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My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 9:23:35 PM   
anam2x


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline 		I don't quite know what to make of this. Recently met a dominant online, in person, and we hit it off incredibly well. He seemed very excited to meet me and when he did he could not stop commenting on how attractive he found me (mentioning frequently that my photos did me no justice), and how pleased he was that he could talk to me in a sea of otherwise unintelligent submissives. On our first meeting he asked to bite me, which I let him and he said he felt chemistry already. He did however mention a couple of times on our date that he was concerned i was going to bite off more then i could chew (so to speak) and we would be ultimately dissapointed. I reassured him that although I was newer to the scene (he knew this when we began chatting online), I was extremely open minded and ready to explore with him. He seem assured and at the end of our 3 hour coffee date he stood there in the street going through his schedule because he wanted to firm up our next meeting right then and there. we talked about a good day for us both and settled on it. Later that evening he emailed me telling me what a pleasure it was to meet me and how he looked forward to our next meeting. We exchanged a couple of emails with him detailing how he was thinking a lot about putting handprints on my backside, etc. and that was it. The week of our meeting came and we chatted briefly online again with him firming up plans but also reiterating some nervousness on his behalf that i being a novice, couldn't handle hisa degree of pain. i again said to just give it a try if he still wants to and he was in. He told me he was getting some tests back that day (sexual) from the doctor for his quarterly physical. We finshed the chat wiht him saying he looked forward to our date later in the week and would let me know should anything change. Sure enough, a few hours later I get a text message on my phone that he has to cancel with a very detailed message about a work project he was requested for (he freelances). He doesn't reschedule, ,leaving me sad and confused.
The next day I get a text asking what my following week looks like. I tell him, suggesting good days to get together, and again- nothing. It's now been a whole new day and all I heard from him was an email i sent on an unrelated thing. I guess I'm just wondering what happened - did he think about it more and realize it wasn't worth trying with a novice? Are dommes really that turned off by subs that are newer? I would think that his enthusiasm in the begining would have led to atleast a first session which he seemed very eager for. I know I shouldn't take it personal, but I can't help but wonder what I did or didn't do, etc. He is married and in an open relationship so I know he is not always available to talk - but my gut is just telling me he changed his mind. I guess I just wish he would tell me so I don't have to wait and hope. I guess im not though anymore as I am already searching for a new domme. Just dissapointed because I'm confused how something so promising kinda just disintegrated. Hard not to feel like it was something with me=/ any advice is welcome! (again, he mentioned on our first date how hesitant he felt bc i was new and he had a huge tolerance for pain and needed to let go on someone). Maybe it's a blessing! i hope bc i still feel crummy.=/
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 9:35:24 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		Going for "sexual tests?" Might not that be an indication of his being tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

It concerns me you allowed a complete stranger to bite you. Especially one whose sexual (and otherwise) disease status you do not know.

First, and often subsequent meets, should be limited to getting to know each other in a vanilla sense. What you all did and discussed was more than a bit premature, in my mind, and perhaps even dangerous. There are LOTS of players and manipulators in this "game."

I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like you got played, and you should thank your lucky stars you haven't heard from him again. I hope you will learn to create more healthy boundaries for yourself, refrain from taking such dangerous measures in the future, and not be so quick to put the cart before the horse. That fellow was nothing but RED FLAGS!

(in reply to anam2x)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 9:40:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		He hasn't found a way to sneak away from the wife and kids.


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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 9:41:43 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		That was my feeling, too, LW. He told her he was in an open relationship - I wonder if the WIFE knows that?

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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 9:44:34 PM   
anam2x


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline 		He bit me on the street as we walked, no breaking of skin as he and I both agreed we were not interested in that so I was not worried of disease. And yes, he said he gets these tests once per quarter. Perhaps they came back not so great=O It was just a little bite trying to test me - felt more like a hicky. But perhaps you're right, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. He did mention his greatest turn on being asphyxiation of a partner to the point of unconsiousness, something I know I am absolutely not interested in. Maybe I was blinded by my physical attraction to him- but I appreciate your words. I don't know why I came away feeling totally burned. But it seems you are clearly more experienced than me so I take your experience and word for it. In the end, I probably wouldn't have been able to take the degree of pain he talked about. Especially being a novice.

(in reply to Duskypearls)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 9:51:36 PM   
anam2x


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline 		Nah I already did my homework - everything checks out that he claimed re.his family life. My guess is that he met someone else he was talking to in person who he found more interesting and up to his pain tolerance, and more experienced. Onto the next, but jesus this is the second one who has really burned me in the BDSM world. I know it happens in normal life too, but it's harder to take here when it feels like the pool is small.

(in reply to anam2x)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/3/2012 10:37:04 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		I freelance and frequently have to check my schedule just to schedule friends. It happens. Sometimes with me, I neglect to firm things up because I can't for one reason or another and then I don't get back to people because I'm embarrassed that I can't give them affirmatives. Sometimes though, that's just an excuse.

The thing that I picked up on from your post is... I don't think he's as experienced as he's pretending and every time he makes some kind of "oh I'm afraid you can't take it" comment he's freaking out inside about you finding out that he doesn't actually know which end of a paddle to hold or that he's never actually done anything to anyone before.

Move on. You deserve better.

(in reply to anam2x)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 2:45:39 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Either it is that wife has no idea they are in an open relationship and he is having second thoughts on cheating and/or couldn't get away, or what Alecta suggested where he paved the way with lots of posturing and now has to come through with the goods. Sounds like you're well rid of him.

(in reply to anam2x)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 3:39:05 AM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		I smell bullshit, the comments about him not being sure you can handle him were him setting up an exit/excuse. I'm not sure what kind of game he was running, but it's a game none the less.


(in reply to lizi)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 3:48:51 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		hmm,
sorry to hear you got stuffed around, there are some things that I place high value on in my friends/ people I deal with and strive to live up to myself.

1. Do what you say your going to do.
2. Be in control of your life not at the mercy of it.
3. Don't play games.

There are more but considering what has happened to you and the guesses that could be made as to whats going on, I think this guy could have possibly made three strikes...
My advice is keep an open mind and dont burn any bridge but don't wait on this guy... keep looking and good luck.

-Aries

*PS, welcome to the forum.

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 10/4/2012 3:50:39 AM >

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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 5:10:31 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		op ''

I am so sorry he did this to you but remember this married man is not the way to go
there are many dominant whom are single, wait and I think you took the time to
know him, but if you did not take a long time the next time!

I am a dominant and I find the more someone wants to meet me quick, I find something 'is not
right!!!! They want excitement or something I am not ready to give yet so I do move on and fast!

Take the time you are worth it, wait and you will find someone just for you and a true honest
man a true dominant!

best regards
best of luck in your search

Mons

(in reply to ARIES83)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 5:32:29 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Why is he being referred to as a domme?

I am guessing he is a true Bullshitter. Quarterly tests? Sounds like he plays alot too if that is even true.
Flowery words, gets caught up in the moment, and I sense insincere. His wife doesnt know. ANd maybe he is busy with work, and of course the lie to meet you.



(in reply to mons)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 5:46:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		OP, the word Domme refers to a female. If this clown is anything, he is a Dom (although he's not really one of those).

Sounds to me like he's used to talking big and impressing people, and then he's terrified now that he's got a willing woman in front of him in real life. He can't bring himself to allow that he lied to you about his level of experience, he's scared he'll be inadequate in a real play scene, and he's desperate to get out of the mess he created, so he's stringing you along.

Either that or the others are right and he's trying to juggle you and another woman.



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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: My Dom Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 7:55:44 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Nah I already did my homework - everything checks out that he claimed re.his family life.


So you sat down and had coffee and a chat with her?

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(in reply to anam2x)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 8:05:49 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anam2x
t's now been a whole new day and all I heard from him was an email i sent on an unrelated thing. I guess I'm just wondering what happened - did he think about it more and realize it wasn't worth trying with a novice?

Knowing he has a wife and family, and business opportunities that could arrive
at any given time, one whole day of not hearing from him does not equal the end
of the world. In fact, you DID hear from him, it just wasn't related to your next
meeting. That you have gotten so worked up over this as to already be searching
for a replacement is a good indication of sub frenzy, which isn't a safe head space
to be in, as it will hinder you from making good relationship decisions.


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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 8:11:39 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		good point, Poise. although I still think the wife wasn't aware of the "open relationship"... until/unless the OP can say otherwise.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 8:42:05 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anam2x

And yes, he said he gets these tests once per quarter.
You didn't find that odd?

That means he is engaging sexually with someone new constantly.


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RE: My Dom Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 8:58:19 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Knowing he has a wife and family, and business opportunities that could arrive
at any given time, one whole day of not hearing from him does not equal the end
of the world.


Some people prefer more contact than others. I prefer daily contact. I was most displeased recently when someone whose words indicated that he was quite smitten with me did not return my emails for 11 days and then acted like that was perfectly normal. I told him he was free to get back in touch if he became truly single and had less time constraints. (And I hadn't met anyone in the interim.)

OP - it's perfectly acceptable for you to want more time from someone. However, it is not reasonable to expect this from someone who is married.




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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 9:11:02 AM   
anam2x


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline 		Sub frenzy, teehee. Yes I completely did. I can get that way because ive had a lot of empty promises and just so anxious I guess to get this show on the road. I had a few bad ecperiences before him of liars so meeting him gave me some hope. You're right in that I don't know for absolute fact his wife knows but according to him the open marriage was her idea. He wore his ring when we went out and we met at a popular place where he seemed to talk very openly and comfortably. He said the last time we spoke he was getting his tests back from a physical he does every quarter- prrhaps it was a reassurance for me. He stated several times he is looking for a play partner he can be monogamous with (wife obv excluded). I don't know, not gonna obsess over it anymore. Being new to the scene I suppose has brought out some major insecurities on my part wanting to fit in and have approval from him I could take the level of pain he claimed to enjoy that most women cannot. Perhaps I wanted to for my own ego- prove I can be that sub for him. Now with his apparent disinterest I guess it of course makes you second guess whether you can really do it. Ah ok no more sub frenzy!! Thank you all for the votes of confidence- just a bruised little ego in place of a bruised little bum.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? - 10/4/2012 9:22:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		PLEASE learn to use paragraphs.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to anam2x)
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