RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare? - 10/19/2012 8:29:53 AM

CuriousFerret

Posts: 68
Joined: 10/16/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Temp1010

I now know that speaking benefits both of us and can make play better.

That speaks to my experience. You usually can't go wrong with communication. Thank you for setting our minds at ease, ma'am. I hope you and your friend have fun.

(in reply to Temp1010)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare? - 10/19/2012 10:54:37 AM

Muchtado

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

Hello Temp,

What I was thinking was that maybe you had something in your past that makes you feel like you deserved this treatment. That this is how you were making amends for something you did in your past.

This has happened to me. I was working with a submissive that every time we got together she wanted me to “punish” her for lack of a better term. She had made some bad choices in the past and she felt like she should be disciplined for those decisions. In her mind (I found this out later) BDSM for her was a means to an end. That end was to make her pay for what she did in the past.

This denotes a deeper psychosis that needs to be dealt with by a professional. She could have started cutting, being anorexic or bulimic or any other self destructive activities that are common with this condition. Instead of doing any of those, in my opinion, she used a BDSM relationship to provide the destructive activity for her.

Understand that I do not know your particular circumstances. I was just going by my own experience. That is why I liked when you wrote what you did. It kept me from making a fool of myself by assuming facts that were not stated. In my own defense, I was drawing from my own personal experience.

I really hope that you and MissA can work this out. She seems to be a good match for you and she does care enough to try to get feedback on her concerns. IMHO you should sit down with MissA and talk through this so you both get what you need.

Larry

(in reply to CuriousFerret)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare? - 10/19/2012 12:53:25 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Should you be more insistent? Thats up to you...`ey!
As for my own personal experience when I was under someone sometimes I wanted it, somtimes I didn`t...sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn`t.
When I did NOT want it, it was like leave me aloneeeeeeeeee. I had to process *stuff8 and sometimes that would take days...then I would talk to her about it.

On the otherside...sometimes I give it...sometimes I don`t -L-...I`m not a mind reader.

So for me, I had to learn how to communicate alot more than I ever had in any other type of relationship. That was hard and...I was terrified at times. Thats what I like about this lifestyle...spit it the f$%^& out will ya! Its for their benifit as well as mine...

Peace...

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Should I Be More Insistent with Aftercare? - 10/19/2012 2:02:40 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Temp1010
i am very sure that there are nice people here. i may just stay on collarchat. the personal ad side is not my style. i'm not sure yet.

Well you'd hardly be the only one who finds the discussion boards useful and the dating side.... not-so-much. I think the only reason I even go to the other side is to pickup my cmail... almost all of which is from friends on these boards. Welcome to CM... even if it is just a drive-by :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Temp1010)

Profile

Post #: 44