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LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It?


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LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 12:18:42 PM   
azzwype


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/16/2012
Status: offline 		Hello Ladies,
I met a Woman through Collar Me 3 years ago. Our 1st vanilla dates went well, and we soon had a play weekend together. Soon, we had them every weekend! It was some great, mindblowing FemDom fun! A few months later, we got an apartment together. Since that time, all domination activity has dropped WAY off. We do still have a good, semi-Dominant sex life, just no spankings, face-sitting, humiliation, bondage, or strap-on activities that i dearly crave constantly.
The other problem is that I am "keeping" her at the moment. She doesn't help with any bills or household expenses. I told her I would not mind this, if I were rich, but I am not. I told her I like doing all the housework if I am "motivated". One of my longtime fantasies is to be a shaved sissy maid, or bondage boy slave. It is now just a huge demand on what little time I have. She is just a slob, and doesn't care if the house is clean or not. She never tells me to clean anything. She has quit 5 part-time jobs in 3 years. She went back to school, but is now talking about not working in her selected degree.
This would be easy to end, but the problem is that She really is a good-hearted person, and I love Her to death, but I just don't want to live together anymore. I feel like she has become a dependent, like a kid, (she is only 25). I already have my two real kids to support....oh, i am divorced from Mom, and my Girlfriend wants to get married, (why not?), and i want nothing to do with that.
Sorry if I rambled. I do not like to ask her to do certain activities, (i'm probably too passive about asking for things). Everything was laid out early on regarding ALL interests and we seemed to agree on that. And I don't like doing the passive aggressive bullshit to try to piss her off and manipulate her into either beating me or leaving me. She would never leave though, why should she?? ANY ADVICE OR COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED, PRO OR CON!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 12:28:25 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Write down a list of all issues you have. Try to be specific - for example. don't say as you did here that Domination activities have dropped off. Say that you used to play 5 times a week for one hour minimum, and now it's once a week for half an hour.

Approach her when you two have an hour of open time. Tell her that you're not being fulfilled and what you need to get there. How do the two of you work together to get there. Include that you'd need at least $XXX from her per month.

Expect a blowup. But this is the first step toward either a better relationship or, more likely, you knowing that you did all you could before the relationship ended.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to azzwype)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 12:32:32 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		You are twice her age and expecting her to act your age? Hell, I am not even sure that you are acting your age, but that would be my opinion. Submissive doesn't mean stupid and domina doesn't mean, take advantage and its a way out of things you don't wish to do. At her age, many are irresponsible and don't know what they want. If the going gets tough, they get going and not in a direction that would amount to success. She needs to grow up and having you there providing the means not to grow up isn't helping her in any way.

The way you speak about her is passive aggressive, disrespectful and dysfunctional. You really love her... but.. but... but.

I must ask you. If she did all the kinky things you wanted her to do... would you be willing to tough this out and support her? If so... I call bull shit on the awful things you have said about her and your stand of .... poor used me, not getting any... but I love her.

Either stick with it or don't, but don't expect the impossible for her at least in being far passed her own years and development and you... best get to thinking about your own.

True or not, if my guy said... I love her but she is this and that and doesn't give me what I want and now I don't want to give what I can because its just not worth it... but I love her... and brought it to a forum where that slam dunk of both of you actually, would be a focus of strangers...

I wouldn't beat his ass... I would kick his ass out of my life. You say she won't because you are there. How functional. You aren't helping this young lady mature and grow up, you are assisting in making sure she doesn't. Then of course that stands to reason, because you don't sound to grown up to me either.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to azzwype)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 12:35:43 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Sounds like it's about the relationship, not the play. You guys have different expectations of how things should be.

Do I have this right? She wants to not work and do no housework? So . . . she wants to do nothing? Has it occurred to you that she's spoiled and immature? You make it sound as though she has only one thing you want. You could buy that, you know.

She's also trying to become your wife and your kids' stepmother? Thank goodness you're sane enough to see what a disaster that would be.

It's always a million times easier for an emotionally uninvested person to say this to someone else, but DTMFA.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 12:52:47 PM   
masmiss


Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		Maybe it's just me but I don't see how moocher=good-hearted.

Seems to me it's all about middle-aged guy who doesn't want to lose hot, young girlfriend. If you don't want to live with her, throw her out. At her age I'm sure she has parents she can still mooch off of.

_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to azzwype)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 1:47:13 PM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		Let's be honest here. You don't love her, you love the idea of her. A young girl, half your age, giving you all your FemDom fantasies. In fantasy that is super hot. The reality of it is quite often...well... you are living it.

What exactly do you have in common beyond your fantasies? Like the same music? Like the same movies? Do you have awe inspiring conversations about life, love, the universe? Can she relate to your life experience? Understand how much a job sucks sometimes, especially when you can't quit because you have bills and responsibilities? Are you even sure you have the same fantasies? I mean, what if her fantasy is to do absolutely nothing but live off some old dude and laugh because she doesn't have to do a thing, not even cater to his needs.

I've had much younger partners. I can dig it. The thing is they were very mature, responsible, and exceptional young men who brought as much to the relationship as I did. Even then I knew it wasn't a life time relationship but damned fun while they lasted.

No relationship will thrive if it is one sided. It will last as long as you are willing to uphold it.

Either this is the best you are going to get so suck it up or move on and try to establish a relationship with someone with whom you can have a mutually satisfying relationship.

(in reply to azzwype)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 2:41:33 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss

Maybe it's just me but I don't see how moocher=good-hearted.

Seems to me it's all about middle-aged guy who doesn't want to lose hot, young girlfriend.



I agree with that statement and with the similar sentiments expressed here by others.

(in reply to masmiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 3:29:31 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Seeing as how your profile is advertising for discreet encounters and has a long list of kink/sex needs, and the fact that you say several times that you're not looking for a relationship partner, I'd say you're going past passive aggressive and into trying to cheat on her. Nice. She wants to get married huh? I wonder if she knows that you are willing to be a 'man-whore' to others.

I'm not condoning her behavior but you are allowing it. Get a backbone and talk to her about pitching in or get the guts to break it off.

(in reply to azzwype)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 3:32:44 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Ew. Was that profile picture there before? Y'all know how I feel about those drawings.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 3:35:20 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It was there before


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 4:17:48 PM   
SadisticMs2


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline 		And welcome to what happens when a middle aged man hooks up with a woman half his age.

Frankly, NEITHER one of you have any relationship skills.


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 6:28:17 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Your profile goes on & on & on & on & on about female supremacy, degridation & humiliation. "You & your friends use & humiliate me"...ummm so how's that workin out for ya?!?
Funny thing about dommes is we aren't a life support system for a whip. This shocking fact just in subs doing housework & laundry & as your profile claims you canget enough of "kiss our ass"...is exactly what we enjoy. You're living the will of a person that has no problem doing whatever the hell she wants even at your expense...is that not the clear definition of female supremacy?


All you have is a VERY long list of how you should be used in the name of supremacy & a whine of how you should get more kink for your money...all while listing as single for a playmate. I'm gonna go with the option others listed of dump her & get a pro domme, its more honest than anything else I've seen in this situation

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to SadisticMs2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 6:42:45 PM   
saundrakitty


Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline 		Sound like she has you pussy whipped. And she is living the free life. You asked for it and got it and now that you have it- you don't want it any more. you should have thought about it a lot more before you jumped in and you're going to have to .....gasp.....bite the bullet and tell her what you feel and ask her to sit down and either work it out ....oh my god...end the usury relationship and move on.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 6:47:16 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Sounds like you got yourself a winner - keep up the good work!

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to azzwype)
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RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 6:52:45 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		In my world people carry their own weight. When they don't, it's sayanora.
Your needs aren't being met, she's using you, and you are hurting her by helping her be irresponsible. Oh yeah, and she'll never mature when she's with you. Why should she when you do all the lifting?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/28/2012 10:06:47 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Not quite the fantasy you imagined huh? Buyers remorse?



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/29/2012 12:52:53 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Some folks can take a Volkswagen completely apart. This is not really so special an accomplishment despite the fact that many have been pleased to have been so clever. It is putting the vehicle back together, not necessarily in the original configuration, which is the actual objective. That takes more than simple desire. There is also the need for skill, Patience, resources, management, work and skinned knuckles.

And a second set of hands.

It looks to me like you have a nice pile of parts. If you think you can put them together and make something worthwhile, try. If you are not up to it, try to learn from this sad thing. That means, don't repeat yourself.

And quit yer bitchin. "An object to be used." You said. I am a much better Bottom than you are and I use the word, 'Respect' on my page. To excess.

That's not enough. I can't hit 'Post'. I gotta go on. You have been with this gal for 3 years. You are twice her age and so should at least be able to keep track of what's going on. If you can do that, then it is evident you cannot hold a relationship together, because it is in pieces in the back yard. And you have no idea how that happened or what to do about it. So three MONTHS back you opened an account on CM. One need not read all of your profile to note that you have already decided to head for greener pastures. Without mentioning it at home. Asking your question, NOW, is entirely disingenuous.

To dum that down a little, I just said you are a liar and if you don't know it, it is you you are lying to.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/29/2012 1:05:39 AM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		it sounds like you didn't know her very well before shacking up, and you two didn't discuss expectations from the start. in this lifestyle, being up front and honest about what your needs are is critical. if that means telling someone point blank, "i need to be beaten, micromanaged and having wild orgasms every other day to be happy," so be it.

and i don't recommend looking for "greener pastures" until you figure out what's going to happen with the leech with a heart of gold, as you describe her.

good luck, in any case.

< Message edited by absolutchocolat -- 10/29/2012 1:06:45 AM >

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/29/2012 8:27:16 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		Are you here so that you can say to her "see, here's what other dominant women are saying about your behavior"???

It's a relationship. If you want out, then tell her it's over. If you want to save it, tell her you're not able to continue with the way things are.

Dominant does not mean "no work", it means you get to decide who does what work.

Most live-in relationships end over finances, division of labor, and child rearing practices. It's not about kink, but about you both being ok with the decisions that get made in those categories. If you're not on the same page, there's a problem. It will be cumulative in nature and horribly corrosive over time.

Tell her, not us. This isn't high school where you rationalize decisions because "everybody sez".

If she won't listen, show her the door.

Why do I have to explain this to a man in his 40's?????

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: LT Cm Relationship...End It or Save It? - 10/29/2012 9:41:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I tend to wonder any time there is a post written that says "I'm not getting X" rather than "I love person X". I lean towards saying it says what the author's priorities really are.

By saying that, all I am suggesting is that you be honest with yourself and her about where your priorities lie. Personally, I don't see an issue with sharing some of the expenses. What would get Me to not want to continue the living arrangement would be the "you're not playing enough" attitude. I've got this real attitude about being TOLD how often I have to play with someone or having the demand laid out there that it has to be a specific kind of play. You either care about Me more or you care about the kink more and I'm not compatible with anybody who is the latter.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 20
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