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What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 1:13:03 AM

inumimi

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
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So, this is supposed to be one of those "basic questions" you ask someone right off the bat. It feels like I've been asked this question about 5 million times in the past 15 years or so and I still don't have a good answer.

Maybe I'm just too derpy to get it. I don't know.

How do you figure out "what submissions means to you" ... Is there a formula or is it just one of those things? Or am I overthinking this one?

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 1:17:10 AM

Temp1010

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Joined: 10/18/2012
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Yes you are overthinking it.
Submission will vary from person to person.
Dynamic to dynamic.
I had post on another thread "nothing is absolute".
It applies here as well.
You figure it out by what feels right to you.
Submissive or not.

(in reply to inumimi)

Post #: 2

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 1:33:56 AM

inumimi

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
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Hmm.

If thats the case and it varies "dynamic to dynamic", why is it asked before two people have even developed a dynamic?

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 1:34:38 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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How don't you have an answer for that?
I could probably write an essay on that shit...
Not helpful I know.

BTW, are you the guy this person is talking about?
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4300351

-Aries

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530 DAYS

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 1:35:49 AM

inumimi

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
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Do I look like a guy? -_-

Wow.

No, I just saw the thread and didn't want to derail so I made my own.

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 1:56:17 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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Haha! My bad, I should of checked!

Hmm, What does submission mean to me...

I guess it's just the completion and fulfilment
of my dominant urges and tendencies.
Ying to my Yang...
It's the thing that gives me a boner! The main
thing I'm attracted to.
The type of partner I'm drawn to, the desire to
control, to own in me needs the controlled, the
owned to be fully satisfied.
It's cave man/woman wireing as far as I'm
concerned, it can be beautiful and artful as well
as instinctive and raw...

And I guess to not romanticise it to much...
It's also responsibility and commitment, at least
from my point of view.

-Aries

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 11/15/2012 2:05:26 AM >

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530 DAYS

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 2:25:31 AM

inumimi

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
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No worries, I forget that not everyone reads profiles as much as I do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

It's the thing that gives me a boner! The main
thing I'm attracted to.

I think this shall be my reply from now on. XD

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formerly known as "rhymeswithcupid"

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 3:06:53 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Hi there.

In my experience, I've found that subs submit for the following reasons:

They like the strong bonds of trust formed.
They genuinely like to please.
They get off sexually on bondage and being spanked.
They're inexperienced and want someone else to take the lead.
They are wired to take care of others.
They don't like to make decisions.
In the case of women, they're tired of men that can't decide anything.

Some or all of the above may apply to you>

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 3:30:40 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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I don't think I could answer this question, I think it's phrased in an awkward way.

It would be easier to say what you hope to get out of submitting, or what you imagine a successful dom/sub relationship might look like, or what kind of person you would like to submit to.

The question sounds like they are asking for a definition of the word 'submission' but I sense they are looking for something deeper than that.

I suppose I would say that submission isn't the fun sexy part (I don't 'submit' to fun after all) but all the other bits. The times when I don't want to do as he says but I do anyway. The tasks I don't enjoy but do without complaint. Sometimes submission means doing nothing. Sometimes it means shampooing the carpets. Sometimes it means watching stupid shows on TV.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to inumimi)

Post #: 9

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 3:35:43 AM

Temp1010

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/18/2012
Status: offline

Its the same to me as asking "do you want kids/how many?" in a decidedly vanilla relationship.
The thing is, the answer to that could change as the relationship develops.
It could change as the people get older.
Its nice to have an idea, sure.
But you find that out on your own time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

Hmm.

If thats the case and it varies "dynamic to dynamic", why is it asked before two people have even developed a dynamic?

(in reply to inumimi)

Post #: 10

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 5:17:33 AM

autumnember

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
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quote:

I suppose I would say that submission isn't the fun sexy part (I don't 'submit' to fun after all) but all the other bits. The times when I don't want to do as he says but I do anyway. The tasks I don't enjoy but do without complaint. Sometimes submission means doing nothing. Sometimes it means shampooing the carpets. Sometimes it means watching stupid shows on TV.

This very much is what i believe that my submission is to me (except the bolded part.. i need to work on that lol)
I also need it to be balanced with things that make me smile

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 11

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 5:37:45 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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autumn - I agree, without a balance it wouldn't be a very fulfilling existence. If I felt he took me for granted or didn't care about me, or if he never decided to do things I like or made me happy, I think the urge to submit would disappear. These are the things that mean he gets my submission.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to autumnember)

Post #: 12

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 6:24:27 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
In my experience, I've found that subs submit for the following reasons

And I'll go ahead and add the one that nobody ever does... because they are submissive.

The OP though is tending towards sexual submission and there I think things become a lot simpler. Although honestly Carol's sexual submission means even less to her than her social submission. For her, this question is a lot like asking someone who prefers strawberry ice cream what the meaning of strawberry ice cream is.

If someone asked me what is the meaning of my preference for some sex thing.... missionary position... I'd be clueless how to answer. In the bigger picture do preferences have or require "meanings"?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 7:25:55 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

To ME, submission is very simple.

The act of someone ceding their personal power over to me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to inumimi)

Post #: 14

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:02:03 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

Hmm.

If thats the case and it varies "dynamic to dynamic", why is it asked before two people have even developed a dynamic?

Its a way of gauging experience, positive & negative outcomes as well as where your head is at.
For instance if i hear: submission means accepting your strap on, forced bi & that will be a cuckold under lock & key the rest of my life...its a hint for me to get up & run not walk to my car & possibly feel for my gun.

If hear submission is something I feel in my soul. It has brought me to a place where I can't be happy in a vanilla relationship. I don't know what I'm seeking, I just know I haven't found it.
THAT is something I can work with! Ask more questions to gauge experience & deepen the level of submission verses a kinky play thing you may or may not have sex with.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to inumimi)

Post #: 15

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:17:36 AM

JeffBC

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Its a way of gauging experience, positive & negative outcomes as well as where your head is at.
For instance if i hear: submission means accepting your strap on, forced bi & that will be a cuckold under lock & key the rest of my life...its a hint for me to get up & run not walk to my car & possibly feel for my gun.

If hear submission is something I feel in my soul. It has brought me to a place where I can't be happy in a vanilla relationship. I don't know what I'm seeking, I just know I haven't found it.
THAT is something I can work with! Ask more questions to gauge experience & deepen the level of submission verses a kinky play thing you may or may not have sex with.

That's an interesting angle. OK, so even if the question itself has no meaningful answer I'd certainly agree that you can read between the lines of the answer you DO get. Although I think the question I'd ask wouldn't so much be "what does submission mean to you?" as "What brings you to this place in your life where you met me in a BDSM context? What's the draw?"

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 16

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:23:57 AM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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I realize that this is supposed to be some deep philosophical discussion, but here's the reality for me:

When I am in control of the relationship, I end up miserable.

When I trust someone enough to let them control the relationship, I am happy.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 17

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:29:00 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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I think if you have to ask "why do people ask what submission is, before they even start in a dynamic" shows you dont know your needs yet.

I had no patience, and I was upset I didnt know what I wanted, had no idea what it was. I had sub frenzy. I was attracted but I was settling for things that were not right for me. FOr my family. I thought that was what a sub was. It isnt. It takes education about yourself and tons of patience.

You will figure it out. It can be quite frustrating, but once you get it, its very freeing. You just have to have a meeting with yourself or many. Sometimes you just have to try it too, cause what you think in your mind you dont like, you might. Is it the fact you were raised the way you think or do you really think it?
When I asked that question the answers started coming and they are still coming.

I also wanted to add with knowledge of yourself, what you thought you believed a month ago might be quite different then what you believe tomorrow.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 11/15/2012 8:33:40 AM >

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I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:41:21 AM

autumnember

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline

I have read a lot of growth in your posts the last little while. I hope when you find someone that you retain your wisdom instead of throwing it in the toilet

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 19

RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:57:48 AM

chatterbox24

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Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: autumnember

I have read a lot of growth in your posts the last little while. I hope when you find someone that you retain your wisdom instead of throwing it in the toilet

I think this was meant for me, and thank you. Growth is good and the beauty is I dont have to find a partner to keep it. Its a gift alone to be more self aware. Doesnt take a partner for that.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to autumnember)

Post #: 20

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