|
LadyHugs -> RE: Why can I not find what I want? (11/19/2012 9:42:44 PM)
|
Ebdentfifer,
I would suggest that you live a life first. Sure, go out and be in the scene and find what you like and don't like. Is it the clothes, the attention, the affection, feelings of safety--what makes you tick.
But, as a word of caution, all experiences in the Lifestyle aka BDSM scene, are stepping stones to another level of experiences and there will be a time where what was a turn on in the beginning isn't in the journey down the road. It is true with the real world as well. There are few 'sugar Daddy Doms' out there that can support and sustain the fantasy novel pictures of what BDSM is sold out there in BDSM flavored movies, books and novels.
In addition, the tender age of 19 opens you to being taken advantage of. You need to talk to as many seasoned slaves and submissives out there who are successfully matched with a Dominant/Master. Yet, what works for them may not be the recipe for success in your own quest for a match.
In marriage, in long term relationships and those with many qualities that could be considered a long term relationship -- people grow and not often together and/or at the same speed. When over compensating by either of you as a partnership in this lifestyle choice, both will be miserable and will split. Yet, growth is what is promoted and desired in a relationship. Both the Dominant and submissive must be equally fed with the ever coursing energy and work, which we call in the scene 'the power exchange.' It is always give and take. At times there is more give or more take but, not sustained at a long period of time where one gives all and the other takes all --that bankrupts the giver. The taker gets hungry for more and will find it elsewhere...meanwhile you're washed up and drained. This may sour your experience in the scene/lifestyle.
Nobody is perfect and, this I do admit freely and in the beginnings of my negotiations. Only perfection is in a pre-scripted form in the mind based on what is known in the moment but, being humans--we're all governed by our own spirit and it has its own measure of dominance.
There is also a difference between Dominant and Domineering. Anybody can be Domineering--a 'bossy' sort and resort to humiliation, tearing down self esteem and physical abuse. A Dominant is a 'life's coach' and builds a person up--not down.
Each Dominant has their own style of training and operation of their household and disciplines within it.
All must be done with consent of both parties. Yes, Dominants have a right to consent as much as a submissive/servant/slave. This is a consensual partnership. In your gut, if you don't feel things are 'correct'--honor that gut feeling and move on. Enjoy everybody's skills out in the scene and discovery is part of the fun when there is a 'salad bar' selection of Dominants willing to depart with their skills and knowledge.
Play safe and be smart on how you date.
Respectfully posted,
Lady Hugs
|
|
|
|
