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RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 3:10:43 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		I love it when someone shows up on their soapbox and condemns everyone with their great knowledge of the world and everyone here and how they live and conduct their lives.

Especially when I highly suspect theyre a sock.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 10/29/2012 3:11:47 PM >

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(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 3:15:49 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicMistress

YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!!!!!! I went through the replies and only about 3 about had some sort of advice to offer her. She came here for advice not to be thrown down and insulted. What is wrong with her dom helping her financially? It is clear that she likes him but she is just confused and I can relate to that. And just to point out something to you folks, just because someone just joined CM does not mean they are new into the lifestyle. Jeez people, you all acted like high school bullies!



I doubt seriously that anyone is being mean or looking down at the OP. We may be older, but we have learned in those years. We have lived a lot of life and have had our own 'silliness', 'in love' and various other things and have most likely had someone say to us, something similar when we were in those places. When you are in your twenties you are going to see things differently, even if you are very mature. The op got a lot of good stuff and things she needed to hear. Some of us didn't do the exact things she is doing, but no one gets out of teenhood or early adulthood without something stupid.

As for what is wrong with a man paying for her lifestyle or goodies. Well, you see, older men that do that, tend to think they own the chick and she is now bought and paid for and he expect to get what he wants out of it. He withdraws a bit and she freaks out... damn... he's going away, he doesn't care... there goes all that good stuff and bam... she is doing whatever he wants if she doesn't have the good sense to protect herself and not make herself a toy to his... good age and money.

Young women need to learn to stand on their own two feet and maybe ought to think about what a man, near sixty has in common with a very young lady. It isn't common ground he is looking for, but arm candy and a very willing arm candy. He most often is using her. Take a bit of that life experience and when you have... come back and talk to us.

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(in reply to ChicMistress)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 5:05:23 PM   
PrincessBrienna


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

three months is hardly enough time to really know someone, especially when you've only met face-to face once. there is a lot someone can hide from you, so don't be naive about that. if the things you list are deal breakers, then go with your gut. be confident in what YOU bring to the relationship.

i'm curious...are you going to relocate at some point? good luck, in any case.


Thank you... I have spoken to him, we talked for hours & we have both cleared things up. I am not being naive or at least I am trying not to that's why I asked the forum in the first place. There is no doubt in my mind anymore about his commitment to me and he is a really really great guy, besides everything else, he is so awesome. Its not that I am not happy or contented, I am but I was just confused dealing with some emotions and he was not there to help me with my answers. We actually live in the same state but he is in east coast like 2 hours away & my job was on the weekends while he worked on the weekdays, it was just a big mess then that's why we couldn't meet often. I have sent a message to the support to delete or lock this thread. I am perfectly ok with my Daddy Dom & I thank everyone for their contributions, from the positive replies to the negative ones. Please I have been called names but I am still going to be respectful here. Let's all refrain from name calling and finger pointing... I deeply regret asking for advice so please let this discussion just end please.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 5:08:56 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna
I have sent a message to the support to delete or lock this thread.


Unless there's a reason to delete or lock the thread, they won't.


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 5:12:16 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna

Thank you... I have spoken to him, we talked for hours & we have both cleared things up. I am not being naive or at least I am trying not to that's why I asked the forum in the first place. There is no doubt in my mind anymore about his commitment to me and he is a really really great guy, besides everything else, he is so awesome. Its not that I am not happy or contented, I am but I was just confused dealing with some emotions and he was not there to help me with my answers. We actually live in the same state but he is in east coast like 2 hours away & my job was on the weekends while he worked on the weekdays, it was just a big mess then that's why we couldn't meet often. I have sent a message to the support to delete or lock this thread. I am perfectly ok with my Daddy Dom & I thank everyone for their contributions, from the positive replies to the negative ones. Please I have been called names but I am still going to be respectful here. Let's all refrain from name calling and finger pointing... I deeply regret asking for advice so please let this discussion just end please.



Who called you names? Seemed to me that everyone who responded was respectful even if they had differing opinions, I saw no name calling unless the OP would like to point that out please...

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 5:23:16 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna


quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

three months is hardly enough time to really know someone, especially when you've only met face-to face once. there is a lot someone can hide from you, so don't be naive about that. if the things you list are deal breakers, then go with your gut. be confident in what YOU bring to the relationship.

i'm curious...are you going to relocate at some point? good luck, in any case.


Thank you... I have spoken to him, we talked for hours & we have both cleared things up. I am not being naive or at least I am trying not to that's why I asked the forum in the first place. There is no doubt in my mind anymore about his commitment to me and he is a really really great guy, besides everything else, he is so awesome. Its not that I am not happy or contented, I am but I was just confused dealing with some emotions and he was not there to help me with my answers. We actually live in the same state but he is in east coast like 2 hours away & my job was on the weekends while he worked on the weekdays, it was just a big mess then that's why we couldn't meet often. I have sent a message to the support to delete or lock this thread. I am perfectly ok with my Daddy Dom & I thank everyone for their contributions, from the positive replies to the negative ones. Please I have been called names but I am still going to be respectful here. Let's all refrain from name calling and finger pointing... I deeply regret asking for advice so please let this discussion just end please.


Good for you. Communicating seems so obvious, but for some reason gets missed all the time. Best of luck down the road.

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 7:40:23 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I would just like to make a few comments. Have you seen your avatar? No big boobs? Umm.. wow. He likes thin women? I don't see a huge body as your avatar. You are 30 yrs younger.. think of that. 30 yrs. Don't you think that is a point in your favor? It is good you are communicating now, but good grief, why are you putting yourself down like you are not good enough?

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 7:57:19 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicMistress

Experience? What is your definition of experience? Being on CM for over 6 years? Is that your idea of experience? How am I sure they are experienced? Is there any form of certification of experience in BDSM they can show me to prove that they infact have experience? Stating on one's profile that they have x amount of experience is not enough proof. You all come across as very snobby if I might add. Looking down your nose at others, its people like you that send me insulting messages everyday about how you all think young girls are not fit to be dommes. Get off your high horse or more realistically get off your couch and see the real world as it is.


I see. Your defensive reply is from being sent insulting emails. That is cool.

But no one was insulting the OP. Don't project your issues onto what we tried to help her with.

Oh, as for how much people know about others? We can only judge from one's words on a message board; anyone can say anything so this is a medium of written words, no one here is clairvoyant.

(in reply to ChicMistress)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 7:59:27 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
no one here is clairvoyant.


I'm psychic! Oh, wait...shit....I meant psychotic....


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 8:03:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Ya know, I was being nice to you and gave you my thoughts already and tried to be pretty polite but I am in agreement with JeffBC and others who said you should seek some therapy. It seems you do have major issues even for being young. JeffBC was not being mean to you. He was being straightforward. I saw nowhere that he called you a bad name. If you have a tough time taking criticism then this is most likely not the place for you. And there's nothing wrong with that. Some people are just extremely sensitive and get their feelings hurt very easily. I have a daughter just like that and near your age. One has to walk on eggshells around her and really think before you speak to her.

As for the money part. Reminds me of a sugar daddy. An old guy who gives a young girl money just to have her on his arm as his trophy, someone to show off. He'll give you anything you want as long as you're always there to put up with anything at all.

I personally do hope things work out for you but being the huge age difference and your sensitivities, I'm going to bet it won't last very long. Again, you're young.Most are not going to work for you long term. It's an age thing. I didn't say it's impossible but just not realistic.

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(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 8:09:38 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		There's plenty of good advice here (slow down, stop taking the gifts, don't do what doesn't feel right) but because I am an older guy closer to her guy's age (at 51) I will just comment about the "all guys are faithless dogs" attitude.

I gotta say, while it may not always be true, it is true often enough that if a 24 year old girl were to be just a bit more wary and cautious about men, that would not be a bad thing.

Because sorry, it does sound like this guy is one of Those Guys.
Wealthy and generous middle aged benefactor just barely got his hands on a young hottie when he wants to do her and her girlfriends too. And maybe get her to procure them?
Fuck all, if the story had a studly young stable groom with smoldering eyes and windswept hair it would have Lifetime movie of the week all over it.

Sweetie, he may be a good guy for all I know- but he isn't acting like it. He is taking you for granted, and yes, he is displaying all the earmarks of a guy who sees you only as a hot body and envigorating electric charge of youth, and he is looking for the next jolt to keep the grim reaper at bay. If he were here I would advise him to grow the hell up.

Oh, and goddam it, if you want a man to see you as more than a pair of tits, stop making a profile that only shows you as...a pair of tits.

< Message edited by AnimusRex -- 10/29/2012 8:10:21 PM >

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 10:09:51 PM   
saundrakitty


Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline 		Trust me I paid very good attention and was watching to see if any thing popped up in my initial meeting's and was not rushing into anything as any relationship takes time no matter if its vanilla or a D/s. Heck after all that's what any initial meetings are about in the first place as its all about the chance of possibly developing a relationship with that person and it takes a good while to get to know them before you submit to them in any way or form, and if they try to push you into doing something before that has happened then they are just trolling and looking for sex and not a relationship with you. Heck I moved on and have no regrets one way or the other.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/30/2012 5:01:34 PM   
PrincessBrienna


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline 		Advice is probably something that only an experienced older person can give you. You all were right, yes he likes me but I am beginning to think it is all for the wrong reasons... When we were talking today, he stated that he was going to a "domestic female slave" to stay with him because he was a terrible cook then he also said "she would be probably a candidate I introduce to him" I was so surprised and couldn't believe what I wad hearing, then he says I am still his baby girl. I like him so much I tried to ignore it and just go along but from the get go I said I am not poly, there would be no other subs/slaves or live in and he agreed. I feel so hurt, I mean we really got along so well, I didn't even care about his age :( I told him I am sorry but I can't do this no more. I just feel hurt and even all the more confused. I am just glad we haven't had a play session or gotten sexually involved then I did be devastated. I am so sorry :( I feel like crying...

(in reply to saundrakitty)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/30/2012 5:04:25 PM   
PrincessBrienna


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline 		I didn't want to let go because he seemed so perfect but I keep thinking that if I don't I would probably get hurt eventually and probably very soon... I switched off my phone I don't want him convincing me with sweet words :(

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/30/2012 5:12:30 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I'm very sorry you're hurting. Take some time to heal yourself.

Trust me if you get out in the community, you will meet lots of people and possibly find a good match for you.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/31/2012 3:17:18 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna

I didn't want to let go because he seemed so perfect but I keep thinking that if I don't I would probably get hurt eventually and probably very soon... I switched off my phone I don't want him convincing me with sweet words :(


I'm sorry you're in pain. Take some time to feel sorry for yourself, eat some ice cream, take a bath, sing along to some power-ballads, do whatever makes you feel good. Then when you feel a bit brighter, go back over the wreckage and see what you can learn.

I know this doesn't help now, but you will realise when you get back on your feet that he wasn't perfect - he ignored your needs right off the bat and made it clear he wanted to use you to get more women. That's not perfect. You did right to switch off your phone - he has had forty years of practice at sweet talking, he's probably very good at it.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/31/2012 4:18:58 AM   
LonDom61


Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna

I didn't want to let go because he seemed so perfect but I keep thinking that if I don't I would probably get hurt eventually and probably very soon... I switched off my phone I don't want him convincing me with sweet words :(





I quoted this post because it had 3 very smart realizations in it.

- He SEEMed so perfect. -- Excellent observation.
- I would probably get hurt...soon. -- Yup
- I don`t want him convincing me with sweet words.

In your previous post you mentioned that you had talked and he had calmed all your fears.

When I read that I thought òf course he talked her out of her worries. For now at least. He`s got a good line of gab.

You are young. He is much older. Gives him the advantage, both in material stuff to dazzle you with (or pay you with) and experience in how to manoeuvre people. That isn`t criticism in any way. You`ve been an adult (ie out of childhood) for maybe 10 years. He`s been adult for 40+ years. That`s 4x the adult experience.

= = =

You`re quite changeable Princess. Each post you seem to go a different way:

Thanks, you`re all so awesome to help.

Don`t call me names and say I need therapy.
-- Sometimes perfectly nice people need therapy. Not saying you do or you don`t. But don`t take an observation like that and interpret it as criticism. Lots of people suffer from treatable mental conditions.

Again, not saying you do. But some of the things you`ve shown us here make some of us, who also have a lot of life experience, that you have some issues you could use some help with. Therapy is one possible avenue for that help.

You were right. We talked. He convinced me. It`s all good now.
Many here advised you to communicate. You started out doing that. Then he sold and you bought.

I don`t want to listen to you anymore. I`m closing this thread.
--uh. If you don`t want to listen any more, just stop reading. But you don`t own the thread and can`t stop us from talking here. That`s kind of a little girl thing to say. And you figured you`d do so by calling in a grownup (the mods).

I overheard him with a ProDomme. He IS using me.
---Bingo. Now don`t let him sweet talk you again. He wants what is good for him. Seems to figure he`s bought or snowed or charmed you, so you`ll do what he wants.

A Dom gets what he wants from his sub. But, in my books at least, wasn`t honorable in how he `became`your Dom. So he doesn`t deserve your service.


You said you`ve told him firmly you don`t want poly. I doubt you & he negotiated initially. You wouldn`t know that`s a thing. He might, but it wouldn`t serve his interests.

Negotiation happens at the beginning. Or should. Before you surrender your power. Before you`re his sub and he`s your Dom.

You discuss interests, health issues, things you don`t want to do for now (soft limits) and things you don`t EVER want to do (hard limits).

If you had negotiated, you would presumably have told him poly is either a soft limit (MAYBE. In time. After experience & trust are MUCH better established. No, next Tuesday is right out.) or a hard limit. Not NOW. Not EVER.

He`d have the choice. Accept those limits and agree to respect them fully. Or not become your Dom.

Sure, lots of couples don`t do that. And lots of couples end up having problems. Like yours or others. Problems that might have been avoided with negotiation & agreement up front and better communication throughout.

I really didn`t mean to go on this long. But one thing brought on another. and another...

Good luck, Princess. Stay strong. Find a good Dom. Take it slow. Negotiate & agree. Then, I hope, enjoy your youth with a Dom you respect & love. And can trust.

P.S. Last thought: google an article called An Acid Test for Doms. (It`s actually for subs...to test potential Doms). There`s a bunch of `types`to watch out for. It shows you what to look for--and look OUT for--in a potential Dom. That could help you now & in future.


(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/31/2012 4:32:14 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Great posting, LonDom.

Can we keep him?

He's not just a bald head and a pretty face.



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(in reply to LonDom61)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/31/2012 5:10:38 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		nvm

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 10/31/2012 5:13:15 AM >

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(in reply to PrincessBrienna)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/31/2012 5:16:10 AM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		i think she ran for the hills, her profile is gone.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 60
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