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RE: Tranny love - 10/5/2012 3:41:38 PM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		SylvereApLeanan: "Well, I know another person from your group who disagrees!"

You do? I am not seeking to offend, but if my friend CHOOSES to call themselves shemale/he/she/flying spaghetti monster, I conclude that a) that is their wish and b) they are unlikely to introduce themselves using a term which offends them.

As a sequitur, I assume (yes I know, always dangerous) that whether a given term offends or not, one cannot presume that ALL are offended, any more than one can say "all doms want.... " or "all slaves think...."

Back to the main track now perhaps....

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Tranny love - 10/5/2012 3:45:05 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		It's a link. Click on it and read up.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Tranny love - 10/5/2012 5:53:52 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I know a LOT of transwomen. Not a single one would take kindly to being called a "she male." "Tranny" maybe, to each other, sarcastically, the way gay men will call each other "fags."

The people I've seen refer to themselves as "she-males" run Escort/Sex ads....or appear on Jerry Springer. And THAT, in my opinion, is why folks like the OP fantasize and wank to the image they believe is a "she-male." It's an image marketed to sell a certain sexual flavor.

I agree with the person who posted that fantasizing/fetishsizng transgendered/pre-op women and their "parts" has more to do with internalized homophobia. Rather than facing the possibility that one may be turned on by getting fucked by a biological penis, seeing it "attached" to a woman somehow makes it "okay" and acceptable. (because they still aren't "gay" right?)

That said-- a fetish is a fetish--I don't have a problem with it, as long as the person you're with doesn't have a problem with it.

There are people out there who have fetishes for transfolk--nothing could turn me off more than someone who is interested only in my physiology/parts but has no interest in getting to know me as a person--or seeing me as the man I am.

So to the OP: if a penis is what you want....I'm sure there are desperate women out there who still have theirs who may indulge you. Truthfully, you'll have much better luck if you just pay for it. There are transDommes out there. good luck.

< Message edited by hausboy -- 10/5/2012 5:55:14 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: Tranny love - 10/5/2012 6:18:56 PM   
cloudboy


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Joined: 12/14/2005
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What's nice about the OP is that he is showing some genuine enthusiasm and curiosities that are positive in nature. I hope he meets someone and reports back, its always a bit fascinating to see someone branch out.

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Tranny love - 10/5/2012 10:46:05 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


What's nice about the OP is that he is showing some genuine enthusiasm and curiosities that are positive in nature. I hope he meets someone and reports back, its always a bit fascinating to see someone branch out.




I agree. That's why I encouraged him to pursue his interest to see if the reality matches the fantasy. Unfortunately, I used a term that derailed the conversation from the issue at hand.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Tranny love - 10/6/2012 6:32:01 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Last month I taught a belly dance class and this ridiculously pretty blonde chick came. She was so excited and had bought special clothes and everything. She was adorable and learned really fast, and I just thought she was the coolest person ever.

I had no idea she was trans until later (at a camp event), she took off her pants. =p

To me, she was just a really fun, interesting person who was easy to get along with.

Please just approach people as people. Don't approach them as Fetish Filler #45010.1. Okey dokey?

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RE: Tranny love - 10/6/2012 6:13:12 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

OP? Please don't ever use the term she-male. Just don't.



So, by what name/term do they prefer....anymore you never know. I never have a clue what to put when they ask me on a drivers license!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Tranny love - 10/6/2012 6:15:44 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

OP? Please don't ever use the term she-male. Just don't.



So, by what name/term do they prefer....anymore you never know. I never have a clue what to put when they ask me on a drivers license!



Ummmm forget my question...duh me lol

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Tranny love - 10/6/2012 10:31:17 PM   
VioletGray


Posts: 359
Joined: 10/29/2007
From: Baltimore, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

First, please stop using the term "tranny" to refer to transgender/transsexual people. It's considered a derogatory name in the trans* community, similar to using the N-word for someone of African descent. Second, I don't know why you're particularly attracted to trans* women and drag queens. However, I can tell you that someone like you, who fetishizes trans* people is called a "chaser" and is generally scorned in the trans* community. No one likes to be objectified without their consent and that's what you're doing. It's creepy. Stop it.

I strongly suggest you stop watching trans-misogynistic porn, which it sounds like you've been doing. I also suggest you educate yourself about issues such as trans-misogyny, trans-oppression, and other basic Trans 101 topics. This link is a good starting point: http://tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/not-your-moms-trans-101/

So is this one: http://www.questioningtransphobia.com/


Your point about transpeople taking offense to the term "tranny" is a fair one. The rest of your post seems to punish him for being attracted to trans people.

Chasers are scorned because of how they pursue trans women. Chasers seem to be under the impression that trans = slut. Just because this man might be attracted to trans people doesn't mean he believes that. His desire to be sexually submissive to a trans woman by no means implies that all trans women are sluts.

If he had said "My desire is to be dominated by a woman who makes me give her oral sex" Would you consider that a fetishization of women?

I mean really, all he did was wonder WHY he's attracted to trans women.

< Message edited by VioletGray -- 10/6/2012 10:32:21 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 5:10:58 AM   
Melissa0859


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/18/2012
From: Brooklyn
Status: offline 		I find myself agreeing with that, Violet. If a guy messages me with uninformed or downright rude questions and statements, I will tell him to please do your homework before approaching me, or if you really don't know anything, ask me nicely. I will try to help. The OP did conjure up one stereotype or offensive image, and a leather clad tranny fucking him in the ass is not something I can relate to. But that doesn't mean that people like that don't exist. He wanted to know why this attracted him, and he received a lot of thoughtful answers, many of which I do appreciate. I think he did need to be told that for many of us, our relationship with our genitalia can be complicated, if not disdainful, and he was.

As far as terminology goes, I am not a transsexual woman who becomes outrageously offended at every misconception or slip of the tongue. This is a process. Fifteen years ago, if someone saw a transsexual woman in the course of their day, they went home and told everyone they knew. I commute to work on the subway, and today, most people hardly notice that I'm there, or care very much, if they do. Not that I don't occasionally still have issues while out in the world, or worry about my safety from time to time. I do both. And those are important issues. But slowly, very slowly, it gets better. The word tranny is mildly offensive, even when used innocently and in ignorance, and especially by a cis person. But you know what? I don't care. It's better than faggot. Some of us think we should take the word back, and make it our own. Some of us think queerness is freaking wonderful, and being a tranny is the best thing that could happen to them. Others just want to do what they have to do with their transition and move on with their lives. I think they are all correct. there's room for all of those people to live as they wish. The OP IS a chaser of sorts, but there are girls out there who will accommodate his needs. I'm not one of them, but that doesn't mean I should be offended by that. I am heartened by the responses he got, however, Thank you, everyone.

Also...If I had a nickle for every guy who was attracted to me and felt the overwhelming need to assure me he was straight, I'd have a lot of nickles. I find that hilarious, for some reason.

(in reply to VioletGray)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 5:28:04 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Melissa0859

I find myself agreeing with that, Violet. If a guy messages me with uninformed or downright rude questions and statements, I will tell him to please do your homework before approaching me, or if you really don't know anything, ask me nicely. I will try to help. The OP did conjure up one stereotype or offensive image, and a leather clad tranny fucking him in the ass is not something I can relate to. But that doesn't mean that people like that don't exist. He wanted to know why this attracted him, and he received a lot of thoughtful answers, many of which I do appreciate. I think he did need to be told that for many of us, our relationship with our genitalia can be complicated, if not disdainful, and he was.

As far as terminology goes, I am not a transsexual woman who becomes outrageously offended at every misconception or slip of the tongue. This is a process. Fifteen years ago, if someone saw a transsexual woman in the course of their day, they went home and told everyone they knew. I commute to work on the subway, and today, most people hardly notice that I'm there, or care very much, if they do. Not that I don't occasionally still have issues while out in the world, or worry about my safety from time to time. I do both. And those are important issues. But slowly, very slowly, it gets better. The word tranny is mildly offensive, even when used innocently and in ignorance, and especially by a cis person. But you know what? I don't care. It's better than faggot. Some of us think we should take the word back, and make it our own. Some of us think queerness is freaking wonderful, and being a tranny is the best thing that could happen to them. Others just want to do what they have to do with their transition and move on with their lives. I think they are all correct. there's room for all of those people to live as they wish. The OP IS a chaser of sorts, but there are girls out there who will accommodate his needs. I'm not one of them, but that doesn't mean I should be offended by that. I am heartened by the responses he got, however, Thank you, everyone.

Also...If I had a nickle for every guy who was attracted to me and felt the overwhelming need to assure me he was straight, I'd have a lot of nickles. I find that hilarious, for some reason.


Melissa, I love your post. Except that it seems to imply that everyone realizes that you are trans when you step onto the subway. They don't - you pass.

When I first started dating an MtF, I sat her down and explained that I had no experience with transpeople, and if I said or did something that was inadvertently hurtful to her, to let me know. She never did, but it was a relief to me to know that I needn't have to watch my step.

Also, since you never formally posted in the Intros - welcome to the collarme forums.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to Melissa0859)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 5:42:20 AM   
Melissa0859


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/18/2012
From: Brooklyn
Status: offline 		Thank you, Steven. Meh. I have good days and bad days, appearance-wise. The photo of me here is an honest one, but also a very good and flattering one.

Thank you for the kind greeting. I sort of just dove right in, but will introduce myself sometime later on. So nice to meet you. :-)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 8:10:29 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know Miss Violet, usually when people express an attraction to trans-folk and at the same time declare themselves "straight", it means that they are looking at the trans-person as a safer option to experience cock.

Often they combine that with justification that allows them to do it without facing that yea, maybe they are actually bi-curious, bisexual, or even gay.

Denial of self and justification of action in order to prevent upsetting the internal balance.

I think transpeople find that difficult to handle because we spend so much of our lives upsetting the internal (and external) balance in order to find an authentic definition of self.

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(in reply to VioletGray)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 8:49:35 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Hi Violet. Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen you on the boards in quite some time. I hope you are doing well.

Thanks for sharing your perspective on this issue. The perspective that both you and Melissa shared were very enlightening.

Personally, I think that human behavior and feelings are extremely complex. Moreover, there is an infinite number of combinations and permutations of those behaviors and feelings. That's why I sometimes get concerned when people start lumping all behaviors into one very small box. I thought that this thread had taken a negative turn, and that the OP was getting beaten up, rather than helped with his question. But I think that the two of you have added a dimension to the thread that had been missing. Thanks for your input.

I don't know about anyone else, but I've found this thread to be much more informative than I expected it to be when I originally read the OP. It's threads like this that keep me coming to these boards, so thanks to all who have participated in the discussion.

(in reply to VioletGray)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 8:51:23 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know about anyone else, but I've found this thread to be much more informative than I expected it to be when I originally read the OP. It's threads like this that keep me coming to these boards, so thanks to all who have participated in the discussion


We have Melissa and Violet to thank for this IMNSHO, Roch.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 9:14:43 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I don't know Miss Violet, usually when people express an attraction to trans-folk and at the same time declare themselves "straight", it means that they are looking at the trans-person as a safer option to experience cock.



Otters,
I think you're probably right in most cases. But there are exceptions to that.

I'll be the first to admit that I have sometimes found myself confused about my feelings towards transgendered people. I hope that those reading this won't attack me for making that admission. I'm simply trying to be transparent here.

Since Violet is participating in this conversation, I'll use her as an example (I hope she doesn't mind). I first came across Violet several years ago, and I reached out to her through private messaging to let her know how much I appreciated her sense of humor (I think she is funny as hell). Humor is a trait that I really appreciate in people, and I'm far more attracted to people with a good sense of humor than I am to those without. Despite the fact that she is transgendered, I also felt that Violet was very pretty. This is where it got odd for me (please don't attack me for this, I'm trying to be transparent here). I have little/no experience with transgendered people, but I thought that Violet was very attractive. In fact, I found myself wishing that I could meet her. It had nothing to do with a secret desire for cock (in fact, I have no idea whether she is pre or post Op). She just seemed like a very interesting person who I also found to be physically attractive. But having no experience with transgendered people, I found myself wondering "what does feeling attracted to Violet say about my own sexuality?"

I hope others won't find that to be ignorant. More importantly, I hope that I won't be judged for asking myself that question. But it was a new experience for me.

Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that it really didn't say anything about my sexuality. I like Violet as a PERSON. I think she's physically attractive. And I'm able to admit that publicly without having to first declare that I'm "completely straight", as well as without questioning my own sexuality. That may not mean anything to anyone else, but to me, it was a personal evolution that I am not ashamed to admit.

I don't know exactly what is going on in the OP's mind. But I hope that he can benefit from my story of personal growth, and learning to accept people as people instead of as labels.


< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 10/7/2012 9:15:55 AM >

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Tranny love - 10/7/2012 5:32:36 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		I'm running on three hours of sleep (yay, insomnia!), so I apologize in advance if anything I say is unclear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletGray

Your point about transpeople taking offense to the term "tranny" is a fair one. The rest of your post seems to punish him for being attracted to trans people.


Not for being attracted to, but rather for fetishizing trans people.

quote:

Chasers are scorned because of how they pursue trans women. Chasers seem to be under the impression that trans = slut. Just because this man might be attracted to trans people doesn't mean he believes that. His desire to be sexually submissive to a trans woman by no means implies that all trans women are sluts.


From my interactions with my IRL trans friends and from my reading, I was under the impression that the definition of chaser is:

quote:

Chaser: A cis person who fetishizes trans people. It's used in other contexts also to refer to those who fetishize members of a marginalized group.


That's taken from a glossary written by a trans activist on FetLife. I can provide a link if you have an account there. While I will concede that you have more experience than I do in this arena, I have no reason to think the person's definition is inaccurate. If I'm mistaken, I apologize. I'll take your comments under advisement and add the information to my knowledge base.

quote:

If he had said "My desire is to be dominated by a woman who makes me give her oral sex" Would you consider that a fetishization of women?


Not to be flippant, but have you ever paid a visit to the Ask A Mistress section? If so, then you know the answer to this question is a resounding "yes." Have you seen the number of times a guy who is a "one trick pony" get shot down for wanting a fetish vending machine instead of a woman? Anytime a guy presents himself as wanting one thing from a woman, whether it's oral sex, being fucked with a strap-on, being kept in chastity for months on end, or otherwise represents himself as only interested in a kink delivery system, he gets shot down in record time. It happens rather frequently, in fact.

quote:

I mean really, all he did was wonder WHY he's attracted to trans women.


It's the way in which he asked the question that troubles me and to which I object.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to VioletGray)
Profile   Post #: 57
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