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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 10/31/2012 12:21:11 PM

Duskypearls

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It's not the kindest thing one can say, but I think this thread should be renamed, "I think my best friend might be a Nutjob!" He certainly doesn't sound wrapped too tight to me.

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 10/31/2012 5:21:50 PM

ShibsStories

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Judging from your profile and the nature of this post I am assuming this is ?fiction?

Is that correct?

Actually no, quite real. I am trying to change a few things in my life , one of which is cowardice when it comes to being judged, so I chose to use a profile I use and identify as me instead of an anonymous one.
I am not happy where I am emotionally and I am trying to find the problem and fix it. The views and comments some have given have actually helped quite a bit- I know I do not always see things clearly, and can be a bit gullible when it comes to people I love. If I trust someone, I will believe almost anything, and I know this flaw in me.
So I came to this community for an outside view.

A bit harsh in some ways, but I asked and you guys came through.
Thank you.

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 10/31/2012 5:36:57 PM

orgasmdenial12

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I think it sounds knd of cute. You both clearly like it and consent to it. Does he know what D/s is? If not, maybe time to talk to him. Good luck!

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 10/31/2012 5:51:55 PM

kiwisub12

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Seems to me it would be a bit safer for you if the two of you had an actual D/s relationship. You could at least negotiate some things, and be a bit more open about what is happening.

Perhaps you could suggest he be your actual dominant, and have some limits built in. I find it a bit distressing that he punches and chokes you without consent - even if you do like it.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 10/31/2012 5:58:52 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShibsStories

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Judging from your profile and the nature of this post I am assuming this is ?fiction?

Is that correct?

Actually no, quite real. I am trying to change a few things in my life , one of which is cowardice when it comes to being judged, so I chose to use a profile I use and identify as me instead of an anonymous one.
I am not happy where I am emotionally and I am trying to find the problem and fix it. The views and comments some have given have actually helped quite a bit- I know I do not always see things clearly, and can be a bit gullible when it comes to people I love. If I trust someone, I will believe almost anything, and I know this flaw in me.
So I came to this community for an outside view.

A bit harsh in some ways, but I asked and you guys came through.
Thank you.

I don't think anyone means to be harsh, but more, it is about concern. Lots of people ask questions on the boards and sometimes those questions make you shake your head in wonder, but if someone is seriously asking about something, would you rather be lied to or told the truth (the truth being from individuals with varying perspectives)?

I wish you luck with this situation.

(in reply to ShibsStories)

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 11/1/2012 5:09:49 AM

Lockit

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ShibsStories... I think they kind of suck. Actually, that's not true. I think its pretty fucked up. That you would call this anything close to what we do or to come and try to play some strange little game... is pretty fucked up.

If it is true, I invite you to come to my house and meet my son and what could be your future. Do you have a parent that loves you enough to do what I do? I sure hope so, because the alternative is far worse, but eventually that far worse becomes a reality because I won't live forever. I doubt you will be able to write this sweetheart of a best friend when he is doing time, but you can borrow our refrigerator magnet letters to practice with.

Whatever the case may be, what you are doing is disgusting. Shame on you.

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 11/1/2012 5:21:28 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Your best friend or whoever he is to you is not your dominant, he is your abuser, and you, dear, are his victim.

That you like being abused is part of the victim mentality, but this doesn't make you and what you are experiencing with this man any less dysfunctional.

You say you are not happy with where you are emotionally. I've been there. And like you, I've chosen to be in the company of someone who was very bad for me b/c I wasn't in the right frame of mind to make good choices.

When you are not in the correct frame of mind to make good relationship choices, it's best not to be in a relationship at all.

This includes this abusive thing you have going on with your "friend."

You know, if he was really your friend, he would suggest you get some help for your emotional problems, instead of encouraging you to drink to the point of blacking out. (Do you have ANY idea how bad that is for you?) If he was really your friend, he wouldn't abuse you.

Please seek therapy to discover why you enjoy the victim role so much. I have, and it's helped me immensely.

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 11/1/2012 8:02:15 AM

lizi

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I don't think you think your relationship with this man is healthy and I think it troubles you or you wouldn't have come here to ask about it. It's been bothering you in the back of your mind. Even though you claim to be on board and enjoying things, you came here to ask questions- because as you said, you feel like it might be wrong sometimes. The fact that you're here asking about the health of this arrangement is all I need to know about if it's good for you...it's not. You are the one who told me that.

Turn your story around and pretend someone else you care about told it to you, what would you think? The benchmarks for physical abuse are in your story and you know it. You're trying to let BDSM make the lines blur, but what you're talking about is someone taking advantage of you and abusing you. Just because it floats your boat doesn't make it anything other than what it is or make it right. If it were ok for me to indulge my fantasies I sure as hell wouldn't be doing half the stuff I'm doing, I'd eat delicious fatty things all day long, never see the gym, and tell my mother that she's an emotional black pit of despair. As it is I watch what I eat, exercise, and even call my mother now and then.

I would not call such a man a Dominant. He isn't looking out for your best interest and seems to deliberately put you into situations where you are at risk. A Dominant is a leader and is supposed to be in control, if you are ending up with lifelong scars while under his "leadership" why can't you see that he's using you as a literal punching bag? He's also controlling your life choices while he supposedly doesn't have that power.

Throughout your story, I see a general thread of him not concerning himself with your welfare or ever putting you first. It always seems to be him. Relationships of any kind involve two people. You can stick around for more abuse, you know it's going to come, or you can leave and figure out why you are letting someone put you in physical and mental jeopardy on a constant basis and excusing it (after the fact) as consensual and exciting. That isn't BDSM. BDSM means you discuss and consent first. You're letting him do whatever he wants and then softening it by saying it was ok. You know he never thought any of it out beforehand, but you're letting it slide by. You are exactly what he needs to operate, and you are putting yourself at serious risk because giving up control to someone who is out of control means neither of you knows what the fuck is going on.

I'd think this "relationship" over pretty carefully and try to see it without the rose colored glasses, excuses, and need on your part to be treated this way. If you want to see it for what it really is, read all the replies in your thread over again from the standpoint that your cousin, aunt, sister, bff etc is telling it to you and see how it strikes you then.

(in reply to ShibsStories)

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 11/1/2012 8:11:45 AM

JanahX

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Im sensing a troll here - kinda like the guy who posted about getting his teeth yanked out and the guy on that thread saying it was a normal thing for male slaves to have all their teeth removed. This is a bunch of bullshit.

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 11/1/2012 5:13:49 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShibsStories

I know our friendship is not normal. I am ok with that. I am just wondering if it is healthy, and if anyone has come across a friendship like this.

I am going to give reasons I think so, followed by examples.

We horseplay. A lot. I am 5'2 and he is 6'4 and an ex-marine, so this always ends up with me getting my ass kicked(which I honestly enjoy- I would most likely be traumatized if I won.)
He loves to punch me in the arms and used to dead leg me constantly until my physical therapist told me to stop.

He likes to choke me- and I enjoy being choked so I never stop him. He likes to do it randomly and painfully- I hate it when he does it painfully, since I know he knows how to make it nice- but he likes to do it his way.

He has to know everything about the men in my life- there is a mixture of him not allowing me to have secrets/me not being able to keep them from him. -
We were once talking about the guy I was seeing at the time, and he asked a question I did not wish to answer. He could tell I had evaded the question and demanded I tell him. We had a mini battle of stubbornness over this until he told me if I didn't tell him he would ask me again later, shouting it across a room full of people we know.
He does not make idle threats. I caved.

And I sometimes wonder if he has broken me up with some of them, whether on purpose or just subconsciously-
I dated a guy for 4 months once and was head over heels in love-we both were. The guy lived 4 hours away and wanted me to move in with him. After I made the decision I was going to move away and to him, it came up in a discussion I was having with my friend. My friend pointed out I want kids, and this guy did not, and then started pounding that point home that I would regret it down the line. And that I was being cruel to the guy I claimed to love by leading him on.
I broke up with the guy a few weeks later.

He is a control freak and if I break one of his rules I am punished-
He likes his toilet lids always down so his dog can't drink out of them. The last time I forgot, he came downstairs looking pissed, I got that "o shit" feeling right before he came over, grabbed me by the hair and dragged me upstairs to the toilet so I could close it.
(This is a BDSM site so I hope I don't have to point out I am not being abused- I like this stuff)

Among the million other things he is amazing at, he is a genius mechanic. When he proclaimed my last car dead, he turned around and went in with my dad to start looking at Honda civics. Without consulting me.
Naturally I ended up with a Honda Civic. Great car and I love it, not bitching about it, just noticing how he assumed he would be making the decision of which car I was buying me, and I happily let him take control of the situation. It is a stick and while I didn't know how to drive it, he told me no problem, he would teach me after I bought it. And he did :)

If we make the mistake of drinking to the point of blacking out, crazy shit happens. Not sex, but I will wake up with cigarette burns or he will tell me I waterboarded him without the board. I never remember this shit, so have to go on what he tells me as to how the marks got there.

I purposely provoke him to get my kink kick sometimes.
One night I poked an icon on his chest to get his attention- and continued to do so until he told me if I poked him one more time he would punch me a 100 times. I struggled with my self preservation for a bit, and then did so, after making an earlier comment about he couldn't tie me up without me co-operating.
We all know how this ended- with a very bruised and happy me.

So yeah, our friendship is weird.
He is technically an ex- we dated for four months twice in the 4 years I have known him, with the last breakup being mutual and amazing and ending with us hugging and me saying "I got my best friend back!"
The weird thing is when we dated the second time he stopping hitting me. And as soon as we broke up he went straight back to it.

I feel like it might be wrong sometimes. Especially when I am dating someone else( I do give the guys I am dating a full disclosure of my activities with my friend) And I always end up breaking up with them for no reason after a few months. I want to be happy, and have a family someday, and I am beginning to fear I wont be able to do that unless I give up my best friend first.

Thoughts? I know it was a hell of a long read, but this was the only soundboard I could think of that wouldn't dismiss it out of turn as an abusive relationship because of the hitting.

Sweety, I think you and Bubba need to have a sit down.

It's fairly clear you're in love with him....and I'd venture a guess, he's in love with you.

What could possibly be better than being in love with your best friend?

Honey....you've got what most dream of.

Just don't let it become a fucked up gig.

(It could easily become that).

(in reply to ShibsStories)

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RE: I think my best friend might be my Dom - 11/2/2012 2:34:22 PM

TheLovedOne

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That sounds like neither a Dom or a best friend. He sounds like a raving nutter to me. And a dangerous one.

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