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ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I think you're lucky to have had this conversation.

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My brother is still trying to convince the family his "roommate" of over 10 years is straight too. This is the same "roommate" that has been his +1 at weddings, funerals & family dinners all this time.

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My "proclivities" were discussed as "hey in my will there is a description of a bag you need to make sure disappears without mom looking inside" response "if its drugs I'm using your stash"...um yeah have fun smoking my fluffy bunny flogger!

Now, won't they be surprised?

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best friend want me to teach him

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ORIGINAL: plasticshark

My brother and I have always had deep, philosophical discussions about a broad range of topics, and especially our various relationships. He's gay. He wouldn't admit to himself, much less anyone else, for a very long time. I was mad for a while, simply because I viewed it as an utter lack of faith in me. Selfish, I know. However, we have been talking about my relationship woes and I realized I've been doing the same to him.

Yesterday at dinner I spilt the beans, so to speak. It felt great. Now, I've been in various D/s-based relationships since college, but it was mostly an offshoot of (back then) the industrial music scene lifestyle and (more recently) me falling into a string of mentoring-type relationships with much younger artist women. At his insistence actually, last year I put together a list of what I wanted and I wound up here and meeting people and really running with it and fully exploring what I want. I grew up in a very feminism-powered household, and so it was previously bad enough that I enjoyed bossing girlfriends around, but it was a big jump to admit that I liked inflicting pain, too.

I confessed all of it. My brother has disliked most of the girlfriends I've had because they would "defer to [me] too often". I could see the tumblers in his brain line up and got a verbal "ooooh!". So we discussed old girlfriends and I told him funny stories and he's been great about it all.

I'm curious about other's stories about "coming out" to friends and family.

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ORIGINAL: seekingreality

Personally, I don't get the whole need to "come out." I see no need to tell family or friends about the sexual activities I like. I understand a gay person coming out more because if you are in a gay relationship and keep it hidden, that really affects how you can conduct yourself around others. However, you can have a heterosexual BDSM relationship and maintain that tone in public without calling attention to the sexual aspects. Plenty of people in vanilla relationships have a domineering partner. And, frankly, no matter what kind of relationship you're in, most people don't want you to parade your sexuality in their face.

I saw a need because my relationship cannot be passed off as "traditional, male wears the pants in the family". My male lover is my wife.

It drove my mother crazy when we ate at a buffet together and he was attentive, pulling out my chair, putting my coat and purse into the empty seat, getting up to get the dessert I wanted, and getting up to refill my soda. She kept frowning, almost kicking me under the table, and found several moments to TELL ME that I should be the one waiting on HIM. If I had been male and bo female, she would have been saying that things are as they should be. Instead...

1) I have been given lectures on multiple occasions about being a good wife-type, that I will lose him if I don't stop trying to wear the pants in the family.

2) bo has been cornered by my mother when I'm not present...she pleaded with him not to leave me, in spite of my bossy ways. bo had to tell her that he likes my "bossing" him around, and that this relationship is until "death do us part".

3) bo has been given lectures by my mother about his needing to take charge and "wear the pants" in the family.

(No need to stop laughing, y'all.)

Some of us NEED to come out to help put an end to all the misunderstandings and lectures. I told my mother that I see nothing wrong with a man taking on the role of wife...and to get used to his being my "honey, do..."

Yes, I have a "heterosexual BDSM relationship and maintain that tone in public without calling attention to the sexual aspects" thing going on. I'm an adult; I can separate D/s (or Master/slave) from sadism/masochism and from sexual acts. However, I do own him 24/7. The dynamic of our relationship is different from the norm, and yes, people notice...and sometimes comment or ask questions. My answer to them is usually limited to, "Yep, he's my wife." Then I laugh and say that every working woman needs to have one, especially if she's got kids. I then get asked if he does dishes, laundry, mows the lawn, etc., and I grin and say yessss. Some ask if he has a brother or cousin available.

(Psst...how can you tell if a man in WV is married? Answer...his wife is outside mowing the lawn.)

"Plenty of people in vanilla relationships have a domineering partner." I learned the difference between being domineering and Dominant during my first year in the lifestyle. Too bad that many vanillas spend their entire lifetime learning the difference...and some never do.

Quite frankly, about parading my sexuality in front of others... If I have to see shitloads of male buttcracks, usually with loose pants that are defying the laws of physics by being 3/4 down a guy's arse, and hear all their fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck talk, as well as mother f*cker and hearing blow by blow details of the blowjob or fuck they got last night...aargh! There is no way to ride on a city bus or walk through Walmart, etc., without getting an earful and eye full. Since all this chit is tolerated in my town they can damned well bite the bullet when they see bo opening doors for me, carrying packages, fetching and putting away things, etc., and treating me with care and respect.

Oh, and mowing my lawn too.

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ORIGINAL: seekingreality
Personally, I don't get the whole need to "come out." I see no need to tell family or friends about the sexual activities I like. I understand a gay person coming out more because if you are in a gay relationship and keep it hidden, that really affects how you can conduct yourself around others. However, you can have a heterosexual BDSM relationship and maintain that tone in public without calling attention to the sexual aspects. Plenty of people in vanilla relationships have a domineering partner. And, frankly, no matter what kind of relationship you're in, most people don't want you to parade your sexuality in their face.