Cyber Dominantion/submission

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enthralled -> Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 3:44:44 AM)
To each thier own and all that hoopla .... but I'm genuinely interested in understanding this concept so any explanations are appreciated! I've seen submissives who have never even met the man/woman they call thier 'Master' and vice-versa... the wearing of a 'cyber-collar'. I've received (detailed) emails from people making DEMANDS that I do this and that. I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box??? Thanks for any replies in advance. ~enthralled

Arpig -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 3:49:48 AM)
I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box??? You and me both, dear, you and me both.

meatcleaver -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:12:35 AM)
I'm probably going to be flamed for this but to me it is nuts. I did have something of a D/s relationship online once and I wasn't looking for it but that is another story. I just couldn't get my head round it then and I can't now. However, on reflection I guess it helped this woman indulge her fantasies in the safety of her own home, she could fantasize about all she wanted done to her but was too scared to have done to her in reality. In effect she was a cock tease but I'm going to stop before I rant but I'd love to know what doms see in it, it really seemed a waste of time and effort and thoroughly pointless, looking back.

Focus50 -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:14:34 AM)
I don't get anything out of it, either.... To me, all things D/s basically start with eye-contact which brings the knowledge that your sub will do whatever is asked of her without question, because I can see it in her eyes! Without that r/l eye-contact, it's just cyber geeks playing games as far as I'm concerned; it ain't real! I've certainly flirted with it while chatting online but only with subs who I've had r/l contact with, which means I have knowledge and experience of what her replies might mean.... But definitely nothing serious or heavy because it just reinforces the frustration of not having her in my direct presence when I make the demands I make.... And an online collar for someone you haven't even met???? Purrrrleazzeeee.... As you said, to each their own etc; I prefer it to be real.... Focus.

bandit25 -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:21:44 AM)
Well, I don't see the value either IF it stays cyber. I met my Dom here on CM...course we didn't/don't do the cyber domination thing. We do chat online and via email because we don't live close to each other. We do see each other...not as often as we would like.... I think MC is correct. Those who are afraid to progress to real life find cyber an outlet for their fantasies. And, there may be those who are real life but, for various reasons, can only connect via the net. In fact, there was a dom in Australia who recently posted a thread about this very thing. I am sure LA knows where it is...LOL. His thoughts were quite interesting...he is caring for an ailing mother and cyber is all he has right now. Although I can't see this working for me for any length of time, I am sure it does for others.

spankmepink11 -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:21:54 AM)
Cyber/online does nothing for me either... I had to edit to add, if the persons involved in the relationship are unable to see one another as often as they would like but are involved r/t...online can be a positive suppliment for them.

RavenMuse -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:34:02 AM)
Some people aparently 'get something' from cyber fantasy game playing and seem to think it is 'real'. Bully for them, but personaly it does nothing for me and I can't understand the attraction. If I can't meet her, touch her, hold her in my arms.... then it ain't real!

darkinshadows -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:46:09 AM)
It is just another fetish. We don't have to understand them... it will still exist. Peace and Rapture

GddssBella -> RE: Cyber Domination/submission (6/15/2006 4:52:08 AM)
G'morning all: Cyber d/s is just that, cyber. It's all nonsense. Role playing for the timid. A nice little fantasy they can act out from the safety of their home without the flesh and blood interaction which I find crucial in real time. Don't even get me started on the people using cyber as an excuse around cheating. Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others... [:D] Bella

becca333 -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:53:50 AM)
If it's all you have, and all you think you'll ever have, it's better than nothing. Once you get experience in r/l, it doesn't work so well. But for a lot of people who can't connect in r/l for various reasons, it's a lifeline.

MrrPete -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 4:59:41 AM)
It really doesn't matter one bit whether you get it or not but it DOES matter whether you are tolerant of the activity. Whether intended or not the overall tone of the posts I've read comes across as latent intolerance. You don't have "to get it" and you most likely never will. If it's not your kink move on If you want people to accept your kink it's a good idea that you accept theirs. Just for the record a lot of people in IRC channels don't do cybersex and a lot of channels don't allow it but if that's what floats your boat you can find channels to cater to that. I lived in SF for a number of years and there were 2 channels specifically for the area that held munches and parties. It was a good place to find out what was going on AND meet a prospective partner in R/T. The advantage of IRC or othre chatrooms is it is in R/T. Discussions can get very lively. A lot of channels have a discussion topic of the day in their header. Forums are nice but it can take days for a discussion to run it's course but it can take just a few minutes in R/T. There's more to cyberspace than sex. Hurray! I finally made kinky!

sabswife -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:08:09 AM)
i have to agree-- i think the internet is a great tool for a D/s couple that HAS met irl and know each other. my Dom and i knew each other EXTREMELY well when W/we met for the first time but He will tell you that He didn't realize how submissive i really was until real face to face interaction. in fact before W/we met W/we hadn't even discussed anything to do with D/s at all, beyond how we both felt very "traditional" in the ways of how a relationship should work between U/s. He then introduced me to it, as frankly He has been involved in it for nearly as long as i have been alive. now it just makes sense because its who W/e both are. all W/we did was label who W/we already are. i am heading off topic at this point, but what i feel is that just can't have that completeness without meeting and without the intent of being together irl, i honestly don't see much of a point either, mostly because i couldn't fathom it... there is no chance i could spent my life away from my Dom. but hey if thats your thing, thats your thing, if i can't understand it or take part in it myself isn't the point i suppose, if it makes them happy so be it :)

wytchywoman -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:13:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enthralled I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box??? Well, the answer for me is that it can't come close to being the same. On the other hand, many people begin their relationships through exploring via e-mail and instant messengers. To me the only purpose that serves is if both people find they're compatible and have intentions of going real life with the relationship. Beyond that, I can't see the sense in attempting to maintain a purely cyber relationship that is never going to go beyond a keyboard. Others have made valid points about people sometimes being restricted to that venue for one reason or another, so if that is the case and it's satisfying to both parties, then at least they have something to get them through the day. All usual ad nauseum dislcaimers apply here. [;)]

meatcleaver -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:14:44 AM)
One hears so much about dead dom syndrome, players, fakes etc. etc. It is important for naive people to realise what they are indulging in is an illusion. I was once naive enough to believe this woman meant what she said, she didn't hide her real ID, sent me presents and everything but always had a reason why we couldn't meet. If I was a little more up to speed on such things I would have asked myself pertinent questions but I was gullible. Cyber is an illusion, if you are awre of that fact it is harmless game playing, if you are naive and gullible, it can have terrible results. Illusions go POOOF!!!

Brosco -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:14:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 Well, I don't see the value either IF it stays cyber. I met my Dom here on CM...course we didn't/don't do the cyber domination thing. We do chat online and via email because we don't live close to each other. We do see each other...not as often as we would like.... I think MC is correct. Those who are afraid to progress to real life find cyber an outlet for their fantasies. And, there may be those who are real life but, for various reasons, can only connect via the net. In fact, there was a dom in Australia who recently posted a thread about this very thing. I am sure LA knows where it is...LOL. His thoughts were quite interesting...he is caring for an ailing mother and cyber is all he has right now. Although I can't see this working for me for any length of time, I am sure it does for others. I am assuming you meant this one: http://www.collarchat.com/Going_from_reallife_to_an_online_relationship/m_421410/tm.htm Although I fully understand that many see cyber relations at a fantasy game, roleplaying or just cyber wanking, I wish to assure you that for many it is far from it. I have no idea of the percentage use of each of the communications tools available :emails, messenger, voice or cam so I can only talk for me. I use all of the above with the exception of cam. I advise any one that will listen against using a cam for such relationships unless they are part of a long term reallife relationship and used while seperated for a period. The dangers of images being captured and spread all around the net in some form of petty revenge after a breakup are just too high. quote: To me, all things D/s basically start with eye-contact This would imply to me that a blind person could not have a fullfilling d/s relationship - and I know for a fact that isn't true. Without sight, you learn to 'read' the same things from voice. quote: Those who are afraid to progress to real life find cyber an outlet for their fantasies. There probably are some that fall into this category, but there are many other reasons why people are in cyber - one example being my case that is documented in the thread referenced. quote: I've received (detailed) emails from people making DEMANDS that I do this and that. I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) To be perfectly honest, I can't either - I would find it very hollow without voice, but then, many can't see how that can be enough for me, so I shouldn't judge that emails and messenger would not be enough for others. quote: I just couldn't get my head round it then and I can't now. Yep, and that would apply to many people - it just wouldn't work for them, but that doesn't mean that it won't work for others. Just the same as I can't get my head around poly relationships, but for those in them, they may find mono relationships unfullfilling. Online is not for all and while it may be little more than fantasy and roleplaying for some, there are plenty of people in reallife that call a bit of kinky bedroom bondage D/s also. There are 'real' practicioners of D/s both off and online. Since I have been in r/l D/s relationships most of my adult life, I can attest that I can have a satifying D/s relationship online and know what I am missing in this mode - and if you bother to read the thread mentioned, also know what I am gaining from online. Brosco

wytchywoman -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:15:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrrPete Hurray! I finally made kinky! Congrats, MrrPete! [:D]

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:29:35 AM)
Here we go with another "cyber means nothing" thread. For some people who can't experience D/s in real life (for a variety of reasons), online interactions can be fulfilling. Some may not see it as fulfilling as a real life relationship, but isn't that for the person to decide? Be well, Julie

spankmepink11 -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:31:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver One hears so much about dead dom syndrome, players, fakes etc. etc. color me naive.....but...."dead dom syndrome???" i'm almost afraid to ask....

Brosco -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:48:48 AM)
Dead Dom Syndrome: faking one's own death or very serious illness (heart attacks, etc) to justify an unexplained period of no communication and usually to end a relationship rather than giving an honest reason.

wytchywoman -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 5:52:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Brosco Dead Dom Syndrome: faking one's own death or very serious illness (heart attacks, etc) to justify an unexplained period of no communication and usually to end a relationship rather than giving an honest reason. It's also not uncommon for them to reincarnate under a new screen name. [sm=biggrin.gif]

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