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Another Woman - 11/8/2012 8:37:44 PM   
crystalclarinet


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		So recently my Dom and I had fantasized about him fucking another woman and then him coming back home and fucking me. When playing it out during sex it really turned me on. Recently he informed me that it is something he really wants to do. I have mixed feelings on the matter... He has told me that he really doesn't want me to be with another man in any fashion, but the idea of him being with another is intoxicating, but also I am not sure if this is really something that I will acutally be ok with once it happens. Has anyone else gone through this? Although at the moment I haven't really thought that I have had a feeling one way or another about this everyone else in my life (co workers, friends, ect) that have no idea what is going on have stated that I am coming across like I have a stick up my but. I am just wondering if anyone has acutally dabbled with this for real and how did it affect your relationship, and how did you deal with it?
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RE: Another Woman - 11/8/2012 9:45:40 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		What if he fucks some other woman and gets the cooties? Or - do you already have them and dont care... but then you have to decipher what kind of cooties and oh well ... never mind ... its just too complicated.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to crystalclarinet)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/8/2012 10:05:55 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		be honest about the reservations you have. fantasy often differs from reality. if you're not okay with your dom being with someone else, then it's best to be open about it rather than keep it bottled up. remember, it can't be undone once he goes through with it.

i've had an open relationship and several threesomes, and introducing another person can change the dynamic. you should definitely discuss things with him. good luck :)

(in reply to crystalclarinet)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 1:16:28 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		It has nothing to do with having a stick up your butt. This is one of those things that some people can work and other's can't. I couldn't deal with this personally. I can't say whether or not you could.

Fantasies are different from reality. In your fantasy she is some faceless stranger and all the passion she inspires is being poured into you. In reality... well...

Be honest about this. I wouldn't advise you do it until you are as sure as you can be that this won't damage your relationship (obviously you can't be 100% certain until it happens) because once it's done, there's no going back.

Put it on hold and do some soul searching and serious talking. Set clear boundaries if you do go for it. How will you find this woman? What will you tell her? What precautions will you take? Will it be a one off or a regular thing? Are you the type of person who will be able to move past it if you don't like it, or will it eat away at you? Is he the type of person who will put you first and pull the plug if you change your mind, without making you feel awful? What happens if he/she develops feelings? How will you feel if he fucks her and comes home and doesn't feel like fucking you? Will you be able to enjoy thinking of where he is, or will you be sat at home worrying? Will you meet her before hand? How will you resolve it if one of you wants to do this all the time and one of you wants to stop? Will there be resentment on either part, or pressure?

There's no right or wrong answer but there is a lot to think about. Lots of people have relationships which are happily open or have a cuckolding/cuckqueening element, but not everyone is wired for it and I strongly feel it's not something you should do unless you are both communicating honestly and willing to prioritise each other's needs.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to crystalclarinet)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 1:18:01 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*applauds Athena's very wise post*

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 1:25:16 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Athena saved me keystrokes. Thanks, AS.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 2:02:03 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline 		This isn't the OP's first time at the rodeo.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3478660

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3441600/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3441600

So the idea of another woman was brought up 2 years ago...hasn't the OP determined by now whether or not this could work?

From the way the OP has described it, the other woman might not even know that she (the OP) is part of the equation. "I had fantasized about him fucking another woman and then him coming back home and fucking me." So is it a case of your D type being with any other woman without you there? And would she know about you?

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ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 3:51:01 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		If its taken you more than 2 years to resolve issues about adding a third to the relationship (and your fantasy *IS* about adding a third, whether you meet her or not), then it's quite obvious (to me) this is not something you can do comfortably.

You appear to be very insecure about this man, and after years together that tells me you have insecurities in general. I suspect you have some serious self-esteem issues that you really do need to resolve to be happy in your relationship. Adding a third is not going to "fix" that in any way, it will only play on your insecurities and tear the two of you apart.

Have you ever considered counseling? It could make a major difference in your life.


_____________________________



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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 3:59:28 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		you could always pretend he's done it already because he probably has.

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*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 7:58:29 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


There's no right or wrong answer but there is a lot to think about. Lots of people have relationships which are happily open or have a cuckolding/cuckqueening element, but not everyone is wired for it and I strongly feel it's not something you should do unless you are both communicating honestly and willing to prioritise each other's needs.


This.

Master and I have a relationship where he has had sex with others. Sometimes with me present, sometimes not. But, I have a view that sex is just sex, it is not love or intimacy. We don't do this as a cuckold thing. There were some things in the beginning that were emotional land mines, but talking things through have taken care of those issues. It took compromise on both sides and these things did not happen until I was ready for them to happen.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 8:32:05 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Just wanted to say I loved what Athena and OG had to say. And there is no timeline as to when you're comfortable with something. There are things the Mister and I have been talking about, contemplating, and working toward for 2 years, and I'm still not ready. You're ready when you're ready. You may never be ready, and that's OK, too.

As is often said here (and rings very true), fantasy is far different than reality. I have the same fantasy the OP does, and I still don't know how I'd react. It's an extremely tricky topic for me.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Another Woman - 11/9/2012 9:12:42 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Heres something to think about.

Might be great, might make you feel empowered, more attractive, more intimate.

Thats if it doesn't open a can of worms.

Like he wants to do it alot, maybe with the same person, maybe with others. Think about that scenerio and how that might affect you?

There is no going back like already said. Depends on you for sure, your personality, and what you can handle.
Sometimes things are better left alone.

Good luck on your decision.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/10/2012 2:32:30 PM   
ivone1


Posts: 111
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		no wya in hell that is going to happen in my lifetime... besides cooties and germs its the squirk factor for me... i dont share and i dont care... its that simple

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Another Woman - 11/11/2012 3:08:34 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Fanatsy is  best left as fanasty.  I told Master right from start if i was going to be his  i have to be the only one  If this is somethimg  you don't think you can handle  then you should tell your Dom.  Say  you want to krp it as a fanasty right noe,If you want can revisit the sublect  in the future.

Please forgive my spelling  errors

Matt's littleone

(in reply to ivone1)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/11/2012 3:12:57 PM   
Daddyplsfindme


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/31/2012
Status: offline 		i think if you are even hesitant about it, is best not to follow thru.....just watch some cuckqueen porn together or something :)

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Another Woman - 11/17/2012 10:55:31 AM   
CharmingKitty


Posts: 103
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline 		That sounds like it'll work out great until "coming back home and fucking me" becomes having a shower and a nap.

(in reply to Daddyplsfindme)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Another Woman - 11/19/2012 6:03:21 PM   
SayangKitty


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		If you have the slightest reservation, tell him. Honesty is key. A situation like this can cause lots of pain, speaking from experience.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require...

(in reply to CharmingKitty)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Another Woman - 11/19/2012 6:28:25 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ivone1

no wya in hell that is going to happen in my lifetime... besides cooties and germs its the squirk factor for me... i dont share and i dont care... its that simple


Yes, the whole idea is just nasty....are you going to have this woman vet-checked before he screws her? Cooties, yeast infections, jock itch...what about COLD SORES?

...and I'm not going to ask what "squirk factor" is.


(in reply to ivone1)
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RE: Another Woman - 11/20/2012 4:04:56 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

you could always pretend he's done it already because he probably has.


That was my first thought as well.

Also........what the OP isn't considering, and probably not the guy either..... We are talking about another human being. There is a helluva lot more to the idea of a guy going out and fucking some woman then walking away. (What was that bunny boiling movie......? )

Whether anyone thinks so, in the beginning, you really are opening the door to another person, but also everything they bring with them. Certainly a lot of possible germs, but also, a lot of possible crazy. There are a whoooooooooollllllllleeeeeeee long list of what ifs.

What if he bangs a cheating woman and her man comes a knocking.

What if she gets knocked up.

What if she decides she wants to keep him.

What if she is just bat shit crazy.

What if he goes the pro route.........annnnnnnnnnnnd gets busted.

OP there's lots of shit to consider. In MY mind, it's far better to consider the possible shit, BEFORE, having to deal with it after the fact. But hey, based on your posts I cannot imagine it going well, regardless. You've a load of personal insecurities glowing through your words and having him chasing new tail isn't going to improve upon that.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)
Profile   Post #: 19
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