RE: Why do people ignore mails (Full Version)

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DomMeinCT -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 7:23:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToyOfRhamnusia

I believe that there are SOME females that actually would like to receive SOME messages from SOME males who represent what they have advertised to be interested in....

If not, why even bother writing ANYTHING in your profile, except: "I don't accept mail"?

That would at least be a polite gesture to those message writers that have positive intentions and are willing to show respect...



But of course we do accept emails from some people. It's just that you don't know which ones, only that some women didn't respond to YOUR message.

There's absolutely no reason why I'd have to put anything about accepting mail in my profile. My actions speak louder than that: some messages I respond to (100% of those that don't appear to have been written by a lunatic) and others I don't.

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.



OsideGirl -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 7:35:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT
The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


There ya go. It hits the nail on the head.



GreedyTop -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 7:37:08 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT
The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


There ya go. It hits the nail on the head.




QFT.



descrite -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:04:20 AM)

quote:

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it. Certanily, if it's unrealistic to expect polite behavior, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.

Until then, though, continue to reap the rewards of finding a market where you are a rare commodity; that's great good luck. I'll just continue being archaically polite, anyway.

And thinking less of those who aren't.







GreedyTop -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:09:45 AM)

Just because you think YOUR emails (and those are generic YOUs) are polite, respectful, etc, does not mean that they haven't been seen ad infinitum to the point of nausea by many of the women on this (or any other adult oriented) site.

Once again, just because YOU (again, generic) think that your email is above reproach/perfect/unique does NOT negate the fact that NOBODY IS OBLIGATED TO REPLY to unsolicted emails.

For whatever reason, the woman chooses not to interact with you (and fair point to the toy dude), sometimes stuff gets lost in the ether. Suck it up, man up, quit being a wilting buttercup and move on.

Life does not guarantee ANYTHING, let alone responses to unsolicited emails.




Duskypearls -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:10:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToyOfRhamnusia

I believe that there are SOME females that actually would like to receive SOME messages from SOME males who represent what they have advertised to be interested in....

If not, why even bother writing ANYTHING in your profile, except: "I don't accept mail"?

That would at least be a polite gesture to those message writers that have positive intentions and are willing to show respect...



But of course we do accept emails from some people. It's just that you don't know which ones, only that some women didn't respond to YOUR message.

There's absolutely no reason why I'd have to put anything about accepting mail in my profile. My actions speak louder than that: some messages I respond to (100% of those that don't appear to have been written by a lunatic) and others I don't.

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


Ding, ding, ding...we have a WINNER!!!



DomMeinCT -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:11:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it. Certanily, if it's unrealistic to expect polite behavior, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.

Until then, though, continue to reap the rewards of finding a market where you are a rare commodity; that's great good luck. I'll just continue being archaically polite, anyway.

And thinking less of those who aren't.



I have no delusions of grandeur that anything I do online will influence anyone else's behavior....unlike some people.

And please, don't try to shame me or anyone else for their perfectly reasonable behavior to ignore any messages they choose.
We don't care what you* think.


*Generic "you".



GreedyTop -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:13:42 AM)

quote:

I have no delusions of grandeur that anything I do online will influence anyone else's behavior....unlike some people.

And please, don't try to shame me or anyone else for their perfectly reasonable behavior to ignore any messages they choose.
We don't care what you think.


because it stands repeating.



Duskypearls -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:13:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it. Certanily, if it's unrealistic to expect polite behavior, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.

Until then, though, continue to reap the rewards of finding a market where you are a rare commodity; that's great good luck. I'll just continue being archaically polite, anyway.

And thinking less of those who aren't.



I think you miss the point, Descrite, in that most become infantile, angry and retaliative when we do give feedback. Have that happen 98% percent of the time, and we quickly learn to not even bother, as it is not our best interest to do so.



JanahX -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:18:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.



[sm=beatdeadhorse.gif]What we/"you" want them to do?!? Obviously - we dont care what they do. Thus the reason why there is NO RESPONSE. And if someone is acting obnoxious and or sending out canned messages or whatever - I seriously doubt that responding to their mail is going to correct their behavior.

Im so sure = "Im going to change this persons thoughts and ways he thinks about women and how he conducts his life - by writing back and giving him feedback."

Do you really need to respond to a message to someone that say- lives in Africa when you live in - Texas? /Message from some person in Africa/ Initial message = "Id really like to get with you." Give me a break. I get shit like that ALL THE TIME.

As many have pointed out before - you obviously have no idea what kind of messages women get on a daily basis on the other side. Until you do = all your advice and or information is moot. [sm=horse.gif]



SlipSlidingAway -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:21:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

If a person can't be bothered to read a profile and to find out the parameters of the person they are writing to before casting their nets? It certainly is not up to the person they picked at random to explain that to them.


Yeah, this qualifier I'll agree with (and I think I mentioned it before)-- if you have a given parameter, and it's posted on your profile, and it's violated, then I can see not responding.

Still, putting up a profile with severe limitations is like putting up a Home For Sale sign in your front yard, but then slapping the "No Black Guys" label on it.

Tacky.




Yeah, except I DON'T have a "house up for sale" (using your example)- and again, my profile makes that crystal clear.

You are making assumptions. My reason for being here, and others, can be very different from YOUR reason for being here.

However, even if the reasons are the same? Nobody is obliged to subscribe to your brand of website etiquette. You can keep insisting that you are right, still won't change the fact that most here do not agree with you.

Beating this subject to death without being able to understand what others are trying to explain to you? Tacky.




MsLadySue -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:27:45 AM)

I'm surprised you're still beating this dead horse. Is it not obvious by now that the people whose minds you're trying to change are not going to budge in their opinions/manner of doing things in order to appease your 'refined sensibilities'? Perhaps you aren't aware of the adage that majority rules.



littlewonder -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:29:48 AM)

yeah, I'm not really worried if someone online finds me rude or impolite. You're a total stranger. Why would I care? It's not like I'm going to ever meet you in real life. It's not like you're someone I'm ever going to have in my life in any way at all, be it an employer, employee, friend, lover, etc...

So no, you really are not important enough to me to care.



samboct -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:33:05 AM)

Well Descrite

You're not alone, although it can certainly feel that way. Like you, I subscribe to Miss Manners views on politeness and apply them online as well as off. i also agree that rudeness begets rudeness, and that women women on this site bellyache that they only get rude responses- perhaps its because all the polite guys have left in frustration. Simply put- if you're unwilling to risk encouraging politeness, why be surprised when all that's left is dross?

Furthermore to DuskyPearls comment- I've never responded with anger to a polite no thank you or even an impolite get lost, although truth be told, very rarely do I get a rude response to an email other than being ignored, and like some of the folks who've been around a bit- will generally add something on the order of "best of luck on your search." on a polite rejection. This site also has controls such as report a user for those types of responses.

To be ignored after you've taken the time to write a thoughtful note is simply dehumanizing. It doesn't matter whether it's a corporation that doesn't even bother to respond with a rejection note after you've sent them a resume- or a person that you've asked out online. Yes, online interactions can bring out the "inner jerk" in people, but that does not justify being a jerk yourself, although it can certainly be satisfying at times. My supposition is that women that ignore emails- even crafted ones, are succumbing to their "inner jerk".

I'm polite because as far as I'm concerned its like voting. One individuals vote may not carry much weight, but when it sets an example for others to follow, good things can happen.

Sam



searching4mysir -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:34:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it. Certanily, if it's unrealistic to expect polite behavior, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.

Until then, though, continue to reap the rewards of finding a market where you are a rare commodity; that's great good luck. I'll just continue being archaically polite, anyway.

And thinking less of those who aren't.



Why is it my job to educate people? Why am I supposed to be responsible for helping someone figure it out?

I'm not a teacher. Never wanted to be one in a classroom, and certainly don't want to be one here.

Again, you seem to want to push some sort of dynamic upon the women here. We are "bad" and you are going to fix it.

When you are finished banging your head on the brick wall, don't come crying to us that you have a boo boo. We tried to "educate" you, but you wouldn't listen.



GreedyTop -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:36:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.



No. Just no.

*I* am not shaping anyone. If they constantly get ignored, or get snippy replies, then perhaps they should take a look back at their initial emails to anyone they have ever emailed. If the same approach isn't working even 80% (and I am being generous) of the time, then it isn't the women that are shaping them... they have done it themselves.

There is NO way that one woman is going to be able to advise some random dude on how EVERY WOMAN (hint here: there IS no EVERY WOMAN') is going to reply.



sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:38:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

The issue is that you are proposing suggestions that would CONTROL womens' actions in order to fit your unrealistic expectations about how people should interact online.


Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it. Certanily, if it's unrealistic to expect polite behavior, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.

Until then, though, continue to reap the rewards of finding a market where you are a rare commodity; that's great good luck. I'll just continue being archaically polite, anyway.

And thinking less of those who aren't.







As the ladies have told you, we are in a "damned if you, damned if you don't" situation.

If we ignore someone who has written us, we are fakes, unreal, bitches, impolite or tacky.

If we offer reasonable replies and feedback of any sort, no matter how polite, we are fakes, unreal, bitches, impolite or we are asked why we are on the site.

So you figure out which course of action an intelligent woman will take.

I have always answered polite emails with good feedback, but still get screamed at, so no, I do not have to answer anyone.

You would do well to tell the men doing the writing that it is tacky to freak out when a stranger does not do what they want.



sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:51:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct


To be ignored after you've taken the time to write a thoughtful note is simply dehumanizing. It doesn't matter whether it's a corporation that doesn't even bother to respond with a rejection note after you've sent them a resume- or a person that you've asked out online. Yes, online interactions can bring out the "inner jerk" in people, but that does not justify being a jerk yourself, although it can certainly be satisfying at times. My supposition is that women that ignore emails- even crafted ones, are succumbing to their "inner jerk".



Oh come on. Dehumanizing? If you find yourself feeling dehumanized because an online stranger has not replied to you, you need to develop a thicker skin.

Your comparison to sending out resumes is silly. There is nothing to compare there. When you send a resume you cannot expect a reply because thousands of people are sending to the same company; same as online dating.

To say that women are embracing their "inner jerk" is simply ludicrous.



Kat713 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 10:53:52 AM)

Ok here is my 2 cents on this:

I do understand that it sucks when people don't respond to you. Especially if you were genuinely interested and wrote a unique message. That has happened to me before. It kinda hurts my feelings sometimes. That being said, I admit that I do not reply to every message I receive. At first I did. Every single one. I am basically interested in Asian men, more specifically Doms or Switches. Haha, most of the messages I receive are not from Asian men. But I replied anyway because it was nice to receive messages, have good conversation, etc.

However, these days, I don't reply to all of my messages. I read every single one of them, but I don't reply to all and it could be for different reasons. One reason could be that they are being rude: "Hey nigg*r, show me your tits"; "Bit*h, what's your number". Some are just soo annoying, like maybe they talk about sexual things in grave detail (which can be a good thing sometimes haha but maybe not in the first message ^^). Once, I got a message on FetLife and the guy had written basically a novel about what he waned to do to me. One of the lines was like "I'm going to eat your pussy like a lion after a fresh kill". Um, that sounds painful. Even with my masochistic tendencies. o_O To be honest, sometimes I just don't feel like replying. I have a lot of messages and then replying to all of them (which most of the time involves rejecting them in someway) seems like more of a chore. And I feel bad sometimes about rejecting them. I already know from reading their message/looking at their profile that they are not really what I am looking for. If I tell them, they want to know why. God forbid, I tell them I am more attracted to Asian men, they call me racist, send me hateful mail, etc. Sometimes if I continue the conversation, they start to expect we will meet or something. That's awkward, too.

So basically, there are a lot of reasons why you might not receive a reply. But the bottom line is that even if these women are just maliciously ignoring you, they still have every right. I'm sorry, but they do.

And as someone said about meeting his wife, sometimes you just have to try again. Once I got an email FROM A NICE-SOUNDING ASIAN MAN, and I just didn't respond because I wasn't sure what to say/was busy, and then I kinda forgot about it for a few days. He wrote me AGAIN because I guess he was quite interested. I wrote him back IMMEDIATELY. That has happened before. Now imagine, if you're not even the type of person I am looking for a sexual relationship with- we'll either end up messaging back and forth as friends, OR we won't be talking again cuz I'll basically be rejecting you: "I'm a white dom looking for a black house slave"- clearly that's what you want from me and I'm not going to give it to you... In that kind of situation, if I have other stuff to do, NO writing you back is not my priority.

Oh and let me throw this in here: Ok of course it would be great if every message received was a unique one, but sometimes you just kinda want to put your feelers out there and you don't have all day. So if you just say "Hi, I liked this about your profile and I think you're pretty. I am also interested in this. How are you today?" or something like that, even if you wrote the same thing to other women, it's ok because I don't know haha. But if we can TELL this is just a copy and paste- it's a looong message that is basically a whole profile about me section or something like "I believe we can learn from each other since we have mutual interests", but I looked at your profile and there is NOTHING in common, that is so annoying. Now I ether feel you are lazy or dumb and I definitely don't feel you are seriously interested. So I'm probably not going to be that serious about you either. So maybe I won't write back.

So to make my long post short, you are not entitled to a reply, but yes it would be nice. Maybe try again if you're really interested and be sure to be polite and sincere. Good luck with your search~!



NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 11:02:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

You do realize what you're shaping, though, right? If you don't reply to guys who send you messages that aren't rude, but also aren't meeting your criteria (say, their message is too short), there's no feedback loop: they might figure out what you want them to do (increase word count) or they might assume the message drifted into the ether, and continue their "bad" behavior.

Life is pretty much made up of lessons by trial & error, or listening to the wisdom of others. Eventually if someone's efforts aren't working for them, they'll revise. Or not.
quote:


Until then, though, continue to reap the rewards of finding a market where you are a rare commodity;


Thanks!! I'm 3 1/2 years into enjoying the rewards of a great relationship - found here on CollarMe, using my method of not replying to messages that didn't appeal to me.



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