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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 9:09:04 AM   
Nakhla


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Joined: 10/24/2012
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Submission is doing what someone tells me to. It in itself isn't complex - the motivations are, as are the contexts in which I'm submitting.

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(in reply to inumimi)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 9:16:27 AM   
slaveashlynn


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/28/2012
Status: offline 		well submission to me is basically giving ur all to the one who owns u and also giving him ur unconditional love.....to me and my dom that is what being submissive is

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 9:36:15 AM   
Darkfeather


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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

So, this is supposed to be one of those "basic questions" you ask someone right off the bat. It feels like I've been asked this question about 5 million times in the past 15 years or so and I still don't have a good answer.

Maybe I'm just too derpy to get it. I don't know.

How do you figure out "what submissions means to you" ... Is there a formula or is it just one of those things? Or am I overthinking this one?



For me, there is a big difference between being submissive and being submissive to me. Submissiveness is inherent to us all, sometimes we must just shelve our own wants or desires to the will of another (I had a boss who loved to push his weight around, was kinda entertaining). To be submissive to me, means you have accepted my dominance and desire to heed my will. That is where the dynamic comes in, as while one is in our nature, the other has to be earned and developed

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 9:41:31 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveashlynn

well submission to me is basically giving ur all to the one who owns u and also giving him ur unconditional love.....to me and my dom that is what being submissive is


I'm willing to bet that love is conditional.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 10:19:56 AM   
activeverb


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Joined: 3/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

So, this is supposed to be one of those "basic questions" you ask someone right off the bat. It feels like I've been asked this question about 5 million times in the past 15 years or so and I still don't have a good answer.

Maybe I'm just too derpy to get it. I don't know.

How do you figure out "what submissions means to you" ... Is there a formula or is it just one of those things? Or am I overthinking this one?



Someone people would have trouble with that question because it's so open-ended. It's like, "Tell me about yourself." Some people will run with it; some people will say, "What do you want to know?"

I think you can find out what someone's submission means to them by just talking to them and seeing what they are like as a person. I think that's better than interrogaton questions that try to get someone to classify and define themselves -- some people simply aren't good at doing that,

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 10:29:57 AM   
justacleaner


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/11/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

So, this is supposed to be one of those "basic questions" you ask someone right off the bat. It feels like I've been asked this question about 5 million times in the past 15 years or so and I still don't have a good answer.

Maybe I'm just too derpy to get it. I don't know.

How do you figure out "what submissions means to you" ... Is there a formula or is it just one of those things? Or am I overthinking this one?


I've always found that how I feel depends mostly on the person I'm submitting to. The actual "feeling" is one of warmth, comfort and contentment. It's more a case of how deeply I feel those things with different people, with differing personalities, and their perception of how a sub should feel.

I've been quite lucky in my life having been involved in quite long term relationships with three completely different dominant women, and by that I mean the kinds of dominants they were. The odd thing is that although I'm not a masochist the one I truly loved was actually the cruelest of the three and took great pleasure in inflicting pain both physically and psychologically, not just on me, but on anyone, family, friends, even total strangers

A good example would be her step father. One evening while we were at her parents house her stepfather came in from work where he'd got a splinter in his foot. He tried getting it out himself but couldn't, so he asked my girlfriend. I can still see her now all these years later sitting on the floor with his foot on a stool in front of her just stabbing the tender skin around the splinter with a needle while he grunted in pain.

It's odd but my time with her was the happiest of my life, and our parting the most painful. As badly as she treated me I always felt wonderful when I was with her.

So my one word answer to your question would have to be wonderful..

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 11:20:53 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveashlynn

well submission to me is basically giving ur all to the one who owns u and also giving him ur unconditional love.....to me and my dom that is what being submissive is


I'm willing to bet that love is conditional.



Ya.......but damn if it didn't sound good to her, when she wrote it. With text speak even.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 11:43:23 AM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveashlynn

well submission to me is basically giving ur all to the one who owns u and also giving him ur unconditional love.....to me and my dom that is what being submissive is


I'm willing to bet that love is conditional.



Ya.......but damn if it didn't sound good to her, when she wrote it. With text speak even.


For some reason, I get this impression from it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewf0TnM4eKo

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 12:04:26 PM   
cordeliasub


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Joined: 11/4/2012
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quote:

When I am in control of the relationship, I end up miserable.

When I trust someone enough to let them control the relationship, I am happy.


This is the best summation of what I take way too many words to say. That isn't everything, but it says a lot.

< Message edited by cordeliasub -- 11/15/2012 12:05:32 PM >

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 6:15:57 PM   
inumimi


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline 		Wow, this thread turned out a lot more informative than I thought it would.

Thank you everyone for your replies and insight.

I'm at a point where I'm personally questioning a lot of what makes me tick and I'm ok with that for now. I agree very much with OsideGirl and Cordelia ... When I am in control of a relationship, I'm miserable. When I trust someone enough to let them take control, I'm happy. The most difficult for me, it seems, is reaching the point where I do trust someone enough to let them take control.

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(in reply to cordeliasub)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 7:07:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For me personally it means love, calmness, relaxation, it means making the man I am with, happy and it also means I don't have to hide who I am and I can be honest with myself and with society of who I am. For me it means this is who I am and it's not a role that I put on. I don't try to be dominant in any part of my life. I am submissive all the time because that is my personality. It means I am following my morals and values.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 7:20:46 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

Wow, this thread turned out a lot more informative than I thought it would.

Thank you everyone for your replies and insight.

I'm at a point where I'm personally questioning a lot of what makes me tick and I'm ok with that for now. I agree very much with OsideGirl and Cordelia ... When I am in control of a relationship, I'm miserable. When I trust someone enough to let them take control, I'm happy. The most difficult for me, it seems, is reaching the point where I do trust someone enough to let them take control.


Trust me, that wasn't an overnight thing. We were friends for 3 years, then got married after a year of dating. We definitely had some rough patches. I had days where I trusted him with my life, but wasn't sure about trusting him to make the car payment on time. Over time, he has proven to me that my trust is well placed even if it did take me some time to relinquish some of the minute things. We've been together for 13 years and I don't think I've ever been happier.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to inumimi)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:21:40 PM   
idogaydrugs


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/15/2012
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline 		Submission is who I am. It's not a role I play, it's not something I do, it's not a part of life, it's me.

Okay so, it takes a lot to actually get me to submit, and very few people get that far, but I feel like the kind of sub that strives to... please the "owner" figure, above all. That may sound a bit obvious, but a lot of subs tend to be the kinds that just go to a certain extent and only care to submit insofar as it gives them pleasure... that's all fine and dandy if that's what a person is into, but the act of submission is my pleasure more than any act done while submitting.

Yeah, I enjoy the activities and certain ones more than others, but it's almost like it's not even a sexual thing.

Someone was once fucking my mind really good and had just described a scene that was really, really hot. Like, right up my alley, far up my alley! He then said, after all of this amazing fantasy, "and you're hard, aren't you?" My answer seemed to shock him, "no, I'm not." That was a moment that really defined my philosophical approach to BDSM and kink. It's not about getting hard or being turned on, it's about acts that thrill the soul.

Submission.

(in reply to inumimi)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 8:41:55 PM   
inumimi


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Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Trust me, that wasn't an overnight thing. We were friends for 3 years, then got married after a year of dating. We definitely had some rough patches. I had days where I trusted him with my life, but wasn't sure about trusting him to make the car payment on time. Over time, he has proven to me that my trust is well placed even if it did take me some time to relinquish some of the minute things. We've been together for 13 years and I don't think I've ever been happier.



It is unbelievably disappointing how many doms seem to think the trust required to submit *should* develop overnight though.

Of course, on the flipside, those who reveal themselves to have zero patience are just helping with the weeding out process. It would just be nice if there weren't so many weeds to pull. *huffs*

I can see what you mean about relinquishing the minute things though. Sometimes it feels easier to let go of something big while clinging for dear life to something that really doesn't matter that much at all.


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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 10:51:05 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		You're exactly right about the weeding out process. I know it's annoying but try to stay positive and be grateful that they make it so easy for you!

Trust was slowly built here too. And we were long distance, and even with that trust pre-built, when we moved in together we still got things wrong and had to essentially start over with the D/s so lesson learned. As long as you find someone who is willing to put in the work with you, you can make it happen.

And trust is always relative. I'd trust him to decide if I needed emergency surgery, but not to actually carry out that surgery. Silly example but you see what I mean. Part of the trust process is both being realistic with where your strengths and skills lie. A dom might be extremely safe to play with, really committed to looking out for your welfare, but poor at organisation or money management. If you can both be honest with each other about it and not hold up some ideal about how the dom should be wonderful and in control of everything, then you can structure your relationship to complement each other's strengths. I'm sure you know this, but you do often see the assumption that the dom is the image of perfection and wisest in all areas, which is unneeded pressure on both parties.

PS. Is that you in that lovely photo? I remember seeing it on K&P not long ago, it's very nice.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to inumimi)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/15/2012 11:21:02 PM   
inumimi


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline 		Athena, I loved your comments regarding knowing and understanding ones strengths and skills. Thank you so much for sharing your insight.

The photo I'm using as an avatar is lovely but alas its not me. I'm a crazy lil thing with rainbow hair. ^.^

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puppy girl ღ
formerly known as "rhymeswithcupid"

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/16/2012 7:09:45 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveashlynn

well submission to me is basically giving ur all to the one who owns u and also giving him ur unconditional love.....to me and my dom that is what being submissive is


I'm willing to bet that love is conditional.



I used to beleive in unconditional love, and I still do. Its called limited unconditonal love, its unconditional until I get damn sick of it.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/16/2012 8:23:40 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

I can see what you mean about relinquishing the minute things though. Sometimes it feels easier to let go of something big while clinging for dear life to something that really doesn't matter that much at all.



The little tiny stuff was much harder to let go of than the big stuff and caused some of the largest fights.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to inumimi)
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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/16/2012 8:54:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

So, this is supposed to be one of those "basic questions" you ask someone right off the bat. It feels like I've been asked this question about 5 million times in the past 15 years or so and I still don't have a good answer.

Maybe I'm just too derpy to get it. I don't know.

How do you figure out "what submissions means to you" ... Is there a formula or is it just one of those things? Or am I overthinking this one?
Since you really didn't ask what submission means, and rather how you figure out what it means to YOU, I'm going to answer your question in a different way.

I think figuring out what submission means to you is one of those things that becomes more in depth over time. That first spark of what you *think* submission is...... You know, that hot sexual fantasy or maybe that fleeting thought of contentment when you choose to follow someone's will rather than your own, that's just the first part. Then, as you start having various experiences, it becomes a more refined definition. Wherever that definition lands is going to be what it means to you.

No, I don't think you are over thinking it. While some people do 'just know' what submission means to them, there are other folks who spend years defining what submission or Dominance means. I happen to be one of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

Hmm.

If thats the case and it varies "dynamic to dynamic", why is it asked before two people have even developed a dynamic?

For Me, this has everything to do with determining compatibility. Like someone else said, if somebody's idea of submission is doing hot things in the bedroom, but only submitting in the bedroom, while that is great for them, it let's Me know that they aren't compatible with Me. If someone is wanting to be My submissive at some point, their definition has to be closer to My own, which is My will being greater than their own and them obeying My authority in life.

Thanks for starting this thread. I really enjoyed reading what submission means to various people.




_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: What does submission mean to you? - 11/16/2012 3:37:47 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inumimi

So, this is supposed to be one of those "basic questions" you ask someone right off the bat. It feels like I've been asked this question about 5 million times in the past 15 years or so and I still don't have a good answer.

Maybe I'm just too derpy to get it. I don't know.

How do you figure out "what submissions means to you" ... Is there a formula or is it just one of those things? Or am I overthinking this one?


Giving (but not depleting).

(in reply to inumimi)
Profile   Post #: 40
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