Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (Full Version)

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pouliche -> Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 3:55:12 AM)

Greetings all,

I have an important thing to ask everyone.
I have a girlfriend , it's been 2 years that we are together and everything is going good. Except one thing : i definitely need to be submissive to someone and she doesn't seems to like being a dominant.

I tried to tell her to tie me and all, we even have handcuffs ! She says "I don't like to tie you because then you can't touch my body"...

I mean, I don't really know if she doesn't like it or if she doesn't dare trying it. May be she might be submissive too, or nothing at all.

I have tried to tell her but my lack of experience makes me unsure of what i am going to tell her...
I figured out i should find a movie, or a documentary, not porn, just something to show her what really happens between people living bdsm relationships.
It's been two years i go to websites and think about what life would be if i could live my submission and now i really need to but i am not a cheater and i definitely don't want to do it in her back.

The only solution i have left is talking to her about it and see what happens then. It could end in a great realtionship with a girlfriend who would become a Mistress or being a sad break up but I have to tell her. I really want someone to help me in this.

So if you know movies or documentary, interesting ones, which can be viewed by anyone (except children :) ) please tell me about them and I will thank you sooooo much :)

Thank you all.

pouliche




littlewonder -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 12:40:39 PM)

She's already told you....she doesn't like it. She likes when you can touch her. Accept it or move on. Don't push it on her.

Or you could actually please her by doing what she told you she likes...touching her. How much more d/s can you get??

I'm guessing though that you just want kinky sex. If so, you're screwed and not literally.



autumnember -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 12:43:36 PM)

So she isn't dominating you how you want her to dominate you and telling you instead what SHE wants? Sounds like a lovely d/s relationship



antipode -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 12:59:20 PM)

quote:

I don't really know if she doesn't like it


I do. She doesn't. Find a dominant to play with. Doesn't mean you can't have a girlfriend as well, but changing other people generally doesn't work.



LonDom61 -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 1:24:30 PM)

Further to autumn's comment...

I've read, here and elsewhere of male subs who want to dictate to Dommes (those already well established in their "role", their power and their preferences) just how to dominate them. "I want to grovel at your feet and suck your toes, Mistress!" Well I don't like having my toes sucked. "And you should be wearing 6" patent leather pumps while I do that for you, Mistress." Pumps hurt my feet. Now when are you gonna shut up and get in the cage where I want you? "But I don't like going in the cage, Mistress. Wouldn't you rather walk on me instead? In your pumps?"

Sure, female subs too. But I'm trying to relate it specifically to the OP.

If I had more Tube-fu I'd find and link a funny animation with text-to-speech voice. An exchange between a Domme and the guy who wants to be her sub.

= = =

Of course there's much more to your story than you're relating. But the example you give is you want her to tie you up and she doesn't want to. Do you want to be dominated (other than bondage)? There's a lot you could do (or she have you do/do to you) without the bondage that she doesn't care for. IF she were interested in domming you.

"Will you tie me up?" is a way different question than "will you dominate me?"




JeffBC -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 1:28:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pouliche
I tried to tell her to tie me and all, we even have handcuffs ! She says "I don't like to tie you because then you can't touch my body"...

And is there some specific reason you are choosing to not believe her? What does that say about how much you trust and respect her?

I mean, I don't really know if she doesn't like it or if she doesn't dare trying it. May be she might be submissive too, or nothing at all.
Or, it might just mean that she doesn't like tying you up because she likes interactive sex and you can't interact when you're tied up? You know... perhaps it means exactly what she said. The real question here is "OK, but what next?"

In my experience most people are willing to bend to some degree in order to please their partner. Humans, in general, have this whole notion of "acquired taste". If she was motivated to, then she'd probably find a way to compromise on this. That leads me to wonder why she isn't motivated to? Is it simply that she cares not one wit for your sexual satisfaction or is there some passive aggressive response happening here? Are you truly filling her cup o' happiness before asking for your own to be filled or are you simply trying to use her for your sexual kicks? I myself am not into any of the BDSM stuff, but if it was important to Carol then you could bet I'd GET into it. She does an awful lot for me. It seems like such a trivial thing in response... and this coming from a guy who's personal tastes are pretty plebeian.

I have tried to tell her but my lack of experience makes me unsure of what i am going to tell her...
Who, exactly, has more experience being you than you? You like bondage. It's not that complicated. Nor is the appeal of bondage hard for vanilla folks to imagine as an awful lot of them do it to one degree or another.

I figured out i should find a movie, or a documentary, not porn, just something to show her what really happens between people living bdsm relationships.
Oh yes... definitely go to fiction for real life information about BDSM. That will surely work out well. Even worse, you're speaking of "BDSM" as if there was some sort of standards and practices. There is not. What happens in my home isn't classified as BDSM by some folks and is by others. In some people's minds it's tame to the point of snore and in others it is horrifically extreme. In real life what you and your girlfriend would see if you were flies on the living room wall is two people going about life -- not exactly the stuff of gripping movies.

The only solution i have left is talking to her about it and see what happens then. It could end in a great realtionship with a girlfriend who would become a Mistress or being a sad break up but I have to tell her. I really want someone to help me in this.
Yup, that's pretty much it. You must decide whether to have an open, honest, real relationship with this girl or not. But a real relationship is going to require that both of you show and accept your actual selves to each other. Explain to us what happens again after...

You: Honey I want to be tied up in bed now and again.
Her: I'm not into that.
You: But it's really hot for me and I'd really like it at least some of the time.



SailingBum -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 1:57:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pouliche

Greetings all,

I have an important thing to ask everyone.
I have a girlfriend , it's been 2 years that we are together and everything is going good. Except one thing : i definitely need to be submissive to someone and she doesn't seems to like being a dominant.

I tried to tell her to tie me and all, we even have handcuffs ! She says "I don't like to tie you because then you can't touch my body"...

I mean, I don't really know if she doesn't like it or if she doesn't dare trying it. May be she might be submissive too, or nothing at all.

I have tried to tell her but my lack of experience makes me unsure of what i am going to tell her...
I figured out i should find a movie, or a documentary, not porn, just something to show her what really happens between people living bdsm relationships.
It's been two years i go to websites and think about what life would be if i could live my submission and now i really need to but i am not a cheater and i definitely don't want to do it in her back.

The only solution i have left is talking to her about it and see what happens then. It could end in a great realtionship with a girlfriend who would become a Mistress or being a sad break up but I have to tell her. I really want someone to help me in this.

So if you know movies or documentary, interesting ones, which can be viewed by anyone (except children :) ) please tell me about them and I will thank you sooooo much :)

Thank you all.

pouliche




At the risk of stating the obvious. Listen up pouliche. You being the bitch <read submissive> in the relationship by definition means you do what Alpha wants. So if she doesn't want to tie you up. Shut the fuck up and deal with it

nuff said BadOne



Killerangel -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 4:51:27 PM)

Why are you with this woman to begin with and why have you taken up 2 years of her time if you "definitely need to be submissive to someone"? That is really cruel and unfair, to string someone along knowing you're going to want them to change.

Does she also know that per your profile you are actively seeking:
Dominant Women
Dominant Men
Submissive Women
Submissive Men
Switch Women
Switch Men
Dominant Trans
Submissive Trans
Dom/Domme Couples
Sub/Sub Couples
Femdom Couples
Male-Dom Couples
Friends Only
Online Romance
Joining a Poly Household

...in other words you are looking for anyone kinky at all regardless of sex and orientation - does she know you are looking for someone outside of your relationship with her? Does she know you are this indiscriminate and could be bringing back diseases to her? How can you be saying everything is so good with your current partner and be looking for someone, anyone, on the side?



kitkat105 -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 5:20:17 PM)

You want to be submissive?

So, be submissive and do what she says. You've given this woman 2 years. Touch her, worship her, make her feel like a million bucks. If you aren't willing to do that, and just want your kinks fulfilled you might be better off ending the relationship.

My only suggestion is the book When Someone You Love Is Kinky. I'm afraid you can't take a shortcut with a "documentary" or "movie." The fact remains you are actively seeking on here which doesn't bode well for your current relationship.



OsideGirl -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 5:26:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pouliche

I tried to tell her to tie me and all, we even have handcuffs ! She says "I don't like to tie you because then you can't touch my body"...


You told her how you want to have sex and ignored how she wants to have sex. That's not submission, it's you wanting kinky sex and treating her like a kink delivery system.



obedientangel -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 8:28:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LonDom61

If I had more Tube-fu I'd find and link a funny animation with text-to-speech voice. An exchange between a Domme and the guy who wants to be her sub.



I believe you are looking for this, Lon? http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting





anniezz338 -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/23/2012 10:05:24 PM)

Secretary. Reverse the roles.



DarkSteven -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/24/2012 2:01:40 AM)

Hi, Pouliche. Welcome to the forums.

The bad news is that there's no way you'll get a BDSM relationship with her. The good news is that's not what you want anyway. You just want kink in bed.

Your idea is to show her some movie that will turn on a switch in her head and she will realize that this is what she really wants. That switch ain't there.

My suggestion is to see if you can change your relationship into one where it's okay to try stuff in bed, to see how well it works. Have a conversation with her in which you DO NOT mention your desire to get tied up, in which you speak more abstractly. Is there something she's wanted to try? What kind of emotions does she feel when she plays with you? How does she view you? How do you feel then? Etc.

Once you know the above, you'll be better able to know whether this might be good for her and, if so, how to approach her.

I do get quite concerned that:

1. She's not willing to make a one-time experiment with bondage in a 2 year relationship, and
2. That you're looking at ending a 2 year relationship due to you wanting to experienced a one-time fantasy.

The relationship's not as secure as it should be.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/24/2012 5:44:23 AM)

to the OP:
I suspect she doesn't want to tie you because it gives you an excuse to be a lazy lover.
Some people don't want to have sex with a heap of flesh that doesn't move or reciprocate.

She's told you she wants to be touched, try body worship, try asking her what she would like to try.




LonDom61 -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/24/2012 9:37:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hi, Pouliche. Welcome to the forums.

The bad news is that there's no way you'll get a BDSM relationship with her. The good news is that's not what you want anyway. You just want kink in bed.

Your idea is to show her some movie that will turn on a switch in her head and she will realize that this is what she really wants. That switch ain't there.

My suggestion is to see if you can change your relationship into one where it's okay to try stuff in bed, to see how well it works. Have a conversation with her in which you DO NOT mention your desire to get tied up, in which you speak more abstractly. Is there something she's wanted to try? What kind of emotions does she feel when she plays with you? How does she view you? How do you feel then? Etc.

Once you know the above, you'll be better able to know whether this might be good for her and, if so, how to approach her.

I do get quite concerned that:

1. She's not willing to make a one-time experiment with bondage in a 2 year relationship, and
2. That you're looking at ending a 2 year relationship due to you wanting to experienced a one-time fantasy.

The relationship's not as secure as it should be.



This response is permeated right down to its component electrons on your screen with WIN.

DarkSteven...I'm not on the boards much. (Well, have been back a fair bit lately, I guess.) I see your posts a lot. From what I recall, they are always considered, wise, kind, resourceful and--if heeded--helpful.

You, sir, are a good guy. So say I.




LonDom61 -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/24/2012 9:46:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientangel


quote:

ORIGINAL: LonDom61

If I had more Tube-fu I'd find and link a funny animation with text-to-speech voice. An exchange between a Domme and the guy who wants to be her sub.



I believe you are looking for this, Lon? http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting





Hi obedientangel

I believe that's the one. Tried the link, but xtranormal player didn't work on my pc. Tried "The Meeting" on YT, then tried again adding "BDSM", "Domme", etc. No luck there.

I'll try it later on my ipad or other machine.

It's a text-to-voice animation of a text chat between a Domme and a male-sub-without-a-clue. "Yes Miss..tress". Don't call me Mistress. My name is Diane. "Sorry Miss..tress" etc. Funny but sad? Sad but funny?

Good girl.



pouliche -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/25/2012 8:12:56 AM)

Hello,
thank you all for your message.
I can't answer everyone in detail but what i meant is i believe some people might like it even if they don't know it yet. But you all seem to agree on this. And Killerangel, I just ticked all of it because i am just chatting. And if i come here to talk about this is that i am not happy with it and i feel it like cheating already. And NO i won't bring diseases back because i totally am against cheating on her.
If i was so selfish i would have dumped her even if i love her (yes i can love her even if she doesn't dominate me) The point was just making someone discover something she/he doesn't know and might feel some pleasure about it.

BDSM can be scary for someone who don't know it that's all.
May be that's kinky sex i want. And ? Isn't it posible for people to tell their wife/husband after 15 years married "darling i want to try to go in sex clubs" ? Isn't confidence something that can make you say things you wouldn't tell anyone else ? Isn't it something that can make you do things to please the other one ?

I know i am sub and therefor, i should just shut up and accept that obeying to her is being vanilla, but the thing is, we haven't discussed it yet, I just don't know how to show her what i love.



QueenRah -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/25/2012 1:09:54 PM)

pouliche,

Until I was in my early 30s, I didn't recognize my dominance. In fact, I would have been appalled, if my then-fiancé had suggested anything beyond the standard "eat-me, eat-you, let's fuck" scenario. He once asked me, very timidly, if I wasn't bored with it and suggested we try something different. He didn't specify and I jumped to the wrong conclusion. We never explored alternatives and neither of us was particularly satisfied, in bed. I realized, much later, that he was so submissive, he couldn't even be clear with me what he had in mind.

I wish he had been more clear about what he was interested in - just offered me a little suggestion or asked me, "What would you do if I asked you to slap me once or twice, on the bottom, while we are making love?" or something like that. I might have been game, as long as he didn't ask me to beat him til he cried. It's one of my favorite things to do, btw. But, I had to grow into it. If any of my boyfriends had pushed me into doing it, I would never had allowed it.

Suggestion: Talk to her. Listen to her. Let her ruminate, a little while, and reply to you, when she's ready. Make your bedroom desires only a part of your conversation about your relationship. Ask her to consider what she desires to experience, when she's with you. Maybe, if she's not willing to tell you, she can write it in a note for you to discover. Don't try to force your wants on her.

Bon chance a vous et votre Dame.

QR



littlewonder -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/25/2012 1:13:26 PM)

You DID bring it up to her. She said she's not interested. How much more clearer can she be???
I think you're just trying to justify pushing her further and further until you get what you want but that won't happen. She'll be gone before it gets that far.



AAkasha -> RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie (10/25/2012 1:45:51 PM)



I have the perfect movie for you to watch together, totally mainstream. It's called "Bull Durham," and it's a comedy. Even if you don't like baseball, it's a fun film.

In it, Susan Sarandon's character is playfully kinky in a very non threatening way. And yes, she ties up Tim Robbins! And just like an eager kinky boy like you, he says, "Woo hoO! Bring it on baby! I heard about shit like this!'

And she says to the young horny, dim baseball player, "mmm. You ever heard about Walt Whitman?"

And he says, "Who does he play for?"

Then she proceeds to read poetry to him. And they never do anything sexual.

It's a good lesson for BOTH of you. She also makes him wear garters and puts him in chastity. She dominates him in her own style. She's also vulnerable.

Your girlfriend isn't attracted to the idea of dominance because there's nothing in it for her. You have to change that.

Akasha



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