "perfect normal couple" image in
family situations, atleast my family...
I often feel less restrained around other peoples
families, but anyway...

How do you deal with it.
Open and honest?
Pretend everything is vanilla?
Two sets of holidays,
Family Xmas followed by M/s Xmas?

I'd be interested in reading any experiences
with this sort of thing.

-Aries

This isn't a concern for me. The BDSM side of my life is a private side. I have no need to tell my family about what goes on in my bedroom than I want to know what goes on in their bedroom. Xmas is neither vanilla or BDSM. It's just Xmas.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 4

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/28/2012 11:17:43 PM

samdarella

Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline

I'm blessed to have a family that loves and accepts me with all my quirks and eccentricities. Lol. My sister used to be my safe call. She doesn't understand my lifestyle but she accepts it. My brother is a bedroom dom.

It was funny the first time Master called my brother and He didn't know my brother knew about me. He said He was my fiancé. My brother almost choked on the shock of it. Bro said I thought You were her Master.

Around other peoples families I am discrete. I spent Thanksgiving last year with the couple that I trained and played with for over a year. They had vanilla family over. They just thought I was a very polite, helpful friend.

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Post #: 5

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/28/2012 11:39:27 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Just to clear it up, I don't mean whatever
you and your partner do in the bedroom...

Sam, Athena,
that sounds very nice. Thank's for sharing.

-Aries

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530 DAYS

(in reply to samdarella)

Post #: 6

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 12:17:06 AM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline

Well, we're Jewish, so setting the Christmas part aside, for any other formal family event I'm sure we just come across like any other newlywed couple - madly in love, affectionate, doting. Our family events are usually have lots of people, lots of food and lots of conversation so I doubt that anyone would pick up on any subtleties.

My MIL knows I won't make decisions without consulting Him and much like Athena - I suspect if anything they probably think I wear the pants in the relationship, because usually for a lot of decisions (not directly relating to our relationship) I seem to have final say - much to my chagrin!

A few of the younger extended family members/friends are aware of our dynamic - but we certainly wouldn't directly expose people to it. That's just rude.

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(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 7

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 12:33:49 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

So I was dropping off my new slave's sister at the airport. She was going to the brother's house. I called the brother to let him know the sister made the flight on time and he needed to pick her up. It was the first time we ever talked and I introduced myself as the fiance . . . he says, "oh, fiance . . . I thought you were her new Master". Rarely in life has someone been able to trip my stride but that certainly did. I explained that I thought she was a keeper and we both left it at that.

Around my house, it's open and honest. I choose people that live openly. All my friends and family are BDSM friendly and aware. I don't go out of my way to shove it in their face with high protocol displays but I don't hide it either. We just roll in the low protocol ode which has me addressed as Sir not Master.

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Post #: 8

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 12:37:03 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

My sisters know I like dominant personality men and they know I like "weird sex". I've always been the wierd one in the family so none of this would come as a surprise to them.

My ex Dom and I went back to visit my family for a few days and while we were there, I would get up to make his dinner plate, get him something to drink and sit at his feet when we were all just sitting around the living room. My sisters just scolded me for getting everything for him. They would ask me why he couldn't get it himself and I would just say I do it because I love him. My sisters would just shake their heads. And for sitting on the floor, they never said a word because lots of people sit on the floor when there's a lot of company around or because I liked to "cuddle up" right beside him. Not a big deal.

My daughter doesn't like my lifestyle. She thinks I'm insulting women's lib. I don't like her lifestyle either so we just don't talk about it with each other. It's sorta an off topic subject with us because it ends up with us arguing...actually her arguing. I usually just sit back and don't say a single word

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Everything has changed

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Post #: 9

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 12:43:53 AM

NakedSenses

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline

I do not share my private life (including sex, d/s, etc.) with others as rule, and certainly not with any family. 'Thou shalt not foist thy kink unto others.' is the 11th commandment of BDSM, imho. My intimate partner, in love and all other ways, needs total professional anonymity, and I assure that to her at all times. There is no need to advertise that 'I am kinky!' on your shirts, bumpers, or avatars. That is, unless you want attention, I suppose - but that has nothing to do with anything kinky, imho. My best-looking profile photo is utterly unkinky, but I am flashing a great smile in it because this is who I really am. (I would appear nude in it but this is not ancient Greece, so I dress appropriately.)

But when the time and place are right, I am a total pervert!

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(in reply to kitkat105)

Post #: 10

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 2:04:24 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

My Master and I just...be ourselves. We don't advertise our dynamic, but we don't hide it at all either.

We don't change how we interact in front of x, y, or z. We're just us. I wear my 1.25" thick leather collar (with a tag engraved with 'Property of *his name*') wherever I go. So we're certainly not trying to be "discrete." And if people ask questions, we answer. An explanation like "he's in charge" or "he is the decider" is generally sufficient and doesn't weird people out. Explaining that my collar is a symbol of our bond is pretty easily accepted by most people as well (and a lot of times it--and sometimes the engraved message on the tag of my collar--even gets an "awww.")

My service to my Master doesn't usually get a second glance either. I do things for him, dote and wait on him, cook for him and fetch him things, etc. and when he tells or asks me to do something, I do it. I also do things like sit at his feet and he pets me, and it's not seen as anything unusual or inappropriate. Most people don't even notice, and it's not because anything is being toned down or hidden.

Most of my close family and friends do know a bit more about our dynamic, simply because they picked up on my needing to consult him or at least inform him when making decisions and they've asked about it. They receive an explanation similar to the ones I mentioned above--simply an explanation that he is the leader and decider for us. The people who know the more specific stuff understand and accept it.

We've never had a problem just being who we are together and I personally would find it oppressive, not to mention dishonest, to "tone down" or hide the way we interact simply because it might make someone feel a little uncomfortable. We don't surround ourselves with people who don't accept us for who we are. Life is too precious and short to spend it hiding behind masks.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 11

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 2:20:13 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I was wondering how those of you in a D/s,
M/s relationship deal with family?
I personally don't let anyone know what goes
on between me and my partner, so there is
always the "perfect normal couple" image in
family situations, atleast my family...
I often feel less restrained around other peoples
families, but anyway...

How do you deal with it.
Open and honest?
Pretend everything is vanilla?
Two sets of holidays,
Family Xmas followed by M/s Xmas?

I'd be interested in reading any experiences
with this sort of thing.

-Aries

Himself and I are out (which kind of happens when you get your real name published in Weekly Review as the founder of a Kink org ... lol.. In regard to our family's.. well, apples don't fall far from trees.. they are not at all surprised and feel comfortable to call either one of us and ask our advice on any subject under the sun.

My step-dad stole my handcuffs, I have a picture of my SIL wearing my daughters bathing suit somewhere around here, my son is a dom and my dad got arrested recently but that was mostly for having a big mouth. He didn't actually 'mean' to flash anyone.. he just likes to sit around outside on his front porch when he drinks his coffee wearing nothing but a robe and the wind kicked up.. and well.. it is what it is. He got mouthy with the cops and they hauled his ass in to jail for IE. He pled no contest because he didn't want to have to pay an attorney and he said at his age, it just doesn't matter if he is a registered sex offender. On the plus side.. he made some buddies while in jail. Joy.

I remember the first time my step-daughter went to Fair Villa.. she called us so excited about the nipple clamps. Gawds, but I adore that girl!

For us.. it's really not an issue.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 12

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 5:57:47 AM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

We don't alter things at all around friends or family. I think most people just believe that I am bossy and My hubby-sub "let's Me have My way". Our children see Me as the boss of the household, boss of daddy, and boss of them (well, except the twins who are 2- they really control everything). I have one cousin who is keenly aware of My lifestyle and dynamic and she simply things I am a kinky control- freak...

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Post #: 13

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 6:08:50 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

So I was dropping off my new slave's sister at the airport. She was going to the brother's house. I called the brother to let him know the sister made the flight on time and he needed to pick her up. It was the first time we ever talked and I introduced myself as the fiance . . . he says, "oh, fiance . . . I thought you were her new Master". Rarely in life has someone been able to trip my stride but that certainly did.

RS-You just made my morning.

My family, we work like the military used to-Dont ask and don't tell.
I don't wanna know what my sister's ex life is like (Oh God, I don't)and they don't ask about mine. We're all pretty reasonable people so the family policy tends to be that whatever happens behind closed doors is the participants business and nobody else's.
We're quite rational that way.

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(in reply to Kaiel)

Post #: 14

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 6:16:24 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

We don't change much in public since there's not much to change. We keep private things private. I've always been the type of person to ask and make sure of things before making decisions. He's a very polite, solicitous person and looks after me because that's who he is. Our 'roles' are who we are, so we don't have to put them away.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 15

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 6:16:24 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

I'm on board with the people here that don't ask and don't tell. I seriously do not want to know about the erotic tendencies of my relatives.

As far as non-bedroom stuff goes, I have said it before and I'll say it again. My personal belief is that children should not be exposed to either male domination or female domination. I think it is undue influence on their impressionable and immature minds.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 16

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 6:34:41 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

My twin sister know all about my lifestyle she expect me!

She laughs and says I am not doing it right lol but she is my true friend!

I tell her as much as she can stand and she will not wait to tell me that is enough!

I do not share very private things only just basic things!

My sister was a domme I did not know it and her daughter was one too we all did not know
about it until we each mention it!

I love my sister she has passed on now but she was a hoot for sure

mons

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 17

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 6:35:02 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

We're poly. It kind of comes up.

No, the kids don't need to know about the sexual part. Hell, I don't detail My sex life with MP to them. To be honest, I kind of expected a bigger reaction when clip moved in here. My daughter asked if I was happy. My son just said ok and moved on.

Do they know he's collared to Me? Of course they do! It's kind of hard to hide a six foot three submissive.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 18

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 6:51:22 AM

areallivehuman

Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

My mother lives under my roof, as well as my woman. It's a big house, and Mom obviously does not want to know what goes on in our bedroom.

Outside of the bedroom, I would describe our relationship as pretty mild D/s, and simply explained to Mom that she derives pleasure from doing things for me. And real life being what it is, it is not realistic to expect to be waited on hand and foot, 24/7. Therefore, I am not above cooking supper, doing dishes or sweeping a floor.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? - 9/29/2012 7:12:05 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: areallivehuman

And real life being what it is, it is not realistic to expect to be waited on hand and foot, 24/7. Therefore, I am not above cooking supper, doing dishes or sweeping a floor.

I certainly agree with that.

(in reply to areallivehuman)

Post #: 20

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