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Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ment... - 11/11/2012 8:49:58 AM

Deceptakon

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

Greetings and thank you kindly for reading.

My issue is that i've been married for going on 9 years now, and something keeps reoccurring that I need and want to address properly but haven't much experience to back up the knowledge gained. I have the thoughts, the desire and a lot of gathered experiences but none directly related to the matter of mental submission. We have played in the passed, and even started out in the scene but from a model's aspect of things. We have 3 kids now, and it's gotten rough as you can imagine, specially trying to keep this part of us alive. Now she is more into Mental submission, and that's an area I haven't dabbled much in solely, we all live in one end of that spectrum in daily life, but to do it all as a session type dynamic, is a new playing filed for me.

I am looking for ideas from others on what they have done, how they keep things in order when the unexpected / expected ( disobedience ) occurs. No role playing, I want actually things that take place, rather than are perceived. Think more the movie " the Secretary ". Any stories you could link me too, any past sessions you've done that hit along the same nail as I'm mentioning here, would be very helpful. I am ex military, and have been in this scene since 2003 in the modeling / photography department, have picked up some skills and tidbits but know I need more. I have some ideas, but am in need of more, and do want to be able to give her what she needs without having to be lead along the way. What I have listed is what I have gathered to be what she desires.

I understand that this is a tall order in some cases, an appreciate the thought and effort up front, not to mention the long read.

Have a great day.

Post #: 1

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 9:11:52 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Mental submission with 3 kids? She's there!! Slave to laundry, slave to diapers, slave to car pool!
If I'm reading correctly between the lines...you started in "this lifestyle" which you both enjoyed enough to produce 3 kids. Now you want to dominate her again in practicle fashion as a route to getting back to "the fun stuff"?

To do lists, routines & protocols are simple ways to dominate her in your absence & also develop structure for your kids. Because im assuming she is stay at home, being respectful of her quiet time is important as well

Grr speaking of...intrusion will finish thought in a few

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Deceptakon)

Post #: 2

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 9:40:40 AM

Deceptakon

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

Well you are very close.

Clear things up, I take care of the kids, I work from home an she works away from home, sometimes for a few days. So I am the one at home. Has been this way for a few years. But will be changing back in six months to her at home more. Also we met she was a model, an she got me into things from the experience around that. But as for playing, it was mostly bondage n kink. Now she wants more mental with a little physical. The biggest hurdles is going from dad of three to Mr. BrainDom. And on top of that I am a bit rusty.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 3

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 9:43:15 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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So think of it as deployment prep...lists, tasks,projects
Cut it in managable pieces being mindful of intrusion vs lack of motivation
Toys up daily
Meditation/journal (to guide deeper communication)
Clothes set out for next day
Laundry
On & on that on surface are things she is already doing with additional tasks. The idea being you're doing well at a&b, consistant reinforcement will improve c,d,e because they need work & once she understands the plan add projects.
The idea is to get her on board by not drastically changing her world. Once she trusts "your way" . Trust goes a long way in this process so slow & steady will sometimes get better results than new ass hat commander that couldn't do your job with a map, redesigns everything to the most difficult way to accomplish things.

Family is a chain of command. Mental domination isn't that different, you are looking forunquestioning obedience because your leadership can be trusted as opposed to drill instructor mental beat down. Sadists may disagree but I find the carrot/stick approach much more effective

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 4

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 9:46:18 AM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

She needs to still feel like a desired woman. Focus on her taking care of her submissive body for your pleasure. That is beneficial for everyone.

_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 5

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 9:55:08 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

I dio...glad I double checked before logging off! If you're mr mom, you know the drill...document it!!! As a former model myself the brain shift is hard. Heels are great...until you skid across the kitchen on a hot wheels, or puke or ____.

MAKE sure a work out routine is part of schedule & have her document. Take control of clothing as well. Meaning no sweats, pajama bottoms at all or yoga pants outside the gym.
Meal prep, school pick ups etc as part of routine.
Realize as a person that's made money looking good & being told so daily those affirmations are going to be much more important than the avaerage woman. The slip from make up & dressed for people to look at her to no make up, no hair & sweats because "no one cares what I look like" is a fast & slippery slope.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 6

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 12:46:04 PM

Deceptakon

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

Thank you very much for the reponses.

How about while she is at home, family and when it's just her and I.
I have been encouraging her work outs at the gym, and am starting her on a work out journal to help her stay focused, as well keep her on track.

One thing to keep in mind here, is that she has done more than I have, and that at one point was even a professional submissive, both on and off camera. It wasn't my abilities as a Dom that had her falling for me, it was the rest of me, but this is something she cannot live without and is in need of that guidance, her and I in regards to bdsm has been more play and not lifestyle, that was introduced later. And now at this point is being focused on.

My main issues are:
The best ways to go about this, being she is away from home often and when she is here with kids and I, as well as after hours.
Ideas for at home, and away that keep the same principals of mental submission. ( the checksheets and gym journal are great )
Ways to handle bi polar mood swings inside a D/s dynamic. ( They can't be the same )
Any further ideas would be greatly appreciated.

< Message edited by Deceptakon -- 11/11/2012 12:49:44 PM >

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 7

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 1:02:31 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

IMO, high protocol brings a lot of mental submission. Knowing that you have to conform to certain speech patterns or specific gestures tends to bring that to the forefront.

One little example:

If Master calls my name, I am to come to him and ask "Yes, Daddy?" I am not to yell across the house or say "what?!?". If I cannot immediately come to him, I am to say, "One moment, Daddy" and come to him as soon as I can.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Deceptakon)

Post #: 8

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 8:19:38 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Online journal is accessable regardless of where in the world she is
Work out journal same thing
Protocol speech is good
If she is shy a public blog she must complete daily (other than her private journal) forces her to write about one new person she met, one new experience she had, photos of a new place she visited. "Forcing her to get out" to complete tasks won't matter where she is. Once home base is more firmly established job, room mom or volunteer activities can be substituted. Blogspot.com is one of the better/easily used ones

Sadly none of the usual internet only wanker doms are about to give the finer points of controlling from afar.

Home protocol dress, speech & good ole bondage should work when with you. I guess I'm of the opinion that you're either in control, or you're not (much like an officer) . If I had to assume its the modeling money you both submit to. I understand the sums involved, but this is at what cost to YOUR self esteem/career & security of your marriage?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/11/2012 8:34:31 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Take control

You want a glass of water? Tell her to get you a glass of water.

Need something done? Tell her to do it.

You want to make sure you hear from her everyday? Tell her.

Is there something you don't like that she does? Tell her. Change it or make sure she changes it.

She refuses to listen to you? Discipline her. This is easy. What is it she doesn't like?

You have children, so unless you have out of control, bratty children, you should understand this, especially since you are the one who stays home and cares for them.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 10

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 12:57:07 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

IMO, high protocol brings a lot of mental submission. Knowing that you have to conform to certain speech patterns or specific gestures tends to bring that to the forefront.

One little example:

If Master calls my name, I am to come to him and ask "Yes, Daddy?" I am not to yell across the house or say "what?!?". If I cannot immediately come to him, I am to say, "One moment, Daddy" and come to him as soon as I can.

For me, this is a great place to start.

I like an element of mental submission, although I'm not that into total micro-management, but putting in elements of high protocol has worked for me. In part because it makes submission part of the routine, it becomes a habit (which I suppose could be called mental submission - or the beginnings of it at least).

So with some past partners, I've called for a regular, repeated act of submission.

With one it was requiring her to wear white panties unless told otherwise. So every morning, she has a gentle reminder of her role in the relationship. Sure, after a while it just becomes a habit - but even then there's a thread of continued submission implied by it.

<if that makes any sense>

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 7:30:32 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

There is one concept you need to drive deep into your brain to make all the great advice you are being,given a firm foundation.

A pro submissive submits to anyone who pays her, a woman marries ONE man. She clearly had a huge choice of men and yet chose you.

WHY?

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 12

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 7:33:02 AM

Salinedion

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

A lot of mental submission is very subtle. I just noticed that mine has been pausing a bit before putting the coffee cup down (quietly). I mentioned it a few times, and now it's semi-automatic.

If you slow down and take notice, you may notice similar little gifts already coming your way. Maybe build from there.

Gently placed coffee cups and no ungainly yelling from room to room (our rule too) def. puts you in protocol-land. It's a good place to be -partic. when you find yourself suddenly on vacation there through no conscious effort on either of your parts.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 13

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 10:01:19 AM

Deceptakon

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

Thank you, but I have just been informed I have lost this battle.

She came to me today an told me of the guy she has seen in the past is whom shes been seeing on the side of working, and she has been auditioning to be his slave.

I am unsure if this is bi polar n just not caring, or if it's more what I seemed to of not provided sooner. Either or, she said she still wanted to see if I can be that for her, after she moves into a apartment. But if that didn't work, she'd be with him. Neither of these sound very plausible, yet of course being married to bi polar for nine years, I have grown much more able to handle these sorts of issues, and really would like to hear from you all on this matter.

< Message edited by Deceptakon -- 11/12/2012 10:02:12 AM >

(in reply to Salinedion)

Post #: 14

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 11:12:12 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Is leaving and coming back a pattern for her?

My ex husband used to always threaten abandonment...it sucked :(

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Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Deceptakon)

Post #: 15

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 11:28:12 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Awww.. DEC

Damn, that blows.... guess I should get on my PS3 more and game with you to find this stuff out...

If you do try and work this, start with tasks that focus her more on you and the kids and not herself... While you need to make sure she gets some her time, I think she needs to reconnect with you and them more.

Ps... I see them damn autobots ain't got your ass yet...

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 11:35:35 AM

Salinedion

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

I actually feel sorrier for the other guy.......

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to SinFix)

Post #: 17

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 1:12:47 PM

Deceptakon

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

Thanks again, and yes to the pattern of leaving and usually apologizing and trying again.
Honestly, if the shoe doesn't fit, gotta stop trying to fit into them, when there are others that do.

I am going to go forward like I do.

< Message edited by Deceptakon -- 11/12/2012 1:13:38 PM >

(in reply to Salinedion)

Post #: 18

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 1:18:50 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

why do you put up with it??? She obviously doesn't see her children very often since she's too busy coming and going and you take care of them from home. It sounds like your marriage was built on hot sex only since you obviously never controlled the relationship from the very beginning. She took the control and ran with it. You don't sound like a dominant personality man. My advice would be to either get marriage counseling or a divorce.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Deceptakon)

Post #: 19

RE: Not a newbie, not a Guru either, seeking advice on ... - 11/12/2012 2:24:39 PM

Deceptakon

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

I don't put up with it, I handle it as best I can and work from there. This hasn't been the same thing happening, this was more increased actions over time, at the same heart bi polar classic mania, of which if you knew about bi polar, then you would understand, people fight for what they love, simple. It's part of who I am to stick shit out till it's over.
As for the not putting up with it, she doesn't live here anymore, effective today.

< Message edited by Deceptakon -- 11/12/2012 2:28:21 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

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