quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Its like high school reunions:

5 year:  Yeah, I am the Vice President of Interflexionvorkrach pullin down 200K and really living the dream. (response: wow I am doing pretty great myself)

10 year:  Yeah, needed some time off the mill, own a picture framing studio now making out like a bandit. (response: wow, nice you can live the dream and have it all)

20 year:  Well, been thru a couple wives, got upside down in my mortgage, but getting by...(response:  Wow, glad you are still making it. hope I can get that far)

30 year or 40 year.  Yeah, I been a crack whore for the last 20 years, sucking cock for 2 bucks a shot, I really fucked up.  (response:  wow, bet that don't come with dental)

Like that.  Be the best you can be, and you dont have to join the Marines to do it, and if you want to join them, thats fine too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetitBunny
When did you first realize this lifestyle is part of who you are? Do you find that once you did, you felt liberated from your experience? Did you have a lightbulb moment when reflecting on your past?I'll share my answers to be fair. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ursamajour

Bunny, I'm thinking the issue is that you waited too long to let your partners see the real you. When we have desires that go beyond what many consider "normal," it's even more important to be honest and upfront about those desires. Sexual incompatibility is as much a death sentence to a relationship as any other form of incompatibility and the failure, as is usually the case, is one of communication. I let any girl in whom I have romantic interest know about my nature, sex drive, and needs as soon as we get to the stage when discussions begin to turn toward sex. I bring up that I am a dom even sooner because there's no point wasting time with someone who fundamentally cannot thrive under that kind of dynamic.

As for how I realized this lifestyle was for me? It was always there but I spent years in conflict between personality/interests and my modern beliefs. I was raised mostly by strong women, taught to respect women and not to be a chauvinist. I consider myself an enlightened feminist so, when I first had the impulse to pin a girlfriend down and have my way with her, it shocked me a bit. I thought it was wrong and disrespectful. I was confused and that confusion played havoc with my relationships, making me alternately powerful and timid, causing more than one girl to say, "You're not who I thought you were." I would buy handcuffs and not use them, grab a partner roughly then let go because I felt I had crossed some line. Finally, I met and dated a lesbian who happened to be submissive. She was a major feminist, activist, postmodernist everything. Through her, I was able to explore my desires without fear of judgment and I learned that my desires did not make me an aberration or a Neanderthal. She helped me understand that being a dominant male and being a modern man who respected women and their rights were not mutually exclusive. I could finally breathe free.

Don't be afraid of yourself. Be honest with partners so you can find the person who won't be afraid of you. Do these things and you will be okay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

quote:

ORIGINAL: ursamajour

Bunny, I'm thinking the issue is that you waited too long to let your partners see the real you. When we have desires that go beyond what many consider "normal," it's even more important to be honest and upfront about those desires. Sexual incompatibility is as much a death sentence to a relationship as any other form of incompatibility and the failure, as is usually the case, is one of communication. I let any girl in whom I have romantic interest know about my nature, sex drive, and needs as soon as we get to the stage when discussions begin to turn toward sex. I bring up that I am a dom even sooner because there's no point wasting time with someone who fundamentally cannot thrive under that kind of dynamic.

As for how I realized this lifestyle was for me? It was always there but I spent years in conflict between personality/interests and my modern beliefs. I was raised mostly by strong women, taught to respect women and not to be a chauvinist. I consider myself an enlightened feminist so, when I first had the impulse to pin a girlfriend down and have my way with her, it shocked me a bit. I thought it was wrong and disrespectful. I was confused and that confusion played havoc with my relationships, making me alternately powerful and timid, causing more than one girl to say, "You're not who I thought you were." I would buy handcuffs and not use them, grab a partner roughly then let go because I felt I had crossed some line. Finally, I met and dated a lesbian who happened to be submissive. She was a major feminist, activist, postmodernist everything. Through her, I was able to explore my desires without fear of judgment and I learned that my desires did not make me an aberration or a Neanderthal. She helped me understand that being a dominant male and being a modern man who respected women and their rights were not mutually exclusive. I could finally breathe free.

Don't be afraid of yourself. Be honest with partners so you can find the person who won't be afraid of you. Do these things and you will be okay.

What a great post of understanding ones self. Bunny should get some enlightment from that cause its so very very true. When we can understand we are part of the problem and we figure it out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetitBunny

Hello everyone. :)


I believe I always knew this is part of who I am, even before I lost my virginity (very late age). I masturbated at least two or three times a day when I first discovered I could have an orgasm at a very young. I couldn't get enough sex and the more sex I did have, the more I wanted and the more I wanted to explore. This is probably normal, but as I got older I started to see throughtout the years, whomever my boyfriends were, did not feel the same. I wanted to make movies, have sex to porn, be choked, spanked, be fingered in public without anyone having a clue and much more. I was married a short time and even after begging to fuck to porn, he was not into it. I thought there was something wrong with me, felt guilt, shame and so on. Fast forward to only about a year and a half ago. I had my second threesome with this wonderful, wonderful couple that are good friends of mine. While another friend of ours watched. It was absolutely liberating. I loved every second of it. I was their toy to play with and I felt so in my element. Total respect in the whole experience. I wanted more, but I was left satisifed in a way I had never experienced before. I had met someone shortly after that and again, supressed it. Well, I think I've realized recently that my lifestyle desire is what caused all my breakups. Not because there is something wrong with me. No, I know that now (after having a good talk with a good Dom friend, whom I didn't know was one), but because my partner never felt like I was fully satisfied. I had to BEG for anything other than just regular (can't think of a better word) sex. Eventually, they all ended because their insecurities got the best of them. I wanted them to dominate me and not just in the bedroom and in non-sexual ways as well. Wanting to wear bondage under my clothes in public was never on the table, in any of my past relationships. Okay, so I could probably go on, but I hope it all makes sense to where I am going.

Okay, so more than three questions, but I'm eager to read any responses.

quote:

I just don't understand what it is I did wrong. I've been faithful in all my relationships and have never entered into a monogamus relationship unless I new I could be 100% faithful, not having the desire to be with someone else. It's fine in the beginning. It's when I ask if he wants to tie me up and spank me until my ass is red and throbbing. I like to be dominated in other aspects, not just sexually. It's pyschological for me. Getting permission to do things, making me clean the house, run to the store because he has a craving for a certain flavor of ice cream, giving me a curfew or not, whenever he feels like it and not having to give me a reason why. When my boyfriends would ask me if I want to have sex, for some reason, my desire goes away or lessens. Of course I want to have sex. He would never has to ask me. I want him to just take me whenever he wants, without asking. If there are the rare times I really don't want to because I'm really sick with a terrible cold, then I'll mention it.
I ask sweetly if these are things they would want to do to me. I only want to be with a man who WANTS to do these things. It pleases me to please him. That's when the relationship changes. They start driving by my place to see if I'm home when I say I am. They start checking my cell phone and asking who every single person is in there. Accused me of wanting to bang their friends because we were in the same room together. Wanting to know who I was talking to, what the conversation was and so on. Where exactly did I go and do with my girlfriends that I would rarely see because he would be upset, jealous and skeptical about doing things without him. Why would all these things happen AFTER I bring up asking if he would want to do those things to me. Because I do have a few swinger friends that are couples, my ex thought that was too strange and coincidental for me to not be sleeping with all of them. I ended with him after about a year because he said he spent too much time wondering if I really loved him and he couldn't fully trust me. He said it was his issue, promised to work on it, and wanted me back.

Am I truly just a nympho/sex addict? Do none of these desires make me a submissive?

< Message edited by PetitBunny -- 10/18/2012 10:38:24 AM >

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

The problem ain't you-it's the men you picked.
Meet a real dom, a guy who lives and breathes this shit and you'll be fine.
He'll scratch all your itches, hit those bright red buttons and also nail a few you never even knew existed.

Lots of guys talk the game, few few walk it.
Your problem is gonna be that meeting that right guy, yeah, he's the needle in the haystack and most of em get nabbed right quick.
Hate to say it and all, but it's my experience that it's zounds harder for a gal to find a serious dom than the other way around.And this holds true for munches as well as on sites such as this

quote:

Frankly, I dont think its a real profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ursamajour

Bunny, I'm thinking the issue is that you waited too long to let your partners see the real you. When we have desires that go beyond what many consider "normal," it's even more important to be honest and upfront about those desires. Sexual incompatibility is as much a death sentence to a relationship as any other form of incompatibility and the failure, as is usually the case, is one of communication. I let any girl in whom I have romantic interest know about my nature, sex drive, and needs as soon as we get to the stage when discussions begin to turn toward sex. I bring up that I am a dom even sooner because there's no point wasting time with someone who fundamentally cannot thrive under that kind of dynamic.

As for how I realized this lifestyle was for me? It was always there but I spent years in conflict between personality/interests and my modern beliefs. I was raised mostly by strong women, taught to respect women and not to be a chauvinist. I consider myself an enlightened feminist so, when I first had the impulse to pin a girlfriend down and have my way with her, it shocked me a bit. I thought it was wrong and disrespectful. I was confused and that confusion played havoc with my relationships, making me alternately powerful and timid, causing more than one girl to say, "You're not who I thought you were." I would buy handcuffs and not use them, grab a partner roughly then let go because I felt I had crossed some line. Finally, I met and dated a lesbian who happened to be submissive. She was a major feminist, activist, postmodernist everything. Through her, I was able to explore my desires without fear of judgment and I learned that my desires did not make me an aberration or a Neanderthal. She helped me understand that being a dominant male and being a modern man who respected women and their rights were not mutually exclusive. I could finally breathe free.

Don't be afraid of yourself. Be honest with partners so you can find the person who won't be afraid of you. Do these things and you will be okay.