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Being Collared - 6/14/2006 8:26:28 AM

starfire23

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What does being collared really mean? I mean as far as the relationship. What changes with the presentation of a collar? What is the significance of being collared or not collared? Thanks.

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 8:33:44 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

What does being collared really mean?

It means different things to different people. For some, it's akin to marriage. For others, not so much.

quote:

I mean as far as the relationship. What changes with the presentation of a collar?

Not a whole hell of a lot, in my book. You're in a commitment to another person. The collar is nothing more then a symbol. It doesn't have to be there.

quote:

What is the significance of being collared or not collared?

That is only something you can decide.

_____________________________

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 8:40:51 AM

starfire23

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Thanks for the reply and your insights. I look forward to hearing more opinions as well. :)

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 8:43:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: starfire23
What does being collared really mean? I mean as far as the relationship.

Whatever you want it to.

quote:

What changes with the presentation of a collar?

Whatever you want it to.

quote:

What is the significance of being collared or not collared? Thanks.

Nothing except to the people involved.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 8:58:53 AM

litleone8620

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quote:

ORIGINAL: starfire23

What does being collared really mean? I mean as far as the relationship. What changes with the presentation of a collar? What is the significance of being collared or not collared? Thanks.

You can't put labels on something that is signifacant only to the person wearing it, and the person who gave it to you. Kind of like a tattoo.

I wear a locked chain around my ankle with a dog tag displaying 'littleone'.The dog tag is self-explanatory. My dominant gave it to me to put on the chain. If and when the time comes that we go our separate ways, i will give the dog tag back, but i would like to keep the chain because it has become part of my being. I would feel naked without it.

I think with this thread, you're going to get nothing but repetitive answers stating: it means what you want it to mean. Nothing, and everything can change, but don't blame the collar for that one. Blame your assumption that things SHOULD change because you were given a collar.

No submissive or slave is less of a sub/slave just because they're not collared. The same goes for the fact that no collared sub/slave is better because they're collared. Even though some might think so.

I didn't want to start a new thread for this question, since it is kind of the same topic; i was wondering if a submissive turns down a dominant's collar (for whatever reason), do they go their separate ways? Or continue with their relationship. Or does the dominant make sure the submissive is going to accept his collar before he offers it to her?

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 9:48:11 AM

RavenMuse

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Much like MD to me the physical collar itself is a bit of leather with a few bits of metal.... the commitment is between me and my girl. She was mine before I bought it and was mine after I placed it on her neck.

To her it is a reasuring symbol of that connection, something tangable she can touch and draw strength from in the small hours of the night when she wakes slightly insecure when life means we have to be apart.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 9:52:13 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
Or does the dominant make sure the submissive is going to accept his collar before he offers it to her?

I've never had a collar turned down when it has reached the point of offering it, it has always been simply a recognition of where things actualy where in the relationship. Though I've had several not go there when we where both working toward that point!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to litleone8620)

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 9:57:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
i was wondering if a submissive turns down a dominant's collar (for whatever reason), do they go their separate ways? Or continue with their relationship. Or does the dominant make sure the submissive is going to accept his collar before he offers it to her?

Well one should hope that the dom knows beforehand that it's a pretty sure bet. But I'd like seeing it discussed and openly chosen by the slave beforehand- get rid of thise idea that she's a passive person in the process and just has to take it. I once had the horrific pleasure of being invited to a cyber SURPRISE collaring- the slave had no idea about it and collars had never even been discussed in the relationship.

IMO a commitment as big as this one usually is isn't something that should be sprung as a surprise. It's not like an engagement- it's like a wedding.

As far as what happens if one decides it's not time yet- depends on the relationship. One would hope they continue together, but ultimately their expectations may not match and they need to go separately.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:01:15 AM

wild1cfl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: starfire23

What does being collared really mean? I mean as far as the relationship. What changes with the presentation of a collar? What is the significance of being collared or not collared? Thanks.

For my wife and I we do not prefer to "collar" a slave or submissive. For us it is about commitment rather than the symbolism of a collar. This is not to say that we have not used a collar for that symbolism, but it is only when the slave or submissive is the one desiring that symbol. We think about it very much like a ring is a symbol of marriage, the collar is a symbol of the person's servitude to us as either a slave or submissive.

Wild

(in reply to starfire23)

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:06:44 AM

starfire23

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Thanks again for sharing persepectives on this. I guess I'm kind of confused on the "it means whatever you want it to" or "it doesn't matter whether you're collared or not" because if it didn't have a significance it wouldn't exist. I mean really, is being collared in the BDSM lifestyle equvalent to a wedding ring? ... an engagement ring? ... just an I'm your bf/gf ring?...a letter jacket?..what? There has to be some generally understood concept otherwise I wouldn't be reading things like "i'm collared but have permission to play..when other doms find out I'm collared they don't want anything to do with me" etc. Is it the universal "I'm taken" or "we're commited" symbol? If so, why not just wear a ring? Or is it because it marks ownership in a way a ring doesn't? Just really trying to get an understanding here so forgive my ignorance. I ask because the dom in my life has spoken of collaring me, and I like the thought very much. I'm wondering about the symbolism of it. Much thanks.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:08:49 AM

starfire23

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I see a couple replies came in as I was posting above that did address some of the additional questions I posed.

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:10:32 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: starfire23
is being collared in the BDSM lifestyle equvalent to a wedding ring? ... an engagement ring? ... just an I'm your bf/gf ring?...a letter jacket?..what?

For some people yes, for some people no.

quote:

There has to be some generally understood concept otherwise I wouldn't be reading things like "i'm collared but have permission to play..when other doms find out I'm collared they don't want anything to do with me" etc.

Those are people who make the assumption that everyone else uses the collar the same way that we do.

IN GENERAL- a collar means "serious commitment to someone in an authority transfer relationship"

However, what it ACTUALLY means in any PARTICULAR relationship can be extremely varied. It is a symbol and you make it what you want.

quote:

Is it the universal "I'm taken" or "we're commited" symbol? If so, why not just wear a ring?

Some people do. Some people don't wear anything. Some people use a peep bunny plush backpack clip (OK I'm the only one I know who does that but I bet others do).

quote:

I ask because the dom in my life has spoken of collaring me, and I like the thought very much. I'm wondering about the symbolism of it. Much thanks.

It can and will mean anything you decide it means. You need to know how HE feels about it and whether that matches with what YOU want it to be about.

If you're coming into this expecting answers like "A is this, B is this" and have the life laid out in an easy to follow step by step guide" you're going to be sadly disappointed.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 6/14/2006 10:11:13 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:12:47 AM

lapgirl

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Does the collar also signify an exclusivity in the relationship between the Dom and sub? Not sure why i am thinking this, perhaps in a reading i have done. i thought a collar meant you were for His exclusive pleasure. ?? i am such a newbie.... but responses please. Thanks for your time and have a great day.

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:24:53 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lapgirl
Does the collar also signify an exclusivity in the relationship between the Dom and sub?

For some yes, for some no.

quote:

i thought a collar meant you were for His exclusive pleasure. ??

Not for everyone. Lots of masters share their collared slaves in a variety of ways.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:30:07 AM

angelface183

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In my humble and not so knowledgeable opinion, I believe it akin to a wedding ring that signifies whatever the people in question choose it to mean. *much like a wedding ring, after all, we do not know the inner workings of another's marriage.*

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:31:01 AM

starfire23

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

IN GENERAL- a collar means "serious commitment to someone in an authority transfer relationship"

However, what it ACTUALLY means in any PARTICULAR relationship can be extremely varied. It is a symbol and you make it what you want.

It can and will mean anything you decide it means. You need to know how HE feels about it and whether that matches with what YOU want it to be about.

If you're coming into this expecting answers like "A is this, B is this" and have the life laid out in an easy to follow step by step guide" you're going to be sadly disappointed.

Thank you very much for you replies LuckyAlbatross. This was kind of how I thought about the general thoughts on collaring. I know there will be variances in every situation and I'm not looking for black and white answers, just general perception without the intimately decided details.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:41:20 AM

wild1cfl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: starfire23

Thanks again for sharing persepectives on this. There has to be some generally understood concept Or is it because it marks ownership in a way a ring doesn't? Just really trying to get an understanding here so forgive my ignorance. I ask because the dom in my life has spoken of collaring me, and I like the thought very much. I'm wondering about the symbolism of it. Much thanks.

Just a little history lesson here. Collars were used by many different cultures in the ancient world for slaves. They had hte purpose of being able to control and contain the slave when necessary by being able to chain them to a wall at night or to a rowing bench on a galley. Over time the usefullness was still there but some people start to make the collars more of an adornment than useful. The Celtic people for example would shape animal heads on the ends of the collars and put symbols on them, many of them were open at the throat where a knife could easily be put to cut their throat. So over time it has become a universal symbol of ownership to many. To many people it can be significant to them to be collared adn to wear a collar as it does signify ownership. What owners do with their property is up to the owner. If the property is allowed to be used by others than that is the decision of the owner. Other owners do not want other people driving their car or driving their slave so they do not share them with others. Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:46:59 AM

mastersayed

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I think the whole "collaring ceremony" thing started with the gor books. I geuss its just whatever you make it, not big in my book.

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 10:50:55 AM

wild1cfl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastersayed

I think the whole "collaring ceremony" thing started with the gor books. I geuss its just whatever you make it, not big in my book.

Much much earlier than the Gor books John Norman published in the 20th century. The Hindi had collaring ceremonies as early as the 1st century A.D. The Celts would hold a ceremony for the collaring of their slaves after their capture from battle that would last for several days.

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

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RE: Being Collared - 6/14/2006 11:07:55 AM

hmmmmnbird

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quote:

I didn't want to start a new thread for this question, since it is kind of the same topic; i was wondering if a submissive turns down a dominant's collar (for whatever reason), do they go their separate ways? Or continue with their relationship. Or does the dominant make sure the submissive is going to accept his collar before he offers it to her?

In my case, I accepted the collar in a moment of passion. When the passion was over, I gave him the collar back. Basically, because it meant more than I was willing to give.
I guess that somewhat answers the original OP's queations. To him, the collar meant he had absolute ownership and power. I thought I wanted to give him that, but I quickly realized that it was a sexual thing for me. I like the sexual roleplay, but not the 24/7 slavery. So I couldn't in good concious keep his collar.
We remained together for several months, negotiating the relationship. We're both moving on, but we still care about each other and spend time together, but we want different things in a relationship, so we're both looking elsewhere.

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