RE: what is it like to be a total slave?

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littlewonder -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/16/2012 11:20:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Somuchmoreinsc i have made some good friends on here so now i have another question what is it like being a total slave where the master does and controls everything from bathroom use to bath time? just curious thanks for your help Like every other single relationship in the world. We go to work, we wash clothes, we run errands, we shop, we sleep, we speak of more stuff all the time than bdsm. The only difference is that he has the last word and because of that, things get rearranged if that is what he wants; kinda like a traditional relationship. I mean, my days are usually spent making sure his paperwork when he has some, is complete and mailed, making dinner before he gets home from work, studying and attending college classes. I guess you would find us so completely boring to the point you wouldn't even know we were Master and slave. While I am his slave in reality to him every single moment of every single day, he does not always control every situation for me. Sometimes he wants me to figure it out. Many times though he will see something I'm doing or not doing and then get involved so that I'm not fucking up everything. I can quite procrastinate a lot and it drives Master batty sometimes so when that happens, he gives me a kick in the ass and says something like...do it by such and such time or I will be beating you to the point you will have wished I didn't have to get involved. Now he does have some rules for me but not a lot. For instance when we're at home or out eating dinner sometimes, I have to ask to use the bathroom. Most of the time he just says OK. Other times he might tell me no for one reason or another. I also have to kneel at his feet at home. Some days he gives me a list of things that need to get done and by a certain time. If they are not done I can definitely assume I will be in deep doo doo. Basically some days there are rules for things, some days there isn't. I like serving him in any way I can though because I love him and I want him to be happy, stress free and make his life easier.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 4:11:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC "So what's it like to be a wife." The answer is going to depend A LOT on the two people involved in the marriage. You only think that because you know nothing of marriage Jeff. [8D]

LillyBoPeep -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 4:21:32 AM)
While I have not been a "total slave" with regards to controlled bathroom time and things like that, I just wanted to make a note -- while many of us do see ourselves as being here to make the M's life easier, just because people have an M/s relationship that includes LOTS of micromanaging, that does not mean that the /s is the one imposing that on the M. There are a lot of Masters/Doms who LOVE that kind of control, crave it, and seek it out. They are the ones who instill that regimented lifestyle into their relationships. There's a great conversation on "the site which shall not be named" about this very topic. Micromanagement relationships don't mean the sub/slave is too stupid or lazy to do things on her own, or that she is somehow the one driving this arrangement. The majority of the time, the M/D folks are the ones who put it in place.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 4:28:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX So putting the snark aside - this thread is still waiting for the people that have been a "total slave" to share their experience. Im curious to know as well. I would love to know how it works - what the need is and the fulfillment that generates from someone telling someone when to eat, sleep, poop, dress, talk, think, every single move. - control and be controlled every minute of the waking day. I'd also like to know how they find the time and resources to do this 24/7 - 365 days a year. Also - how a person grows as an individual while doing this. From what I understand - if growth of individuality is taken away and it completely stagnates, the person slides into depression. Id like to learn if this is true or not. To seek to have no individual mind, and to want someone else be your mind for you. I've sorta done things like that. I used to be a 24/7 slave to a couple. For the majority of my time with them I was required to ask permission to use the bathroom, to eat or drink anything, and my entire day was planned for me by the means of assigned chores that covered any time between getting up and going to bed. Recreational time was completely absent most days. I also wasn't allowed to use furniture, was required to kneel in attendance when not otherwise occupied, and slept alone in an unfinished basement (on a bed though). There also was a list of fairly general rules that I was required to adhere to at any given time, like no masturbation without permission, certain foods and drinks I wasn't ever allowed to consume, and clothing styles and mannerisms. My finances where also completely controlled and I wasn't allowed to spend any money without permission. The only exceptions to this schedule where 3 days a week for a couple hours when I attended classes in college (I was allowed to go to the bathroom at will there and so on, though still not allowed to spend money at will). It was also the only time I ever left the house independently, and I was only allowed to do so to travel to and from school. For the entirety of my time with them, I was never out in public by myself, except for my time in class. For the most part, I thrived under this strict of a schedule. As a matter of fact, the stricter it was, the better I felt. However, once the relationship started showing cracks due to other issues not at all related to the strictness of my rules and schedules, I slowly more and more began to resent, rebel against and disobey the numerous rules that where in place. In the end it really was an adequate indicator as to how happy and fulfilled I felt in the relationship by and large, because even though the rules and schedules by themselves where not cause for my personal unhappiness, my non-compliance with them became my main (and only) avenue of expressing my unhappiness, because of the strict and totalitarian ridged protocol that was in place around direct communication between me and my owner in regards to my own desires and satisfaction. It basically was a situation where I wasn't able/allowed to express myself verbally, so instead, I basically started going to the bathroom without permission (and so on and so on) every time I felt I was treated badly/unjustly. This of course didn't help the relationship at all, so in the end the whole thing came tumbling down like a house of cards. Though my currently relationship is structured entirely different, I still thrive most when my husband most closely micromanages me. Apparently I'm a huge exception in this aspect, considering that most people go absolutely insane in short order when somebody tries to micromanage them.

JanahX -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 4:34:27 AM)
Thank you for that Ullrs - That was a really good explanation. So what did you think about when you wernt supposed to think? How do you think about nothing? Why were you going to school? If you wernt supposed to think and only do as your told, then whats the purpose of learning anything other than what your owner tells you to do? Im confused about this. Thanks :o)

LillyBoPeep -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 4:34:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar In the end it really was an adequate indicator as to how happy and fulfilled I felt in the relationship that's a good point to make :) With my former, he kind of went back and forth on how much control he wanted to exert, which was fine. Sometimes he was less controlling than other times. But I liked being part of his universe, however it looked, and I did really enjoy when he became more controlling.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 4:54:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX Thank you for that Ullrs - That was a really good explanation. So what did you think about when you wernt supposed to think? How do you think about nothing? Why were you going to school? If you wernt supposed to think and only do as your told, then whats the purpose of learning anything other than what your owner tells you to do? Im confused about this. Thanks :o) I never said I wasn't supposed to think. On the contrary even, I was very much expected to think. In fact, one of my duties was to entertain my owner with intellectual discourse at times. It was just highly structured in the manner, time, and topics that I was allowed/expected to converse about. Mostly a lot of philosophy, ethics, politics, and sociology. Don't confusion an expectance of obedience with an expectance of mindlessness. That wasn't at all the case... well, with at least one of my owners... the other one not so much. Compare it with a soldier instead of with a jail. Soldiers are supposed to obey orders precisely and immediately. However, that doesn't mean that they are required not to think in an overall sense. In fact, the military very much encourages them to think about certain things, while they may at the same time be discouraging thought about other things. In the end though, the general expectation remains one of obedience, regardless of what any individual soldier may be thinking. As for why I was going to college, that's simple: it was the easiest way to be able to secure a visa that allowed me to remain in the US for an extended period of time.

JanahX -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 5:13:18 AM)
Okay - so with what you told me aside, what did you do all day when you wernt doing school stuff?

UllrsIshtar -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 5:20:35 AM)
Mostly clean, do laundry, yard work, and food prep. Imaging a cross-over between a maid, a personal assistant, a handy-man, and a gardener. That was what I was expected to be about 98% of the time. My most basic of duties where to be exquisitely beautiful and absolutely obedient. Which usually translated into follow orders, and try to make their lives as pleasant as possible. Sexual services where very infrequent, but also among my duties. BDSM-play absolutely nonexistent unless you count some random ass-slapping/hair-pulling/groping. My owners have a large property that requires a lot of maintenance. My former Mistress keeps a very large vegetable garden that took a lot of time and work. Both in watering, maintenance, as well as canning/preserving the harvest. When she'd go out of the house, to the store or social events, I'd also often accompany her. My former Master owns a trucking company, and drives himself. He generally was away from home for 5-6 day at a time. Occasionally he'd take me with him, in which case my function the entire week was to entertain him and keep him company.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 6:26:10 AM)
Tat sounds like a very interesting life :)

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 7:27:39 AM)
Using FR: Many people new to BDSM think of slavery in terms of what it means physically, and certainly the definition of "strong control" or "extremely slavery" or "micro managing," whatever you which to call it, has a firm connotation of a great deal of physical control. Which is why so many of the answers here are based on the physical control aspects of the relationship. In my mind, however, slavery in the BDSM context has little to do with physical control and everything to do with mental control. I say this for two reasons. One, in this country (the US) actual physical slavery is illegal and cannot exist. Two, d-types don't want an illegal slave, they want a willing slave. (Any sadistic fool can kidnap someone and torture them into becoming their "slave." These types end on the news all too often. This might be someone's definition of "extreme slavery" a/o "total control." It has nothing to do with slavery within the BDSM context.) In order to inspire someone to become your slave willingly, you have to have more than a big stick and a bad attitude. It takes time and patience, and the strong desire to get into the s-types head, to learn what she/he is all about, to know what makes them tick. Which is why I say slavery in the BDSM context is a mindset. It's about understanding someone has control of you on a level that actually goes far beyond the physical in many ways. Although very often the s-type is given a great deal of personal autonomy in their lives, they are never confused as to who is in charge, as to who can take back that autonomy and exert control whenever they wish. Many people new to this think being physically controlled 24/7 would be great fun. For many of us it is fun for short periods of time. I'm sure there are some who flourish in this type of highly structured environment for even longer periods. However, it's my opinion that VERY OFTEN a dominant who needs to exert a great deal of physical control or likes to micro manage does so b/c she or he is lacking in their ability to mentally control. I capped very often b/c I'm well aware this is not always true. But when I see a dominant who does like this amount of control, I look for other red flags, for instance, is she/he a total control freak in other aspects of their life? Control freaks, in my never humble opinion, don't make good dominants.

JanahX -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 7:33:44 AM)
These are awesome replies. Ive never understood this - and this is really helping me understand this kind of thing. [sm=pompom.gif]

CuriousFerret -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 7:39:04 AM)
My husband and I drift in and out of different levels of control. There are times when I have to ask his permission to go use the bathroom, or he gets pissed. There are times when it's hard to tell there's any D/s system in our relationship at all. For example, once in a while, I ask him for permission to take a shower, and he tells me, "you don't have to ask me!" but other times he gets upset if I do things like that without asking. Unpredictable? Not really. It's just a matter of knowing what level of control we're at at the time, and you can only develop these understandings by actually having a long-term relationship and seriously making a dedicated, concerted effort to get it to work out. And the "service" factor also varies. There are times when I am preparing his food and on my hands and knees with a toothbrush or something akin to that every day, and there are times when he does most of the cooking and a good share of the chores. There are times when I'm doing things like getting him dressed and trimming his nails for him daily, but there are times when he would get annoyed if I even offered. Therefore, I think it's nice to have someone as your tool for "vacation" periods, but it gets grating after a while. And yes, there are times when he snaps at me if I am obviously lost in thought, and he demands detailed knowledge of what I'm thinking. Yes, I've experienced thought control, as in not having a right to privacy even in my own thoughts. Yes, I liked it. It felt incredibly intimate. Yes, too much of it would drive me to where I would have to be institutionalized. Anyway, I don't think that a healthy or fulfilling relationship would consist of full-time, "total" slavery, throughout the year. I have found short time-periods of higher levels and intensities of control to be fairly satisfying, though. The reason I like it is that it builds up a level of intimacy. I feel like an extension of his body, and I feel like my mind is an extension of his. Intimacy feels extremely good for any couple. This is just how my husband and I go about it sometimes. I think of it as "being in heat." You might like being someone's "bitch" year-round, generally having similar rights and expectations to a housecat, but you would have to be seriously warped to want to stay "in heat" year-round, understand?

OsideGirl -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 7:55:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep Micromanagement relationships don't mean the sub/slave is too stupid or lazy to do things on her own, or that she is somehow the one driving this arrangement. The majority of the time, the M/D folks are the ones who put it in place. I understand that. But, I also understand that it's a lot of work and quite frequently not feasible. I think a lot of people don't think about the intricacies involved. ie: asking for permission to pee. I drink more than a gallon of water a day and because of that end up peeing about once every hour. That would mean interrupting Master while he's at work to ask permission while he's busy. And when I was working for someone else, it meant interrupting my job to ask him permission....in an environment when it was hard to find time to go to the bathroom in the first place.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 8:04:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Somuchmoreinsc what is it like being a total slave where the master does and controls everything from bathroom use to bath time? I haven't read any of the other replies, so I apologize if I repeat something that has already been said. There are two points that you have to realize. First, every relationship is different. After all, the people in them are what make the relationship. And one couple may respond totally differently to the exact same situation than another couple would. Thus, it's hard to describe how a certain situation is. It really depends on YOU and YOUR PARTNER much more than it depends on the situation itself. Secondly, YOU are an individual. You are unique. So your experience will be different from any of ours. But having said that, I'll say that it's really going to depend on you. If you enjoy micromanagement, then you may enjoy the type of situation that you described. If you don't, then it will get old very quickly. Do you currently have a partner? If not, then I would begin working on finding one. The answers to your questions can only be found by placing yourself in the situation that you describe. BTW, in case anyone thinks that I'm being snarky, I am not. I really believe that experiencing it yourself is the only way to answer the question. IMO what you're asking is kind of like asking "What's it like to be in a relationship?" Everyone is going to have a different experience, and therefore, everyone will have a different answer. More importantly, none of them may be relevant to your personal experience.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 8:46:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Control freaks, in my never humble opinion, don't make good dominants. I have been trying for some time to figure out the distinction between control freak and dominant. In my one and only fairly short experience, he was both. Would you mind expanding on that? If this is the wrong place or thread to ask this, I apologize. Thanks.

OsideGirl -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 9:12:00 AM)
"control freak" usually comes from feeling inferior. By controlling everything around them they think they can minimize their vulnerability. Frequently, they bully and push to get that control. It falls under domineering rather than dominant.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 9:20:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl "control freak" usually comes from feeling inferior. By controlling everything around them they think they can minimize their vulnerability. Frequently, they bully and push to get that control. It falls under domineering rather than dominant. Then if someone is confident and not a bully, but is very controlling, would you say he dominant rather than a control freak? I realize I'm trying to identify "true dominant" in my mind; something of a minefield, but I'm trying anyway. I don't want to be jerked around by a dominant wannabe and when you're new, it's not easy to distinguish control from dominance (at least not for me).

amaidiamond -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 9:24:21 AM)
I am in a 24/7 M/s Dynamic and identify as property.. I am however not micromanaged - he COULD if he decided to but in all honesty that would bore him to tears, he prefers proactive service. Some things like bathroom use there are rules around, like if I am with him and need to pee I need permission simply because sometimes he finds it fun to say no and watch me do the pee dance :D However that only applies when I am with him and he is awake so not if i am out or he is out or asleep etc. I am expected to take care of the cooking etc but he does not control what i cook, basically I know what sort of food he enjoys and as long as a meal ends up in front of him he is happy. Same with clothing, I know the dress style he likes and as it stands luckily I already favored the style he finds attractive so no real tweaking there :) Hair colour is one big change, it used to be bright purple or blue or green - now its a more subdued red and also hair length is different, He likes long hair on girls so it's being grown. My main rule is very simple - please him.

OsideGirl -> RE: what is it like to be a total slave? (10/17/2012 9:35:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl "control freak" usually comes from feeling inferior. By controlling everything around them they think they can minimize their vulnerability. Frequently, they bully and push to get that control. It falls under domineering rather than dominant. Then if someone is confident and not a bully, but is very controlling, would you say he dominant rather than a control freak? Honestly, I would say that the real test is how they respond when they can't have control.

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