theSwan
Posts: 48
Joined: 11/12/2012
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quote:
While my submissiveness is tied to my libido in similar ways as the group above, for me throughout the day before ejaculating I have a very intense desire to submit and be a kind and gentle person. It doesn't matter if I feel horny or not so long as I haven't physically ejaculated. During this time I want to please the person I'm with in any way at all and be valued. I more or less just want to be a useful, productive person who makes my dom partner happy. It truly feels like a serious need and not a feeling I can easily disregard and discard. It's a feeling that fulfills me and gives me purpose in life.
My problem is almost instantly after ejaculating my submissive personality completely vanishes for hours on end or even the rest of the day. To me, someone who puts a lot of value and effort in to these feelings of mine this can be very confusing. It can cause me to doubt who I am and even if the person I'm with is right for me. It's kind of like temporarily losing a part of myself that I really cherish and love... I wish I could have my submissive personality all of the time because I feel like a good and kind person and I'm able forget about things like my daily battle with chronic pain and depression.
I think your situation brings up an interesting point of how we choose to define ourselves and to what length we are willing to go to change ourselves.
You have clearly been demonstrated a current biological hurdle in yourself that interferes with your existence as a service-oriented, outside-the-bedroom submissive.
If we elect to define ourselves by our currently-existing talents and inclinations, that could easily put you in a category that would label you as unsuited for the forms of submission you seem to be attached to the idea of.
However, if we believe that a person is better defined by their desires and goals, rather than their current state of existence, then you sound much to me like a service-oriented submissive.
If a man is a naturally gifted painter but his passion is in playing violin, despite having less talent for it.
Do we elect to see him as a painter or a violinist?
Arguably, if he spent all of his time engaged in his passion. We would see him as a violinist.
If he spent all of his time submerged in his natural predisposition. We would see him as a painter.
So it comes down to.
What are you willing to fight for?
Maybe there are parts of you that aren't fully adjusted and prepared to being a lifestyle submissive.
But what matters, in my opinion, is if you are willing to fight for it.
And if it is what you believe would ultimately complete you as a person.
So, I hope rather than losing yourself in too much confusion.
That you will embrace the opportunity to direct yourself towards something you desire.
Focus less on what is now and focus instead on what you can make it into.
If this means so much to you that you are truly willing to forsake a significant part of your sexuality for it.
I would say that there is no need to question whether or not this submissive nature is truly a part of your being.
quote:
So I've been thinking about this an awful lot since last night and I believe a shift in hormones that happens post-ejaculation is causing me to bounce from an emotional high to an emotional low. This in turn is conflicting with my natural personality (my entire personality, not just submissive) and is causing a bit of an identity crisis, emotional numbness, and at times depression. I also wonder if perhaps these highs and lows are a little more intense for me due to struggling with things such as chronic pain, medication dependency, and depression which can easily cause an hormonal imbalance all by themselves.
When you originally mentioned losing your submissive side after orgasm.
I had imagined that you became more abrasive or less cooperative afterwards.
As you word it here, I see it as you become less motivated to be useful.
Motivation is a real issue that all people deal with and it is based on conditions.
Some people cannot find motivation to get out of bed in the morning until they become aware they are going to be late for work.
Some people cannot find motivation to diet unless it is summertime and they realize they are going to the beach in two weeks.
Some people will not clean or cook until they are knee-high in filth and starving.
Some submissives are only motivated to serve wise dominants.
Some dominants are only motivated to conquer wise submissives.
And the adjective list that could replace wise is endless - attractive, strong, intelligent, ambitious, etc.
And those adjectives could easily be replaced with actions or situations.
My motivation to serve requires that my cause be great.
My motivation to obey my Master is because his purpose for me is great, that he can develop me towards that purpose.
Your problem seems to be that you want your motivation to come from a new place.
That you want to be motivated to serve based on traits you see in your dominant partner.
Or as a condition of yourself that goes deeper and is less ephemeral than your sexual condition.
As someone who has had nearly every part of my being manipulated.
Either by myself or by someone else.
I can promise you that human beings are, above all else, fluid and adjustable.
To reference a personal point of connection for me..
My motivation was once very heavily affected by recognition.
If my successes went unnoticed or were not given attention.
There was a part of me that asked, 'If this wasn't worth noticing, why did I do it?'
I would become demotivated to be useful without recognition.
Even worse, when the work I did would prove detrimental.
Conducting research and coming up with inaccurate results.
Making plans that were not well-developed enough.
I would sink into this dark and terrible place in which I had no motivation to fight for anything unless I was forcibly dragged out of it.
These things were significant hurdles for me in becoming the Slave I felt that I was intended to be.
It was through external discipline.
And self-discipline.
Research and real, deep soul-searching.
The ugly kind that forces you to recognize things that you would never want to admit about yourself.
I conquered that part of myself and eliminated it.
quote:
It feels like a big deal to me because during this period of time it's hard for me to even recognize why I've been submitting in the first place. Kind of like looking in the mirror and seeing a different person who just doesn't care about all that sensitivity mumbo-jumbo.
I would say next time that you are presented with this feeling.
See if you can list the reasons to yourself as to why you submit.
And next time you are in a condition in which you are inclined to serve.
Ask yourself also, why are you doing this?
A lot of people don't ask enough questions while things are going well.
We question so much when things are broken - We might have more answers if we asked these hard questions all of the time.
Because the very real alternate reality is.
That this may not be who you are.
This is where self-awareness is such a powerful key.
Fighting for something you dream of is always a good idea.
But fighting for something you think you dream of but you really don't and aren't capable of recognizing that..
That's an unfortunate use of time.
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Long story short, you're not alone.
The whole human race should be able to empathize with you to some degree, in terms of fighting with motivation.
Define yourself by the choices you make and the dreams that you have.
Fight intelligently - You've received some excellent advice in previous posts here already.
Communicate honestly with your partner.
Do some soul searching.
And ultimately, should you succeed in adjusting your current state to match your ideal state.
I believe it makes for an extremely rare and admirable person, who can choose what they believe is beautiful and become that.
Rather than giving into their current state of being, even if it makes them unhappy.
And ultimately, should you succeed in recognizing that this is not truly you or truly what you want.
I believe it makes for an equally rare and admirable person, who can face the Truth of themselves, no matter how ugly or unappealing, and accept that.
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RE: My submissive personality is completely tied to my ... - 
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