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Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 4:19:49 AM

KinksterUK

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Joined: 10/9/2012
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Hi Everyone

I saw this question on another site and found it very interesting.

Personally, I would drop back to vanilla sex if BDSM were not an option. BDSM play for me was like a logical extension of sex for me. But good sex will always be fundamental for me.

Interested to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

Post #: 1

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 4:22:34 AM

Toysinbabeland

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That would be akin to eating dry lobster and remembering butter

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RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 5:47:53 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KinksterUK

Hi Everyone

I saw this question on another site and found it very interesting.

Personally, I would drop back to vanilla sex if BDSM were not an option. BDSM play for me was like a logical extension of sex for me. But good sex will always be fundamental for me.

Interested to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

You seem to be assuming that they're mutually exclusive. They're not.

Also, you seem to be under the assumption that BDSM equals "play". For me, D/s is my kink. It has nothing to do with "play". It's all about power exchange. So sex may or may not be a part of the dynamic.

But there have been plenty of times where I had BOTH a vanilla relationship (which included vanilla sex), and also a separate D/s relationship which may or may not have included sexual aspects. So as I said, they're not mutually exclusive.

(in reply to KinksterUK)

Post #: 3

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 8:24:03 AM

needlesandpins

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it seems that with the right person i am able to let myself go completely and hand myself over to him for him to do as he pleases. having got this far, and knowing how i felt in my last relationship; that it was alright as it was, but that i had fantacies held in reserve that i thought could never be acted upon, i think i would always be wanting more. i'd feel like i was just settling.

i thought my ex was great at the time, and compared to everyone else he was. then i met my playmate and over time everything changed. i trusted him enough to open up and talk about the things i had held back on. from what he has said it's kind of been the same for him. we are still exploring each other and having a blast on the way.

it's not about bdsm, pervery, kink, filth, or whatever else, it's about what i am. this is just me and to go backwards is like putting myself back in sexual shackles of a bad kind.

needles

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RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 8:30:31 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KinksterUK

Hi Everyone

I saw this question on another site and found it very interesting.

Personally, I would drop back to vanilla sex if BDSM were not an option. BDSM play for me was like a logical extension of sex for me. But good sex will always be fundamental for me.

Interested to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

I could give a shit about BDSM with my sex and I could give a shit about sex with my BDSM.

I am a sadist..........I LIKE BEING MEAN.

I enjoy sex, on occasion. The two are not handcuffed together.

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(in reply to KinksterUK)

Post #: 5

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 9:03:09 AM

Missokyst

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assuming this is a "this or that" question... kinda silly to ask why not both, I would choose bdsm. I love sex. I love it with BDSM, but given that I am not in a relationship nor likely to be again for quite sometime, give me BDSM. I can orgasm that way with or without sex.

If I were in a relationship, I would choose sex over BDSM because I love sex for the sensation and the emotional component. I can deal with the masochism on my own.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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(in reply to KinksterUK)

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RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 9:09:20 AM

kalikshama

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Rather than falling back on vanilla sex when kinky sex is not available, I take matters into my own hands.

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RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 9:27:26 AM

chatterbox24

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For me BDSM has very little to do with sex. So vanilla sex would be the norm for me, but after knowing what I know now, it definitely would have a missing component. We only miss when we gain knowledge.

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RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 9:45:22 AM

JeffBC

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*chuckles* We don't do "BDSM sex" so it's a no-brainer for us. Neither Carol or myself need any sort of elaborate sex to feel sexually fulfilled or to achieve intimacy. Intimacy itself is the thing we focus on.

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Post #: 9

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 9:55:36 AM

MissImmortalPain

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I wish there were a thumbs up button for this quote. I can live without sex on any level. I can't live without control and the chance to be mean from time to time.

LaTigresse-

"I could give a shit about BDSM with my sex and I could give a shit about sex with my BDSM.

I am a sadist..........I LIKE BEING MEAN.

I enjoy sex, on occasion. The two are not handcuffed together"

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 10/23/2012 9:57:50 AM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 10:06:56 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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fast reply

I couldn't do without sex in a relationship, so if I had to chose between sex and kink, bye bye kink.

That said, I know a lot of vanilla people who do a bit of spanking and tying up, so I don't know what counts as vanilla sex.

I also don't subscribe to a clear definition of what counts as 'sex'. Lots of kinky things are sex. If he's spanking my ass, twisting my nipples, inserting objects and so on... you aint telling me that's not sex.

edit to add: I'm assuming by play you mean bondage and SM, not D/s. Because I don't know how to not be D/s with my husband anymore.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 10/23/2012 10:10:36 AM >

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Post #: 11

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 11:04:20 AM

Spiritedsub2

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Joined: 7/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

For me BDSM has very little to do with sex. So vanilla sex would be the norm for me, but after knowing what I know now, it definitely would have a missing component. We only miss when we gain knowledge.

For me, bdsm has everything to do with sex. Without a sexual component, a significant one, I wouldn't bother. My experience of the D/s dynamic so far is such that without D/s, I'd give up vanilla sex forever. Thought I had, until bdsm came my way.

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Post #: 12

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 11:11:27 AM

LadyPact

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I do have vanilla sex and kinky sex. It's not an either/or for Me.

If you are asking if I could give up kink, yes, I could. I'm kink optional.

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Post #: 13

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 11:13:17 AM

VioletViolence

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My main kinks are instinctual and sexual, so I don't think I could separate them or give either of them up. Even in my "vanilla" sex there's biting, scratching, hair pulling, face sitting, 69, deep throating, spanking, choking.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 14

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 12:18:23 PM

littlewonder

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I don't separate the two. We just have sex. Master has said that if people saw us having sex they'd probably never think we were into bdsm lol. Most of the time it's unplanned and just happens. I've never even thought about the "vanilla" and "bdsm" sex and having to choose. It's sex...period.

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Post #: 15

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 12:29:37 PM

saundrakitty

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In the past i have had both a vanilla and a BDSM and would have to say based on what i am now i could never really separate the 2 from each other as one just heightens each other and drives me completely over the edge. its both a heaven and a hell but what a ride

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 12:58:06 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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I don't have qualifiers on sex. I don't say to my girl tonight we are going to have for example "bondage sex" with a little bit of whipping. Oh and tomorrow night we are going to have "kinky sex" with some hair pulling and slapping. I just have sex. Whatever I feel like doing whether it's slapping her around, or tying her up and listening to her beg for "whatever" it's all sex in my book.

Does that constitute BDSM or vanilla sex? I don't know and I don't care as the sex I have comes without labels. What matters to me is that I enjoi the sex Im having. My girl is well aware that my needs and desires are primary. Her wants are way down the list. I've been known to say... "shut the fuck up and take it for me"

BadOne

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Post #: 17

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 12:59:16 PM

orgasmdenial12

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Sex please, I can't imagine anything more boring than bdsm without sex, at least vanilla sex would include blowjobs and anal :-)

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 18

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/23/2012 1:07:02 PM

KinksterUK

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Joined: 10/9/2012
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Interesting thoughts.

VioletViolence's post made me laugh, as the sexual repertoire of most people has increased to the point where the vanilla lines seem drawn pretty thin these days!

(in reply to saundrakitty)

Post #: 19

RE: Vanilla Sex or Non-Sexual BDSM? - 10/24/2012 9:59:05 AM

VioletViolence

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Joined: 1/30/2012
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Yeah, exactly my point! :) Maybe for me it's because I've almost always played with people I'm fucking, but really, kink and sex are just intertwined for me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

(in reply to KinksterUK)

Post #: 20

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