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ORIGINAL: ToyOfRhamnusia

It is simply not a reasonable way of treating a fellow human being that acts in best faith. I doubt that anyone, including you, would appreciate being treated with such disrespect for their time and interest in you. And if you don't appreciate that kind of disrespect when aimed at yourself, you shouldn't dish it out to other people either. Unless, of course, you are a more worthy human being of special breed and rank that entitles you to ignorance of other people...

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It is far, far, easier to delete unread (and it sends the same message).

Let's face facts, cupcake, and I'm going to be VERY clear. Dominant men are a dime a dozen around here. Kinky women get to choose what the fuck we are willing to put up with (until we choose who we will submit to or dominate in the case of male subs).

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I tend not to acknowledge psychos, dickweeds, morons and/or bottomfeeders.

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And I could give a fuck if you think that makes me LESS SUPERIOR to other women.

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I am astounded by how many times the phrase "no response IS a response" is repeated and ignored.

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If I had a profile on a vanilla dating site

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You were in the forces and this is one of the most ridiculous things you've ever heard?

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But, no, I really, really don't see any difference between the fucking stupid shit that pours into people's in boxes and the crappy junk mail that falls onto people's doormats. If there is any, it's that the junk mail has probably had more thought put into it.

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But as for the people that don't reply? Fuck, a lot of the time I say "don't worry about replying if you're not interested, I know you're getting a crap load of email".

It's almost rude to expect a reply in some senses.

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Firstly you're subtly equating not answering emails with racism... which would seem to be over egging your sauce a tad.

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It could very well be that you have a very much greater sense of manners and good form than I have - and I salute you for it.

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Your local travel agent probably can't tell you when the next local munch is though. They probably don't have a line on the vetting process for play parties or which businesses in the area are kink friendly. People active in the kink community are the best resource for that.

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Truthfully, I'm highly doubtful that people talking about model trains are sending inappropriate messages at the same percentage as what happens on this site.

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Do you not see the difference in a singular example rather than thousands of examples? Dude, these people create multiple accounts so they can say nasty stuff after being rejected and blocked under the first screen name.

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The system already does that for you. The sender can check the status of any message they have sent. There are only three answers. The first is the date and time the receiver read it if the mail was opened. The second is unread. The third is deleted unread. Electronic mail doesn't get lost and if the intended recipient has blocked you, it won't allow you to send.

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In short: If I feel like you're disrespecting me, then I'm not going to spend my time writing you a response. Everyone deserves basic respect. I'm not asking for honorifics, just to be approached with minimal levels of human decency. If you can't do that, I don't feel the need to waste energy playing nice with you.

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Another thing that happens is that when clueless men write to say "How r u?" and you answer, "Fine", somehow that opens the door for their very next message to be something extremely personal or sexual. It's like ok, they threw out an obligatory greeting, now they can ask if you shave your pubes.

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So here's my question which I haven't seen you answer.

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When at the top on my profile it VERY clearly states that I am OWNED, COLLARED and ENGAGED. To say that EVERYONE is entitled to a response is frankly... arrogant, and EXTREMELY ignorant. His "Research" consisted of online play of me worshipping his cock.... Seriously?

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Sometimes when a woman politely declines, she is met with a "Fuck you, Bitch!"

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I've actually seen women be physically assaulted simply because they refused a man's advances in a night club.

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So Descrite, did the kids who wrote you cute letters when you were in the service ask if you took it up the ass? Did you get 50 letters a day? Did some of them say in their totality "Hi"? You don't see any difference between kids writing service people to thank them and give them a nice warm fuzzy, and men out to get their dick needs met?

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Yeah, I'm uncivilized. I can accept that.

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Since I'm in a relationship and my profile says so (and says with whom) right across the top, I have no need to engage in any sort of meaningless dialogue with men who are simply just poking at profiles to see who responds.

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For me it's circumstantial.

Seems I wrote more about homeless than Cmails though lol.

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ORIGINAL: descrite

   

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Since I'm in a relationship and my profile says so (and says with whom) right across the top, I have no need to engage in any sort of meaningless dialogue with men who are simply just poking at profiles to see who responds.

    Ah. Well, now we have several camps, don’t we? Some women on this site say that men who jump into sexual talk are rude, and some say that those who make small talk are wasting time. It’s tough being a guy, isn’t it? All these mixed messages, and whatnot.

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Yeah, but you made a really good point, so thanks for that response. “Circumstantial” makes sense...but I’d like to point out that it also means “arbitrary” (based on the recipient’s view)...so it’s tough for the solicitors (men, for the most part) to know how to approach the situation.                                                

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Okay. So you ignore panhandlers, too?

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And I could give a fuck if you think that makes me LESS SUPERIOR to other women.

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Hm. Your angry, invective-laden response suggests otherwise.

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ORIGINAL: descrite


Okay, I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I didn't want any other of the posters who contributed something of substance to the discussion to feel slighted, so I tried to include the germane parts of everyone's contribution. If you see it and tl;dr, I totally get that.

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It is far, far, easier to delete unread (and it sends the same message).

Let's face facts, cupcake, and I'm going to be VERY clear. Dominant men are a dime a dozen around here. Kinky women get to choose what the fuck we are willing to put up with (until we choose who we will submit to or dominate in the case of male subs).

I've made that same point, several times, in this thread. It's an economic disparity, and the cause for many female subs to feel entitled. I don't disagree.
   

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I tend not to acknowledge psychos, dickweeds, morons and/or bottomfeeders.

Okay. So you ignore panhandlers, too?

 

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And I could give a fuck if you think that makes me LESS SUPERIOR to other women.

Hm. Your angry, invective-laden response suggests otherwise.

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I am astounded by how many times the phrase "no response IS a response" is repeated and ignored.

 Toy offered exactly the response I had in mind: “Not necessarily. A lack of response COULD also be caused by issues not relating to you at all, for instance break-down of communication means. Even on-line, things do disappear in cyberspace for reasons unrelated to the sender and unrelated to the receiver.”   Then DaddySatyr followed it up with another excellent point. Thanks, Michael.
  Also, have you ever tried to train a dog? Ignoring it only works in very special circumstances: if it doesn’t understand what it did wrong, it might repeat that behavior...or, worse, escalate.        

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If I had a profile on a vanilla dating site

Yeah, but this isn't.

If my grandmother had balls, she'd still be dead.
 

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You were in the forces and this is one of the most ridiculous things you've ever heard?

HA! Okay-- excellent point. Well put.
     

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But, no, I really, really don't see any difference between the fucking stupid shit that pours into people's in boxes and the crappy junk mail that falls onto people's doormats. If there is any, it's that the junk mail has probably had more thought put into it.

Also a very good point. But here's where I differ: a human being, not a machine, sat and typed that message to me. Even if I don't like the way they look, or they're not my type, or whatever, I still respond...even if just to say, "Wow, thanks-- that's very flattering...but no, thanks."

For some reason (and I admit, it may be archaic for the intercyberwebnets), I still treat personal communication as disparate from automated communication.
 

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But as for the people that don't reply? Fuck, a lot of the time I say "don't worry about replying if you're not interested, I know you're getting a crap load of email".

It's almost rude to expect a reply in some senses.

That's very interesting. And extra-polite of you. Food for thought.
     

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Firstly you're subtly equating not answering emails with racism... which would seem to be over egging your sauce a tad.

Actually, sorry-- I wasn't trying to do that. I was attacking the notion of "your fellow gender-mates have poisoned the well for you." If someone treats an individual a certain way, based on the characteristics of the group that individual belongs to, that someone is an asshole (be they racist, sexist, whatever).
   

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It could very well be that you have a very much greater sense of manners and good form than I have - and I salute you for it.

And it could be that I, and my sense of propriety and etiquette, is hopelessly outdated. I do not ignore that possibility.
   

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Your local travel agent probably can't tell you when the next local munch is though. They probably don't have a line on the vetting process for play parties or which businesses in the area are kink friendly. People active in the kink community are the best resource for that.

  You know who else can help with that? Google. And before you make a case for Google not being sufficient, please understand that the response I made was to a user who just exactly recommended that very thing -Google- to a newbie asking for that very type of advice.      

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Truthfully, I'm highly doubtful that people talking about model trains are sending inappropriate messages at the same percentage as what happens on this site.

 
I...don’t grok that. They go to a train place to talk about trains. Not about the weather. Or travel. Trains. This is a site about kinky sex. Gilding it otherwise seems to be hijacking it for purposes distinct from the intent. That seems...dishonest, to me.  

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Do you not see the difference in a singular example rather than thousands of examples? Dude, these people create multiple accounts so they can say nasty stuff after being rejected and blocked under the first screen name.

  One of my recent play partners contacted me, unsolicited, on FetLife. I was almost sure she was a Russian spambot that was capable of passing a Turing Test (I’d seen these before). Yet I replied politely, if a bit brusquely. Turns out, she is wonderful. Good thing I did not judge her based on my previous (necessarily anecdotal) experiences with women who were tweakers, flakes, basketcases, and drama queens.  

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The system already does that for you. The sender can check the status of any message they have sent. There are only three answers. The first is the date and time the receiver read it if the mail was opened. The second is unread. The third is deleted unread. Electronic mail doesn't get lost and if the intended recipient has blocked you, it won't allow you to send.

    That is interesting-- thank you. I didn’t know of that function.   Still, part of what you say is directly contradicted by other posters (the “lost in the clutter” argument-- yes, technically the mail is not “lost,” per se, but the effect is the same).  

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In short: If I feel like you're disrespecting me, then I'm not going to spend my time writing you a response. Everyone deserves basic respect. I'm not asking for honorifics, just to be approached with minimal levels of human decency. If you can't do that, I don't feel the need to waste energy playing nice with you.

    Okay-- I like this. It makes more sense. Thanks for sharing.    

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Another thing that happens is that when clueless men write to say "How r u?" and you answer, "Fine", somehow that opens the door for their very next message to be something extremely personal or sexual. It's like ok, they threw out an obligatory greeting, now they can ask if you shave your pubes.

  Agreed-- escalation beyond sense is as rude as not replying to a communication invitation. Good point.      

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So here's my question which I haven't seen you answer.

  Sorry-- I thought I had. Several times. “No,” is my answer.   If a profile is an advertisement (“Buy my lawnmower”), then the contents are the terms (“Call-- do not email”). If the terms are violated, the potential customer is not adhering to the grounds of the offer, and need not be responded to (answer the phone, not email).   In your example, did your profile include the fact that potential partners should contact your Master? Either way, points for being polite. Very cool. 

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When at the top on my profile it VERY clearly states that I am OWNED, COLLARED and ENGAGED. To say that EVERYONE is entitled to a response is frankly... arrogant, and EXTREMELY ignorant. His "Research" consisted of online play of me worshipping his cock.... Seriously?

  Actually, I’ve stated more than once that including your wants and needs on your profile is a polite way of distilling solicitiations, and that not replying to those who violate those terms is not what I consider rude.
 

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Sometimes when a woman politely declines, she is met with a "Fuck you, Bitch!"

  Sometimes, when you hold a door open for a woman, she says, “I can get my own fucking door!” Oddly, this doesn’t prevent me from opening the door for the next person. Someone else being rude doesn’t preclude me from being polite. Weird, huh?  

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I've actually seen women be physically assaulted simply because they refused a man's advances in a night club.

  Really? And neither you nor the woman involved did other women a favor by having those men prosecuted? You hang out in some rather violent clubs. I can’t imagine ever going to a place like more than once, if I ever saw anything like that occur, much less paying for the privilege to go there more than once.  

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So Descrite, did the kids who wrote you cute letters when you were in the service ask if you took it up the ass? Did you get 50 letters a day? Did some of them say in their totality "Hi"? You don't see any difference between kids writing service people to thank them and give them a nice warm fuzzy, and men out to get their dick needs met?

  No, but I’ve been hit on by gay men, IRL and virtually, crassly and politely. Oddly, it has not led me to be homophobic or caused me to be rude to all homosexuals who email me. I don’t even ignore them-- I reply to everyone who send me messages.

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Yeah, I'm uncivilized. I can accept that.

  Okay. Me, too.      

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Since I'm in a relationship and my profile says so (and says with whom) right across the top, I have no need to engage in any sort of meaningless dialogue with men who are simply just poking at profiles to see who responds.

    Ah. Well, now we have several camps, don’t we? Some women on this site say that men who jump into sexual talk are rude, and some say that those who make small talk are wasting time. It’s tough being a guy, isn’t it? All these mixed messages, and whatnot.  

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For me it's circumstantial.

Seems I wrote more about homeless than Cmails though lol.

  Yeah, but you made a really good point, so thanks for that response. “Circumstantial” makes sense...but I’d like to point out that it also means “arbitrary” (based on the recipient’s view)...so it’s tough for the solicitors (men, for the most part) to know how to approach the situation.                                                

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Also, have you ever tried to train a dog? Ignoring it only works in very special circumstances: if it doesn’t understand what it did wrong, it might repeat that behavior...or, worse, escalate.

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Me: "Hi! I wanted to tell you that your journal entry from _ _ / _ _ / _ _ where you talked about your feelings on ________________________ ... I could not agree more! Some of the things you said about how people behave when faced with a situation like that really struck the mark.

Have you ever noticed that when you call them on it ..."

Response: "I'm not poly and I don't share"

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ORIGINAL: ToyOfRhamnusia

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Me: "Hi! I wanted to tell you that your journal entry from _ _ / _ _ / _ _ where you talked about your feelings on ________________________ ... I could not agree more! Some of the things you said about how people behave when faced with a situation like that really struck the mark.

Have you ever noticed that when you call them on it ..."

Response: "I'm not poly and I don't share"

Well, at least you got a response.... And I am sure you knew from there what you wanted to share in the future with that person....

I mean: first shot is always a blind shot, and that goes both ways. It should not commit the other party when unsolicited or uncalled for.

I know - there are tons of rude assholes not even worth the efforts of a "Delete" action. But if you engage in some sort of conversation with them, then obviously you are proving that statement wrong - and it obliges yourself, if you have any kind of ethics ("you" meaning "anybody").

To those females who are tired of spam messages from males that don't even read profiles, here is a hint: Put a special phrase into the profile, fairly close to the end, and request all contacts to use that phrase as the subject line of their message in order for you to bother reading their message. That will give a quick test on who actually read that profile... And I bet that most males will ignore it - so there you got a simple filter.

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ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

An absolute excellent post, Dusky, and your analogy of the buyer/seller market is what I believe is at the heart of so many of these types of threads.

Here, as on most kink sites, males outnumber females by about 10 to 1. This means it's a strong buyer's market, with the buyer being the female. Orientation as to d-type or s-type doesn't matter, it's still a female buyer's market. Males who don't get this concept will not do well on the profile side.

The OP seems to be under the mistaken belief that calling himself a dom gives him a degree of entitlement, respect and courtesy beyond what anyone would expect from the average internet environment, and it just doesn't.

ANY d-type, male or female, who believes themselves entitled b/c they chose a particular drop down box when creating a kinky profile is (in my mind) delusional.

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ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

And that's true in every walk of life. If you want success, you have to do your homework. By the time people reach our age they're supposed to know that.