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Age differences - 11/3/2012 2:53:56 PM   
jo3y


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		Hi!

I'm 22 years old and new to this life style. I have been getting attention of older gentleman (25-38). If I was looking for just a boyfriend I date other 22 y.o. Should I do the same now? What are some advantages of expanding my horizons? Disadvantages?

<3 Joey
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Age differences - 11/3/2012 3:02:29 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Welcome, jo. It's a wonder you're not getting messages from 52-year olds. If you usually feel comfortable dating folks close to your own age, stick with that. D/s doesn't change a thing.

(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Age differences - 11/3/2012 3:07:43 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Statistically, relationships with more than a 10 year age gap have a higher rate of failure.

I second MDA, do what you're comfortable doing. Don't let someone pressure you into doing something that you're not.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Age differences - 11/3/2012 3:07:45 PM   
jo3y


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you for the advise.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Age differences - 11/3/2012 3:09:26 PM   
indigonight


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/27/2012
Status: offline 		I'm 27, I get many more replies from older men than men my age, anywhere from 10 - 30+ years older. It's really up to you what you're looking for, I don't find men older than 5-7 years more than myself to have the mental and emotional connection I'm looking for. I think sex and kink is pretty easy to find, while having common ground with the guy and a similar outlook on life is harder. Therefore I look for the things that you usually look for in a regular relationship. I figure if I want to enjoy my time with the guy I have to like him, as well as be sexually attracted to him. I'm not attracted to much older men.

If you want to just experience BDSM, then maybe an older man would have more experience with that provided his experience is in real life and not ordering someone around online or watching porn. On the other hand, its kind of nice to experience things with someone on your own newer level, as long as you both are careful to be safe.

(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Age differences - 11/3/2012 3:13:01 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Do whatever feels best for you. There are advantages and disadvantages for everything we do. It's what makes your feel comfortable that is important.

I would suggest you look into joining APEX (Arizona Power Exchange) You can google them. APEX has a variety of members from young to old. They even have a TNG (the next generation) group that meets there for those under 35. They have a lovely facility in Phoenix.


One advantage is that an older man "might" have more experience, but you can't know that for sure. Disadvantage is that you may have little in common with someone too much older. Gary is 10 years older than I. Since we were in our 50s and 60s when we met it really wasn't a huge thing. However, there is a definate generation gap between us. I grew up in a completely different era than he did so we do not always see eye to eye on things.

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Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Age differences - 11/3/2012 4:46:06 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Everyone makes preconceived opinions about others, it's human nature. Here, since you have to rely on pretty much given information, at first glance, a lot of people use those preconceptions to narrow the field. But only you can decide what is best for you. As for the age gap, that is purely personal and can succeed or fail more on an individual basis than broad strokes

(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Age differences - 11/4/2012 4:40:38 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would say as a rule sticking with someone in their 20's would be a good idea. Though when I was 25 I met this amazing man I still deeply love...and discovered after we had started dating he turned 40! It took 2 weeks of freak out & soul searching for each of us to realize we were still crazy about each other.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Darkfeather)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Age differences - 11/4/2012 6:20:07 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:


. I think sex and kink is pretty easy to find, while having common ground with the guy and a similar outlook on life is harder. Therefore I look for the things that you usually look for in a regular relationship.


This part I think is spot on for the OP... forget about looking for the age of a person.... but I believe you will find that the person that has a similiar outlook with you etc is going to roughly be in the same age group as well. But there are exceptions.


quote:


If you want to just experience BDSM, then maybe an older man would have more experience with that provided his experience is in real life and not ordering someone around online or watching porn. On the other hand, its kind of nice to experience things with someone on your own newer level, as long as you both are careful to be safe.


Older doesn't equate to more experienced... it could be just a person that has repeated a similiar experience for years. Neither is time in the lifestyle a good measure on a person's experience. The only way to really appreciate the experience a person has is to talk to them and learn the path they have walked. Just going with the number of years in the lifestyle etc is no my idea of smart! But I will say that sometimes growing in experience with another is rather exciting and a bonding experience all of it's own. I general... I think people put way to much credit to the experience thing!!! and I can say that because I have lots of experience in the lifestyle... 20 years!!!!! ;)


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to indigonight)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Age differences - 11/4/2012 7:57:16 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		If you're not comfortable dating guys over 25, then don't. I mean I guess the con would be that you feel weird about it and can't get close. And beyond a certain point you're going to be in different life stages and part of different generations and may not have a lot in common. But I really won't consider 3 years older "an older man"! That's a very normal kind of age difference.

A pro to opening up your horizons a bit is that you have a larger selection of people to choose from. Finding someone who's a good honest person that you're really compatible with in terms of personality, life goals, etc can be hard enough - add that they have to be a dom or sub with compatible kinks, and your "playing field" can get a little small.

(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Age differences - 11/4/2012 1:04:59 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I agree with everyone else... go with what appeals to you.

But your question was about advantages and disadvantages and of course there are some (speaking in broad brush strokes of course). On the + side I would generally expect an older person to be more stable and more secure and more aware of themselves and their position in life and what they want and don't want. I'd expect better leadership. I'd expect them to see the world more as it is rather than in black and whites. Youth, however, has it's own charms. Youth might be expected to bring with it less cynicism and more boundless energy and idealism. Youth, of course, also carries with it aesthetic benefits. I could probably go on and on but I doubt you really need me to. I'm not saying anything revolutionary here.

In the end though, relationships are not so coldly analytical... not by a long-shot. Instead they rely largely on that mysterious word "chemistry" which goes well beyond emotional traits to things like "dissimilar immune response systems". Hence the wisdom of "go with what appeals to you."

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Age differences - 11/4/2012 1:31:16 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		bdsm=vanilla

If you would date a 20somethiing in vanilla, you would do the same in bdsm. No difference.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Age differences - 11/6/2012 3:01:51 PM   
thexxxxmaster


Posts: 102
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		If you are asking the question then you are already stating that the idea is not appealing to you.

Like all aspects of human relationships it is all down to a matter of personal preferences. Take no notice of statics, it is all about each and every individual and their feelings towards the person who they are turned on by. Age has no impact on the human desire created in the mind.

I can assure you from personal experience:

1. There is such thing as love at first sight, she saw, and she seduced.

2. Age was of no concern at all.

3. It is only small minded human beings who condemn it, age really is only a number, not a personality.

4. The majority of people have no problems accepting it when they see the devotion between the couple, those that do are on a par with homophobes.

So, if it intrigues you and you feel that someone much older than you can bring their experience and intellect to the relationship and satisfy some physical or mental need, and they physically turn you on, then maybe it is something you could find very satisfying.

The true art of relationships is about helping each other be themselves and never attempting to change each other at a very basic level. Helping each other to grow. It applies not just in this lifestyle. In relationship to the lifestyle, there are also advantages in playing with experienced practitioners because the technical aspects are very wide ranging and can take years to become proficient in the use of all the tools available. Pun intended.

At the end of the day it is your own taste or adventurous nature which should guide you.

Hope this helps.




(in reply to jo3y)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Age differences - 11/6/2012 3:11:38 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		As pretty much everyone has said so far... it really is up to you.

A large age gap does carry some issues (which don't need to be show-stoppers by any means), but - for example, if you found yourself in a long-term committed relationship with someone in his 50's, then decided that you wanted to have kids while in your 30's, he might be in his 60's. By the time those kids graduated high school he might be knocking on 80...

Personally, I tend to filter out anyone below 28, on the grounds that we're likely to have very little in common. That said, I've been very pleasantly surprised on occasion too.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Age differences - 11/6/2012 4:47:10 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

As pretty much everyone has said so far... it really is up to you.

A large age gap does carry some issues (which don't need to be show-stoppers by any means), but - for example, if you found yourself in a long-term committed relationship with someone in his 50's, then decided that you wanted to have kids while in your 30's, he might be in his 60's. By the time those kids graduated high school he might be knocking on 80...

Personally, I tend to filter out anyone below 28, on the grounds that we're likely to have very little in common. That said, I've been very pleasantly surprised on occasion too.

Lol the upshot is if you don't want kids, enjoy men both in & out of the bedroom & have more of an intellectual bent...the age gap you realize isn't such a big deal!

Though 50 at your age is some man dreamin with his boxers...50 for a 22yr old? Seriously?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Age differences - 11/6/2012 4:49:30 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

As pretty much everyone has said so far... it really is up to you.

A large age gap does carry some issues (which don't need to be show-stoppers by any means), but - for example, if you found yourself in a long-term committed relationship with someone in his 50's, then decided that you wanted to have kids while in your 30's, he might be in his 60's. By the time those kids graduated high school he might be knocking on 80...

Personally, I tend to filter out anyone below 28, on the grounds that we're likely to have very little in common. That said, I've been very pleasantly surprised on occasion too.

Lol the upshot is if you don't want kids, enjoy men both in & out of the bedroom & have more of an intellectual bent...the age gap you realize isn't such a big deal!

Though 50 at your age is some man dreamin with his boxers...50 for a 22yr old? Seriously?



I have a sock on the other side who is 18 and a 58-yr old couple approached her. I sent them this:







Attachment (1)

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Age differences - 11/7/2012 4:01:24 AM   
thexxxxmaster


Posts: 102
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

As pretty much everyone has said so far... it really is up to you.

A large age gap does carry some issues (which don't need to be show-stoppers by any means), but - for example, if you found yourself in a long-term committed relationship with someone in his 50's, then decided that you wanted to have kids while in your 30's, he might be in his 60's. By the time those kids graduated high school he might be knocking on 80...

Personally, I tend to filter out anyone below 28, on the grounds that we're likely to have very little in common. That said, I've been very pleasantly surprised on occasion too.

Lol the upshot is if you don't want kids, enjoy men both in & out of the bedroom & have more of an intellectual bent...the age gap you realize isn't such a big deal!

Though 50 at your age is some man dreamin with his boxers...50 for a 22yr old? Seriously?



I have a sock on the other side who is 18 and a 58-yr old couple approached her. I sent them this:








You really should put a sock in it!

What right does anyone have to criticise other people's legal personal preferences in terms of age. When I was young I never saw anyone in terms of age, still the same, their words and actions determined how I interacted with them. I bedded women from almost all age groups and I still do. That was/is MY choice and I find anyone who belittles others for having a preference for one thing or another in a relationship, particularly colour, race, sexuality and age, lacking in maturity and basic humanity.

Our best friends got together when she was 18 and he late 48, just had their sixth wedding anniversary. One of the happiest and most relaxed couple we have ever met, a bit like us.

Ok, if you as a fake 18 year (secret desire, wants to play with golden oldies) or whatever you actually are, do not fancy a 58 year old there are others who do. You and people of the same ilk would do the world a favour if you came to realise that your favourite dish is not the only one on the table of life.

Having got all that off my mind, mayhaps you are both feeling your age, and you have to admit that it is somewhat surprising that a 35 year old states she will have nothing to do with a 40 year old, guess that must mean nothing under 30 either. LOL

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Age differences - 11/7/2012 6:41:13 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thexxxxmaster


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

As pretty much everyone has said so far... it really is up to you.

A large age gap does carry some issues (which don't need to be show-stoppers by any means), but - for example, if you found yourself in a long-term committed relationship with someone in his 50's, then decided that you wanted to have kids while in your 30's, he might be in his 60's. By the time those kids graduated high school he might be knocking on 80...

Personally, I tend to filter out anyone below 28, on the grounds that we're likely to have very little in common. That said, I've been very pleasantly surprised on occasion too.

Lol the upshot is if you don't want kids, enjoy men both in & out of the bedroom & have more of an intellectual bent...the age gap you realize isn't such a big deal!

Though 50 at your age is some man dreamin with his boxers...50 for a 22yr old? Seriously?



I have a sock on the other side who is 18 and a 58-yr old couple approached her. I sent them this:








You really should put a sock in it!

What right does anyone have to criticise other people's legal personal preferences in terms of age. When I was young I never saw anyone in terms of age, still the same, their words and actions determined how I interacted with them. I bedded women from almost all age groups and I still do. That was/is MY choice and I find anyone who belittles others for having a preference for one thing or another in a relationship, particularly colour, race, sexuality and age, lacking in maturity and basic humanity.

Our best friends got together when she was 18 and he late 48, just had their sixth wedding anniversary. One of the happiest and most relaxed couple we have ever met, a bit like us.

Ok, if you as a fake 18 year (secret desire, wants to play with golden oldies) or whatever you actually are, do not fancy a 58 year old there are others who do. You and people of the same ilk would do the world a favour if you came to realise that your favourite dish is not the only one on the table of life.

Having got all that off my mind, mayhaps you are both feeling your age, and you have to admit that it is somewhat surprising that a 35 year old states she will have nothing to do with a 40 year old, guess that must mean nothing under 30 either. LOL



I have no issues with my age, and when I was actually searching for someone, I had a 20 yr age range. My fiance/Master is 9 yrs older than I am. Personally the only time I care where a guy dips his wick is when he is dipping it with me, so who you bed is irrelevant as far as I'm concerned.

This being said, the sock account was an experiment, is completely blank with no picture or text (and the username means "You are an Idiot" in a foreign language), and had it been real that couple could have been her grandparents. The chance of them having ANYTHING other than kink in common is extremely slim, and the chance of a kink only relationship lasting is extremely rare. Your friends are the exception.

If you don't feel self-righteous enough, feel free to continue chastising me. Perhaps someday I'll give a shit about your opinion of me.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 11/7/2012 6:42:59 AM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to thexxxxmaster)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Age differences - 11/7/2012 6:47:09 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		LMAO xxx that's special just for you!!! Profile is old, age limit old but in current situation useful since I don't have time for troll mail!! So please do go with baseless assumptions & remove me from your hunting list, no skin off my ass.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to thexxxxmaster)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Age differences - 11/7/2012 7:20:42 AM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		The point is, while biasing choices based on age is acceptable and in most cases valid, it may not be a catch-all practice. To assume someone who is older will have nothing in common isn't true in all cases. I have several vanilla friends who are in spring-summer relationships, and I myself probably know more about "younger generation" issues than most 20'somethings (I play video games, watch anime, play old school pen and paper D&D, etc).

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 20
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