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RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 6:26:10 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Fuck, there are days this place feels like grade school

I think you and I are reading the same threads.

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Post #: 21

RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 6:42:01 AM

LillyBoPeep

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I'd say it. Especially if she was a good friend of mine.
She may not believe you, but if you link to the profile (is it still there? he might've changed it by now since he knows you're here), and copy the message, at least she'll have the facts.

Truth = yay.

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Post #: 22

RE: yes, tell her - 10/6/2012 7:09:16 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
We weren't super close, so I didn't tell her at the time, and also didn't want to be the messenger that got shot. In retrospect, I should have told her.

I lost my best friend because I told her that her husband was cheating. A few years later, she found out on her own and divorced him. But, we couldn't undo the horrible things she said to me or about me.

I was able to move past the horrible things she said TO me but may not have been able to get over it if she said things ABOUT me. Also, she accepted reality after I sent her the chat log and apologized. This happened over two or three days.

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RE: yes, tell her - 10/6/2012 8:17:08 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
We weren't super close, so I didn't tell her at the time, and also didn't want to be the messenger that got shot. In retrospect, I should have told her.

I lost my best friend because I told her that her husband was cheating. A few years later, she found out on her own and divorced him. But, we couldn't undo the horrible things she said to me or about me.

I was able to move past the horrible things she said TO me but may not have been able to get over it if she said things ABOUT me. Also, she accepted reality after I sent her the chat log and apologized. This happened over two or three days.

Yeah, she apologized and I forgave, but the reality is that you can apologize for saying something hateful, but you can't erase it like it never happened. We tried to be friends again, but there was just too much water under the bridge.

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RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 8:20:04 AM

JanahX

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Id tell her - and if she gives you shit, she wasnt your friend in the first place. Fuck her. Nothing like fair weather friends, Im your friend when everything is peachy keen in my world - but the minute its all fucked up - its all your fault.

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RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 9:00:41 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Id tell her - and if she gives you shit, she wasnt your friend in the first place. Fuck her. Nothing like fair weather friends, I'm your friend when everything is peachy keen in my world - but the minute its all fucked up - its all your fault.

I don't think that's the case. I think everyone wants to be loved and being confronted with a cheating spouse or SO, makes us feel foolish and taken advantage of. Many prefer closing their eyes rather than feeling foolish or embarrassed. So, in order for the illusion to stand someone else gets blamed. ie: Most wives blame the other woman rather than their husband. In the case of my friend and I, she chose to believe her husband and therefore I was the one lying.

So, I don't think it's necessarily a "fair weather" friend, but rather one that has chosen the "love" out of fear or insecurity.

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Post #: 26

RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 9:16:42 AM

JanahX

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but - whos being the real friend? The one who is telling someone that the person who is being fucked around or the one who is doing damage to the relationship?

When Ive been told by good friends that an old SO was messing around on me - the damage had been done - the seed of doubt had been planted and I knew that my SO wasnt on board with me anymore. I tend to believe the friend - cause from my experience, I know that theyre usually most often right than not - and just want to let me play with a full deck instead of playing with marked/missing cards.

Either way, its gonna suck. Double edged sword.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 10/6/2012 9:17:38 AM >

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RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 9:22:36 AM

sexyred1

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I agree. I would always want to know something like that. I would never be angry at a friend or even an acquaintance pointing out something suspicious.

Too many women blame their friends or the other woman, because they are too afraid of losing their man.

Knowledge is power.

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Post #: 28

RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 9:40:46 AM

Bstardsbitch1

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I'd rather be manless than friendless, my best freind told me when my ex was messing around, I didn't blame her.
She after all these years is my best friend, he however is long gone.
I'd rather be told.
xx

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Post #: 29

RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 12:20:27 PM

PowerXXXchange

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RE: friendship

I know the relationship is pretty serious they go to weddings together etc

If this is how you gauge their relationship, don't you have some reservations about presuming to know what is best for them?

Whatever you say will be your judgement about his intentions, based on your values. Have you earned the right to mess with their relationship? What is your responsibility?

Why not simply say to your friend that since you don't know his intentions, the conversation is not right for you? Is that not enough?

Relationships are complex, and I have learned the hard way how little we usually know.

I have friends whos commitment to monogamy is far stronger than their commitment to each other, others who while in love are in open relationships having mutually abandoned monogamy decades ago,... and many in between. Few couples avoid issues of some type; I am sure none want me to be their self appointed relationship police.

So my personal choice is to follow kind of Hippocratic oath, and like a good physician, first do no harm.

I wish your friends luck.

PxC

< Message edited by PowerXXXchange -- 10/6/2012 12:49:01 PM >

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Post #: 30

RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 4:59:33 PM

littlewonder

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I told my best friend about her cheating boyfriend because he and I would always go to the same nightclub. She didn't always go because she had to work. So I told her and like Oside, she blamed me instead of him. We stopped talking for about the past 12 years or so. We were best friends since grade school. It was only within the last year that she contacted me on FB. She now is married to a great man it seems and has two children...one from the cheater. What made it worse for me at least was that our children were the same age and used to play together. Try explaining to a 6 year old why her friend couldn't come over to play anymore.

Thankfully though after so many years we've both put it behind us. But it took 12 years to do so. Is that something you want to risk with your friend? Think about it.

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Post #: 31

RE: friendship - 10/6/2012 6:54:01 PM

JanahX

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PowerXXXchange

RE: friendship

Why not simply say to your friend that since you don't know his intentions, the conversation is not right for you? Is that not enough?

Relationships are complex, and I have learned the hard way how little we usually know.

I have friends whos commitment to monogamy is far stronger than their commitment to each other, others who while in love are in open relationships having mutually abandoned monogamy decades ago,... and many in between. Few couples avoid issues of some type; I am sure none want me to be their self appointed relationship police.

So my personal choice is to follow kind of Hippocratic oath, and like a good physician, first do no harm.

I wish your friends luck.

PxC

But at the same time its okay for her to let her friend go and see a physician when he starts bringing home venereal diseases. - and also this guys intention is pretty obvious - him hitting up women on a BDSM dating site without his girlfriends knowing. You really dont have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

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RE: friendship - 10/8/2012 3:28:00 PM

PowerXXXchange

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

But at the same time its okay for her to let her friend go and see a physician when he starts bringing home venereal diseases. - and also this guys intention is pretty obvious - him hitting up women on a BDSM dating site without his girlfriends knowing. You really dont have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

No, of course you wouldn't knowingly let your friend be harmed. The question is do you have some sort of inside knowledge here? I have only the OP's comments to go on. And she simply said, "He claims this is just a fantasy and that he has never meet anyone on here and will now bow out."

With all respect, I think you are filling in a too much of the story yourself, maybe based on your personal experiences. This is more than a dating site. About a third of all profiles declare outright that the member is in a relationship, and may be collered or whatever, but still interested in exploring the BDSM dynamic.

You wrote, "Id tell her - and if she gives you shit, she wasnt your friend in the first place. Fuck her." I have a few old friends who from time to time have given me a bit of shit. I might have deserved it, and definately should stop to think about it. And I have dished it out a few more times than I prolly should have. I eventually appologise. Or let it go... Shit happens. Some friends have flaws. I can always use a good friend, shitty flaws and all.

PxC

< Message edited by PowerXXXchange -- 10/8/2012 3:29:59 PM >

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Post #: 33

RE: friendship - 10/8/2012 5:05:13 PM

JanahX

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Hmmm ... guy trolling around on a BDSM site - accidentally hits up his girlfriends friend on here. OF COURSE HES GONNA SAY HES OUTTA HERE - and that he's not doing anything.

This has nada to do with my personal experience - this has everything to do with common sense and logic.

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Post #: 34