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RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 11:46:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Exactly. Common sense and knowing that some things might not go as planned, and being prepared.

For me, too, it's not an ego thing. If disaster is brewing, or it's just not clicking, I will call a halt, and not feel all undomly. I'm not doing anything to show off.

I'm thinking of some clip of a fireplay scene that should never have happened...too much accelerant? Obviously morons with no clue. Compare that to say, someone getting burned with flash cotton. Whoops! Calculated risk.

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Post #: 41

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 12:02:53 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

So I'm guessing (and apologies if I'm wrong) that when you consider the "safe" element, you're both more than aware that nothing is 100% safe and that you apply your common sense?

Exactly. We try to be prepared and be aware of what the dangers are. We understand that nothing is guaranteed, we are not wrapped in bubble wrap and to approach things with common sense.

ie: We watched a fireplay scene where alcohol pooled in the crack of the sub's ass. Neither Diminint playing with her had thought to bring a damp towel to the table and ended up trying to slap out the flames like a scene from a 3 Stooges episode.

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Post #: 42

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 12:52:54 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
So I'm guessing (and apologies if I'm wrong) that when you consider the "safe" element, you're both more than aware that nothing is 100% safe and that you apply your common sense?

Yuppers. Everyone is responsible for their own safety. As I said, “common sense shouldn’t be a rare commodity”. If you agree to knife play and they put on a hockey mask and pull out a machete . . . well, you get the point. If you stay, it’s your fault and no SSC flag will be big enough to wrap your wounds in. SSC won’t save you and all it does is annoy those of us that actually do enjoy the BDSM part of BDSM. SSC is pointless, it doesn't teach anyone anything, it became a political ploy to sell BDSM to the general public as safe. SSC is ineffective, it has never saved anyone from a predator. Only common sense can help you where SSC was supposed to. If you don't have common sense, SSC ain't gonna' save you.

We who live it don’t appreciate the asshole flag waving twits looking for the “one true way’ that hound us about something that is out of their realm of appreciation . We also don’t need a flag to get laid or find partners. SSC flag waving swingers with fluffy painless whips ply newbies for sex under the guise of it being socially acceptable, they “make it safe” to get a fluffy flogging . . . and then comes the “now blow me” part. What a load crap. Swingers are great but take your fluffy leather pom poms to the swingers club and get your own fresh meat. Don’t come waving the SSC flag at our BDSM newbies yelling come on in, the water’s fine, it’s safe to play with me, wanna’ read 50 Shades of Grey together? . . . fucking tourists.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 10/6/2012 1:04:20 PM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 2:03:09 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I love you, man.

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Post #: 44

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 2:11:42 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainwalker

quote:

So do you subscribe to RACK or SSC?

Both Rack and SSC are a mental masturbates, you need only follow D/s related reported deaths each year to readily recognize that excepted common practices considered safe are at the best extremely unsafe.

Risk aware, nonsense… especially when the extent of one’s so-called information and expertise is rooted in information acquired on the internet or learned at demos or as a result of taking part in club play.

Uh, you must be talking about 2ndlife or mars or something, right? Dungeons play is pretty tame and accident free. San Francisco, a city where we just held a street fair with public nudity, bondage, flogging, sex and more for 300,000 people...i know of a handful of serious accidents (suspension mostly) and not a single death.

So, drop the act....

(in reply to Rainwalker)

Post #: 45

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 2:25:33 PM

crazyml

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I think it's the "common sense" thing that irritates me the most about this "thing" we're all part of.

I've lost count of the number of times I've seen questions where I want to shout "for fuck's sake! Use your common sense"

But we know that's a rare commodity.

So a couple of things have struck me on this thread.

My "slight preference" for RACK has become a strong one - although I think that SSC may be takin the rap for a broader set of issues.

Secondly, I've been reminded how broad a "church" we belong to.

I don't object so much to the fluffy flogger element of the church, as long as there's a place for the barbed wire element.

The 50 shades effect doesn't have to be negative, if it opens people's minds to the vast array of things that are covered by the term "alternative lifestyles". But it could be, if it results in "BDSM lite" becoming the only "acceptable" type.

(I would type more but I am doing this on my phone and it's shit)

< Message edited by crazyml -- 10/6/2012 2:27:07 PM >

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Post #: 46

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 2:38:39 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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It's when the fluffy flogger people get in the way of my barbed wire that I get a little cranky...

One of the first things I was taught, right after "keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut", was to just walk away if I saw something that was personally icky. What happened to that? Last night I was at a party with many things happening, including a scene involving three men, fire play, penises...it was good. I was acting as a backrest, so it was very good indeed. Newbie guy felt out of his element, so he went and sat somewhere where there were just "vanilla beatings" going on. That's common sense. And manners, but that's a whole other rant.

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Post #: 47

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 3:09:25 PM

littlewonder

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My experience has been that those who shout "ssc" are the ones who are usually pretty new, think CastleRealm is the most awesome and informative bdsm site, and they think by using the ssc term, they'll be seen as an expert, intelligent and that the ladies will fall at their feet with knowing oh so much about bdsm....even though he's probably never done anything more than watched a flogging at a bdsm dungeon.

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Post #: 48

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 4:28:23 PM

AnimusRex

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Joined: 5/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My experience has been that those who shout "ssc" are the ones who are usually pretty new, think CastleRealm is the most awesome and informative bdsm site, and they think by using the ssc term, they'll be seen as an expert, intelligent and that the ladies will fall at their feet with knowing oh so much about bdsm

Pretty much mine as well. Assholes in a dungeon are assholes at WalMart, and vice versa.

I have noticed that alternative lifestyles, alternative religions, and alternative political movements tend to become magnets for damaged and disturbed people looking for shelter or victims. But they end up sdeucing and victimizing mostly those who subscribe to the notion of there being a Official Right Way to do things, or a Big Book Of Standard Practice.

RACK and SSC and any other formulations are fine, insofar as they are restatements of everyday commonsense; they just tend to encourage people to abandon their intuition and trust the formulations derived from Internet "Experts" who do things like...write posts on "Rules For D/S".

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 49

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 5:22:34 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

1. Be safe

Please comment

Butt out

/comment

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Post #: 50

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 5:41:33 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

1. Be safe

Please comment

Butt out

/comment

lol...that was needed with this thread.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 51

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/6/2012 6:54:46 PM

yourdarkdesire

Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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I am afraid I don't feel safe commenting on this topic.

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Post #: 52

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 12:46:07 AM

Regg

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

1. Be safe

Please comment

Butt out

/comment

lol...that was needed with this thread.

Well that was just so adult and incredibly informative, thank you for putting me right.

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 53

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 2:58:09 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

Well that was just so adult and incredibly informative, thank you for putting me right.

You're welcome and be sure to leave the Safety Police badge on the table by the front door on your way out. You are not invited into my Universe and I most certainly am not going to trade 'Be brave! Take risks! LIVE and die well!' with some subjective platitude that has no meaning like .. 'be safe'.

So, again,

Butt out

/comment

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Regg)

Post #: 54

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 3:33:54 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

1. Be safe

Please comment

Butt out

/comment

lol...that was needed with this thread.

Well that was just so adult and incredibly informative, thank you for putting me right.

Dear Regg,
As well you should be grateful. Some real live old school mofos have been checking in on your very first thread, taken you seriously, treated you with respect and shown you the truth of it. You are a lucky SOB to get sincere perspectives with such a foolish OP on your first go at it here on CM.

What you should take away from your post, besides our varied views on safety, is that the folks here at CollarMe are a kind and forgiving lot. Your OP was very naive. It takes a tolerant community to put up with a naive and uninformed newcomer that doesn’t know jack and then tries to teach us by explaining the rules to us.

Your foolish post was warmly received and replied to with great sincerity. What Thunder and Bita said truly did need to be mentioned as it was a valid perspective that had been left out so far.

I hope your future posts follow the lines of questions so you actually learn about BDSM before you try to teach it.

Best wishes,
Kalon Eric

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 55

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 4:08:05 AM

Regg

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminTheta

I have removed a number of post from this thread for personal attacks.

Please refrain from making personal attacks on other users. When you find yourself about to respond to another user with a personal attack, please take a few minutes to regain your composure before posting. Strong opinions are allowed and passionate discussion is sure to occur, but when the posts turn away from the topic and towards the poster, we must call a halt.

For your reference: The Terms of Service can be found here: http://www.collarme.com/personals/tos.htm

and the Forum Guidelines can be found here:
http://www.collarchat.com/Collarme%25com_Forum_Guidelines/m_72/tm.htm

Thank you for doing your part to make CollarMe.com a positive online community.

Theta

I did notice the tolerance and helpfully adult comments. You (ResidentSadist) have at least given those adult views and explanations for those views and I welcome those even if I disagree. I posted the adult bit to the comments made that I quoted and not to the thread as a whole. Many have put forward their opinions just as I did when asking for comments. There have been many presumtions and many have their own agendas here is seems. I was interested in how others felt about safety, but that subject seems to have led some telling all else that they alone are correct and how dare others question it. Safety is something I believe needs to be talked about, what level of safety is between the dominant and the submissive. Please get back to the topic rather than the childish comments and the putting down of anyone who does not have your opinions. You may say what you will about me, especially as you do not know anything about my D/s history. But, please dont stop others from being able to write here and dont let them feel frightened of bringing up subjects for discussion.

(in reply to VideoAdminTheta)

Post #: 56

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 4:25:03 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I agree with you there, safety *does* need to be talked about. But as you learned, most of us aren't willing to put it into a SSC context. B/c for the most part, that context is just too subjective.

Safe and sane for who? What I find safe and sane and what RS finds safe and sane are going to be quite different. I can pretty much guarantee that.

Be safe, be prepared, be careful with those you love, are all great platitudes. They mean absolutely nothing. Of course the dominant should be attentive, of course the submissive should know the risks involved, none of that stops accidents from happening. Could some of those accidents been avoided with common sense? In my never humble opinion, yes !!

Not everyone into BDSM (or in the rest of the world for that matter) has my level of common sense. This is a cross I must bear in my life, and I've accepted it.

You know, those of us who have kicked around for a bit have had various mentors and they've taught us stuff. Some of that stuff was about safety. Personally, I don't think there's any substitution for that sort of passing down of knowledge and experience, but as I stated previously, I am no one's idea of an edge player.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 10/7/2012 4:26:48 AM >

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Post #: 57

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 9:28:24 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Honestly, I think we make way too much about the existence of a distinction between SSC and RACK........So whenever I see "SSC" vs "RACK" discussions I'm inclined to think "meh".

Ditto!

IMO, "safe" or "sane" are such subjective concepts.

As long as all parties involved with the activity are okay with it, then I say go for it. If someone gets hurt, well that's their business/responsibility. I get tired of those who believe it is their responsibility to protect adults from themselves.

ETA: My comment above does not apply to newbies. IMO, newbies should spend some time learning first, and should not play with knives or fire or suspension play without first learning the proper techniques for doing so.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 10/7/2012 9:37:52 AM >

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Post #: 58

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 11:22:04 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I'm a little late to this topic and can't really do much other than throw in a couple of opinions, mine that is. The first is that many here have again proven that collarme needs a "like" button for some comments. The other *stops to take a deep breath* is that SSC has, to me, always sounded a great deal like the safe sex adverts they used back in the (what was it) '80s. Most of those adverts were aimed at folks that everyone knew weren't taking part in what would commonly be called "safe" sex. I have never been able to figure out how to apply SSC to my life or the lives of those I spend personal time with. We are edge players. We do breath, knife, gun, blood, etc.(the list goes on for awhile) play. Are there ways we can make our play safer....yes there are. Breath play for example. I know how long he can hold his breath. I know what that one look in his eyes means. I know when he really means stop and when he doesn't. I know CPR, how to call 911, what to say to them, etc. Does knowing any of those things make it "safe"....nope. And it not being safe doesn't mean we will stop doing it either. Perhaps, Regg, your first rule would have gone over better had you said something about trying to do things as safely as possible rather than just saying "be safe" but the honest truth, at least as I see it, is ....there are no rules. There never have been hard, fast, set in concrete, rules. And hopefully there never will be.

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We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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Post #: 59

RE: Rules of D/s 101 - 10/7/2012 1:04:15 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Regg

1. Be safe - This is everyones responcibility to make sure you and whoever you play with is safe.
2. As long at rule 1 is being followed, all other rules are between Dominants and submissives

Please comment

Reg, what was your "adult" purpose in posting this? Will your next post be "practice safe sex"?

The reason you are being told off is because you did not come off as an adult in your first or your subsequent replies.

(in reply to Regg)

Post #: 60

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