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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 7:13:20 AM

amaidiamond

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Run, run like hell.... don't turn around, don't look back just get the hell out ASAP.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 7:19:41 AM

Lockit

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Run and run right to someone that can help discover why an adult would think this was okay, especially with a friend saying... um... this doesn't look good. Why excuse it or even think about doing it? What does that say about the person with so little experience or regard for themselves that they would play the game and a game that could be dangerous?

There are a couple red flags here and though the demanding guy is one... the other is the friend that needs convincing that this might not be a great idea. Some like risks. Some like to be fooled. Some even like to be a victim. Almost always a red flag to me.

Hell, make them watch Nancy Grace for a week and if that isn't enough to convince them or put them in a coma... let them go for their risky fun and either have fun or learn a lesson.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/19/2012 7:26:16 AM >

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 8:16:27 AM

sexyred1

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Am I the only one here who cannot believe grown up adults ask these questions?

Really?

Someone needs to have strangers tell them about red flags?

Really?

I think I might have to add this to my signature: Are brains passe now?

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 2:50:55 PM

Kana

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This is an IQ test right?

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 2:51:55 PM

mnottertail

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Uh..........Seventeen.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 3:11:46 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkenchantments

He's presently talking to a guy and leading up to a meet. However, the dom has refused to meet for a vanilla 'get to know you better' drink or anything, and is insisting that he comes direct to my friend's home in the early hours of the morning - he has a long drive after finishing work - to spend the weekend. My friend is to reimburse his petrol expenses and to be waiting naked, kneeling face to the wall, for what comes!

Greetings,

I question whether your friend would be willing to afford the same latitude to guy friendly that he met locally. I'm willing to bet he'd have some reservations. In our excitement to make plausible connections we can lose our common sense and agree to things that would be unthinkable if the supposed opportunity weren't a fleeting possibility that may not come again. Which is part of the larger issue. If he believes this is the only chance of meeting him he's more likely to make gross mistakes that he'd eagerly say no to otherwise.

quote:

I've checked out the dom's profile, and it isn't encouraging. There's no pic, no posting history. Its so mis-spelled it reads rather like one of those middle eastern ones looking for your email addy;

I'm continually baffled why a command of the Queen's language gives a stranger credence. Any reasonable fellow that can write well can craft an identity with ease. I wouldn't grant the degree of validation you're giving to a well composed profile. If anything I'd be more cautious.

quote:

He's now told my friend he wants him to be naked at all times in the house, getting used to it before the dom visits.

Unless your friend has a built in incubator that regulates his body temperature I'm willing to bet he'd desire clothing at some point.

quote:

Your postitive advice would be most welcome.

Your friend is MALE. Where is this confusion coming from? I would expect some degree of uncertainty from a woman but what is this? Has he tucked away everything he knew of the species when he made the decision to be submissive? Don't encourage his tomfoolery. If he was advising a woman he'd locate his common sense.

~porcelaine

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 3:18:44 PM

darkenchantments

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Thank you to all of you who have responded to this. lizi, ChatteParfaitt, BurntKitty, you especially brought up nuances that I hadn't thought of, and thank you. Some of your comments sent a shiver down my spine! My friend has also read and digested what you say, and no longer thinks I'm just being Mr. Paranoia! When so many knowledgeable people on the scene also express similar reservations, and more, even he has decided it would be best to cease thinking with the lower brain - the one a couple of feet lower than the other brain, and which is responsible for much male thought - and cease acting like the 'wallet with a dick'! He's going to tell the guy that he's no longer willing to consider progressing this relationship unless they can agree to do so in a safe and sensible manner. He accepts this will probably mean a quick ending of things, but now appreciates this is much better than exposing himself to potentially disasterous consequences. He's also going to alter his profile to remove the mention of finances.

Thank you all for your helpful and considerate responses. All best wishes.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 3:34:15 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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More red flags than this photo.

If your friend did let this happen, when the "Dom" showed up I suspect he would have looked a lot like this:

[Photo of minor removed.]

< Message edited by VideoAdminTheta -- 10/19/2012 4:51:57 PM >

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 3:38:53 PM

lizi

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Glad your friend is rethinking things. The men I've met who have made the best impression on me are the ones who take my safety seriously and make the effort to make me comfortable by doing things in an upright manner. The sexy, scary stuff is for later when I've gotten to know him, and have given the go ahead. No one should expect to be a Dominant before they've been given permission to be one.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 3:39:39 PM

littlewonder

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I would be laughing to his face and tell him if he can't meet for a drink then fuck off.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 4:09:16 PM

JanahX

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Tell your friend to go meet him and then report back to us to let us know what happens. I love happy endings.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 4:12:15 PM

AVegasMaster

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The phrase "He's Just Not That Into You" comes to mind.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 4:38:46 PM

BoundSlave4Life

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkenchantments

Thank you to all of you who have responded to this. lizi, ChatteParfaitt, BurntKitty, you especially brought up nuances that I hadn't thought of, and thank you. Some of your comments sent a shiver down my spine! My friend has also read and digested what you say, and no longer thinks I'm just being Mr. Paranoia! When so many knowledgeable people on the scene also express similar reservations, and more, even he has decided it would be best to cease thinking with the lower brain - the one a couple of feet lower than the other brain, and which is responsible for much male thought - and cease acting like the 'wallet with a dick'! He's going to tell the guy that he's no longer willing to consider progressing this relationship unless they can agree to do so in a safe and sensible manner. He accepts this will probably mean a quick ending of things, but now appreciates this is much better than exposing himself to potentially disasterous consequences. He's also going to alter his profile to remove the mention of finances.

Thank you all for your helpful and considerate responses. All best wishes.

I don't normally beg anyone other than Master but...

Please please please please please tell us what happens. I'm sure everyone on this thread wants to know about what happens, and may even be a little worried until we know that your friend is safe.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 4:47:48 PM

amaidiamond

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Yes please do tell us what happened

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 4:53:45 PM

PurrPett

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I, for one, like most people that have taken the time to reply, am SO pleased to hear he's rethinking!!
It's a shame it's not totally.. But baby steps.. He will soon see it for what it is!
I understand that sometimes it takes a neutral perspective from others 'outside' of the situation to see things as they are!
There's a trusting, open and 'wanting to believe in the good' in all of us somewhere deep down.
Gut feelings - never to be ignored!! :-)

Best of luck to him and yourself.. He's lucky to have you there with him!

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 5:58:32 PM

descrite

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This is late, but....

No. No, no, no.

And no.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 6:25:30 PM

Muchtado

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Okay it need not be said at this point so I will not. But DITO on all the responses.

Larry

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 6:29:20 PM

Aswad

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I'm pretty sure a couple of my early N/C ero writings started out with a premise similar to this one.

Then I left puberty and realized nobody would actually fall for something like that.

Apparently, I was very nearly wrong. Darwin Award nomination averted.

Big applause to the OP for being a good friend.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/19/2012 6:41:34 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

The men I've met who have made the best impression on me are the ones who take my safety seriously and make the effort to make me comfortable by doing things in an upright manner. The sexy, scary stuff is for later when I've gotten to know him, and have given the go ahead. No one should expect to be a Dominant before they've been given permission to be one.

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RE: Advice: Dom who declines an initial vanilla meet - 10/20/2012 10:42:57 AM

chatterbox24

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Really?

Screw that PERIOD, I say Scream FREAK FREAK FREAK!

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