RE: Why do people ignore mails

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sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 12:59:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: samboct "I'm not subjecting myself to abuse simply because you think it's the polite thing to do." Please don't on my account. I'm merely trying to point out that not all women on this site feel the way you do- that some of them have actually engaged in polite exchanges with me (yes, I know this first hand)- some have even met me in person (gasp!), and a few have even struck up a relationship/friendship. So clearly, not all feel the same way as you. What I am suggesting- just suggesting mind you- is that you might try a little politeness the next time a well written message from a stranger shows up and see where it gets you. I find (and this is only me) that it's similar to saying hi to someone on a street. In small towns, this is liable to get you a smile and a polite greeting in return. I find this pleasant. So do most people. In NYC, well, you get a different response. Just bear in mind that the person at the other end of the screen doesn't know whether they're in a big city or a small town- and in small towns, politeness can be infectious. As that trite internet expression goes...."Just sayin'...." Sam You are really not getting this, are you. I am looking and I get alot of emails, both well written ones and totally crazy ones. I have said that I have written back politely to the ones that are well written and sometimes, we end up talking, sometimes I just politely say I am not interested and sometimes there really is nothing to say other than thanks when someone writes, Hi, I love redheads and you are so pretty. If I look at that profile and find it is from someone I have no interest in, then I say thanks and move on. But, when I say thanks and they keep hounding me for more of an explanation, then I don't have to engage anymore. I am just not sure why you continue to harp on women being polite when the problem is not us, it is the men who write and cannot or will not take no for an answer.

OsideGirl -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 1:02:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I am just not sure why you continue to harp on women being polite when the problem is not us, it is the men who write and cannot or will not take no for an answer. Yup, and they've missed that point over and over and over again. It doesn't matter if 1 out of 10 is polite, we've been taught by those 9 assholes that not responding is the better option.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 1:14:19 PM)
quote: I am just not sure why you continue to harp on women being polite when the problem is not us, it is the men who write and cannot or will not take no for an answer. He is yet another delusional male who thinks making dom or master his choice in a drop down box entitles him to something, in this case, being proved right. I think many of us, even if we're not looking, WILL reply to a well thought out message, even if it's to say no thanks. What these guys don't get is that most of the messages we receive are not well thought out. They can be considered little more than spam by horny net geeks, it's why CM has a spam filter in place. It's not for just for bots, there are plenty of real live humans who write so many cut n paste messages they trigger the spam filter. THIS IS COMMON. The idea that anyone is supposed to respond to that is ludicrous, and a huge part of the disconnect here. That person X only sends out well measured responses doesn't mean that's what everyone does. And yes, after time I'm sure there are many who ignore even a well written response if its sent by someone who does not appear to meet their criteria. Is that less than polite? Perhaps, in someone's mind that is less than polite. In my mind it is an UNSOLICITED ADVANCE. Women have been shooting down unsolicited advances from males for quite some time now. That someone decided to call himself a dom is not going to change that fact of life. When you're 15 you tend to do that politely, you don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. By 25 most of us learn to be brusque, b/c otherwise guys don't get the message that no means no.

jezzabelle -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 1:19:19 PM)
FR Do any of these people that get upset about not receiving responses ever stop to think that perhaps the reason there has been NO response is because the recipient has set their mail filters to not get said messages and they ended up in bulk? I usually do respond to most of the messages I receive, even the ones that clearly have not read my profile first before contacting me because if they had they would see that I'm not looking for a relationship or play or anything beyond friends. Of course, being courteous often comes around to bite me in the ass when I get idiots like a recent sub male that emailed me. First time was a few weeks ago, he wrote "spank me mommy". Now, again, my profile says I'm not looking for a relationship or play, that I'm married, have a girlfriend, and only looking for friendship and I have my search parameters set for women within a 100 mile radius of myself that are looking for friendship only, so if he had bothered to set his own, I shouldn't have even come up in his list for someone to contact. So, I was polite and responded back with "No thanks". He emailed again the next day asking if he could spank me (again, his profile says he's submissive) to which I said again, no thank you, I don't play with men, sorry. Less than two weeks later, again with "spank me mommy" to which I said "You already asked me that before" so he then said "When can we do it?". Stupid me, I assumed that he should remember my response to the same question only 10 days prior so I again told him no thanks, I don't play with men. His response "skanky ho". So tell me, why should I continue to respond to every idiot that contacts me?

DomMeinCT -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 1:33:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: saypleasepet Hi maybe this is a thread jack but I think this horse is dead anyway. So ladies answer me this one if you would please. When you go and look at a guys profile and don't send any message is this always a signal of non interest or is it because of the ratio here that you expect that the guy will in turn respond to your flyby and message you? I am assuming the former but I'm also curious. I suspect there may be a bit of both? I know I will usually look at who they are and if there are any mutual likes or something that catches my attention I'll send a message. Strangely enough the response rate to those is less than the response rate to just a simple unsolicited message and was why I was assuming the former. Color me curious S. I perv profiles ALL the time, usually due to a smartly-chosen username (or unintentionally stupid one that will NEVER entice a woman) or interesting (or ridiculous) profile pic. Occasionally someone will look at my profile. Occasionally someone will write me and ask me why I looked (and I always respond if it's nicely written). Occasionally someone will write me and promptly castigate me for having the temerity to be on this site because I'm not looking and/or I don't meet their criteria (I wasn't looking for them anyway). Those make me laugh.

jezzabelle -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 1:39:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT Occasionally someone will write me and promptly castigate me for having the temerity to be on this site because I'm not looking and/or I don't meet their criteria (I wasn't looking for them anyway). Those make me laugh. Those types of messages are my favorite!! [:D]

ToyOfRhamnusia -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 2:08:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD There's a subject line? Where? I've never seen one on the collarme side of things. Gee, am I missing out? [8\|] Sorry for the lack of precision on my part. When you point your mouse to the sender of a given message in your list, it will show a little window where you can see the beginning of the message, and if it starts with a subject line you dictated and then a line break, you can easily see it.

wnyThroatLover -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 2:14:22 PM)
Aah yes, and this person never even looked at our profile

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 2:44:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Duskypearls I think you miss the point, Descrite, in that most become infantile, angry and retaliative when we do give feedback. Have that happen 98% percent of the time, and we quickly learn to not even bother, as it is not our best interest to do so. And that's the basic principle that Descrite seems to fail to understand. His Pollyanna approach might work in a world where everybody is nice. However, it quickly breaks down in a world where many/most people are rude and obnoxious. How many times is a woman supposed to keep sending nice replies when she knows that what she's going to get in return is a boorish retaliation? Descrite seems to think that a woman's tolerance should be infinite, and that she should continue to offer courtesies to those who don't deserve it. It's commendable that he thinks that way, but it's totally unrealistic (and even unfair) to try to force that same standard on others. Particularly when it's those others who are going to be the recipients of the rude replies and abuse.

Titaniya -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 2:52:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: saypleasepet Hi maybe this is a thread jack but I think this horse is dead anyway. So ladies answer me this one if you would please. When you go and look at a guys profile and don't send any message is this always a signal of non interest or is it because of the ratio here that you expect that the guy will in turn respond to your flyby and message you? I am assuming the former but I'm also curious. I suspect there may be a bit of both? I know I will usually look at who they are and if there are any mutual likes or something that catches my attention I'll send a message. Strangely enough the response rate to those is less than the response rate to just a simple unsolicited message and was why I was assuming the former. Color me curious S. I message people I'm interested in when it happens (which is rare). I also message people that seem like they'd be fun to talk to. I don't usually message people, but it's due to lack of interest based on the profile. That said, they're free to message me and attempt to make me interested.

NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 2:54:12 PM)
Good point Rochsub. I've been on this site since 2006. I think I have a pretty good feel for my Cmail management. ;)

crazyml -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 3:15:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jezzabelle FR Do any of these people that get upset about not receiving responses ever stop to think that perhaps the reason there has been NO response is because the recipient has set their mail filters to not get said messages and they ended up in bulk? I think that the answer is probably "nope"

littlewonder -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 3:21:03 PM)
Just a few moments ago I got an email from a guy who simply typed "hi". I deleted it and did not respond. Why? What am I supposed to write back? Hi? I mean there's nothing to respond to from his email.

searching4mysir -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 4:18:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: saypleasepet Hi maybe this is a thread jack but I think this horse is dead anyway. So ladies answer me this one if you would please. When you go and look at a guys profile and don't send any message is this always a signal of non interest or is it because of the ratio here that you expect that the guy will in turn respond to your flyby and message you? I am assuming the former but I'm also curious. I suspect there may be a bit of both? I know I will usually look at who they are and if there are any mutual likes or something that catches my attention I'll send a message. Strangely enough the response rate to those is less than the response rate to just a simple unsolicited message and was why I was assuming the former. Color me curious S. Since I'm no longer searching, if I'm looking at a profile it is because a) they have already emailed me or b) they said something in the forums.

searching4mysir -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 4:36:41 PM)
Bound - you have CMail.

VideoAdminTheta -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 4:52:31 PM)
For user privacy we do not allow discussions of private correspondance on the forums when it appears that the intent is to draw negative attention to another user by posting actual emails and giving other members names. This information has been removed and we ask that you refrain from posting it again. Thank you

LadyPact -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 6:41:56 PM)
Quick replies on questions. No, I do not assume that somebody is interested in Me because they looked at My profile. I figure it's something that was said on the forums, a person from areas where I was involved in the community/doing demos, or I came up on a geography search. To be quite blunt, it's rare for Me to even pay attention to who looks unless it's somebody from the forums or a very cool avatar pic. By the way, you know the stuff I've been saying about mail and women get tons more than males do? It works the same way on that who's viewing thing. When I lived in GA and CA, that page would be completely new over a 24 hour period. Toy, that thing you are talking about is called the hover feature. They added that around the same time that they did the spam filter. We females love those! General comment - Oh, and remember what I said about it won't change? Almost two years to the day. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3428290 That one is twenty-three pages and it's all the same stuff. It has some very interesting information.

descrite -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 6:44:21 PM)
Okay, well, most of the posts at this post have devolved into a few common points: - "We don't owe you a response." - "When we do respond and politely decline, we receive an impolite reply." - "We get too much attention to respond." I think we've discussed each of these, already. The answer to all of them remains, pretty clearly, is "stop advertising for attention, if you don't want attention...but advertising for attention, then subsequently ignoring that attention, is rude." You put up the profile. You can hide it, if the attention is too burdensome. If you don't, you're advertising, and rejecting customers without stated reason. That's rude. My opinion. And I'll bet if I put out an ad for "free manicure," and gave the address of my salon, and you showed up, and my stylists ignored you (I mean-- they didn't tell you, "That deal is expired," or "the coupon has been rescinded," but just pretended you weren't even in the shop), you would get pissed. And if my excuses included "my previous customers were all assholes," or "too many people responded to that ad," or "when we told the other ladies that the offer expired, they crapped on our floor," you'd find that pretty sparse reasoning. An odd aside: - People here seem to get very angry when a dissenting idea is offered. Like, to the point of cursing and ad hominem attacks. This is particularly interesting among a population that is complaining about all the rude communication they receive. On top of that, hearing only one view, repeatedly, leads to a giant echo chamber (seemingly shaped like a uterus, evidently). A monolithic hivemind is nothing to be proud of. - Several posters have mentioned that they don't care about my opinion. More than once. Think about that for a second. If you don't get it, read it again. This, in particular, is extremely distasteful: quote: Im NOT looking - Its just fun to see what guys out there are thinking that are looking for something - and their approach on how they think theyre going to accomplish that. We used to call that "being a tease," and it was frowned upon. If you don't understand why, go examine the notion of "bumfights," where destitute people are encouraged to brawl, on film, for food, or watch churlish Western expats throwing coins in the streets of third-world shitholes, so they can laugh at the urchins scrambling for it, or briefly observe cruel children taunting a tethered, hungry animal. If you still don't understand why that's unseemly, you and I don't share the same species. If none of you can fathom why that's dehumanizing, you no longer have my scorn: you have my pity.

sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 7:40:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Just a few moments ago I got an email from a guy who simply typed "hi". I deleted it and did not respond. Why? What am I supposed to write back? Hi? I mean there's nothing to respond to from his email. Same here; except my guy wrote "Heyy". So on top of being lazy, boring, and not well thought out, he also is a bad speller. Now, I was going to ignore him, but this thread made me embrace my inner bitch (not jerk, boys) and say to him: "Thanks for that amazing and intriguing introductory note. This note, combined with your blank profile, unfortunately has not stimulated any interest on my part."

sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/12/2012 7:46:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite Okay, well, most of the posts at this post have devolved into a few common points: - "We don't owe you a response." - "When we do respond and politely decline, we receive an impolite reply." - "We get too much attention to respond." I think we've discussed each of these, already. The answer to all of them remains, pretty clearly, is "stop advertising for attention, if you don't want attention...but advertising for attention, then subsequently ignoring that attention, is rude." You put up the profile. You can hide it, if the attention is too burdensome. If you don't, you're advertising, and rejecting customers without stated reason. That's rude. My opinion. And I'll bet if I put out an ad for "free manicure," and gave the address of my salon, and you showed up, and my stylists ignored you (I mean-- they didn't tell you, "That deal is expired," or "the coupon has been rescinded," but just pretended you weren't even in the shop), you would get pissed. And if my excuses included "my previous customers were all assholes," or "too many people responded to that ad," or "when we told the other ladies that the offer expired, they crapped on our floor," you'd find that pretty sparse reasoning. An odd aside: - People here seem to get very angry when a dissenting idea is offered. Like, to the point of cursing and ad hominem attacks. This is particularly interesting among a population that is complaining about all the rude communication they receive. On top of that, hearing only one view, repeatedly, leads to a giant echo chamber (seemingly shaped like a uterus, evidently). A monolithic hivemind is nothing to be proud of. - Several posters have mentioned that they don't care about my opinion. More than once. Think about that for a second. If you don't get it, read it again. This, in particular, is extremely distasteful: quote: Im NOT looking - Its just fun to see what guys out there are thinking that are looking for something - and their approach on how they think theyre going to accomplish that. We used to call that "being a tease," and it was frowned upon. If you don't understand why, go examine the notion of "bumfights," where destitute people are encouraged to brawl, on film, for food, or watch churlish Western expats throwing coins in the streets of third-world shitholes, so they can laugh at the urchins scrambling for it, or briefly observe cruel children taunting a tethered, hungry animal. If you still don't understand why that's unseemly, you and I don't share the same species. If none of you can fathom why that's dehumanizing, you no longer have my scorn: you have my pity. Honestly, it is you who seems to be asking for attention. Your analogy of retail establishments with being on a dating site (where again, not everyone is looking, but they just like the message boards, etc.) is just too ridiculous. I like attention but only from men I would be interested in. But I assume that is too hard for you to understand. Liking attention does not mean you need to indulge idiots. I think you know you are wrong but are simply trying to rile people up. I am not riled, but think you are amusing in your statements.

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