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RE: First Contact - 10/5/2012 1:20:03 PM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		I prefer tab B slot D myself.....

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: First Contact - 10/5/2012 3:26:57 PM   
msub1000


Posts: 38
Joined: 10/18/2007
Status: offline 		So um, Alecta said She would give you a little bit of B and a little bit of D, if you did her a favor and showed us a picture of her

*whistles innocently*

(in reply to VioletViolence)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: First Contact - 10/5/2012 5:03:51 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Yea but violet knows she doesn't have to do anything to get that from me but ask.

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: First Contact - 10/5/2012 6:00:16 PM   
nakedburns


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/1/2012
Status: offline 		This discussion quite hit me spot on. I'd prefer a submissive to message first. There is that annoying part of me that thinks messaging a submissive first takes away that undefined power a mistress holds. A mistress shouldn't have to apply to win a conversation.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: First Contact - 10/5/2012 6:10:25 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: msub1000
I find it funny when a dom is expecting the sub to approach her, doesnt that defeat the point of a sub? a dom should know what she's looking for, would want to go out there and get what she's looking for.


Sorry. I am at the totally opposite end of the spectrum.

In my world, it is the submissive that offers themself. It is the submissive that chooses to serve a particular dominant.

While I find it helpful for a dominant to let a submissive know that they have some interest, essentially, it is the dominant's "job" to live their life and hope that the right submissive for them happens to see something in the dominant that appeals to them.

I am not saying that I have never messaged a submissive first but you can bet it had more to do with an interesting profile or blog post than it had to do with wanting to "connect".

Dominants don't "take". They accept (hopefully, graciously).



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: First Contact - 10/5/2012 6:14:24 PM   
nakedburns


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/1/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ve for them happens to see something in the dominant that appeals to them.

I am not saying that I have never messaged a submissive first but you can bet it had more to do with an interesting profile or blog post than it had to do with wanting to "connect".

Dominants don't "take". They accept (hopefully, graciously).



Peace and comfort,



Michael


Agreed 100%.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: First Contact - 10/6/2012 4:32:27 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards...

I see people post this all the time about *submissives being shy*. Though I can understand this to a point, what shyness is, is self centerdness in many ways.

I experienced just the opposite when I got involved with groups...I tossed the *shyness* into the wind, and was not going to let rejection,etc get in the way of me needing to experience alot of things I knew I was only going to get a few oppurnities to do with someone, if...that.

I see nothing wrong with approaching a Mistress/Domme`...especially if I wanted to be with her in a polite...relentless way -L-

If your seeking a Sadist and spot one you want to play with I would encourage if she had a likin` to ya to whisper to her to hurt you...please, is always a nice thing to say...

Waste no time my friend, this thing called life goes by very....quick.

Peace....

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: First Contact - 10/6/2012 4:41:23 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: msub1000

Fine, might be the wrong forum for Cute references to princesses and mr. charming, Point being, im very confused about how to approach someone, 90% of my attempts have left me feeling like such a loser, other than the fact that most of the profiles here are Prodommes, no offence but i dont believe thats the path of a relationship.


I have never sat around looking at peoples profiles but that really amazes me that most of the Dominates you see here are Profesionals. Things have sure changed -L-...Try looking local or at least in the same state. Don`t ruin it by thinking that, that fantasy that* you have in your head what she is to be or will be. Toss that baby to the side!

Dude, just talk to them, they are just normal people, well....somewhat.

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: First Contact - 10/11/2012 2:22:13 AM   
slavej10022


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		@nakedburns.....i think i am already becoming obsessive....this is not a good sign, but probably one of the faults of a submissive, its so hard to keep a Domme out of Your mind, esp if She is as intriguing, intelligent and exciting sounding as You

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: First Contact - 10/11/2012 5:10:37 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Titaniya

Besides, I don't necessarily want my submissives to have passive personalities. Being submissive doesn't necessarily mean a person lacks confidence or is shy.


This^

msub, The only reason I am replying to this thread is because you have bothered to come back and reply to those adding to this thread. In other words you got my attention now how difficult was that?

This thread got me thinking about the subs I have had for any length of time in my life, both male and female and how we had gotten together.
That doesn't actually amount to many people but they were all fairly long term relationships.

Apart from my now husband, who I did meet off here, I knew all of them prior to 'us' getting together. I enjoyed their personalities and saw them as confident well adjusted individuals. They were popular with good reputations which meant they got invited to lots of private parties. This ensured our paths crossed on a regular basis and we became more and more familiar with one another.
I know when I like someone and I know when someone likes me. I do the pursuing once I know its a worthwhile pursuit. I hate being openly persued but prefer and am more likely to respond to subtle clues.

Would I approach a shy wall flower in a club? sure, why not but it would only be for a little fun, nothing more.
The only way you are going to get noticed is to make yourself noticeable and in my book that doesn't mean writing pointless chat up drivel to my mail box.


(in reply to Titaniya)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: First Contact - 10/11/2012 8:54:08 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		I enjoy being approached... I'm also comfortable with walking up to someone who piques my imterest and introducing myself.

I do expect a submissive male to be a bit unassuming, however I want to see them "break out of their shell" in order to approach me. If a painfully shy person gathers their courage and approaches me, I am honored enough to pay closer attention.

Trust me, if they cannot find strength and courage in those first few minutes, they will NEVER survive my expectations once in a relationship.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: First Contact - 1/19/2013 12:55:29 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		I don't know about "VERY," but I certainly have no problem being the aggressor.
The biggest problem for me is like you, LadyHibiscus, most submissive males I chat with on websites don't have all the qualities I seek in a submissive.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am a very aggressive pursuer. If the object of my interest is diffident, I move on.

It takes a great deal to interest me, most "submissive" males don't have those qualities, or at least hide them very well indeed.


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: First Contact - 1/19/2013 1:11:12 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		What a superb line!!! : )
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

*sigh* Oh, man...you are so green you're Astroturf. Lemme break it down for you...



(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: First Contact - 1/20/2013 2:27:52 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't talk about people's personal lives, so I wouldn't know. Don't confuse personality with sexual orientation, or scene orientation. Some of the most devoted submissives are very high powered people. They just submit in their personal lives.

EXACTLY my experience!! Shy guy in the corner whining about who got a better cookie or the better cot at nap time will never get my attention. Tre Rando that "hits on" every domme without respect for who they are or exsisting relationships is also a no. Leg humping in general is unattractive.
The question of "what do you want" keeps getting repeated. Unless THAT PERSON is the target audience any responses are merely guidelines.
Who do you date normally? What are their common qualities? This isn't dommes-r-us where you build your own, its match.com with cooler accessories!! The common issue here isn't us. A munch is something that very easily could have been attended in the last 5 years. Kink education of the non-porn variety is the same thing. If this isn't an after-thought need why has it been such an afterthought??


_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: First Contact - 1/20/2013 4:07:17 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: msub1000
I find it funny when a dom is expecting the sub to approach her, doesnt that defeat the point of a sub? a dom should know what she's looking for, would want to go out there and get what she's looking for.

Well, shouldn't a sub know what he's looking for too? You don't have to submit to anyone until you're in a D/s dynamic with her and that won't be when you're first searching for each other. I have been the one to initiate contact before, sure. And so has the submissive gentleman. As it turns out, my sub initiated contact with me on CM and I initiated contact with my play partner(on another site that I'm no longer on). Otherwise, I have a Domme friend who asked me to play with her sub occasionally because she hasn't been feeling well for quite some time and she asked me to take up the slack for now. There really aren't any "rules" about who should initiate contact with who.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
*sigh* Oh, man...you are so green you're Astroturf. Lemme break it down for you...


OMG, I love that!!! I have to remember that one! lol

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: First Contact - 2/1/2013 8:14:33 PM   
MistressLilaZhan


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/6/2011
Status: offline 		I prefer to spend time on myself.

If a slave wants me enough, he will message me

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: First Contact - 2/4/2013 5:32:46 PM   
msub1000


Posts: 38
Joined: 10/18/2007
Status: offline 		After all this time, I have finally figured out why i cant make real connections!

I don't really know what i want! :P

that's the problem....

(in reply to MistressLilaZhan)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: First Contact - 2/5/2013 6:13:34 AM   
LittleMsMary


Posts: 63
Joined: 3/24/2012
Status: offline 		Honestly, that is a far more common thing than a lot of people realize. It can be frustrating for both parties, but if someone is honest about it that's fine, but like a lot of things in life if they are clueless to that fact it gets old fast.

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: First Contact - 2/5/2013 1:47:02 PM   
msub1000


Posts: 38
Joined: 10/18/2007
Status: offline 		I realized that everybody has so many different opinion and views,
Personally it came down to 2 things,
1 like i mentioned before, not knowing what you want. @LittleMsMary i think it takes time for you to even realize it yourself before being honest about it to everyone else.

2 kind of a mixed point, acceptance/trust, I believe the things that I'm into as a sub make me vulnerable, like any kind of relationship you have to trust the person your with, but even more so in D/s type relationship.

obviously sexuality plays a huge part esp having the anonymity of hiding behind a computer screen, when the blood leaves the brain... i don't think i need to explain that to the ladies here.

(in reply to LittleMsMary)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: First Contact - 2/5/2013 1:59:25 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: msub1000
1 like i mentioned before, not knowing what you want. @LittleMsMary i think it takes time for you to even realize it yourself before being honest about it to everyone else.

People... men or women... dom or sub... do best when they know what they want and have the courage, skills, and persistence to go out and get it. There are no secret passes for female dommes or male subs. If some woman wants to sit on her ass waiting for the perfect sub/slave to come to her then fine. She misses out on whatever she misses out on. If some sub male thinks they should hunt me then he also will miss out on whatever he misses out on. It's karmically perfect.

quote:

2 kind of a mixed point, acceptance/trust, I believe the things that I'm into as a sub make me vulnerable, like any kind of relationship you have to trust the person your with, but even more so in D/s type relationship.

Here's a different view. You LIKE to see yourself as vulnerable and a victim so you make yourself one so you need to have more trust in a "D/s type relationship". Some of us don't particularly like being victims and don't associate with the word "vulnerable". For us, "trust" is a core part of every relationship... no special snowflake sauce needed.

For me personally, I needed to trust Carol A LOT (no more than that... a lot, lot lot) more to have her in my bed at all than to boss her around. I needed to trust her more than that to marry her with all the legal penalties and pitfalls implied in that. Bossing her around is just who I am... as is "being bossed" for her. That doesn't require trust. It simply requires authenticity.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to msub1000)
Profile   Post #: 80
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