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RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/23/2012 2:29:07 PM   
NoChoiceLeft


Posts: 35
Joined: 10/18/2012
Status: offline 		Apparently I've decided to join the forums today. I couldn't help it though, this had to be shared. The BEST fucked up email I ever got

"O ar hat. (I think that was supposed to be 'ur hot' but the ebonics spell check failed, either that or airhat is a term I don't know, anyone with further info please PM me and let me know) I fucked a crispy creme and fulled it ap with my splooge and I was want to fuck mom my mom. I masturbate think of u my sweet sea cow with a mustache. I buy u anything make fuck toy."

I wish I was kidding even a little. Spelling errors and big words spelled right in the same email. I'm a sub and don't do mommy play, I look nothing like a sea cow (manatee, though dude kudos for not using the generic 'whale' or 'lardass') and have no moustache. I had a pic up at the time. Best guess- someone didn't realize that heroine and sugar should not be cooked down and shot into your eyeballs for fun, but when he's sober this guy actually does speak english.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/23/2012 3:05:39 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NoChoiceLeft

Best guess- someone didn't realize that heroine and sugar should not be cooked down and shot into your eyeballs for fun,


That right there is a keeper.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NoChoiceLeft)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/23/2012 5:03:18 PM   
yourdarkdesire


Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline 		Why would you want to cook a heroine? She is the one who saves the dude in distress!

_____________________________

President, ProSubsRUs

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/23/2012 7:39:25 PM   
jennacide


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline 		I told a guy he wasn't my type, he responded with "its okay...your not intellegent enough for me anyway". The k9 one was also pretty funny, mine came with a pic, which I forwarded to a few coworkers.

(in reply to yourdarkdesire)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/27/2012 8:29:04 PM   
obedientangel


Posts: 33
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		From:
&$^@(#
Dated:
10/27/12 8:10 PM
*** The sender of this message has triggered our bulk content filter and has been prevented from sending additional messages at this time. We place these limits on our messaging system to prevent abuse and maintain the quality of our online community. You should not conclude that this user is fake or illegitimate merely because they have triggered the filter. ***

clamp ur nipples down to the floor ... u in a dog position ... and fuck ur asshole deep n hard


Recent Message History:

Me: on 10/27/12 at 8:22 PM:
Oh hey, that sounds fantastic! Wow, this is my lucky day! I've been waiting and waiting for a charmer just like you, where have you been all my life!!! How 'bout a picture of your gorgeous cock and the cute hairy asshole you want me to stick my tongue into, huh? PLEEEEEEEEEEEZE tell me you have a beer-belly and moobs...I'm really into those, the bigger the better, hairy with lots of moles a plus!

Can't wait to hear from you, send pics soon, Hunk!

(in reply to NoChoiceLeft)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/27/2012 10:44:27 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Am I the only one who was disappointed to open the thread and realize it wasn't some sort of ghost story about badly-written communications from the dead?

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to obedientangel)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/27/2012 11:03:29 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Paraphrasing:

"Oh! Hi! You have an interesting hard limit [astrology] Let me tell you about this astrologer who lives in your area..."

Right now I'm busy playing e-mail games with her because...

...this is the part where I make up some noble reason for fucking with her...

...but the reality is that people who believe in astrology are just easy targets and I was bored.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/28/2012 12:42:53 AM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Aaand the fish got off the hook.

How was I supposed to know that there was a real person that was reading the forums? Still, it was fun. When she started mentioning fractals and Jungian philosophy (neither even barely grasped) in relation to astrology to me it was all I could do not to wake the neighbors with my laughter.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/31/2012 11:45:35 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		One from today...

"yeah, but how are you at handjobs?"

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 10/31/2012 11:54:24 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		so, a local older gentleman and i are having a chat and i ask him to tell him more about himself. here's what he said:

"I am a retired financial services exec married to an Irish Catholic woman that has not been interested in the sexual side of our marriage commitment for well over 10 years now. She has also emerged over the years -- especially since her mother died last year, to become the dogmatic and controling bitch that her mother was in their earlier life -- before I knew them and was married to my wife."

now, i'm all about people doing what makes them happy but DAMN. you're gonna call your wife a bitch to a complete stranger? yikes. not my type!

< Message edited by absolutchocolat -- 10/31/2012 11:55:21 PM >

(in reply to Duskypearls)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/1/2012 1:08:16 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		My favorite has always been the one that starts with:
Hi!!
I'm looking for a women.....

(I have no idea what comes after that part, after my eyes fog up in total admiration, and I suddenly choose to abandon all hope for any other man/NOT)

_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/1/2012 6:10:09 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

Am I the only one who was disappointed to open the thread and realize it wasn't some sort of ghost story about badly-written communications from the dead?



Superb.

I get those all the time, though generally when from trees who keep telling me that I have superhuman powers and should be ruling the universe. It gets boring.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/8/2012 10:42:04 AM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		After no messages for about 3 weeks, I got this one this morning:

"Nice outfit. We are looking for a part time sub to come serve in our poly household in Northern cal. Are you currently looking for a master or owner. I own two. Looking for my third"

Yes, black tanktops are ultra nice. Part time sub? Huh? How many hours per week is that position?
Master or owner? What? Aside from mentioning I'm married to my own, in the first sentence of my profile?
Own two what?

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/8/2012 10:46:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I just got:

Her: hello slave

Me: hello switch (she didn't get that)

Her: bow




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/8/2012 4:15:09 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		He apparently didn't like my response... his reply to me:

"No but ramming my cock into sassy mouthed subs throats until they choke is"

That should get all the twue subs!

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/8/2012 4:19:03 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I got one today from a male slave who asked if I wanted to cut his pants off and put cigarettes out on his gentials.

I said, no, I only do that to genitals.

Oh, and I am a sub, but why bother with such distinctions?

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/8/2012 4:22:19 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		I got:
Kneel bitch.


(now really, how did they find out my soul name?)

_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/8/2012 7:37:21 PM   
descrite


Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline
quote:

My name is Mr Rick Scott, the owner and C.E.O of Scott Equipment Company, L.L.C., I am a dying man who has decided to donate what I have to you. For charitable goals.


Because, evidently, I am a charitable goal.

It goes on for, like, 300 more words, including a phone number and YIM (yes, YIM is accursed and rife with scammers; whenever a chick I'm messaging asks for either my phone number or IM contact within the first five messages, I know something is Wrong).



I got one on FL last week...a gay male sub photographer complimented my profile shot...then asked if I would like to buy a photo session for a new set of shots.


Nice marketing ploy, dude. Way to sell it.




(in reply to Toysinbabeland)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/9/2012 3:48:58 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I just got:

would you be into sitting on my face and pissing on it

Apparently he thinks I have an amazing bladder that can shoot a stream of urine 3000 miles, because he's in Virginia.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to descrite)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side - 11/9/2012 4:23:33 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I just got:

would you be into sitting on my face and pissing on it

Apparently he thinks I have an amazing bladder that can shoot a stream of urine 3000 miles, because he's in Virginia.

I hope you replied this ^^^ to him!



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 60
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