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What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/22/2012 10:16:11 AM   
catalyst247uk


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		Hi I have done a search on the forum and cannot find this answered - its an area I know nothing about so was hoping some here may have experience.

I recently started seeing a submissive (woop - go me!) however it transpires on the other website she is listed as "in a Pack" with a Dominant and several other submissives - she herself brought this to my attention though stresses that its just a joke they are just friends "in her opinion though not all in the pack may feel it a joke".

Communication and discussion between us will no doubt reveal what I need to know in this specific case - but I have ZERO understanding of what a "pack" dynamic is in BDSM terms (assuming there is a generally accepted form of definition or dynamic).

A number of assumptions (not all of which would I personally be happy with) would come to mind if one expected parallel behavior and expectations to most wildlife "packs" - but for all I know the term might be used in an entirely different way.

I am sure on these boards somewhere there must be those who are also in a pack or at least who have experience of such things. If so I would very much appreciate an education if anyone would be so kind as to explain to me the general meaning expectations and protocols of such an arrangement.

Thanks in advance
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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/22/2012 10:21:23 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I don't think you're going to find any common definition on that. But you and I can both work out that it means "some sort of social grouping". In this context, it means some sort of kinky social grouping.

Further, if you ignore all the BDSM-isms, you've got a girlfriend who has a relationship with other people who sees that relationship as a joke yet acknowledges that some of the other people in the relationship do not. Honestly, right there that'd be a red flag to me.

PS: I use the term "pack" but not in any standard definition. To me it's simply the more primal way of denoting "me and mine"... my marriage specifically. In that same vein I refer to Carol as "my mate" or "my bitch"... all referring to a more primal "mate" relationship than "wife".

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/22/2012 10:34:59 AM   
catalyst247uk


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Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Further, if you ignore all the BDSM-isms, you've got a girlfriend who has a relationship with other people who sees that relationship as a joke yet acknowledges that some of the other people in the relationship do not. Honestly, right there that'd be a red flag to me.


Me too in honesty - although to be fair to her I should have been clearer that she initially thought ALL saw it as a joke - it was only afterwards it become apparent that this was possibly not the case.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
PS: I use the term "pack" but not in any standard definition. To me it's simply the more primal way of denoting "me and mine"... my marriage specifically. In that same vein I refer to Carol as "my mate" or "my bitch"... all referring to a more primal "mate" relationship than "wife".


Yes this is sort of where my mind went also Jeff hence red flags and an initial attempt to educate myself before I knee jerked on a dynamic I know nothing about. Lovely though she is I am clearly not going deeper into a relationship where other feel a "claim" ... if indeed that's the case :)

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/22/2012 5:31:10 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		You know whats really weird? I just googled it -to see what the general consensus was on what "A Pack" is
in BDSM terms - N A D A.

Sounds like some kind of bullshit - probably used on fetlife for groups of people that run together on that site.

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/22/2012 7:31:41 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Sounds like a more exciting term for clique, haha. That's a new one to me.

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/22/2012 7:33:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

You know whats really weird? I just googled it -to see what the general consensus was on what "A Pack" is
in BDSM terms - N A D A.

Sounds like some kind of bullshit - probably used on fetlife for groups of people that run together on that site.
Type "wolf" into the search box. Those are the only folks that I'm aware of (and various furries) who use it.



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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/23/2012 12:53:00 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Why not just ask her??????


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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/23/2012 12:55:37 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

You know whats really weird? I just googled it -to see what the general consensus was on what "A Pack" is
in BDSM terms - N A D A.

Sounds like some kind of bullshit - probably used on fetlife for groups of people that run together on that site.


Yeah, over in fetlife it's extremely common. It's usually just a bunch of friends having fun or they have a poly family or some kind of more complex relationship with many others involved.

I've seen it a lot on Fetlife mostly with those in their late teens to mid 20's.


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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/23/2012 9:45:47 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		The only people I know that commony use the term "pack" are those who are....

TNG- Using it to mean something like family but not exactly. Think like a gang. ICP kids are an example of this outside of the bdsm world.

Animal role play folks- Those that put themseleves or those they own in the role of "pets" and keep them there at all times. Normally I have only seen this used by people that have larger numbers in one "group" or "family"

The other kind of animal play- Which I'm not going to get into because I think if I use the correct term a mod might delete my post. But I'm sure everyone understands what kind of animal play I mean.

*edit to add an exmaple*

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 10/23/2012 9:50:33 AM >

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/24/2012 10:34:02 AM   
UnholyBear


Posts: 661
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catalyst247uk

Communication and discussion between us will no doubt reveal what I need to know in this specific case - but I have ZERO understanding of what a "pack" dynamic is in BDSM terms (assuming there is a generally accepted form of definition or dynamic).

A number of assumptions (not all of which would I personally be happy with) would come to mind if one expected parallel behavior and expectations to most wildlife "packs" - but for all I know the term might be used in an entirely different way.


Thanks in advance



As I see it, being part of a "pack" is akin to a Leather person being a member of a Leather family, a leather household and/or a Leather tribe. ( I know Lady Pact or lance will correct me on this as they are more involved in the Leather community than I am).

The basic dynamics are similar though a pack based dynamic is a definition which suits many people when saying they are in a "family" or "member of a house" just doesn't fit in their concept of belonging to an entity that is more than the individual themselves. Most pack dynamics including my own, are heavily animalistic in nature especially in how we play (both sexual and non sexual), the dynamics of how the group interacts within is based on a form of hierarchy although not always where there is one main Alpha. The Alpha or head of that pack is one who generally in a leadership role though it really can't be classified as dominant since most pack leaders do change when a lesser status member steps into a more authoritative role. But yes, it is formed using the pack analogy of pack animals in the wild.

As for me, I do not classify myself as a dominant though I do take a dominant role in my relationship with the cub. About the only time I am addressed as "Sir" is from my cub as that is a requirement of him and to teach him a bit more formality and protocol in our dynamic. Our pack dynamic is such that each member is very protective of other members and the group mindset is less focused on the individual but on the group as whole to ensure it is healthy and strong. In many ways it is very similar to a Sir/boy dynamic yet the interactions are usually less rigid and often subtle in nature.

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/24/2012 12:29:44 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Why not just ask her??????



Well, that would just be madness, on his part, woodenit? Ask the source of the statement what it means to her? Trop bizarre!

Switching sarcasm mode to "off" position, now.
QR

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 7:41:23 AM   
sensientuk


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Why not just ask her??????



Well, that would just be madness, on his part, woodenit? Ask the source of the statement what it means to her? Trop bizarre!

Switching sarcasm mode to "off" position, now.
QR



Well, Rah - did you bother to read my OP ?

quote:

she herself brought this to my attention though stresses that its just a joke they are just friends "in her opinion though not all in the pack may feel it a joke".
<> Communication and discussion between us will no doubt reveal what I need to know in this specific case - but I have ZERO understanding of what a "pack" dynamic is in BDSM terms......


Not that I dont apreciate the odd deserved snark, was there some part of my OP that implied either that "we" had not discussed it first between ourselves, or that she had not expressed "her" opinion?

As there seemed to be some confusion I was simply trying to establish, from those who might be more experienced than us both, in this area if there was a "generally agreed definition :)



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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 9:33:52 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Pack and primal is how the new kids who dont want to suck up to the geezers to be part of their cool kids club and invented their own.

Remember, all of this is invented, culture is just the word for made up shit we accept as "real"...

15 years from now these same people will be bitching that paxks were better/more primal/deeper in the old days.

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 11:17:51 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Ok, I'm confused. You talked to her about it. She told you what it meant and all that. So why did you come here to ask? Does it matter if it's the commonly accepted definition? Why would I care if it's the commonly accepted definition if someone already told me it is THEIR definition. I would accept it and move on if it isn't my thing.


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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 11:41:50 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sensientuk


quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Why not just ask her??????



Ask the source of the statement what it means to her? QR



Well, Rah - did you bother to read my OP ?

quote:

she herself brought this to my attention though stresses that its just a joke they are just friends "in her opinion though not all in the pack may feel it a joke".
<> Communication and discussion between us will no doubt reveal what I need to know in this specific case - but I have ZERO understanding of what a "pack" dynamic is in BDSM terms......







I did read your original post. In it, it appears her answer to you wasn't clear enough for your full understanding. However, instead of asking her to clarify her definition, you have asked strangers for an overview of what "pack" means. I get that you want to get a better grasp of the general definitions. However, they are not your "sub" or her "pack." The members of your intended's pack should be the ones whose ears you tug for elucidation on specific meaning to them. Why not just readdress the subject with her?

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 12:28:38 PM   
UnholyBear


Posts: 661
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Pack and primal is how the new kids who dont want to suck up to the geezers to be part of their cool kids club and invented their own.

Remember, all of this is invented, culture is just the word for made up shit we accept as "real"...

15 years from now these same people will be bitching that paxks were better/more primal/deeper in the old days.



Not really. The terms "pack" and "primal" were around around way before you or anyone else decided to use the terms in modern applications. These terms have never been the created by the new kids but just grew in a more accepted usage. As for what is deemed "cool" well...frankly that is a concept which is too vague and solely subject to the individual's interpretation.

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 12:37:53 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Ok, I'm confused. You talked to her about it. She told you what it meant and all that. So why did you come here to ask? Does it matter if it's the commonly accepted definition? Why would I care if it's the commonly accepted definition if someone already told me it is THEIR definition. I would accept it and move on if it isn't my thing.



Why wouldn't he come ask here?
Even he asked her, and her definition for it has been established, and he needs all he needs to know to continue with there... isn't it possible that he could have an intellectual curiosity towards a term/concept he'd never heard of before, that is totally unrelated to this girl?

From how I read his posts, he's very specifically not asking anybody to try and mind-read what this girl means, but instead, just curious about the term in general.

Are people not supposed to be willing to learn about new things/concepts now, just because our partners may already have given us a definition for them?

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 12:58:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		That's not how he came off to me. It seems as though he's here to justify or make sense of her definition instead of just asking her and them both communicating with one another.

If he was just curious to learn then he wouldn't have had to go through the whole schpeel about the girl. He could have simply asked out of curiosity. The moment someone draws another person into it, I assume they are not asking for advice, but justification.


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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 1:02:41 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		To me, he's talking about the girl as an introduction to how he came about the term.

He very specifically mentions that communication with her is what will tell him what he needs to know in the specific case related to her, but that doing so still leaves him with a lack of understanding of what the term means in general, or if it's even a general term.


quote:

ORIGINAL: catalyst247uk

Communication and discussion between us will no doubt reveal what I need to know in this specific case - but I have ZERO understanding of what a "pack" dynamic is in BDSM terms (assuming there is a generally accepted form of definition or dynamic).



_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: What is a pack ? Protocols expections etc - 10/26/2012 1:03:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		if it's a general term, wouldn't it be quicker and faster to just look it up in the dictionary?


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