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So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:35:09 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		In another thread - There has been an accusation that regular posters here are a bunch of meanies and daunt newbies that come here and we are not helping them find their place.

The name chosen for meanies here are now known as the CCC - The [C]ollar [C]hat [C]lique

It has been accused that the CCC are:

Chasing people off - and by doing this they are keeping new ideas from being brought into our community.

By chasing people off - you will effectively damage the experience for others.

It has been asserted that: This place will become (if it hasn't already) a cesspool of "right-thinking" where no one is allowed to state an opinion that doesn't past muster with the CCC which prefers to act like a group of angry high school girls than to help people find their way. And why? Because these people are a little bit different.

that the CCC are: making this the website you deserve.

that the CCC target male posters: that had this been a female poster, the CCC wouldn't have been quite so aggressive and down-right mean.

The way that the CCC targets, a consequence will be: It's detrimental and it will lead to no new information coming onto these boards because instead of feeling like we're a bunch of friends they just haven't met yet, they'll feel scared that they'll be the next one to be fed upon.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now - with those accusations said, I myself pick and choose whom I decide to snark out on. I dont snark everyone that comes in - only the ones that really seem to be begging for it. For other newbies - I can be quite kind and give advice that I would find helpful for anyone.

I more or less stay within the TOS - and forum guidelines and when I dont - I get modslapped. Thats what they are here for - to monitor the goings on and to keep threads at a even keel.

I dont appreciate other posters getting on their soap boxes and acting like a parent and chastising other posters and tell them they SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. Youre not my mother. Youre not my father - youre just some person that I personally couldnt give 2 shakes of a shit can about.

As far as the people you say that everyone is missing out on their ideas? I highly doubt that. The ones that seem to get targeted dont have anything worth saying and thats why they get made fun of. Not because people just randomly choose people that come on here because of their hair color, sex, race - or whatever you want to say anyone is going after that person for. In this instance - the accusation was because it was a man.

Anyone want to chime in?



< Message edited by JanahX -- 11/10/2012 4:15:16 PM >

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:42:15 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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Status: offline 		I don't snark everyone. Matter of fact, I'd say that snark is a very small part of what I post. But, the reality is that if you behave like a putz, I'm going to treat you like a putz.

I have little tolerance for someone that bitches about the features on a FREE website. You paid nothing to be here, but feel entitled to tell the owners how to run it.

I have little tolerance for people that don't want to make an effort to learn and expect others to hand them the answers.

I honestly do try to stop myself from saying things to people that come here with totally unrealistic fantastical ideas of what they want out of a relationship. They're entitled to their fantasies. But, I'm not always successful with stopping myself.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/10/2012 3:53:06 PM >

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:46:43 PM   
ARIES83


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Status: offline 		What thread?

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:54:27 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		As I mentioned to Michael, Janah, it's nothing new and nothing that's going to go away. People have gravitated to threads in groups and picked apart newbies - not every time, but it happens.

If a newbie says something stupid, and elevates that stupidity when multiple sources challenge an opinion, the sources increase their own banter until the thread is saturated with a mockery that washes out any hope of mutual understanding. This could be because the newbie is a serious idiot, or it could be that the people who go out of their way to antagonize are on a roll. I won't pick sides, but I would agree with the observation that some newbies are bantered (and criticized) harder than others. This isn't just the newbie and it isn't just the clique, fuckuppery rarely gets owned by one sole side in conversation held in any format.

Side note: you don't want people to tell you that your behaviour is wrong, don't do it to other people. In your case specifically that is a pile of rocks in a glass house, and you know it.

One last note I would make: pick any thread you find where the majority disagrees with the OP and snark is prevalent. Stick to the first 12 posts past the OP (assuming it gets that far) and count by gender. It's not always going to be women, but yes, the majority of the time, it is. Statistically, Michael is correct. I won't apply rationale to mathematics, they aren't the same thing.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:57:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not to mention that most of the time when people whine about being picked on the truth is that they have not been told 'there, there, you poor dear, you're right and they're wrong'. Instead we are blunt and honest.

I don't pick my doctor for his bedside manner, instead for his abilities and knowledge. I don't want sympathy, I want treatment, even if it's unpleasant as all hell.

If you come here asking for advice but really wanting sympathy then the fault is yours. Say that you've had a bad day and want sympathy, you'll get it. But you won't get it repeatedly when you continue to do things that cause bad results. I do people the honor of assuming they really are adults and they are capable of accepting nonsugar coated advice when they ask for help. If that's not true, the fault is theirs for not being honest.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:57:05 PM   
absolutchocolat


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Status: offline 		i've been at the mercy of the welcome wagon around here, and it ain't no picnic.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 3:57:27 PM   
JanahX


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Joined: 8/21/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

One last note I would make: pick any thread you find where the majority disagrees with the OP and snark is prevalent. Stick to the first 12 posts past the OP (assuming it gets that far) and count by gender. It's not always going to be women, but yes, the majority of the time, it is. Statistically, Michael is correct. I won't apply rationale to mathematics, they aren't the same thing.


Why do you think this is? And is it because for the specific reason that that person is a male?

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:01:18 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
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Status: offline 		If you have the right to snark, someone else has a right to post about the snark. There are times I do both.

Yes... there are some mean and stupid people here. And sometimes it goes too far. It's the extreme I find distasteful... but then I am nobodies mom and quite frankly... I don't want to be. Will I still tell somebody what to do or what I think? Sure... if I can get away with it! lol

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:01:24 PM   
JstAnotherSub


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Sometimes I do feel like folks look for a reason to be snarky to others, and many times it seems to be towards sub men.

I often feel it is over the top, and wonder why folks don't just roll their eyes and not say a thing.

Of course, sometimes I read things I have written and I feel like I was one of the meany poopie pants folkses, so I am not gonna tell others when to apply their snark.

I am sure some feel I have been over the top critical at times. Of course, they would be wrong, because when I decide that someone needs a bit of snark, I am always correct. Those of you who draw the line somewhere different than me are obviously bitches.



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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:03:16 PM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

People have gravitated to threads in groups and picked apart newbies - not every time, but it happens.


In this particular case, I don't consider this a guy a newbie. In his previous post, two submissive women suggested to him that he fill out his profile to include more than just kink.

And on post #7 he throws a temper tantrum because he only wants dominant women commenting on his thread.

It continued where people made suggestions...so on post #21 he claims he's leaving because of "the hostility", when there was none.

Then he continues to rant about submissive women replying on his thread.

Then he does the flounce again....even though no one was being mean.

He got pages of good advice and continued to throw temper tantrums because it wasn't advice that he wanted to hear.



So, his history bit him in the ass on the new thread.



< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/10/2012 4:07:34 PM >

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:10:32 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Heres the best part about me - I actually have to reign myself in most of the time.

When people are getting all stupid - or come in asking captain obvious questions - or are just looking for obvious wank fodder - believe me Im holding back.

Just for the record: what i really want to say most of the time is - you are one dumb ass mother fucker. But we all know its against guidelines and it will get thrown in the garbage disposal.

I dont see where its everyone heres duty to have to have to explain that there are rules and that there is a section where someone reads the guidelines on how to use the forums. A lot of what we get is someone just hopping on and just going to town anywhere and everywhere. Literally they dont even know what theyre doing.

The deal with the male subs - is that a lot of them post stupid ass shit. PERIOD. A lot of them are thinking with their cocks and I dont see how that is constructive to anyone, including themselves. Then they come here and wonder why they arnt getting any. So sometimes if everyone is really lucky - we'll get hit with two for the price of one, "captain-obvious & mr. wank a thon"

Its like: Look fellas - we know you have a lot of cum in your balls - but please dont bother us with it. We dont give a FUCK.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:14:39 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
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Status: offline 		~FR

I am simply me. I run with no posse. I post where and when I desire too. I dont look for others to back me up, and if I consider the fight worth having, then I fight. I am usually polite the first time around, but after that, its up to the other poster.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:15:35 PM   
RemoteUser


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Joined: 5/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

One last note I would make: pick any thread you find where the majority disagrees with the OP and snark is prevalent. Stick to the first 12 posts past the OP (assuming it gets that far) and count by gender. It's not always going to be women, but yes, the majority of the time, it is. Statistically, Michael is correct. I won't apply rationale to mathematics, they aren't the same thing.


Why do you think this is? And is it because for the specific reason that that person is a male?


I know nothing. But I'll theorize if you like. If I get it wrong, meh, it's not so important: as I said, this is math, not rationale.

I've seen "swarming" happen to OPs regardless of gender, with an emphasis on an OP who stubbornly sticks to a point, does not respond to points, trades in snark, or who has a general "one way" view that never seems to get old. These things are not defined by a penis, to be sure, and there are probably other commonalities that escape me as I try to ignore my current nicfit.

By the same token, the mentality that seems to come forth when a group critiques said newbie shares a few commonalities of their own: snark, enforcement of one another's critiques (occasionally that is the only purpose of a post), repetition of viewpoints (and of criticisms), and a clear lack of a "Right" example ("You're doing it wrong" without a supporting "this would be the right way" statement).

These are generalisms that occur prevalent in the swarming, and please note, I'm not picking on either side (or rather, making a strident effort not to). Observations are useless when you mix them with bias. I'm not of a mood to massacre the feminine as a whole by trying to guess why small groups that are female might exhibit the above behaviours. That's ridiculous. Judging the group mentality as a whole, however, and ignoring gender, I would say that opposition breeds opposition. One side digs in, so does the other, until right and wrong stop being the point and the real "thrill" is seeing who will get the best zinger in. To me, that is the death of conversation, and maybe dancing a little on its grave. Not my thing personally.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:17:24 PM   
RemoteUser


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

People have gravitated to threads in groups and picked apart newbies - not every time, but it happens.


In this particular case, I don't consider this a guy a newbie. In his previous post, two submissive women suggested to him that he fill out his profile to include more than just kink.

And on post #7 he throws a temper tantrum because he only wants dominant women commenting on his thread.

It continued where people made suggestions...so on post #21 he claims he's leaving because of "the hostility", when there was none.

Then he continues to rant about submissive women replying on his thread.

Then he does the flounce again....even though no one was being mean.

He got pages of good advice and continued to throw temper tantrums because it wasn't advice that he wanted to hear.



So, his history bit him in the ass on the new thread.


Fair enough, that statement you selected was a generalism about board behaviour by and large when "swarming" may occur. It was not intended to be commentary on that particular thread.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:20:25 PM   
absolutchocolat


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quote:

One side digs in, so does the other, until right and wrong stop being the point and the real "thrill" is seeing who will get the best zinger in. To me, that is the death of conversation, and maybe dancing a little on its grave. Not my thing personally.


this. also, bringing up old threads that have nothing to do with the current conversation for the sole purpose of embarrassing the OP. that's over the top.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:20:45 PM   
JstAnotherSub


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quote:

Just for the record: what i really want to say most of the time is - you are one dumb ass mother fucker



Believe me, I know that feeling. And, the dumber they are, the more they will argue that they are right!

I am basically a rule follower, so, just like knowing I could get a paddling in school kept me from crossing that line, knowing I will make the mods have to email me keeps me straight here. Most days.

Of course, sometimes karma or something damn near like it makes me just tell someone what a stupid fucktard they are. Then, I just accept the modslap with grace (I HOPE!!!). I just fantasize that they are slappin me cause they gotta, but secretly they think I am correct.




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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:21:08 PM   
dcnovice


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quote:

Sometimes I do feel like folks look for a reason to be snarky to others, and many times it seems to be towards sub men.

I often feel it is over the top, and wonder why folks don't just roll their eyes and not say a thing.

These thoughts have occurred to me too.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:23:33 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
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From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		this is a forum for opinions.
I have been thrown off of this forum for being too mean once.
the mod was absolutely correct in doing it.

That's not to say that there isn't a time and place to state my opinion, I should have done it privately though and not publicly.

With that out of the way I would like to state that I don't think that anyone on this forum, regardless with whether they agree with my opinion or not, is overly mean.
In fact there are times when I find their opinion refreshing even if it does not match my own.

I believe that people are just merely stating their opinions, and when you believe in something you speak about, you tend to be passionate.



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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:25:59 PM   
JanahX


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

I am simply me. I run with no posse. I post where and when I desire too. I dont look for others to back me up, and if I consider the fight worth having, then I fight. I am usually polite the first time around, but after that, its up to the other poster.



I do as well -
There are certain threads I will post on, and there are certain threads you wont see me on now or ever. I actually do "pick and choose" the threads I decide to participate on.

I also start a lot of threads as well. Some successful - some not.
I think another irritant that gets under users skins are the "same subject threads" - like - What is the difference between a sub and a slave, or Prodomme hate club threads, or the one that I am seeing as of late - Its all about the Anal. I mean how many anal threads can be running at one time, and how much can you possibly elaborate on sticking things up the bum?

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 4:27:08 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

quote:

One side digs in, so does the other, until right and wrong stop being the point and the real "thrill" is seeing who will get the best zinger in. To me, that is the death of conversation, and maybe dancing a little on its grave. Not my thing personally.


this. also, bringing up old threads that have nothing to do with the current conversation for the sole purpose of embarrassing the OP. that's over the top.


Actually, I disagree. History is important and it impacts how you deal with others. I'm absolutely positive that you have someone in your life that you dislike because of their past behavior....and that behavior gets brought up when you're dealing with that person again.


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