What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom?

What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (Full Version)

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whantsonlyu -> What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/14/2012 11:02:54 PM)
Ok I am talking to a Dom I asked some basic q's. Like what does submission mean to you? What fetishes do you have experience in? Define what D/s is to you. Things like that. Anyways he seems to be side stepping the personal definition q's. I'm getting the feeling he has no clue, and is just in it for the sex. Which to me is a byproduct. Just want feed back.

absolutchocolat -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/14/2012 11:13:48 PM)
the Acid Test is a good list of warning signs that submissives should apply in their search for a compatible dom. honestly, you should go with your gut. if something seems off about this guy, don't ignore that gnawing feeling you have. continue to ask questions about his life and make sure what he says adds up.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/14/2012 11:15:38 PM)
Um, stop having sex with complete strangers on the internet, then you will know for a fact that they're not in it for the sex. Instead, tell them right off the bat you want to be friends first, and meet sooner as opposed to later. This gives you the option to discuss a wide variety of things, philosophy, religion, politics, who you are as a person, who they are as a person. While you're doing that, you discuss things about dominance and submission and fetishes. I would also want to discuss limits, what happened to their previous relationship (this tends to be an eye opener), what they perceive as the time line for the relationship to progress, if they are seeking a punishment dynamic, what degree and kinds of control they like, if they are into humiliation and how they define that, and what they perceive day to day life would be like. In getting to know someone, I would NOT focus on sex or kink, I would focus on determining how they think, how they communicate, and if you think you are compatible. If someone side steps my questions, I know for a fact we won't be compatible. BTW: Your profile needs major help. You say very little, and what you do say is negative. And fix the danged picture.

whantsonlyu -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/14/2012 11:50:09 PM)
I don't engauage in any sexual acts with strange people I meet online. I did and always do discuss limits, and the use of safe words. Even had a Dom say there was no need for safe words as we would never do anything that rough. I told him that I was no longer interested in commutating with him as I see now my safety would be in danger. I always follow my gut and for 30 years it's always been right. Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer.

saundrakitty -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 12:12:58 AM)
Sometimes you will also run into New Dom's as well that have not figured every thing out yet. If you are willing to work with a New Dom then let them know. And what Chatti mentioned is really sound advice, Most should be willing to share with you, but you will run into those that will not.

ARIES83 -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 12:30:07 AM)
"Do you want to have a coffee sometime" That's the question I'd ask, one chat over coffee is worth a million emails. -Aries

Lordandmaster -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 12:32:15 AM)
What's wrong with sex? quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Um, stop having sex with complete strangers on the internet, then you will know for a fact that they're not in it for the sex.

crazyml -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 12:43:15 AM)
Here's my take. On these sites you typically learn that someone loves a jolly good fisting, likes being pissed on, and adores anal sex, long before you even learn how they like their tea. It's all a bit topsy turvy. The questions you ask will depend on what you're after. If you want a quick fuck, you basically need to figure out a) will this person make you cum b) will this person harm you So, sure - the questions would swoop down the list of his preferences and yours to get an impression of a) and some common sense and smart precautions could nail b) If you want a relationship (and the fact that you regard sex as a by product of something much richer suggests that you do), I'd say you should focus on the broader things - "Is this the kind of person I could enjoy a rainy afternoon with?" or "does this person have values that are compatible with mine?" So yeah, initial conversations I might have would include some kink compatibility tests, but I'm more likely to focus on what they do in their spare time, what books they read, their views on life/society/politics. As a side note to the boys, and not that I'd ever, ever, ever do this myself - if you're after a quick shag - make a point of avoiding pervage for a few chats - talk about their cats, work, books, they'll be gagging for your cock before moments have passed.

DaddySatyr -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 12:46:59 AM)
If we're talking about building a relationship, I hate to reduce it to a basic level, but I think the best question is: "What does submission mean to you?" That's my take on it. Peace and comfort, Michael

wittynamehere -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 12:51:36 AM)
1) Everything you'd ask any other person before getting more deeply involved. 2) General questions around the topics of control, power exchange, and any kinks or other issues that are important to you. Know yourself well, it makes you much better at finding a good match.

whantsonlyu -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 1:01:14 AM)
quote: but I think the best question is: "What does submission mean to you?" That was one of the first Q's I asked and his reply was and I quote "It usually means that person meeting your wants to bring your desires to climax." I asked him if he could elaborate on that. I didn't get a response but a different q all together. That right there told me that he was not right for me. And I told him after a few more q's&a's that I think I needed a Dom with more experience. His reply was the teenage ok whatever. Really not good for me.

ARIES83 -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 1:25:44 AM)
Well if I got the vibe I was getting interrogated or psychoanalysed, I might not be as answery as I might be otherwise... Text isn't the best medium for this IMO.

inumimi -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 1:31:15 AM)
Meeting someone for coffee right away has never worked out well for me. I get too shy and awkward to communicate effectively. It takes me a little while to get over my social anxiety (read: ineptitude) and actually be myself. Exchanging emails is nice at first but for me to take someone seriously we need to move to Skype or phone for live voice chat pretty quickly. You can read A LOT in someone's tone. I try to ask pertinent questions that I would ask anyone I wanted to get to know rather than follow the standard "D/s protocol questions" ... I really don't care much about his kink until I've decided I actually like him as a person. Being bombarded with questions about my limits and my experiences before I even know someone's RL name is kinda off-putting to me.

DaddySatyr -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 2:01:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu quote: but I think the best question is: "What does submission mean to you?" That was one of the first Q's I asked and his reply was and I quote "It usually means that person meeting your wants to bring your desires to climax." I asked him if he could elaborate on that. I didn't get a response but a different q all together. That right there told me that he was not right for me. And I told him after a few more q's&a's that I think I needed a Dom with more experience. His reply was the teenage ok whatever. Really not good for me. To me, in this kind of relationship, that's all that matters. Of course, I'm known to give 15 minute answers instead of one-worders (provided we're talking about voice). It's also the most relevent, I think. Based upoin what you've said, I think you probably dodged a bullet but, I would recommend you put on your vest and try again. No one gets anywhere just sitting on the sidelines. Peace and comfort, Michael

LonDom61 -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 2:04:44 AM)
Your gut instinct is likely correct. Doms should be able & willing to answer questions. Both parties are assessing & being assessed. I second chocolat's advice on reading Acid Test. Great tips on what to look for--and look OUT for--in a prospective Dom. Re rotating your pic: If you've got a smartphone, uh...there's an app for that. If you don't have a smartphone...why the heck not? They're awesome. Especially with little or no pc access. A compooter in your pocket.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 2:05:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer. Oh yes you can. What a lame excuse! Just use the camera the right way up instead of sideways!!! [sm=doh.gif]

DaddySatyr -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 2:11:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer. I can fix it for you, if you'd like. It takes about 30 seconds (If I'm distracted). Peace and comfort, Michael

LonDom61 -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 2:17:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer. Oh yes you can. What a lame excuse! Just use the camera the right way up instead of sideways!!! [sm=doh.gif] Jeez, "turn the camera". Whyn't I think of that? I gots apps on the brain.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 3:21:28 AM)
I never said there was a thing wrong with sex. But if you want to know if someone is 'just in it for the sex' a good way to find out is to stop having it. Now, as far as what's wrong with having sex with perfect strangers, real time or online, nothing, as long as you've weighed the risks and know what you're about. (Most don't bother with these steps, but that's on them). Some may see a morality issue here, I personally don't. However, I seriously doubt this response has deflected your need to get into a pissing contest with me. Just so you know, I find online water sports distasteful.

DarkSteven -> RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potential Dom? (11/15/2012 4:12:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu Ok I am talking to a Dom I asked some basic q's. Like what does submission mean to you? What fetishes do you have experience in? Define what D/s is to you. Things like that. Anyways he seems to be side stepping the personal definition q's. I'm getting the feeling he has no clue, and is just in it for the sex. Which to me is a byproduct. Just want feed back. I don't like those questions. They relate to the lifestyle itself, as well as play. Look, if she's a het woman and I'm a het man, that means that we should be compatible on a basic sexual level. If she's sub and I'm Dom, we relate on a basic D/s level. The question I have is, how do we relate as people. I'd ask questions like "How often do you talk with your parents?", "Would you rather go to a NASCAR event or the opera?", etc. Open ended questions that give you insight to what makes the person up.

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