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after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 9:51:54 AM   
SeekingaServant


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		I have an interesting question for my fellow mistresses.... I recently met someone off this site. I'll keep names out of it, for public humilation isn't my cup of tea...  ;)
Anyway, everything is going great....I bring him back to my place for a little session...first time I make him leave with blue balls from hell!  Second time, I decide I'm in the mood for a little fun.  I spank his balls till he can't stand it anymore...I spank his ass...goodness but I had a great time. Afterward I rewarded his patience with a little sex.  Right as he is about to cum he says, I have to tell you something....I'm like, oh shit, now what? I should have thrown him to the ground and spanked his ass some more for making me stop mid orgasm...but I finished cumming first anyway. When we were done, he says that he wanted to tell me that he has a problem. The instant he has an orgasm...he stops being submissive.  He thinks he has problem, because he just wants to run away and doesn't want to be submissive...but an hour later he is back to his cute little puppy dog ways.
My question is, has anyone else run into this? What do you do to overcome it? Should I bother? I mean, sure it was fun...I enjoyed squeezing, spanking, slapping and dominating the heck out of him...but after sex, it doesn't end for me. Should I be understanding? or should I kick his ass out the door? Should I put him in chastity and just not let him cum, if he is going to stop being submissive after cumming?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:06:52 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		i know im speaking out of place as You asked specifically for Mistress's input, but i thought perhaps a male submissives insight might be useful to You. it seems to me he is asking to be put in chastity, at least subconciously. while i am not in complete chastity, but rather in orgasm denial until it pleases Mistress to allow my release, i can tell You honestly that the longer i am in denial, the more submissive/pliant  i become. i dont stop being submissive on orgasm, but there is a definate difference.

(in reply to SeekingaServant)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:09:51 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		He's conditionally submissive....sexually submissive....and it's about HIS orgasm. If you can live with that......well, by all means, live with it. That doesn't work for me personally.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SeekingaServant)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:19:04 AM   
SeekingaServant


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SenseofBelonging

i know im speaking out of place as You asked specifically for Mistress's input, but i thought perhaps a male submissives insight might be useful to You. it seems to me he is asking to be put in chastity, at least subconciously. while i am not in complete chastity, but rather in orgasm denial until it pleases Mistress to allow my release, i can tell You honestly that the longer i am in denial, the more submissive/pliant  i become. i dont stop being submissive on orgasm, but there is a definate difference.


No, your not out of place...I keep forgetting to not limit my search for answers. I am always open to both the subs and the Mistress/Masters perspectives on my questions. Thank you for your input.

(in reply to SenseofBelonging)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:21:33 AM   
SeekingaServant


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

He's conditionally submissive....sexually submissive....and it's about HIS orgasm. If you can live with that......well, by all means, live with it. That doesn't work for me personally.


Thats what I was thinking. Yes I enjoyed dominating him, but if it ends after sex...even for a short time, it seems to me to be more about his fantasy and his orgasm. I've talked to him about putting him chastity, we will see where it goes from here. I'm just floating around waiting for my (nonbdsm) lover to come over so I thought I would find out what people thought about this.

On that topic, its a bit of a strain sometimes to keep from spanking him (the vanilla? lover)...I think he wants to go sub...because he enjoys hearing me call him names, and telling him what to do. Should I try to show him the full enjoyment of being my sub, or should I just accept him as he is? Wishywashy but great in bed...lol

< Message edited by SeekingaServant -- 6/15/2006 10:24:19 AM >

(in reply to MisPandora)
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RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:21:39 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

He's conditionally submissive....sexually submissive....and it's about HIS orgasm. If you can live with that......well, by all means, live with it. That doesn't work for me personally.


I agree with this. To hell with that nonsense. True submission is what turns me on. It's deep within their core.


_____________________________



(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:27:03 AM   
SeekingaServant


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta



I agree with this. To hell with that nonsense. True submission is what turns me on. It's deep within their core.



I wonder though...how do you tell till after you've already slept with them? I know being a Mistress is hard...but I have a huge sex drive and when I met them, get them under my control....I just have to sample them. Is there a seminar on Self-Control for Mistresses?   :)

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:38:46 AM   
Blueridgetiger


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		I just signed in and saw this -  as a male submissive who enjoys switching too, when i am the bottom, my Female Dominant knows of this condition and she ties me to the bed posts so that our sex is at her pace and She enjoys her orgasm often before i do if allowed to . . but if allowed to, the restraints keep me in my place until those running away or loss of submissive feelings are gone !!  Tie the "boy" down and use him for Your Complete Pleasure and retain CONTROL .  Chuck the Blueridgetiger

(in reply to SeekingaServant)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:44:40 AM   
rednekk44


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like all your little freak wanted was a roll in the hay to begin with. Was just stringing you along to get what he wanted then poof.
It is sad to say that there are more like him out there, women as well as men. I have been looking for right sub for a long time and just haven't found right one.
I always seem to find ones like the one you encountered.
Have a good day all.

(in reply to SeekingaServant)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:51:46 AM   
Unfallen


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/6/2006
Status: offline 		As a Master, I would have a problem with a sub doing that to me.  I would consider talking to your vanilla lover about some of the "softer" sides of BDSM.  I assume he know that you are in the Lifestyle?  If so, then it would not surprise me that he is considering being submissive.  If not, then consider weaning him in (Soft bondage, a little hair pulling, etc) to see how he reacts.

(in reply to Blueridgetiger)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 11:06:38 AM   
MadamShy


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		Ok here is How I inturpet it

first of all I'll say I really don't mix sex and a scene My scenes are a bit intense and usually both are smiling and spent after LOL

My sex life is a bit BDSM but its just that .. sex when both partners are finished its cuddling time....


after sex that is also great and exhausting .. I don't want to play More I need a down time ... I'm nor Dominate nor submissive after a good orgasm ... Im just recuperating LOL ...

maybe its same for him ...

its not a Top or bottom thing maybe its no energy till after a hour later ....

I suggest either

separating the BDSM sex from the scenes

or .... ending the session with sex ..

it does not sound like a control thing to Me but more like a truth what he is feeling


by the way does your Non BDSM lover know about this side play toy?



_____________________________

Madam Shy
Head Domina
Bitch of Club Hell
Providence RI

(in reply to Unfallen)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 11:11:50 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		far as I know, after sex men go to sleep and women pine.........

what don't I get?

LOL,
Ronne

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MadamShy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 11:34:19 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

far as I know, after sex men go to sleep and women pine.........

what don't I get?

LOL,
Ronne


Wow those orgasms must be weak (sad women) -- mine make me go to sleep too for a little while!

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 11:40:34 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Seems to me like acting submissive till he gets what he wants is a game he plays to ensure he gets his wants met.


People who are truely submissive are not so untill the sex is over. Submission is not a now I've fucked I'm not obeying you thing. It's an all the time thing no matter if you just had sex or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingaServant

I have an interesting question for my fellow mistresses.... I recently met someone off this site. I'll keep names out of it, for public humilation isn't my cup of tea...  ;)
Anyway, everything is going great....I bring him back to my place for a little session...first time I make him leave with blue balls from hell!  Second time, I decide I'm in the mood for a little fun.  I spank his balls till he can't stand it anymore...I spank his ass...goodness but I had a great time. Afterward I rewarded his patience with a little sex.  Right as he is about to cum he says, I have to tell you something....I'm like, oh shit, now what? I should have thrown him to the ground and spanked his ass some more for making me stop mid orgasm...but I finished cumming first anyway. When we were done, he says that he wanted to tell me that he has a problem. The instant he has an orgasm...he stops being submissive.  He thinks he has problem, because he just wants to run away and doesn't want to be submissive...but an hour later he is back to his cute little puppy dog ways.
My question is, has anyone else run into this? What do you do to overcome it? Should I bother? I mean, sure it was fun...I enjoyed squeezing, spanking, slapping and dominating the heck out of him...but after sex, it doesn't end for me. Should I be understanding? or should I kick his ass out the door? Should I put him in chastity and just not let him cum, if he is going to stop being submissive after cumming?



(in reply to SeekingaServant)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 12:01:32 PM   
MadamShy


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

Seems to me like acting submissive till he gets what he wants is a game he plays to ensure he gets his wants met.


People who are truely submissive are not so untill the sex is over. Submission is not a now I've fucked I'm not obeying you thing. It's an all the time thing no matter if you just had sex or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingaServant

I have an interesting question for my fellow mistresses.... I recently met someone off this site. I'll keep names out of it, for public humilation isn't my cup of tea...  ;)
Anyway, everything is going great....I bring him back to my place for a little session...first time I make him leave with blue balls from hell!  Second time, I decide I'm in the mood for a little fun.  I spank his balls till he can't stand it anymore...I spank his ass...goodness but I had a great time. Afterward I rewarded his patience with a little sex.  Right as he is about to cum he says, I have to tell you something....I'm like, oh shit, now what? I should have thrown him to the ground and spanked his ass some more for making me stop mid orgasm...but I finished cumming first anyway. When we were done, he says that he wanted to tell me that he has a problem. The instant he has an orgasm...he stops being submissive.  He thinks he has problem, because he just wants to run away and doesn't want to be submissive...but an hour later he is back to his cute little puppy dog ways.
My question is, has anyone else run into this? What do you do to overcome it? Should I bother? I mean, sure it was fun...I enjoyed squeezing, spanking, slapping and dominating the heck out of him...but after sex, it doesn't end for me. Should I be understanding? or should I kick his ass out the door? Should I put him in chastity and just not let him cum, if he is going to stop being submissive after cumming?





You missed  that in a hour later that he is the cute puppy again see .. its not that he wants and won't do anything else ...

Its that his Orgasm's are so strong...that HE can't ... LOL





< Message edited by MadamShy -- 6/15/2006 12:37:08 PM >

_____________________________

Madam Shy
Head Domina
Bitch of Club Hell
Providence RI

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 2:05:09 PM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingaServant

I have an interesting question for my fellow mistresses.... I recently met someone off this site. I'll keep names out of it, for public humilation isn't my cup of tea...  ;)
Anyway, everything is going great....I bring him back to my place for a little session...first time I make him leave with blue balls from hell!  Second time, I decide I'm in the mood for a little fun.  I spank his balls till he can't stand it anymore...I spank his ass...goodness but I had a great time. Afterward I rewarded his patience with a little sex.  Right as he is about to cum he says, I have to tell you something....I'm like, oh shit, now what? I should have thrown him to the ground and spanked his ass some more for making me stop mid orgasm...but I finished cumming first anyway. When we were done, he says that he wanted to tell me that he has a problem. The instant he has an orgasm...he stops being submissive.  He thinks he has problem, because he just wants to run away and doesn't want to be submissive...but an hour later he is back to his cute little puppy dog ways.
My question is, has anyone else run into this? What do you do to overcome it? Should I bother? I mean, sure it was fun...I enjoyed squeezing, spanking, slapping and dominating the heck out of him...but after sex, it doesn't end for me. Should I be understanding? or should I kick his ass out the door? Should I put him in chastity and just not let him cum, if he is going to stop being submissive after cumming?



This is very common with males where BDSM and D/S is sexually-driven.  And even though he could have picked a better time to tell you this, at least he was being honest.

It is a biological function of males to loose interest in sex after they have experienced orgasm.  I'm not sure you can do anything about that, other than to employ some sort of orgasm denial techniques.

quote:



SenseofBelonging wrote:

It seems to me he is asking to be put in chastity, at least subconciously. while i am not in complete chastity, but rather in orgasm denial until it pleases Mistress to allow my release, i can tell You honestly that the longer i am in denial, the more submissive/pliant  i become. i dont stop being submissive on orgasm, but there is a definate difference.



I couldn't agree more with what SenseofBelonging is saying.  But I'm not defending the guy for wanting to roll over and go to sleep.  I'm simply saying that he could have been more sensitive to your needs after the fact.


_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to SeekingaServant)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 3:11:46 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamShy

Ok here is How I inturpet it

first of all I'll say I really don't mix sex and a scene My scenes are a bit intense and usually both are smiling and spent after LOL

My sex life is a bit BDSM but its just that .. sex when both partners are finished its cuddling time....

after sex that is also great and exhausting .. I don't want to play More I need a down time ... I'm nor Dominate nor submissive after a good orgasm ... Im just recuperating LOL ...

maybe its same for him ...

its not a Top or bottom thing maybe its no energy till after a hour later ....

I suggest either



I would also suggest that this might be the case.  When he says he isn't submissive, what does that mean?  What do you expect of him after sex that would make it an issue?   Some people just need time to process everything that has happened after a scene and intense sex.  Some enjoy cuddling and others need space. 
 
At least he can express his feelings to you.  I would encourage you to sit down and discuss your expectations and whether his issue is something you can live with. 
 
Be well,
Julie

(in reply to MadamShy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/15/2006 10:31:22 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
He's conditionally submissive....sexually submissive....and it's about HIS orgasm. If you can live with that......well, by all means, live with it. That doesn't work for me personally.
I agree!   I've met subs who say they were never permitted sex or orgasm.  I enjoy sex and I enjoy seeing a man loose his composure/load, lol. 
So for myself, if a man needs chastity/orgasm denial in order to remain submissive, we have a problem of incompatibility.   

P.S.  I too dated a man who was ultra submissive when he needed to be topped, but became "mr no I can't/don't want to do that after he would cum."    Now I let him submit to his fantasies about me and his right hand.  M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 6/15/2006 10:34:31 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/16/2006 5:11:10 AM   
Anachronox


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Im a submissive male, and I can get the same way sometimes. There is no issuse of  "Im not submissive to the core" or anything else like that, as I do live a 24/7 (as much as I can since me and my Mistress/Wife are currently geographically sperated, but it was the same when we were together). But right after an orgasm, I also have a short period of kinda a Wow, what am I doing feeling. And also, a short period later I start feeling subby again. Unless there are other indications, dont listen to anyone who says he is only in this for sex. I agree with Blueridgetiger, tie him down during or right after sex. Put  a collar and leash on him.  Maybe make him get some lotion and give you a nice massage. Talk to him about it, let him know  how much its bothering you, and right after sex, do something thats very dominate.  Normally, I either massage my Mistress, or we go  take a shower together and I was her off, its something  I can  do to help  me stay submissive until  that feeling of after-sex is gone. Hope this helps.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: after-sex...what happens? - 6/16/2006 5:36:04 AM   
SeekingaServant


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednekk44

Sounds to me like all your little freak wanted was a roll in the hay to begin with. Was just stringing you along to get what he wanted then poof.
It is sad to say that there are more like him out there, women as well as men. I have been looking for right sub for a long time and just haven't found right one.
I always seem to find ones like the one you encountered.
Have a good day all.



Thank you, this is what I was thinking....I think he is more of a sado then a sub. Kind of sucks, the search for a keeper continues.  At least I got something out of it, a valuable lesson...and a half way decent lay. Not what I was looking for...but hey, you only live once.  :)

(in reply to rednekk44)
Profile   Post #: 20
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