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Dating games? - 10/21/2012 5:44:27 PM   
FlashinaPan


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		As a dominant, do you play dating games with a submissive you're seeing? To test out the dynamic? The one that comes to mind is the submissive is always the one to call... A dom I'm dating says that he often wants to talk to me, but always just waits for me to call. He says it's part of the dynamic. But to me it seems like game playing which I really dislike. So much so that it's making me lose interest in him!
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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 7:01:38 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		He wouldn't have lasted long with me. I don't believe in playing games or relationship tests.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 7:28:51 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		He sounds lazy.

The only games a Dom has ever played wiith me (that I tolerated) was trying to subtly get me aroused in public on our dates, then deny me when I try to get him to go home early with me.

Any of those stupid headgames designed to make you seem needy or dependant are just bullshit, and usually make me loathe the person in general.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 7:32:22 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

A dom I'm dating says that he often wants to talk to me, but always just waits for me to call. He says it's part of the dynamic.




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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 7:32:43 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
He wouldn't have lasted long with me. I don't believe in playing games or relationship tests.
Yup, this. "Testing" the relationship and playing manipulative games demonstrates immaturity, a lack of respect for you, and a lack of trustworthiness on his part (not to mention a lack of willingness to trust YOU.) That's not the kind of person you want to be with.

Also, in my opinion, refusing to ever call you first indicates a lack of initiative, which I think is a very unattractive quality for a "dominant" man to have.

((Edited for clarity.))

< Message edited by RaspberryLemon -- 10/21/2012 7:34:08 PM >

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 7:36:03 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I can understand why you are losing interest. I'd be the same way. Seems rather childish to play silly games before the relationship has had time to get established.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 7:53:06 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlashinaPan

A dom I'm dating says that he often wants to talk to me, but always just waits for me to call. He says it's part of the dynamic.


I'm a Dom. I go for what I want. If I waited for other people to initiate things, I wouldn't feel very Dom.
quote:



So much so that it's making me lose interest in him!


And if losing a sub over a question of protocol isn't a wake-up call, then I don't know what is.


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 8:26:24 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
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quote:

A dom I'm dating says that he often wants to talk to me, but always just waits for me to call. He says it's part of the dynamic.


What this says is hes just not that into you. Period.

Dont call him .... see how long it takes for him to call you. Ten bucks says he wont.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 10/21/2012 8:29:49 PM >

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 8:50:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlashinaPan

As a dominant, do you play dating games with a submissive you're seeing? To test out the dynamic? The one that comes to mind is the submissive is always the one to call... A dom I'm dating says that he often wants to talk to me, but always just waits for me to call. He says it's part of the dynamic. But to me it seems like game playing which I really dislike. So much so that it's making me lose interest in him!



No. The first few times Master and I talked on the phone, we would get disconnected and we would both end up playing phone tag because we were both calling at the same time so he made it a rule that he would always be the one to call back and he's almost all the time the one to call me. That doesn't mean I can't call him. I can but being that he works and I don't, it's easier for him to call so I don't bother him when it's inconvenient for him. There are no games when it comes to that nor does he need to test our dynamic. I mean we've been together for 7 years now. If he needs to test me to see how submissive I am still then we have a huge huge problem. lol

My advice is: talk to him and tell him what you just said here. If he blows a gasket, move on. If you don't like being the one to call and he still makes it that rule then you have a decision to make...stay or go.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 9:13:37 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I don't understand how he says that him not calling, when that's what he wants to do, is "part of the dynamic."
To me, that just sounds silly, and I'd probably get bored...

I don't like game-playing.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 10:26:39 PM   
MCarabas


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/1/2012
Status: offline 		I could understand it as an exercise in self-control; he wants to call, but he doesn't to strengthen his will and practice control over himself. Many doms swear by the old "you can't control someone else if you can't control yourself." Though this seems an odd place to exercise it.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/21/2012 10:52:18 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I've known doms with a "you come to me" attitude. It works for some. Obviously this approach does not work for you.

It would not have worked for me, either. In fact, when the Mister and I were getting to know each other, I was really rather shy and extremely cautious. I told him my fingers can answer a phone just fine, but they don't seem to dial out. Heh. Meaning, I wouldn't be calling him. It wasn't a game or manipulation, it was just something I wasn't comfortable doing.

He was just fine with it, yet after awhile he'd instruct me to call him, which was easier for me to do once instructed.

But it wasn't a game; just a comfort level at the time. I'm turned off by game playing, and the approach stated in the OP would have turned me off. Since I wasn't interested or comfortable calling an interested man, if he didn't call me, we wouldn't have gotten anywhere.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 7:07:39 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I had a guy tell me he thought about me all the time, but due to his lengthy periods of not calling, writing, or texting, I lost interest.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 7:11:43 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Call me old fashioned, but I like being pursued.

I don't call first and anyone who would say that it was part of any dynamic, would lose my interest immediately.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 7:16:07 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlashinaPan

As a dominant, do you play dating games with a submissive you're seeing? To test out the dynamic? The one that comes to mind is the submissive is always the one to call... A dom I'm dating says that he often wants to talk to me, but always just waits for me to call. He says it's part of the dynamic. But to me it seems like game playing which I really dislike. So much so that it's making me lose interest in him!


I guess I can understand why a Dominant would like to have his submissive make the move to contact, but I can't say that person would be a good match for me. It does seem to me to be to be a bit of game playing, and if you're into that, great. I'm not. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying it's not for me. I need the person I'm with to be interested in me and to show me that interest, otherwise like yourself, I'll lose my interest in him. I've never been one to push my attentions anywhere that they are not welcomed, I would feel like I was doing that if it were always on me to be in touch.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 8:16:46 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		It sounds like games from the girls side, just saying.

By god if we gotta fight about who picks up the fucking phone............the house is too crowded and some must die...........

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 8:23:48 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I've known doms with a "you come to me" attitude. It works for some. Obviously this approach does not work for you.


Relationships take effort from both sides. If one side has to do everything and one does nothing as part of a deliberate strategy, I don't think it's a healthy relationship. It speaks of a relationship where the Dom is disconnected and the sub is desperate for attention.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 8:39:40 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I somewhat agree, OG. In my case, I wasn't interested in a relationship, so I wasn't pursuing one. He was quite willing to do the calling at first. By the time I realized I was interested in him and wanting, as much as he did, to create a relationship together, I began calling him, too. But it did push my comfort level to do so.

But because I didn't want a relationship and preferred to be single, I had no reason to put in any effort toward creating a relationship. I did email him, though. We emailed back and forth for awhile before picking up the phone. I offered him my number before he asked for it.

I understand, as Ron said, that in some cases it seems like a game on both sides of the coin, and I suppose it is. I didn't feel like I was playing any games, though - I just didn't feel like calling him. Plus, in the past I always seemed to be the one to be asking for contact and attention. I needed to not do that for myself this time.

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 8:57:07 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I had no problems calling a Dom. Where my issue would have come in is being expected to always make the call and being expected to pursue him.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Dating games? - 10/22/2012 9:09:08 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I understand. I suppose he could have had the same issues with me, but thankfully he didn't, or neither of us would have called the other and we weren't be together now. But I think he understood my issues with calling, and was really patient about it. It wasn't some edict of "The dom must call the sub" rule. It was some weird self protection thing on my part.

Had it been a game of sorts, or had it been prolonged (I did break through my comfort zone to finally start calling), I'm thinking he'd have lost interest, too.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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