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Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 4:21:10 AM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Hi ok so I have been asked my many guys if i do anal. The answer is no, I don't do it. It hurts me. Well my new Dom wants me to work on being able to take anal for when he and i finally do have fun. I understand that there are tons of women who can handle this but i am horrible with pain. I cry when i get a shot. I cuss when i hit my arm or knee on something. I don't like sharp pain. I have given birth and that wasn't that bad but i had drugs too. I want to pleasure him but i don't know how to start getting myself ready. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. The only reason i posted this was because i hadn't seen anything like it yet. THANKS!!!!


PS i am pregnant right now IDK if that makes a difference or not at this point.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 4:57:20 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I am a huge wimp with pain also, and the first couple of attempts at anal we had to stop because I couldn't do it.

You say it hurts you, so you've obviously tried it with someone. How did that go? Did you spend lots of time getting horny and relaxed? Did you take it reeeeeaaally really slow? Lots of playing around, using fingers and small toys, loads of lube? Did you build up to it over a few weeks? Did he take it really slow, give you time to get used to the feeling before going any further, letting you take the lead and let him know when he needed to slow down or stop?
Or was it more like 'let's do anal!' and an overexcited ramming?

OK you don't need to tell me the details, just think about it.

Not everyone will like anal. You might be someone that just never enjoys it. If so, he needs to accept that it's not going to happen. But it sounds like you're open to trying. Does the idea turn you on at all?

My suggestion would be tell him you're nervous and build up slowly. Promise yourselves that no matter how excited you both get, he won't put his dick in the first time. Or the second time. Or the third time! Ideally you want to be gagging for it by the time it comes round. Experiment with fingers. Get a small butt plug ( I assume you know about not sharing toys and not putting things in the vagina after they've been in your butt?). Use ooodles of lube. A glass of wine to help you relax - but not too drunk, because you don't want to be so numb you don't feel any damage.

When it comes time to go for it, he should warm you up thoroughly and then ease in, a half inch at a time, let you relax and get used to it. It helps if you kind of push back against him like you were using the bathroom (I know! But really!). Very slow movements. He probably won't be able to really thrust away at all the first few times. Use a vibe on your clit if you like that so you're getting pleasure at the same time.

If you start doing it more regularly it will get easier (unless you're one of those 'never going to work' people but let's assume you're not). I never thought we would get there but it's not a big deal now at all.

And enjoy it. It's just sex at the end of the day. Granted it may be intermediate level sex, but it's just sex. If you're having a miserable time then stop. Sex should be a good thing. Unless you're into the suffering, of course...

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 5:02:18 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Replying again because I realized I didn't answer all your questions.

If you want to practice alone, same basic premise. Get really relaxed, get really horny, get some lube and a proper toy made for anal play and just experiment. When you're alone there is no pressure so you can just see what feels nice. But make sure he doesn't expect you ready to go from day one because a cock is a whole 'nother thing.

Re the pregnancy: You should really ask your doctor but I don't think anal sex is particularly unsafe when pregnant. Just remember: your hormones are all over which will affect your sexual responses anyway - you may be crazy horny and up for anything or really struggle to get in the mood. Extra extra careful about not touching the vagina with something that touched your ass because you really don't want infection down there when you're pregnant. And just be wary of all those other fun pregnancy related butt-problems like constipation or hemorrhoids which might put play on pause.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 5:04:43 AM   
geilematz


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		agree with Athena except for one point - pushing back against is not relaxed at all but increases muscular tension ... pushing is kind of a reflex but probably part of what might give pain so better try NOT to push back

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 6:29:26 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyl5DlrsU90

Relax...

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(in reply to Curvynewsub)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 6:37:50 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I was expecting that link to be this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20q6K-7YGxE

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 6:38:35 AM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		my biggest problem is that it is kind of hard for me to get relaxed enough to do it. when i start trying to relax it is more of a forced thing. I have had full on anal once and it was good but that was it now it is impossible for me to do anything like that (well i hope not impossible right now it just isn't working) i like pain to a point like biting hard and some slapping but i still have a point when i can't take it and what ever it is has to stop.

(in reply to geilematz)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 6:42:21 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		That's exactly why you take it slow. It might be hard to relax enough for full on anal, but not so hard to relax for a finger. And once you've done that and enjoyed it, or at least not felt pain, then two fingers won't be as intimidating, and then a small butt plug... and so on!

And you will be able to relax more if you take the penis out of the equation the first few times until you feel more confident.

Beyond that, it's down to what makes you feel relaxed. Hot bath? Romantic music? Massage? Being really turned on?

Maybe you need to wait until you have played a few times together also so the trust is there that he won't pressure you to go to fast and will stop if necessary.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 7:17:19 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		As I read your post, one thing kept running through my mind. I then went to your profile and read it and your journal entries. It only made what I first felt even stronger. I have to tell you, I am sitting here with a frown on my face. You have read some pretty good suggestions on the physical aspects of anal and while you may get only physical aspects, I am more concerned with the emotional.

My first thoughts were... What is more important to this man you haven't had fun with yet... You or anal sex? How is he approaching this and how much does he really understand a woman... and not just any woman... but the woman you are? With many of us, when a man pushes for something in all his domliness or ignorance, he fails to show us that we matter more than that one thing that really gets him off. He is consumed with it... or in our mind we emotionally start to feel as if he is. If at any point, this sexual act becomes a focus out of proportion whether it be his pushing for it or your fear or anything going on with you... you could feel less important than that act. Threatened even, that if you can't do this, you will not be accepted.

You are twenty two years old with two children. Your profile has a bit of that dreamy romantic gloss over of reality, like that fantasy wedding or that amazing daddy that comes to take care of us and loves us just as we are... and yet....

You say in your profile that he loves you just as you are. Does he? How long have you known him? You are pregnant now... haven't had fun with your new daddy dom and yet... this is what you come here to learn? I'm sorry, but as an older woman.. been there done that and helped many women going there and doing that, a few red flags are flying for me.

If I am incorrect, I am sorry, but if there is just a hint of... Lockit, you touched something... he needs to back off, make you more important than this one act, think of your age and what you may have gone through in life to get to where you are today and focus on the building and maybe healing than about him. You seem to need that daddy protector and at your age, with two young ones and the way things go in life, it isn't too hard to think that maybe you have some needs there that bring you here.

The more someone pushes us in a direction we are uncomfortable with, the harder and bigger that thing may become. When if someone backs off and builds us and the relationship... it can be such a little thing, down the road, instead of a big thing because someone pushed when were weren't quite ready.

There is a lot of time in life to get plugged ever so pleasantly in the ass. However, done wrong at this stage in life, it is very easy to create a hang up for life. Sweety, you may need to cover your ass in more ways than one here. Think about it.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/29/2012 7:19:47 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 7:22:21 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Curvynewsub

Hi ok so I have been asked my many guys if i do anal. The answer is no, I don't do it. It hurts me. Well my new Dom wants me to work on being able to take anal for when he and i finally do have fun. I understand that there are tons of women who can handle this but i am horrible with pain. I cry when i get a shot. I cuss when i hit my arm or knee on something. I don't like sharp pain. I have given birth and that wasn't that bad but i had drugs too. I want to pleasure him but i don't know how to start getting myself ready. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. The only reason i posted this was because i hadn't seen anything like it yet. THANKS!!!!


PS i am pregnant right now IDK if that makes a difference or not at this point.


If you are pregnant, I would think that would take precedence over having anal sex.

I also agree with Lockit, that if you are involved with a new Dom, why on earth are you discussing this now? I have found that people that focus on a particular act, vs. letting the relationship and sexual aspects develop organically between individuals, are problematic.

There are thousoands of threads on anal sex advice, but I would say that priorities are in order for you, especially being pregnant.

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 7:28:06 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		There is no such thing as too much lube, too slow, or too small. If you are really panicked about this, then he needs to go so slowly, with so much lube, and something so small you'll be wondering why you're not feeling more than you do. In your situation, I'd say he'd need to go SO slowly with this, that more doesn't happen till you say you're ready. Till you ASK for it.

That said, it's your Domly dude who needs to learn about this part. It's HIS responsibility to do this right.

If he doesn't, you can kiss trust goodbye.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 9:15:40 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		There is great information on pain-free anal in Jack Morin's book: Anal Pleasure and Health.

http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=dp_ob_title_bk/184-6856858-6519625

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(in reply to Curvynewsub)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 10:12:49 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Look - if it hurts you, and he is insisting that you do something that causes you distress - then you need to rethink about the person youre with. Sounds pretty selfish of him.

Also- he obviously isnt thinking how the distress and pain to you will effect the baby. Nice.

Ask yourself - are you so desperate to have a man to put your well-being and your babys health at risk?
Once again - another man thinking only about his dick and where he puts it.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 10/29/2012 10:19:09 AM >

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The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Curvynewsub)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 11:22:19 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		My thought also. You are risking your baby and your own life with the stress you are having over this. Does this risk sound normal to you? I personally don't think so but hey what do I know? Does he know how stressed out you are about this? I think you two need to sit down and talk.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 11:54:44 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		Everything that's been said is good advice. Follow it.

I have only one thing to add: I've been doing anal for over a decade now. 5 different guys. Loads of practice. Gallons of lube. Months of practicing with toys.

And it STILL fucking hurts me bad enough to send me in a panic attack.
And I STILL can't relax enough to allow penetration voluntarily.
And I STILL tense up completely just at the thought of the pain by itself.

At the same time though, I do enjoy anal. Not the pain, not the penetration, but some time after a guy forces himself on me, ignoring the pain and screams, while he's going at it.... I do finally manage to relax (I think at that point it's almost like a defense mechanism) and once I relax, I do very much enjoy it.

However... it's not because you follow all the advice that's been given on this thread that it will ever become easier on you... it hasn't gotten easier for me at all... and I've been trying for a very very long time.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 1:50:13 PM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		ok i guess i made him sound like a bit of a jerk. He isn't really pushing for this as much as said something about it. We talked about for a little bit. I want to do this for him. I guess the thought of the actually act is a turn on but the pain to get there isn't. He and I talked about this a little but he never brought it up after he first spoke of it. Basically i just want to be ready if he wants to. He is willing to work with me on this and he is willing to allow me time. I guess the only reason i am "stressing" over this is because i have had bad experiences with things like this. Not with him but with others. I am willing to try again but i need a way to figure this out and vent to get over part of my hang ups on it. The other part will be all his to deal with. I love all the advice from you all i just didn't want y'all to think that he was being pushy. Like i said he never spoke of it again. I have been the one obsessed over it not him. And as far as him 'loving' me I don't really know one way or the other this is a new relationship. I don't expect him to love me right off the bat and I can't say I love him. I trust him. He isn't the one really rushing this i am because i want to be able to do this at the drop of a hat. I have been trying to do this for years really but not consistently it has been a stop and go kind of thing for me. I will start then get to my stopping point and then not think about it for months then try again.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 2:11:55 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		In my experience, doing something I find really tough is a lot easier in the context of a loving relationship filled with trust. There are things I would do for him now that I would never have done at the beginning of our relationship. That's because we have six years of trust behind us. Years of him being understanding, patient, trustworthy, not harming me, and still loving me even if things don't go the way we hoped.

If this is a big issue for you, and it sounds like it is, then take it off the table until you feel that level of security in the relationship. If he's a good guy he will understand and encourage that. Forget about 'being ready' - there's not an online training course you can complete that makes you ready for anal. It's something that will come with time and have to be developed between the two of you.

This is what we sometimes call a 'soft limit'. That means you say 'I won't do this now, but I might be willing to try in the future under certain circumstances'. And that's ok. Let him know that you want to do this for him eventually but you're too scared right now and need some time and relationship building, and then more time and practice.

I totally get wanting to do something for him - there are lots of things I do just for him. But if it's causing you serious distress, especially while you're pregnant and I'm guessing have a lot of stuff going on in your life, then you need to care for yourself. Look at it this way; I'm sure he doesn't want a broken toy.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
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RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 2:21:54 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		the only thing that concerns me is that you talk about doing it for him, and how much he wants this, and him this and him that. speaking from experience, you should get a handle on what you like and what pleases you before seeking out a partner.

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 3:22:33 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I would think as a pregnant woman, the last thing you would want to do is shove something up your arse. Most pregnant women have an issue with hemmorhoids, and anal sex/penetration wouldn't make them feel any better.

I don't advocate putting your life on hold to raise kids, but how are you going to carry a relationship on with three young kids? I'm guessing that the father of your baby isn't the dom? perhaps you need to slow down with the men in your life, and actually make choices rather than reacting to the situations you get in. And yeah, i am being judgemental , but you could appear on Jerry Springer with your life so far - two kids, pregnant with a third, and your current relationship is with a man you haven't met yet, but wants anal sex. Oh yeah , and you are only twenty-two!

Slow down for Petes sake! You have the rest of your life to live. You don't have to do it all in the next year!

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 10/29/2012 3:24:27 PM >

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Anal *DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!* - 10/29/2012 4:59:53 PM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I consider the one i am am pregnant with as the second. The same man for both children. My mother lost my father they had three kids the two younger kids were 6 and 7 at the time. She did it so can i. And as far as the whole Jerry Springer thing oh well my child is well taken care of by me not his father and i have done this alone since he was born. I can do it now but i want a relationship now not just sex and this is what this man is offering me. I don't need anyone outside of my family and close friends. I will never say i don't need anyone because everyone needs someone I have just chosen to extend our friendship into a more pleasurable direction.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 20
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