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Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 3:19:13 AM

gungadin09

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I was thinking about that thread where the guy was complaining that the girl he was meeting wouldn't send him a picture beforehand. That OP was badly written and ambiguous, and gave rise to a lot of speculation about what he must have really meant, but let's just set that aside for a second. The OP believed (or at least purported to believe) that he needed the picture for the sake of safety. He took criticism from a number of posters for what was perceived to be an irrational request. That surprised me. I don't really know whether having a photo of who you're meeting makes you any safer or not, but let's say (for the sake of this argument) that we all know that it does NOT make you any safer.

Let's say:
You make contact with someone who seems to be a good fit for a potential partner. You have that chemistry online. Now they want to take the next step and meet in real time. Then they make an irrational request. It's not a crazy request, it just strikes you as unnecessary. It seems irrational. The request is easily complied with (like sending someone a face pic before meeting because they feel safer that way), if you wanted to comply. You simply disagree that having that picture in fact makes them any safer. Nevertheless, you know it makes them FEEL safer. ETA: Other than this one thing, the person in question seems rational.

Would you comply with what you considered to be an irrational request, or not? How important is it that the needs of the person you're dating make sense to you?

Pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 10/14/2012 3:28:34 AM >

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 3:40:40 AM

DarkSteven

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That happened to me once. I was about to meet a woman, and she asked me for all kinds of stuff - my full name my cell number, my address, etc. I had no issue with any of that. Then she asked me for my work phone number and I balked and told her that I keep my work life and kink life separate, and had a lot to lose if someone outed me. She understood and said that a friend had advised her to ask for that, and she hadn't thought about the implications.

So in my case, it didn't advance to an impasse.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 3:56:10 AM

myotherself

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I have had guys ask for my full name, address and telephone number prior to a first meeting. I explain that I'm not happy to do this because it's just not smart or safe. I don't know them, and I don't know if they're a rapist, blackmailer or all round fuckwit.

Then there was this other guy who agreed with my insistence that we're not in any kind of a D/s relationship until we've met, dated and decided if the chemistry is there. On my way to meet him for coffee he texted me and told me to wear a great shirt or jumper because this was his favourite colour. It wasn't a request, it was a demand. And I was already on the bus to the town where we were going to meet.

He walked into the coffee shop, saw me in my pink shirt, told me I was a 'fake' and then turned round and walked out. I laughed so hard...and then went shopping

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 4:19:28 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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I'd be willing to comply with an irrational request as long as there was no good reason not to.

ie. He requests I wear no underwear to our coffee date - not gonna do that because that puts the expectation of sex and power exchange on the first date
He wants my work contact details - no because I have to trust he won't screw things up if the date doesn't work out

Face picture? Sure no big deal.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 4:50:40 AM

BoundSlave4Life

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I have had guys ask for my full name, address and telephone number prior to a first meeting. I explain that I'm not happy to do this because it's just not smart or safe. I don't know them, and I don't know if they're a rapist, blackmailer or all round fuckwit.

Then there was this other guy who agreed with my insistence that we're not in any kind of a D/s relationship until we've met, dated and decided if the chemistry is there. On my way to meet him for coffee he texted me and told me to wear a great shirt or jumper because this was his favourite colour. It wasn't a request, it was a demand. And I was already on the bus to the town where we were going to meet.

He walked into the coffee shop, saw me in my pink shirt, told me I was a 'fake' and then turned round and walked out. I laughed so hard...and then went shopping

I want to say that I don't believe this, and this can't be true it's so completely insane sounding.
But I do believe it, and I'm not surprised at all. What shocked me about it is that I WASN'T shocked about it.

(in reply to myotherself)

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 5:09:40 AM

orgasmdenial12

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The problem with irrational requests is not that they're irrational, it's that they can ruin a good budding chemistry. Like any aspect of D/s, the sub is dominated via consent, and her (or his) enjoyment of the domination is what leads to consent. When you are given an irritating order, it can kill that feeling, and you wind up thinking that you're going to be submitting to an idiot. I would submit to an irrational request if I wanted to and if they gave a good reason for it, simply because I would want to show willing in regards to submission. But if I didn't like them, already had my doubts, or didn't want to then I wouldn't.

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Post #: 6

RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 8:51:19 AM

Kaliko

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Hmm....I'm kind of wondering if an irrational request of an otherwise rational man would intrigue me rather than turn me off.

"What? You want me to wear clown shoes when we meet?"

Well, see, then I would have to go get some clown shoes just to figure out why they're so important to him.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 9:05:27 AM

LillyBoPeep

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haha Kaliko ^_^ I love you

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 9:15:18 AM

sexyred1

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What is considered irrational?

I wear what I want on a first meet, so no one could tell me what to wear.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 11:03:52 AM

graceadieu

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From: Maryland
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On a first meet, I don't think I'd comply with a request that seemed too irrational, because at that point we're just two people meeting, there's no power dynamic. But I don't see how a photo is an irrational request! I wouldn't meet someone if I didn't know what they looked like first.

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Post #: 10

RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 11:09:45 AM

Kana

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Nono no personal info before we meet. As in fuck no. Just as she needs to protect herself, I have an obligation to self to protect me...you know, like any sane rational person would.
No drivers license. No home phone number. No address.
Fuck, I may be horny, but I ain't dumb.

Grins.
Now as for panties, please go ahead and wear em. If things go well, before the night is out I'll be using them against her and she'll be begging me to take em off. And I'll be cackling and laughing at her, wanton lil slut that she is.
Been there, done that, would do it again in a heartbeat.
But don't take my word for it, ask the lilone. By 1/2 through our first meet, I bet she wished she'd left those bitches at home! :-)

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 11:21:16 AM

AnimusRex

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For me, it depends.
Depends on the chemistry and vibe I get with the first few emails, with the sense I pick up in the online chatting/ text messages, and the nature of the relationship.

For example, when I miet Kim 11 years ago, we clicked immediately in chatting, and within a day or so were communicating by phone; but then again, we were seeking a fairly vanilla-with-kink relationship, and we were each forthcoming about our personal info, and so trust was built.

On the other hand, I have had experiences where I have gotten a weird vibe from someone, and what they were looking for was unusual and extreme, so I was more wary with divulging info.

And yeah, I have had a few that blow up in my face and leave me wondering what the hell I was thinking, afterward.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 12

RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 12:02:04 PM

OsideGirl

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I used to get guys that wanted me to dress a certain way for the very first meeting and I would refuse. If they didn't back down, I wouldn't meet them.

My view was:

1) How I dress is part of who I am. If you want to change that before we've even met, I'm not interested.

2) I believe that submitting before you've met can confuse the issue, especially if you decide you don't like him. And since you've already started submitting, some guys don't understand why you won't continue submitting.

I had one guy that wanted me to meet him after dark behind a strip mall. Ummmm...no.

I also made it very clear that there would be no sex or play on the first meeting.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 12:15:19 PM

Alecta

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Irrational requests like wanting to be dommed immediately at the meet? All the time. I leave as soon as that starts.
I do ask for things like wearing a certain colour or accessory sometimes just so I can have a way of recognizing them when I'm not confident if it, but not often.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 12:21:38 PM

JanahX

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What I see a lot of, are guys that want to meet me without any initial conversation - (their first message) with no information about themselves, picture or anything.

The ones that really appall me are the "drive through doms" that state that they are going to be in Houston for business for a few days - and want me to meet them at a hotel room. I have a Houston escort phone number handy to send back to them. Theyre fucking high.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 2:02:58 PM

SacredDepravity

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If I have agreed to meet someone, then I am good with them having a face pic of me. Wouldn't want them hitting on every woman that walks into the place looking for me after all. They are going to see my face soon anyway. Before too much longer, they may be seeing more than that too. And, if all goes VERY well, they just might have pictures of more than just my face as well. THAT request seems pretty basic to me. I don't agree with the reasoning behind it (feeling safer somehow), but I do think being able to identify each other very easily should be an adequate reason for something like that. On the other hand, unless there is some sort of special circumstances, I'm not wearing something, not wearing something, doing something, or not doing something per the person I'm meeting's request. I have made exceptions, but it's on a case by case basis.

I don't do irrational though. If you want me to do something, I expect a reason that makes sense, even if it is as simple as it tickles you. Fine. Just be honest about it. I might do it. I might not. There's no way I am going to bother, however, if something about the request seems off. My experience is that irrational and unusual requests in any area of life is a set up to use your compliance against you in bad ways. I won't do it. Make sense or make for the door.

SD

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 8:00:38 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

The ones that really appall me are the "drive through doms" that state that they are going to be in Houston for business for a few days - and want me to meet them at a hotel room. I have a Houston escort phone number handy to send back to them. Theyre fucking high.

Ya, I got this so much when I lived in South Florida that I added to my profile, "I am not a tourist attraction. If you are looking for kink on while on your trip, check out this dungeon: "

And then when guys invariably missed that, I could refer them to it. If I was feeling especially snarky I would add, "How should I have worded this to make it more clear?"

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 8:03:57 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Would you comply with what you considered to be an irrational request, or not? How important is it that the needs of the person you're dating make sense to you?

I'm leaning towards No, but I'd need some examples of irrational.

Until I am in a dynamic with him, he needs to make sense to me. Unquestioning obedience does not come during the dating stage.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 9:15:18 PM

BoundSlave4Life

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IF you both don't know what each other looks like, I COULD see

Person 1: What are you going to wear so that I know it's you when I see you?
Person 2: Blue Tank top, Jeans, Belt, with a large brown purse.
Person 1: Alright. Cool. I'll wear Jeans, Black TShirt, and I'll be carrying an orange rose

Or EVEN

Person 1: Please wear a pink shirt so I know it's you
Person 2: I already left the house and I'm on the bus. I'm wearing a Grey Shirt, and jeans
Person 1: Oh! Alright. I'll see you in 10 mins!

I also think "Irrational" depends on a person's opinion/view. It's not irrational to request that someone wears a certain color for identification purposes. But a REQUEST is a REQUEST and should be ASKED with respect and manners.
No one has the right to give anyone else orders until that right is given and consented to.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 10:46:27 PM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
What is considered irrational?

Whatever *you* consider irrational but easy to comply with, and have no compelling reason to refuse. For example, say that before you meet this person just *needs* to know what grade you got in 3rd grade social studies, and wants you to look it up. Not simply to make work for you, but because, for whatever reason, it's just REALLY important to them. Something kind of weird, but harmless.

Not an order, simply a request, but important enough to them that it might make a difference for whether or not they'll meet you.

Pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 10/14/2012 10:49:30 PM >

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